More gifts to go around

[themountie.livejournal.com]

((Backdated to Christmas!))

Fraser had been on leave since November, and he was going completely stir-crazy. With absolutely nothing better to do, he'd gotten a little gift-crazy. As usual, he'd preferred to make his presents by hand; this had proved to be his salvation for the last month.

And so on Christmas morning, a veritable flock of owls went out.

Ray,

Merry Christmas. I know we're having dinner later, but I thought I'd get this out of the way early. It's charmed to be extra-resilient, and I hope it's 'stylish' enough to suit.

I'll see you tonight.

-Fraser

[Enclosed is a glasses case, tooled out of beaten black leather, with a shiny blackened-wood closure.]

---

Dear Stephanie,

My father and I both thank you again for the gifts, and Diefenbaker would like to add his voice to the chorus.

I'd still like to give you yours tonight, but in the meantime, here's a little something to tide you over.

-Fraser

PS: Don't eat it all at once, please.

[Enclosed is a box of homemade rock candy.]

---

Lily,

Merry Christmas! Thank you for all your help over the past year. You've been a wonderful friend to myself and to my family, and I very much appreciate it.

This is for you, Perry, and Nurse Espinosa, and anyone in the Hospital Wing who might enjoy it -- I thought it might relieve some of the stress.

I hope you and Sirius and your son are doing very well.

Sincerely,
Benton Fraser

[Enclosed is a small wooden music box which is charmed to play any one of several soothing instrumental pieces when opened.]

---

Agent Cooper,

Merry Christmas! I hope this owl finds you well and not evil in... good condition, so to speak. In case it doesn't, I hope this might assist. This is the charm that worked on me when I was affected over Halloween, and so if you need it I hope it works for you.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser

[Enclosed is a wooden carving of a lynx which is charmed with a curse-removing spell]

---

Dr. Hodgins Jack,

Merry Christmas! I hope this comes in handy. I find it very useful for getting rid of-- let's say biological odors. It's an old Inuit remedy I picked up in the Territories.

If you have any interesting experiments planned for the New Year, please do let me know!

Sincerely,
Benton Fraser

[Enclosed is a tub of a strange, greasy substance that will indeed eliminate most odors when rubbed on.]

---

Mr. Schrute,

Merry Christmas! I hope this owl finds you well, and that you might get some use out of this. I find it comes very much in handy on any expedition.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[Enclosed is a hand-carved sextant, made from light wood and whalebone.]

---

Captain Harkness and Lieutenant Murphy,

A very merry Christmas to you both, and thank you for all the work you've put in for Gryffindor. I know I, for one, appreciate it greatly. And my partner says that I've probably been very annoying to you both.

Consider this a small token of my thanks.

Sincerely,
Benton Fraser

[Enclosed in Jack's owl is a soapstone carving of an alert dog, ears pricked; in Murphy's, a soapstone carving of a lioness.]

---

Hi,

I'm afraid I still don't know your name, although I take it you know mine. I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas and, in the spirit of the season, give you something you might enjoy.

I hope this owl finds you quite well.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[Enclosed is a delicate wooden sculpture of a spider spinning a web.]


---

Dear Mr. Robin,

I'm writing to wish you a merry Christmas, and also, because this time of year is largely about forgiveness, to apologize for a grievous sin that I'm afraid I've only recently realized I committed against you.

I take it you recall that back in August, I lost my memory of the past year. At that time, I completely forgot anything about any... well, about anything we might have had. My memories have since been returning to me, though, and I'm beginning to remember some of the times we shared; and so I'm very embarrassed to also recall the way I doubted your claims when you attempted to remind me of these things.

I very sincerely apologize for any grief I might have caused you. Please understand that I was very confused upon awakening and that the news of our relationship sounded... unlikely at the time. I should have taken you at your word and attempted to work things out rather than escape. I hope you can forgive me for these errors.

Please accept this as a token of my apolo affec my esteem and good wishes for this holiday season.

-Benton Fraser

[Enclosed is a handmade beeswax candle with a wood wick; it smells like Canadian pine and sounds like a crackling fire when lit.]



---
All of the islanders get an identical owl bearing a rabbit's foot charm and the following note:

Merry Christmas!

In memory of our time together, I thought a little something might be appropriate for the season. This rabbit's foot contains a very potent warding charm, which hopefully will keep you out of harm's way for all possible future incidents. I made it myself, so I can personally guarantee its effect.

I hope this letter finds you well. Please enjoy and use it in the best of health.

Sincerely,
Benton Fraser

Comments

reply owl to Fraser

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

DATE: 12/26/07
TO: Constable Fraser, RCMP
FROM: Special Agent Cooper, FBI
RE: Reports of my evil have been somewhat exaggerated

From your kind note I take it you've met my 'doppelganger'. Fraser, have you ever heard of a place called the Black Lodge? It's where I've been running around for the last few weeks. It's also where I was before I came to Hogwarts. This isn't the first time I've had a run-in with that thing. I'm very sorry he dragged you into this, and hope it's the last time he troubles you. Can I ask what happened?

I'm sending you a little something for use in the event my doppelganger reappears. Open up a can and give him a dish full, or just pour it on the ground if you're in a real hurry. It's not what he's after (http://www.glastonberrygrove.net/mythos/eh.html#GARMONBOZIA), but it's like enough that he'll feel compelled to slow down and have a taste, just to make sure.

I really am sorry.

The note is accompanied by a case of canned creamed corn.

Reply owl to Cooper

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Agent Cooper,

I have indeed heard of the Black Lodge, sir, but I believe that you were the one who told me about it. At any rate, I was unaware of the existence of your doppelganger, but I'm glad to hear that you're safe. I ran into him on Halloween and he... well, he bit me, sir. And I'm afraid it all gets a little fuzzy after that.

If it helps, I do recall that he had a toothbrush and a head injury, and he was very concerned about someone named 'Annie.'

Thank you kindly for the gift. I'll keep it close at hand in case of any further incidents.

Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

Return owl, carrying a ziplock baggie of candy canes

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Fraser,

Thanks, man. I really don't want to know what's in it, do I? I don't have anything planned at the moment but when I get inspiration you'll be the first to know. First or second. I should probably get my boss in on this next one.

-Jack

Return owl to Jack

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Dr Jack,

Thank you for the candy canes! Diefenbaker (I don't know if you've met -- he's my wolf) is already enjoying them. And I hope the salve helps. Experience tells me that you would probably rather not know, yes. Americans seem to be very easily nauseated; no offense meant, of course.

Well, if anything comes up, I'll be delighted to hear about it.

-Fraser

Re: Return owl to Jack

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Fraser,

Not a problem. I hope candy canes don't screw up wolves. If they do, I apologize in advance. None taken. I'm not particularly easily nauseated but sometimes it's better not knowing these things. Sort of like how people freak out if they think about what's in hot dogs.

-Jack

Re: Return owl to Jack

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Jack,

Don't worry; considering the other things Diefenbaker has put into his system, I don't think the candy will make a bit of diffrence.

I have to admit that that attitude bewilders me. Don't you want to know what you're eating? And anyway, hot dogs really aren't that bad. You know, the Inuit subscribe to the belief that one should use all the parts of an animal one kills, so I suppose in a way you could say that the hot dog industry is simply assisting with that.

Er. Anyway, I'll leave you to your holiday.

-Fraser

[robinthepuck.livejournal.com]

What was this, now?

Robin had, admittedly, almost completely forgotten about one Benton Fraser. Nothing against the Mountie personally, of course. It was just... Well, when you were as old as the Puck was, you tended to have faces and names all blur together. Especially when there wasn't anything more to said name or face than one nice kiss and a momentarily amusing prank. Dear Bacchus, if he kept meticulous track of everyone he shared that with, he'd of run out of brain space in his first century!

So, yes, when he received the owl and the gift, he was momentarily confused. The name rang a bell, but why?

It took him a few hours, but he finally recalled dear, sweet Ben and was utterly delighted at the fact the man had thought of him. He was more delighted that there was an apparent mix up of some kind. Now, a kind person would gently correct the good Constable. But Robin was...well, he was a Puck. So he gleeful seized the opportunity.

Why not? He didn't have anything better to do that day.

---

Ben,

Please, don't think of apologizing. It was a horrible time; I'm simply glad that it's over and done with.

I must admit, I was surprised to get your letter. And the gift was extremely thoughtful - you must remember that night we spent in front of the fireplace in my room, spread out on the rug with candles all around, and we made love until we both were too exhausted to move. You always were so beautiful in firelight, my dear.

I hope that your Christmas is merry, Ben, and please accept this gift as a token of my deep affections. If ever you lack companionship, please remember me fondly.

Yours,

R. Goodfellow

(The owl is also carrying a framed picture (http://www.inuitplus.com/images/normal/GAIT-50-a.jpg) that Robin had purchased the last time he'd been through the Yukon. Fifty years was quite a while to keep a sketch knocking around, but the Inuit woman he'd traded with it for had been especially...kind. Robin was nothing if not sentimental.)

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Fraser was simultaneously relieved and unnerved by Robin's reply: on the one hand, he was glad that he apparently was on the right track with his memories, and that Robin wasn't angry with him for accusing him of lying. On the other hand... it wasn't the most reassuring letter he'd ever gotten in his life. Spread out on the rug? "Oh, dear," he sighed.

He wound up staring at the note, and the picture, for quite a while before he replied.

Robin,

Thank you kindly for the picture. It's a nice reminder of home, and I have only a few of those here.

I'm afraid I don't remember the night you mentioned, although... I'm sure you're quite right that it happened and I'm sorry I don't remember it!

As for the candle, I just remembered you saying that you enjoyed your time in the Yukon, and I thought you might like something that might bring that to mind, as well as provide a little light and warmth.

I hope you have a good Christmas and a happy New Year. I don't think that It's probably not I'm sure I'll be seeing you around the school.

-Fra Ben

Mr. Quackers returns to Fraser, note and package warded and chramed to sing carols to anyone else

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Ben ~

This is simply beautiful! Thank you so much. And please, don't mention it - you are a part of my family, and I didn't do anything that anyone else wouldn't have.

It's been a joy to be your friend over the past year. I hope the holiday season finds you happy and at peace.

~ Lily

(Mr. Quackers was also carrying a huge basket of food - pastries and stews and various baked goods that Lily had been busily making.)

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

Fraser,

thanks, buddy! this is actually great 'cause my glasses have pretty much been sitting in my desk ever since my gun got confiscated, getting all scratched up and stuff. this will keep 'em from getting dusty to.

not like there's a reason to carry them around anymore.

-Ray

ps - i got something for u. i suck at magic and stuff but steph charmed 'em and says theyll work.

((Attached are a boxed set of walkie talkies (http://rsk.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pRS1C-4047995w345.jpg). Or rather, a walkie talkie. The other walkie talkie has been cut out of the packaging, as Fraser was naturally going to give it to Ray anyway. Ray just figured he would save Fraser the trouble.

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Fraser held up the walkie talkie and smiled. After giving it a quick, cursory examination, he put it to his mouth and pressed the button. "Thank you, Ray," he said into it. "I'm sure this will save a lot of paper, not to mention owls." He drew the walkie talkie back and waited to hear the response.

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

Ray was, of course, waiting with his walkie talkie turned on. It never occurred to him that Fraser might wait and open the gift later, because who the heck could resist a present?

"Rodger rodger, this is Action Hero, that's a 10-4 on the reception of gratitude. Do you copy, Canadian Sidekick?" Ray paused, and then clicked the call button again. "That's your handle, Fraser. We're talking in codes and handles and stuff. You have to for walkie talkies. It's required."

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Fraser's amusement was slightly tempered by the nickname he'd apparently been given. "Why?" he inquired. "And why am I the sidekick? That's an absurd nickname, Ray." Weren't code names supposed to be more along the lines of... well, code? And used in times when code was necessary? "Do you think anyone is listening in on this channel?"

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

"Because you're the guy with the accent," Ray explained, calmly. "The guy with the accent's the sidekick. That's just how it goes." It was not up to Ray to change the rules!

"And you never know who's listening in, Fr- Sidekick. Better safe than spyed on."

[themountie.livejournal.com]

This didn't make a whole lot of sense to Fraser. "But, Ray," he pointed out, "you do have an accent. A rather unusual one, in fact." It wasn't even a Chicago accent, as far as he knew. He'd met rather a lot of people in Chicago, and not a one of them spoke like Ray did.

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

"Fraser, you're demented. I am accent free," Ray said, sounding more than a little snippy.

Hey - Ray'd worked hard to get his voice sounding 100% American. It wasn't easy, raised hearing few things but his Mom and all her friends' accents. Second gen, baby. Growing up, he had to be more American than all the other Americans. Ray didn't really start piecing that one together until sixth grade, when he'd graduated from a neighborhood elementary school, crawling with Polish kids, to a district wide middle school. Suddenly there was a certain way to talk, the same way that the rich kids talked, and you had to hop on board or face a wedgie full of Social Darwinism.

Ray's accent (or lack thereof!) used to be forced, something he practiced at home in the mirror, but now it was just how he talked.

"You're the one with the a'talls and aboots and thank you kindlys."

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Fraser was not entirely aware of all the social pressures that had led to the development of Ray's idiosyncratic accent, and besides, Ray had made an incorrect assumption and he was, as always, eager to niggle the point.

"Ray," he sighed, sounding slightly belabored, "you cannot be accent-free. There is no such thing as accent-free. Everyone has an accent and that most certainly includes you. Now, if you really do insist upon using code names, could we pick something else?"

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

"Well Americans have the least accenty-accents," Ray said, not willing to drop the point. "'S the same as not having one, almost. Except New Yorkers, but they don't count." Pause. "And at least I can say lieutenant. Lou tenant. I'm surprised Welsh knows you're even talking to him."

Ray was just a little touchy about his accent.

"Like what? I thought it was a pretty cool handle. Nothing wrong with being a sidekick!"

Ray was also just a little touchy about proper nickname selection.

[themountie.livejournal.com]

"Ray, everyone has an accent, and there is nothing wrong with two people saying words differently. While the Canadian and American accents frequently sound very similar, there are certain differences between the two that are, on occasion, more distinguishable. You say lieutenant, and I say leftenant. You say aluminum, and I say aluminium. There's nothing wrong with that."

Fraser was starting to get a little annoyed, as he often did when Ray was being stubborn and ridiculous. He realized that Ray preferred to operate away from logic, but when it got to the point where he was just outright denying facts, well, that was going too far.

Plus, he didn't want to be the sidekick. "If you think that, Ray, then why aren't you the sidekick?" he shot back. "Here -- I have a better idea. I'll be... uh... RCMP, and you can be Jump Bogart." Fraser did not have the best imagination.

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

Hah! Tell that to middle-school kids. "I'm not saying it's wrong Fraser, I'm just saying you're more accenty than me. Or something. I like the way you talk just fine." People could just understand what Ray was saying a little better, was all.

Honestly, Fraser was taking all this way too personally. Ray was just laying down some facts. It was not his fault Canadians talked funny and made good sidekicks.

He pressed the call button on the microphone, just to sigh into it. "I already explained why I can't be the sidekick, Fraser. Plus you own funny underpants. It's a rule that sidekicks wear funny underpants."

Although Jump Bogart wasn't...the worst nickname Ray had ever heard. "I still like action hero better. Or Captain Ray." Okay, that one was just because if it was Ray's nickname, Fraser would have to say it. "Jump Bogart doesn't suck, but RCMP is the worst nickname I've ever heard, Fraser. Ever. You can't have an abbreviation for a nickname."

[themountie.livejournal.com]

"And I appreciate that, Ray," Fraser sighed. "But the fact remains that we both have accents. And regardless, I'm not sure why having an accent relegates one to sidekick status."

He really didn't want to be a sidekick. It wasn't particularly in his nature. That didn't mean he felt that Ray was a sidekick, either (no matter what some members of the 27th district may or may not have said) -- they were partners, equals. The entire sidekick idiom didn't really seem to suit them.

He sighed again and smiled wryly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm wearing boxers, Ray," he deadpanned into the walkie talkie. "Anyway, I think perhaps we should move away from the hero-sidekick paradigm. Whatever happened to duets?"

And as for the nickname, he personally didn't see what was wrong with RCMP, but fine. "Very well, what about... I don't know. Serge?" He really was not the creative type.

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

Ray was about to go more into the accent thing, by providing examples from Satuday morning cartoons (completely valid authority!) to support his accent/sidekick theory...

But then Fraser mentioned he was wearing boxers, so those thoughts kind of went right out Ray's head, replaced by an image of-

Yeah. So, Ray was still weird. Good to know.

He cleared his throat before pressing the call button. "What a coincidence, Fraser. I'm sitting here naked." Ray was actually in sweat pants and a hawks jersey, but how else did you top boxers?

Laughing a little through the speaker, Ray finally consented. Only because they were a duet and all. "Okay, partner. Serge is fine." Pause. "But I still get to be action hero."

Compromise!

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Any further sidekick-related bantering was thrown off by Ray's confession. Fraser blinked owlishly down at the walkie talkie, then raised it back to his mouth. "Are you? Why?"

How strange. Maybe he had interrupted Ray in the bath?

He shook his head and smiled ruefully, although of course Ray couldn't actually see him do either of these things. "All right, Ray. We'll both be action heroes. But I rather like Jump Bogart as a nickname."

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

Heh. See, even though Fraser wasn't mentally mixed-up the way his partner was, Ray kind of wanted a little payback. Even if he was the only person in the world who would think of it like that. 'Cause no way did the idea of a naked Ray affect Benton Fraser the way the idea of a boxer-wearing Fraser affected Ray Kowalski.

"I was working out," Ray said, trying to sound so confident that it reverberated through Fraser's speaker. "Sometimes a guy just has to work out naked, Fraser. Completely natural."

Ray shook his head, groaning into the walkie talkie. But the image of boxer-Fraser was still swimming around in his brain, so Ray wound up saying, "Fine, Fraser." Damn it! Stupid...Fraser. "But if we ever get a comic book named after us, Jump Bogart comes first in the title. Alphabetical order and all that."

[themountie.livejournal.com]

It was almost too bad Ray wasn't in the room with him, because the sight of Fraser (fully clothed and) gaping at the walkie talkie probably would have tickled him pink. "You were... working out," Fraser echoed slowly, nonplussed. "In the nude."

Well.

There were an entire host of feelings associated with that that he wasn't sure he entirely wanted to explore.

He settled for the easiest one: "Do you mind if I ask why?"

[beingironical.livejournal.com]

Ray had to take his finger off the call button for a sec, so Fraser couldn't hear the him laugh. Ray muffled the laughter with his hand, feeling like someone might catch him, fully clothed.

"Sure thing," he said, pressing the call button again. "I usually work out right after I wake up. I slept in kind of late today."

He paused, letting the implication sink in. Not that Fraser would care, but at least Ray could get a smile out of it.

"I sleep naked, too."

Return owl, warded and charmed so the handwriting can't be recognized

[makeminemayday.livejournal.com]

((I could have sworn I replied to this.))

Constable Fraser,

Thank you so much. The carving is beautiful! I'm just glad everyone is okay. I hope you're doing better as well.

Merry Christmas,
Spider-Girl

The owl is carrying a brown paper package. Inside is a dreamcatcher (http://a248.e.akamai.net/f/248/5462/2h/dreamcatchergallery.safeshopper.com/images/21di6ub.jpg).