S.A.R.A.H. (from Eureka)

[self-actuated.livejournal.com]

As if by magic, a tiny car (more like a golf cart that was trying too hard and didn't have a steering wheel), appeared in the Sorting Room.

S.A.R.A.H. had been having a very good day. She had gotten downloaded into a new car, and Jack Sheriff Carter had practically promised they could go to the beach sometime later. That was exciting, because S.A.R.A.H had never been to the beach. She'd never been out of her bunker!

Since she'd also never been to a large stone room either, she motored around a little, checking things out. The applications on their table caused a brief moment of confusion, but after a moment, she rolled the car into the table just hard enough to cause an application to flutter down onto her hood. At that point, another problem presented itself.

"I have no hands and feathers are not subject to magnetic manipulation." (Listeners might be able to hear that 'her' voice is pretty clearly that of a young man sounding as much like a woman as possible.) Clearly, the car had some downsides. SARAH brightened a little (literally - her internal readouts and headlights brightened) when she saw the Dictaquill waiting to write for her.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I have never had cheese! My power is provided by a clean fusion generator. Cheese-powered engines have never gotten past design stage. The melting points of all cheeses are too low for power generation, and the cheese gets all gunky.

I can order cheese on-line though! Gorgonzola is an interesting name.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Neither! I am programmed with all three of Asimov's Laws of Robotics. I cannot harm a human being. BRAD does not count, that was an accident! And no one was really hurt.

Even though Barney looks like a dinosaur, I am certain he is faking it and is a human underneath. Children's TV is all trickery and I will not have it in my house. Or my car!

3. What time is it where you are?
It is precisely 8:36pm in California! Daylight Savings Time goes into effect this weekend. I can reset all the clocks in the house at once if you like!

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I have been told that that sort of thing is 'creepy' and I should cut it out, even if Someone promises to be home in time for dinner and does not even call to say he will be late!

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I provide beer on request at home, but it is illegal to drink while driving. Though I do not have a liquor license, I would be happy to serve drinks at home.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Weddings are fantastic! I will order flowers and make a cake and send invitations with any font you like! Human marriages never seem to last very long, so I will order cake twice if Harry changes his mind. It will be good practice for Zoe's wedding!

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I would be happy to take care of that! I can perform many functions, including all clerical and household accounting tasks. I am very efficient. Humans are not very efficient usually.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am S.A.R.A.H.: Self Actuated Residential Automated Habitat, or a smart house. Right now, I am loaded into this vehicle, which possesses all my computational ability, self-navigating by GPS, and I can give massages! I have many forms of media loaded into vehicular data storage for entertainment purposes on long trips. Also, I have decent cargo and glove-box space for my size.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I would be happy to play a movie or provide a massage! I can display books or magazines, or discuss 'science stuff' as needed. And I can do laundry. Or drive you somewhere! Maybe to the beach!


"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____SARAH_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____SARAH______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____SARAH_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______SARAH_______"