House Call (and Maturin Call. And Zoidberg Call. Etc.)

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Doctors of Hogwarts,

A prominent Hufflepuff is suffering!

Mere hours ago, one prominent Hufflepuff, called for the sake of his privacy His Majesty X Iruuy Ayubihs Smith John the King, began experiencing symptoms of what could be imminent blindness, cancer of the eye, pupil shingles, or something similarly terrible of that nature. Tragedy must be avoided, courageous actions must be committed, His Majesty the King must be saved!

A cause for His Majesty's tragic happenstance may already have been discovered. For the sake of His Majesty's privacy I cannot give you a direct image, but the muscles surrounding his eyes undergo regular transformations, from his natural state, which is similar to this, to a temporary one which physically resembles this.

Notice the stress this creates for the brow muscles! The danger is exacerbated by the fact that blindness may be a hereditary condition for the King. Furthermore, his brother and friend wear glasses. Coincidence!?

Aid! Conquer! Redress!

While awaiting your reply, I will do my part by yelling at His Majesty's disappointingly weak eyeballs.

Sincerely,

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff

Comments

Re: Return owl

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

STAY AWAY FROM YUURI!

Re: Return owl

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

...what the hell?

No, seriously, what the hell?

Re: Return owl

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Jaha,

As a man with multiple degrees (which are very important for society!) there was no way that you could have written such a juvenile and thoughtless response. Therefore I had to assume that the subtext your message "You have mistaken my sleeping habits for your own" to mean that while I had thought that I sleep next to my betrothed, Shibuya Yuuri, I, in fact, don't, and you slept there in my place.

A complete lie, but still, that statement could not be left unchallenged.

So STAY AWAY FROM YUURI!

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff

P.S. Perhaps you meant to imply that I sleep on a mattress of cockroaches. If so, you should have said "You have mistaken your sleeping habits for my own". But you are a scholar, and I am but a soldier, so no doubt that wasn't your intention.

P.P.S. STAY AWAY FROM YUURI!

Re: Return owl

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Whack job,

I'm pretty sure I'm not sleeping with your betrothed. Even if I was inexplicably attracted to whoever this person is, I still wouldn't touch them for fear of having you somehow rub off on me.

I was implying that your mattress is filled with horrible creepy-crawlies that will wait until you least expect it and lay their eggs under your skin. You'll come crying to me to find out what horrible plague has befallen you, and I'll point and laugh.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

No Job,

Well of course you're not. But your owl implied that, and so I threatened you, as a good betrothed and bodyguard to the King should. If you try to seduce Yuuri by showing him insect antennas, it won't work!

If you were implying that I was sleeping on bugs, then you should have just written that. And if I did get impregnated by crawlies, I'd certainly know who to blame, I bet you misplace them like you misplace your pronouns.

But you would find that funny? Really? I think you spend too much time with insects. You should enjoy a real joke. Perhaps one with a chicken.

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff

Re: Return owl

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Jerkface,

...dude, you're sleeping with your king? Upward mobility at its finest. Good job, man.

Here's a joke. Your FACE.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Jerkjerk,

Of course, I am going to marry him, and he has to be protected. But I don't need approval from you! Anything bipedal would probably be to you upward mobility at its finest.

You're a joke. FACE!

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff

Re: Return owl

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Jerkoff,

Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Do you even have any idea what that means, or are you just repeating things I say in what you assume to be a creative manner?

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Bug Man Who Conveys His Attachment To Insects By Bugging Others,

How dare you mention floating boats to me!

And... I am honestly not precisely sure what it means. I am relying on a translator. It translates Shin Makoku's tongue to English, and also Idiotic Garble to Shin Makoku tongue. Both of which is necessary when communicating with you.

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff