[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com
Dear Dr. Grant,

Another student in Ravenclaw and I have decided to run an experiment testing the supposed mythological preference of unicorns for virgins. Before we refine our procedure, we wanted to discuss your experience with unicorns and whether or not we could borrow (under controlled circumstances) a group for our experiment when the time comes. Thank you, and we'll meet with you at your convenience.

Sincerely,

Dr. Jack Hodgins, Ravenclaw
[identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
If this was a school, there must be schoolbooks, mustn't there? Still wearing the skull tshirt Mello had given him (an odd contrast with his white pyjama pants), Near explored the hallways curiously, until he found it.

The library.

Now, this was more like it. Books and books, all unread, all on subjects he knew next to nothing, or absolutely nothing, about!

There was only one thing to be done.

He selected a stack of books at random and settled down at a table, opening A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO RUDIMENTARY CHARMS.
[identity profile] emmie-silvey.livejournal.com
((Daughter of Hounds is the sequel to Low Red Moon, Chance Matthews Silvey's canon. This application posted with the permission of Chance-mun. WARNING: Contains spoilers for Threshold, Low Red Moon, and Daughter of Hounds.))


“Shit.”

The word issues forth from the mouth of a nine-year-old girl dressed in a pink-and-white zebra-striped fur coat and Hello Kitty snow boots as she stomps through the door to the Sorting Room. The girl has shoulder-length ash blonde hair and yellow eyes. Not hazel or light brown or amber or honey colored, but yellow, like on a school bus or the middle bulb of a traffic light. Yellow like the sun, like sunflowers, yellow like the moon on an October night. Aside from that, she’s just a nine-year-old girl named Emma Jean Silvey.

After a long silence during which she looks around with those odd yellow eyes, taking in her surroundings, she speaks again, this time in question.

“Pearl?”

There is no answer, so she calls out another name.

“Esmeribetheda?”

Not the two names she would normally call out when lost and confused, but the last time really strange things had happened in her life, those two had been at fault, at least partially.

But the only sound in the room comes from the scratching of the Dictaquill, which Emma Jean, or Emmie, as she prefers to be called, investigates. There was a time in her life, when she was a mere eight years old, when the coat she’s wearing didn’t hang a half-inch too short above her wrists, that she would have said a quill that moves on its own was bullshit, that there must be strings and wires controlling it, because Deacon said inanimate objects can never move of their own accord, that there’s always a magician controlling them with wires or magnets or something. But now Emmie knows better.

She stares at the quill for a few more seconds before talking once again.

“Bullshit.” The quill dutifully copies down the word on a piece of parchment bearing the words “Shit,” “Pearl?”, and “Esmeribetheda?” at the top.

“I am a stupid quill.” The quill pauses, in a way that strikes Emmie as offended, but then appears to resign itself to copying down those words, too. Emmie decides the quill is really stupid, because if it were a smarter quill, it would refuse to copy down such a mean statement about itself.

And underneath where the quill has written all those words is a form of some sort. A matching one lies to the side of the one the quill is writing on, and Emmie picks it up. It seems to be some sort of application. And not just any application, but…

“This application is just as stupid as you, quill,” Emmie says, with a quick glance to the quill, which copies down her words, now with harsh, hard strokes. “I mean, what kind of an application doesn’t even ask you your name at the top? There’s no point in applying somewhere if nobody even knows who you are.”

Another look around the room tells her that there’s no walking out of here, and so she may as well do something to amuse herself. If she had her backpack, she could play with her dinosaur toys or read a book. She could call Deacon on her cell phone to ask him to pick her up from…well, she doesn't exactly know where she is, but they’d find a way to figure it out. But she doesn’t have her backpack, and the room is pretty boring, so she decides to give the application a go. She’s not even sure what it’s for, but whatever it is, she can always turn down an offer of acceptance if she doesn’t want to follow through.

“My name is Emma Jean Silvey, but nobody calls me that. They call me Emmie. E-M-M-I-E.” She spells it out, just in case the quill wants to spell it with a “Y”. She hates when people do that.

ExpandOn to the application! )

I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____ejs_____
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____ejs____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____ejs____.
One day, marmalade peanut butter and jelly will rule the world. _____ejs_____
[identity profile] themountie.livejournal.com
((Backdated to Christmas!))

Fraser had been on leave since November, and he was going completely stir-crazy. With absolutely nothing better to do, he'd gotten a little gift-crazy. As usual, he'd preferred to make his presents by hand; this had proved to be his salvation for the last month.

And so on Christmas morning, a veritable flock of owls went out.

ExpandOwl to Ray Kowalski )
ExpandOwl to Stephanie Brown )
ExpandOwl to Lily Evans )
ExpandOwl to Agent Dale Cooper )
ExpandOwl to Dr. Jack Hodgins )
ExpandOwl to Dwight K. Schrute )
ExpandIdentical owls to Captain Jack Harkness and Lieutenant Karrin Murphy )
ExpandOwl to the mysterious spider-girl )
ExpandOwl to Robin Goodfellow )



Expand[Sock] owls bearing gifts go out to Perry Cox, Mohinder Suresh, Francis Abernathy, and Robb Stark )
[identity profile] makeminemayday.livejournal.com
((Hey all - posting this NOW for the people across the pond. Secret Santa is still open, but due to shower lines, packing, traffic and a tyrannical 5-year-old, I have NO IDEA when I'll be home. Use it to mingle. May/Jaime/Tomo will be tagging sometime later tonight, I just can't say when.))

Decorations? Check.

Enough food and drink to feed an army? Check.

Slightly annoyed house elves because May hadn't let them risk their necks decorating the Great Hall (hey, sticking to walls could come in handy when you were hanging garlands)? Check.

Well, things looked good, May mused as she adjusted the hem of her red sweater dress and the Christmas light necklace she was wearing.

Nobody involved in the Secret Santa exchange had complained, not even Tomo (or Tomo's victim recipient). She literally jumped over a pair of house elves carrying trays as the first few people started trickling in, waving to them. "Hi, come on in! Merry Christmas!"

((Backdated to Christmas Day, of course! Secret Santa participants are expected to show up with one more gift for the recipient and to unmask themselves. Make sure that everyone who participated in the Secret Santa exchange has started a thread. Look for the thread of the person your character gave gifts to, and have them reveal/introduce themselves.

This is NOT just for Secret Santa stuff, of course, it's open to the whole school. Be warned, though, if anybody starts a physical fight in the Great Hall, Mayday will DEFINITELY try to break it up or get you to take it outside. Especially after what happened last year. Please make an OOC note if you don't want her to notice.))
[identity profile] thequeenbluth.livejournal.com
((Note for those of you who have not seen Arrested Development: The show has a narrator, who is voiced by Ron Howard and who acts like sort of a Greek Chorus, commenting on the action. He's very integral to the style of the show, so I've chosen to include him here. That said, this is totally a stylistic thing -- like how some characters are written in first-person -- so your characters won't be able to hear anything, and anyone with psychic or extrasensory abilities isn't going to notice anything. It's just for fun.

Anything written in italics will be the narrator's commentary.

Also, there are spoilers in the comments, so be forewarned!))


This is Lucille Bluth. Moments ago, she was on the deck of the Queen Mary, but now she's found herself here, in a very strange place indeed.

"What the hell is this?" Lucille snapped. "Is this one of GOB's stupid magic tricks? Oh, God." She sighed wearily, putting a hand to her forehead. "I knew I shouldn't have gotten into the Aztec Tomb."

Lucille's oldest son, George Oscar Bluth II, a.k.a. GOB, was a magician who had given Lucille absolutely no reason to believe in magic. His most notorious trick was called the Aztec Tomb, and it had had some poor results in the past.

"GOB?" Lucille shouted at the walls. "You let me out of here right now, or so help me--"

And that was when Lucille spotted the form sitting on the table in front of her.

"Oh? What's this?" Lucille moved closer to take a look. "Application...? What on earth?" Suddenly, her face cleared. "Oh! This must be for the club. Well, if it will get us back in..."

She sat down and began to write, only to discover that the pen -- actually a Dictaquill -- was already doing the writing for her. Assuming the country club she thought she was at had upgraded its computer systems, she took this in stride.

ExpandAnd can I get a vodka tonic? )

"I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. LB
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. LB.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. LB.
One day, marmalade I marmalade will rule the world. LB"
[identity profile] notsopowerless.livejournal.com
((Note: Dani is taken from after the events of "Fill it Up". The app is spoiler-free, but spoilers for all episodes of Life might pop up in the comments.))

8:35 p.m. on LA’s Sunset Boulevard. For the past eleven hours and thirty-four minutes, Detective Dani Reese had been on the trail of a known felon, wanted in connection with two murders. The search for said felon had involved, in no particular order:

-A flock of semi-wild chickens
-An inebriated watermelon salesman
-An hour of karaoke

And last, but not least:

-Hearing a cassette tape of a creepy old British man reading bull Zen sayings over, and over, and over again.

So entering the den of a crackhouse, only to find herself in a freezing stone room? Not the weirdest thing that Dani had experienced that day.

She walked over to the lone table, and read over the sheet of paper.

ExpandYeah – still not all that phased. )

"I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Dani Reese.
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Dani Reese.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Dani Reese.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Dani Reese."
[identity profile] grandmasteryoda.livejournal.com
Yoda hadn't minded the antlers that this Ofdensen fellow had magically attatched to his head. He had even missed the portable snack-holders when they vanished. But the singing? Oh, that had been crossing the line. And as he had promised, a lesson was at hand.

It was a simple matter of hiding himself among the house elf cleaning crew in Hufflepuff one day while Ofdensen was out. There was already a resemblence, and the elves who doubted were much more agreeable when he Jedi Mind Tricked suggested that he did indeed belong with them. When the deed was done, he scampered out (inasmuch as a 900-year old alien with bad knees can scamper) and waited to hear the happy sounds of holiday cheer.

Surely having all his ties charmed to have a chorus of tiny snowmen dancing and singing every verse of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" (including the bit about the figgy pudding and threats of not leaving without it) over and over for a few hours would put Ofdensen in a happy holiday mood!

((Edit: Prank done with Ofdensen-mun approval.))
[identity profile] ohnoitskrampus.livejournal.com
Krampus, Krampus the Movie


The grimy, goat-legged, goat-horned figure, stooped and swarthy, hobbled into the Sorting Room. “I know you're here, Boss!” he bellowed. “You can't hide forever!”


ExpandHave you been... NAUGHTY? )



"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____Krampus________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____Krampus_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____Krampus______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______Krampus_______"
[identity profile] self-actuated.livejournal.com
As if by magic, a tiny car (more like a golf cart that was trying too hard and didn't have a steering wheel), appeared in the Sorting Room.

S.A.R.A.H. had been having a very good day. She had gotten downloaded into a new car, and Jack Sheriff Carter had practically promised they could go to the beach sometime later. That was exciting, because S.A.R.A.H had never been to the beach. She'd never been out of her bunker!

Since she'd also never been to a large stone room either, she motored around a little, checking things out. The applications on their table caused a brief moment of confusion, but after a moment, she rolled the car into the table just hard enough to cause an application to flutter down onto her hood. At that point, another problem presented itself.

"I have no hands and feathers are not subject to magnetic manipulation." (Listeners might be able to hear that 'her' voice is pretty clearly that of a young man sounding as much like a woman as possible.) Clearly, the car had some downsides. SARAH brightened a little (literally - her internal readouts and headlights brightened) when she saw the Dictaquill waiting to write for her.

ExpandThat's interesting! Also, considerate! )

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____SARAH_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____SARAH______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____SARAH_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______SARAH_______"
[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com
Hodgins had been bored lately. No Fed Ex packages from the FBI like he thought he'd be flooded with (which was also a crushing blow to his ego, though he'd never admit it,) nothing to really identify at Hogwarts with the no-death spell protecting the place, and Zack had been inexplicably turned into a kernal of popcorn, of all things. Assuming he ever snapped out of it, Hodgins had some choice remarks about that.

His previous major experiment had hit a standstill. While he had been able to confirm (through several letters owled to magical experts and a few bribes) that unicorns did actually exist and the hair found in certain wand cores was in fact unicorn hair, he was still no closer to identifying what caused wands to behave the way they did. And his other planned project, of organizing taxonomic information on magical creatures, was a lot of reading and next to no doing.

So it was time to take matters into his own hands. He left a few signs around the school (mostly plastered in the Ravenclaw lab, but the occasional flier could be found wherever he decided to leave them) that stated:

"Do you feel a higher calling in the name of science?

Do you like seeing pig carcasses blow up?

Dr. Jack Hodgins will be holding some demonstrations and experiments on the Hogwarts lawn. Join in the celebration--for science!

(Bring a rain coat or umbrella, or wear clothes you don't mind getting rid of later. Safety goggles will be transfigured out of rocks, so don't worry about those. And if you have a weak stomach and
insist on showing up, either bring a barf bag or know how to clean up your own puke. I'm not doing it.)"

So, with the assistance of a flock of house elves and after a quick trip to Hogsmeade and a visit to a rental company, he was waiting outside, wearing his blue Jeffersonian lab coat over his sweater and jeans, strapping fireworks of various strengths to pigs and supervising some house elves setting up the rented woodchipper.
[identity profile] dinosaurman.livejournal.com
((I apologize for getting this up super early, but I've been asked to come into work on my day off, and I thought I would get this up sooner rather than later.))

Finding a classroom in Hogwarts was not particularly difficult. The trick was finding one that hadn't already been re-purposed into larger living quarters, unofficial offices, or secret love shacks. In the end, though, a suitable one had been found for the class that was usually held outside.

Dr. Alan Grant, renowned dinosaur chew-toy, had no desire to hold the class outside. Holding it outside meant using live animals. In this case, live animals meant danger, destruction, and all of the other messy things associated with mayhem. Instead, the classroom was decorated with illustrations and diagrams of dragons, and bones. Lots, and lots of bones.

A stack of bones and skulls was arranged on a table in front of the room, and Grant stood behind it, waiting for the students to fill the desks. With two to a table, it should work out nicely. He drummed his fingers on the table impatiently, eager to give a lecture on something he had been studying for quite a while. When the room filled up, he began.

ExpandDinosaurs and man. Two species separated by... wait, that's not it. )

((I'll have comment notification off, so please put a note in the subject line if you need Dr. Grant to come over. There is no right or wrong, but acceptable answers are "This is a dragon bone because it has one opening," or, "This is a dinosaurs bone because the Voices told me so." "This is a dinosaur bone," will get you a dirty look.

ETA: Since this was posted early, just drop me a line through e-mail or this post if you want to add a character last-minute.))

The pairs:
Chance and Stephanie with this
Maia and Lady Heather with this
Toki and Ian with this
George and Jack with this
KOS-MOS and Sarah with this
Brice and Jaime with this
Zoidberg and SB with this
and Ofdensen and Bart with this.
[identity profile] bantersucks.livejournal.com
((Contacted the four active DC-muns about this to get permission. Jaime is being pulled from right after Blue Beetle #14. NOTE: Jaime's armor has a mind of its own. Anyone with special abilities, PLEASE check out this tl;dr post on the scarab and how it might react to you - and let me know what you want it to detect - before posting! SYLAR I'M LOOKING AT YOU.))

"AAAAAAAHHHH -"

From out of nowhere, a skinny teenage boy falls face down into the Sorting Room, slamming into the stone floor.

Hard.

"Ow."

Slowly, painfully, Jaime pushes himself up into a kneeling position, rubbing a sore shoulder as he looks around the room, surprised but seemingly not panicking yet. This is a kid who is used to being thrown into insane situations. "Uh, hello?" No answer. He seems to be muttering to himself as he takes stock of his surroundings. "I know. Shut up."

He finally gets to his feet and notices the application, staring at the questions. "Okay, this has got to be a joke." He takes a step back as the quill moves on its own, hovering expectantly over the page. "Whoa! I said shut up. What are you gonna do, blast the magic feather pen?"

Expand'Banter. Sucks. So much.' )

I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JR
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JR.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. JR
One day, marmalade will rule the world. As long as it's not the Reach JR
[identity profile] redballerina.livejournal.com
((Takes place shortly after this. Open to all, but especially Chiana, Bombalurina, Jack Hodgins, Bun-Bun, Jack Sparrow, Jadzia Dax, Strong Bad and Strong Sad.))

The search for a party had gone badly. Apparently people were still too befuddled about their new state of holy matrimony to really indulge in drinking just yet, so Chiana and Bombalurina had returned to their own cluster, settling down by the hot-tub together with Chiana's lovely bottle of spiced rum. There was significantly less of it now than there had been half an hour earlier.

Bomba was feeling light-headed and rather giggly. It was not a common feeling for her, but during the circumstances it was doubtlessly a pleasant one. She'd be able to deal with this whole arranged marriage a lot better while intoxicated, even though her spouse was actually a rather nice chick with a lot of really great opinions... Not that Bombalurina could really remember most of Chiana's opinions, but yeah, they were very insightful and clever, evenso!

They were sitting there taking turns in drinking the rum, and soon the redhead found it in her to wave on a House-elf. Ordering them around was second nature to her by now, and she commanded it to find them music and some more of that, wossname... Rum thing. Mm. Rum.

Soon the area around the hot-tub was... well, not jumping. That took more than just two people. But there were two gorgeous women there, at least one definitely tipsy, and there was a boom-box and alcohol. A House-elf had accepted the role of DJ-ing, even, and played music loudly enough to attract more people... Hopefully, in Bomba's opinion, these people would bring more booze.
[identity profile] soopernathan.livejournal.com
(( SPLOSION OF HEROES, OH NOEZ :0 Cut for spoilers, though there aren't many. Just to be safe! This has also been approved by all the Heroes muns ^^; ))

...This was where Peter had disappeared off to?

One thing was for certain - Hogwarts was a place in which Nathan Petrelli most definitely did not fit. For a man who had spent the last several weeks, months, God only knew how long, of his life dressed continually and almost solely in business suits and ties - no, really; he practically slept in Gucci by the end of that election - he most definitely did not fit in a school so... crackedcasual.

Even as he was striding into the room, he was loosening his tie, trying to appear as informal as possible with several hundreds of dollars of clothing on his back.

ExpandWhat a dump. )


"I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. N.P.
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. N.P.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. N.P.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ...N.P.?"
[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com
Rachel baby,

Scuttlebutt has it that there's an Italian place in Hogsmeade (did whoever founded this place have a pig fetish?) Meet you there later this evening?

-Jack

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