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hh_mirrorDoctors of Hogwarts,
A prominent Hufflepuff is suffering!
Mere hours ago, one prominent Hufflepuff, called for the sake of his privacy His Majesty
A cause for His Majesty's tragic happenstance may already have been discovered. For the sake of His Majesty's privacy I cannot give you a direct image, but the muscles surrounding his eyes undergo regular transformations, from his natural state, which is similar to this, to a temporary one which physically resembles this.
Notice the stress this creates for the brow muscles! The danger is exacerbated by the fact that blindness may be a hereditary condition for the King. Furthermore, his brother and friend wear glasses. Coincidence!?
Aid! Conquer! Redress!
While awaiting your reply, I will do my part by yelling at His Majesty's disappointingly weak eyeballs.
Sincerely,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
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Return owl
Date: 2007-10-07 03:31 pm (UTC)Who the hell are you?!How did you getThis isn't evenWhoever the hell you are,
I don't know who gave you my name but they're mistaken. I'm a doctor in the sense of the word that means I went to school for a very long time and they rewarded my intelligence with a few Doctorate degrees. I am not the kind who makes house calls and bothers with people. My advice? Take your friend to the Hospital Wing. It exists for a reason.
And judging from those pictures, you might want to call an exorcist for good measure.Annoyedly yours,
Dr. Jack Hodgins.
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 01:28 am (UTC)I suppose the school roster is mistaken, but you can hardly blame a piece of paper for recording evidence of your fraud, as you call yourself a doctor despite knowing nothing about medicine or ethics. What if you went around my kingdom calling yourself King Jack Hodgins? People like you start civil wars!
The Hospital Wing? His Majesty is not a runny-nosed little peasant! We are searching for a specialist. Meanwhile, I wish you luck searching for more Doctorate degrees that are evidently useless.
Sincerely,
Sir Wolfram the hell von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Return owl, charmed to turn into ten large and ugly but harmless garden spiders once it is read
Date: 2007-10-08 01:35 am (UTC)...are you high? No, seriously. Are you?
I don't know what backwater kingdom spat you out, but here in the real world, there are many kinds of doctors. Some are the kinds that cater to the whining, puking masses and the rest of us are incredibly intelligent people who make society a better place in various ways. You might want to clarify your magical Google search next time by specifying "Medical doctor."
I wish you luck in finding THE ANTIDOTE.
Respectfully yours,
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Entomologist and particulate expert, Rhodes scholar, and all-around genius extrodinairre.
Re: Return owl, charmed to turn into ten large and ugly but harmless garden spiders once it is read
Date: 2007-10-08 02:11 am (UTC)Man of bugs and tiny things
Scholar of undoubtedly useful facts about said bugs and tiny things
But is neither a king nor betrothed to one, and it is doubtful that he has saved any world in particular
Perhaps an ant farm is a world?
But is still obviously Very Important
Most people just wear boots if they want to feel taller,
No, but no doubt most others appear very high to you.
I come from the demon kingdom of Shin Makoku. If anything, your world is the backwater, as our monarch literally has to travel through water in order to visit yours. However, I am moved by your troubles. It must be very trying to be constantly sieged with requests for a real doctor. The hope in the puking masses eyes (if they haven't already gone BLIND). Then the disappointment and confusion. And then the pity and further confusion when they learn what you actually do and how you assert it betters society.
But carry on. Carry on your bitter battle against a harsh society which understands little your contributions to it. At least you can always win against bugs.
With equal respect,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff.
P.S. But do you think bugs could be invading His Majesty's eyes?
Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 02:16 am (UTC)Bitch, you did NOT just call me short.Wolfie-baby,
Blah blah blah blah blah. You still don't seem to know the difference between medical doctors and the scholarly type.
Dr. Jack Hodgins
PS- Yes. Yes they could be.
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 02:19 am (UTC)And you don't know the difference between essential and dispensable ones.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 02:26 am (UTC)Yeah, we'll see how indispensable I am when you need to identify what's laid its eggs in your buddy's eye.
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 02:37 am (UTC)If that's what you rely on for proof of self-worth, you must have a very estimable life indeed.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 02:45 am (UTC)Fartypants McDouchebagWolly Polly Fish Head,
Whatever lets you sleep at night.
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 02:49 am (UTC)Yes. I assume what lets you sleep at night is a mattress filled with cockroaches.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
P.S. These cockroaches are very important cockroaches.
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:07 am (UTC)I'm sorry, you must have mistaken my sleeping habits for your own.
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:10 am (UTC)Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:10 am (UTC)No, seriously, what the hell?
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:19 am (UTC)As a man with multiple degrees (which are very important for society!) there was no way that you could have written such a juvenile and thoughtless response. Therefore I had to assume that the subtext your message "You have mistaken my sleeping habits for your own" to mean that while I had thought that I sleep next to my betrothed, Shibuya Yuuri, I, in fact, don't, and you slept there in my place.
A complete lie, but still, that statement could not be left unchallenged.
So STAY AWAY FROM YUURI!
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
P.S. Perhaps you meant to imply that I sleep on a mattress of cockroaches. If so, you should have said "You have mistaken your sleeping habits for my own". But you are a scholar, and I am but a soldier, so no doubt that wasn't your intention.
P.P.S. STAY AWAY FROM YUURI!
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:24 am (UTC)I'm pretty sure I'm not sleeping with your betrothed. Even if I was inexplicably attracted to whoever this person is, I still wouldn't touch them for fear of having you somehow rub off on me.
I was implying that your mattress is filled with horrible creepy-crawlies that will wait until you least expect it and lay their eggs under your skin. You'll come crying to me to find out what horrible plague has befallen you, and I'll point and laugh.
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:31 am (UTC)Well of course you're not. But your owl implied that, and so I threatened you, as a good betrothed and bodyguard to the King should. If you try to seduce Yuuri by showing him insect antennas, it won't work!
If you were implying that I was sleeping on bugs, then you should have just written that. And if I did get impregnated by crawlies, I'd certainly know who to blame, I bet you misplace them like you misplace your pronouns.
But you would find that funny? Really? I think you spend too much time with insects. You should enjoy a real joke. Perhaps one with a chicken.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:37 am (UTC)...dude, you're sleeping with your king? Upward mobility at its finest. Good job, man.
Here's a joke. Your FACE.
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 03:41 am (UTC)Of course, I am going to marry him, and he has to be protected. But I don't need approval from you! Anything bipedal would probably be to you upward mobility at its finest.
You're a joke. FACE!
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 08:06 pm (UTC)Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Do you even have any idea what that means, or are you just repeating things I say in what you assume to be a creative manner?
Dr. Jack Hodgins
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-10-08 08:11 pm (UTC)How dare you mention floating boats to me!
And... I am honestly not precisely sure what it means. I am relying on a translator. It translates Shin Makoku's tongue to English, and also Idiotic Garble to Shin Makoku tongue. Both of which is necessary when communicating with you.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Return owl, warded to roar like a T.Rex for anyone else
Date: 2007-10-07 04:44 pm (UTC)Despite the title "Doctor" in front of my name, I'm a mathematician, not a physician; the title refers to the level of advanced study I've completed. Unless His Majesty is hallucinating quadratic equations, there's not much I can do for him.
I will say a prayer for His Majesty, however, and I wish you luck with your yelling strategy.
Dr. Ian Malcolm
Ravenclaw
Re: Return owl, warded to roar like a T.Rex for anyone else
Date: 2007-10-08 01:40 am (UTC)I wasn't aware that mathematics could fall ill. While I am disappointed by your level of utility for the present situation, I cannot abide sick sixes. Thank you for preventing the anarchy that would have resulted in the implosion of all our worlds.
By the way, I have just asked Yuuri, and he doesn't think he's hallucinating quadratic equations, but you should explain to me what they are so we can be certain.
Sincerely,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Return owl, warded
Date: 2007-10-07 05:15 pm (UTC)If this is a serious emergency, I recommend that you take your
selffriendSovereign to the Hospital Wing. If they aren't well enough equipped to deal with this they can likely arrange for transport to another medical facility.I understand that you may feel a need for discretion, but a definitive diagnosis will likely not be made on the basis of only those
drawingspictures you provided. Yelling will likely not aid the situation and may in fact make it worse, by causing stress on the patient.Good luck in your search for a solution, and I repeat that if this is a serious emergency please go to the Hospital Wing immediately.
Sincerely,
Dr. Janet Fraiser
Re: Return owl, warded
Date: 2007-10-08 01:48 am (UTC)I do not believe His Majesty the King should be attended in a public medical wing, it is bad enough he eats in the school's cafeteria. Being around sick people would only make him worse, if only because he'd try to give them all hugs instead of concentrating on himself.
I disagree. Yelling at people always makes them better, because it forces them to try harder. Flipping my hair also works, but so far there has been little effect. Since you are a doctor, I think it is your duty to see His Majesty the King immediately and make him well. You will be compensated for your services.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld,
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Re: Return owl, warded
Date: 2007-10-08 01:55 am (UTC)My apologies, I was unfamiliar with your title.
If you insist, I can examine the patient. However, if the patient's condition proves to be more than can be treated here, I will have to insist on him being relocated to either the Hospital Wing or St. Mungo's. I will not trade of a patient's well-being for any privileges of rank.
Under certain circumstances your method may be valid, but in some cases stress can cause an extremely adverse reaction. I would ask that you hold off on any yelling until after I can give my diagnosis.
Flipping hair?Sincerely,
Dr. Janet Fraiser
Re: Return owl, warded
Date: 2007-10-08 02:25 am (UTC)Apologies accepted; there are more important things at the moment.
I do insist, thank you for understanding. Shall we visit you in your office (you do have an office, don't you? We could buy you one)?
As I have already received a reference for you (a Doctor Daniel Jackson. Not, however, a medical doctor. I'm not sure if you knew this), I will take your advice and refrain from yelling at His Majesty's eyes. My throat was getting sore, and is already feeling better. I can see you are competent already.
Thank you,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
Re: Return owl, warded
Date: 2007-10-08 02:29 am (UTC)I don't actually have an office, but if this Room of Requirement I've heard of is not currently in use I'm certain I can make do. Please give me twenty minutes to locate it and familiarize myself.
Yes, I'm familiar with Dr. Jackson. He's an archeologist. You might want to try orange juice or honey and lemon tea for your throat.
Sincerely,
Dr. Janet Fraiser
no subject
Date: 2007-10-07 05:56 pm (UTC)The most important thing here, I think is... to remain calm. Yes? I wouldn't suggest jumping straight to intraocular cancer, at any rate, not until other fields have been explored. I'm... actually an oncologist, a cancer doctor, myself, and squinting and a slight decrease in efficiency with someone's vision don't seem to be all that dire of symptoms.
Is there anything else wrong with his vision? If he can't see some of what is around him, or strange dots or lights drifting in his vision? Are his eyes moving in a strange way? The case is probably just that he needs glasses, really. Especially considering the fact that, if he is here, wizards can't get cancer, actually
la;fdja, so I wouldn't fret too much about it.Sincerely,
James Wilson
no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 01:54 am (UTC)I am perfectly calm.
YuuriHis Majesty is the one acting out with his failing eyes. And I assure you, we're not trying to jump to cancer, but away from it; that is the entire purpose of my letters. And while you say that His Majesty's symptoms are not alarming, I must remind you that someone very closely connected to him (if closer than a mother or sister) was blind; furthermore, His Majesty has a great deal of responsibilities, his health affects thousands more than himself.Don't reply to this! I will see Yuuri shortly, and test him for these very symptoms you mentioned in your second paragraph.
If he got glasses, would I still be allowed to shove him?
Alright, you may reply if only to answer the last question.
Thank you,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
no subject
Date: 2007-10-07 11:18 pm (UTC)I'm not actually a medical doctor, so I'm afraid I can't be of much help. I suggest you take your friend to the Hospital Wing--there are plenty of MD's there, including one I trust implicitly. Ask for Dr. Janet Fraiser, and tell her everything you can about his symptoms, etc. (Also, I'm relatively certain there's no such thing as pupil shingles.)
-Daniel Jackson
no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 01:57 am (UTC)No, you can't be of very much help, can you? And I've already explained in several different letters why the hospital wing would be unsuitable, so I'll just state 'no' in regards to that suggestion. But I have contacted Dr. Janet Fraiser, and I am currently working with her. She appears to be uncooperative.
And in regards to pupil shingles, if you are not a medical doctor, how can you KNOW!?
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 02:10 am (UTC)I am a doctor, just not an MD. If you're truly concerned for your friend's health, I'd listen to what Janet says--she's probably dealt with more weird than any other doctor here. Trust me on this.
As to pupil shingles--nevermind. I'm sure you'll figure it out on your own.
-Daniel Jackson
Re: Return owl, warded
Date: 2007-10-08 02:16 am (UTC)Very well, we appreciate your reference. Though as you are not an MD doctor, are you qualified to make such judgments?
As for the pupil shingles, I don't want to rule out anything.
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 02:03 am (UTC)Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld,
I am not entirely sure as to where your informational process began or ended, how it may have strewn from its path so as to result in requesting my assistance. I would suggest, possibly, a different process for a later occasion, so as to achieve the best results, and, coincidentally, ones far more accurate than that which you may have gathered so far.
While my title may include 'Doctor' within it, Sir Bielefeld, I am more than likely not included within the assortment of individuals you were intending to target. I am a doctor, yes, but one of philosophy rather than the medical practitioner towards which you seem to be aspiring. My doctorate is one of forensic anthropology, the application of the science of physical anthropology and human osteology. My job is discovering the identification of deceased individuals whose remains are decomposed, burned, mutilated or otherwise unrecognizable.
In short, I deal with Bones, Sir Bielefeld. ...Eyes are not bones.
What you may be searching for is an ophthalmologist, a doctor who specializes in the diseases and surgery of the visual pathways, including the eye, brain, and areas surrounding the eye, such as the lacrimal system and eyelids. An optometrist, a health care profession concerned with eyes and related structures, vision, visual system and vision information processing in humans, may also be taken into consideration. Perhaps even an oncologist, considering mentions of cancerous situations within your letter.
A forensic anthropologist is not going to be sufficient aid when organs are involved, I am afraid. While it would be an honor to assist the likes of His Majesty, I cannot be much help in this field. Although, as a concerned bystander, may I suggest some sort of ocular correction? Laser surgery, or perhaps glasses?
Again, however, I must instill a warning involving your particular habits of fact-finding - or... "legwork", I believe is the slang word for the activity? One might think to investigate more punctiliously when he is in search of a doctor. Physicians, as a consequence, are not conscious entities all too difficult to unearth. An every day phone book, for example, will list such people by profession, in the yellow page section. Asking a friend may aid in your search as well, if asking an intelligent individual, perhaps one with more worldly knowledge than yourself? Books are another source used in finding certain answers one may need.
I strongly suggest Google.
Sincerely,
Dr. Temperance Brennan
no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 02:34 am (UTC)While you are not a medical doctor, your response may prove to be very helpful, as you seem to be quite knowledgeable surrounding fields of health. There is a possibility that through your studies you became a medical doctor without knowing it. Congratulations Dr. Brennan; if my theory is correct, you can now experience invigorating work as you prevent alive people from becoming decomposed, burned, mutilated or otherwise unrecognizable.
I studied medicine for several years while my country was at war and I was tragically too young to enlist; although I take pride in my fire magic, I am almost as proud of curing burn victims as I am in creating them. Therefore, can you begin your new life-work with His Majesty the King? Although you may not know much about eyes, there is a chance that the bones surrounding his eyes are causing this unhappy sickness, as I mentioned in the first letter.
Thank you,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
no subject
Date: 2007-10-10 08:46 pm (UTC)The bones surrounding the eyes?
One must understand that in humans - I am assuming the subject in question is, in fact, a human, although, in this school, that could be quite a mistake, on my part - the adult skull is normally made up of twenty-two (22) bones. Except for the mandible, the lower jaw that holds all of the bottom teeth in place, all of the bones of the skull are joined together by sutures, which are synarthrodial joints formed by bony ossification. A matrix of connective tissue consisting of bundles of strong collagenous fibres, also known as Sharpey's fibres, permit some flexibility, but little to none at that.
Similarly, seven bones make up the orbit, this supposed area around the eye which you've mentioned. The frontal bone, which is... the one around the forehead area; the zygomatic bone, approximately the cheek; the maxillary bone, which runs alongside the bridge of one's nose; all these located in the front portion of one's skull - the face, respectfully. Inside, the spenoid, ethmoid, palatine and lacrimal bones also contribute to making up this orbit, the entire area around the eye, the volume of which can hold about thirty (30) milliliters. The eye only occupies six and a half (6.5) of these, respectfully.
There are, of course, several systemic connective tissue disorders that have potential to possibly affect the eyes - more specifically, veins and areas around the eyes. Polyarteritis nodosa, Kawasaki syndrome, hypersensitivity vasculitis... All of which include symptoms quite noticeable to a party as... attentive as yourself may be with someone of such utmost importance. Has His Majesty displayed any signs of fatigue, weakness, or abdominal pain? Cases also present, often, with other symptoms - muscle weakness, fever, conjunctivitis, chapped lips, or necrosis, with common localizations being around the forearms and legs.
Short of... receiving some sort of object into the eye socket, which could possibly, in turn, chip off a piece of the orbit, jarring the bone chip into the area surrounding the eye, perhaps, I don't think much else could have affected the man's eyes, directly. ... But the variables surrounding the situation would be astronomical. Also, I imagine His Majesty would have... probably reported something poking something into his eye.
I... might have understood that letter incorrectly. Sir, was I just offered some manner of job?
Sincerely,
Dr. Temperance Brennan
no subject
Date: 2007-10-11 03:28 am (UTC)Mr. von Bielefeld,
Clearly, your king has been cursed by an enemy to fall blind. It's all part of the plan for chocolate bunnies to take over the world.
D. FG Hobo
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 02:15 am (UTC)Give me a House and a name.
Sincerely,
Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff