[identity profile] joachim-armster.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I can no longer eat cheese, I'm sure it would make me ill. What sort of discriminatory question is this?

From what I remember of cheese, which isn't much, the texture of stepped-in brains is similar to that of certain cheeses. I won't be putting either in my mouth any time soon, thank you.


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

The human. I'd remove his sweet head for him, stroke his ginger hair, and tell him what a good boy he is. Oh, I'd like that, I'd like that very, very much.


3. What time is it where you are?

I've not seen the light nor felt the warmth of the sun for many long centuries. For me it will always be night...

Excuse me while I go pen a dreadful metrical composition and impale my wrists on something sharp. I've heard that's what juveniles do for fun these days whenever "darkness" is mentioned in any form.


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Tonks has the most fascinating hair, I would dearly like to pet her. Her wolf friend too, if he won't bite terribly hard.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.


The Guillotine. I have many ideas for bar entertainment.


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Whichever one of them doesn't plan to imprison Harry in the water vein which is a fancy name for SEWER of their damned castle for all eternity.

Of equal importance, whichever one bathes more than once a decade. And doesn't cackle in bed. Nnghh.


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

If you stopped imprisoning your servants on a whim, they'd be more likely to help you.


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

I wield five swords with my mind alone. (Obligatory "I can kill you with my brain" comment goes here.) I'm adept at my own unique form of magic, with and without the swords and psychic abilities. And I never walk; I levitate, which is the best skill of all.


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

I have all these nice crystals I could give, that may improve your health or stamina or grant you an interesting power, maybe protect you against certain ailments. I'm told with proper holes in them, they could double as "bowling balls."

Or you may peruse my treasured collection of heads (some little more than skulls now, alas) and choose a pretty one for yourself. I'm most happy to share. If you know how to listen carefully enough they'll even speak to you, but don't pay any mind to their filthy lies. They deserved it.

((ETA: When I signed in today and had 69 comments in my inbox, I snickered like a perverted brat. The Terry/Ryuuji screened convo wins for the leash idea alone. I hope they do give poor Alucard a leash for Joachim. XD))

Date: 2006-03-29 10:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alucard-tepes.livejournal.com
((*Snoopy dance* Haha, you had to mention the emo "poets". You suck. Just a little.))

I should have tied you to the bed. It's not safe for you to be wandering around alone.

It would be nice to have (keep?) you in Hufflepuff with me, but you might fit in best with the Slytherins, given your personality, and I do mean that in a good way. Or the Ravenclaws, if they're truly drunk most of the time. Probably wise to avoid Gryffindor completely, I fear all the shiny spandex would cause you even more brain damage.

Which do you prefer? There's also the four newer houses, but I don't recommend them. Unless you feel like being a house ghost, I guess.

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Date: 2006-03-29 03:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ringoate-mybaby.livejournal.com
Just so we're clear... you know you're creepy, right?

Ravenclaw

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Date: 2006-03-29 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com
Of course skulls lie. They always lie. Horrible, disgusting lies. Just like people.

I don't know what kind of cheese you're thinking of, though. Brains are a lot squishier, especially when you step in them.

I'm leaning toward Bitchiwitch here.

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From: [identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 03:55 am (UTC) - Expand

Vote: Ravenclaw

From: [identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

From: [identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-04-02 05:13 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-03-29 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estebanmd.livejournal.com
*oh, no, the mention of a guillotine makes Stephen think about how the French Revolution went terribly awry!*

The Guillotine, you say? A collection of heads? Whose heads do you collect, sir?

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Date: 2006-03-29 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dice-addict.livejournal.com
...I'm pretty sure that nobody imprisons servants around here. And the only person that emos is Ron, though I don't think he's at the cutter stage yet, thankfully.

*looks over the convo with Alucard to see it provides anything helpful*

...

*refrains from commenting on human snack bit*

Ravenclaw.


Date: 2006-03-29 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com
You're sending him to Ravenclaw ?! When you find me camped out in your room you'll know why.

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From: [identity profile] tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-29 11:05 pm (UTC) - Expand

warded for Imperial secrecy!

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Date: 2006-03-29 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] conriocht.livejournal.com
Her wolf friend too, if he won't bite terribly hard.

*rather huffily* I'm not a wolf. I'm a werewolf. There's a difference. I would be tempted to squib you, but thankfully you restrained yourself from calling me a "lycan," for which I am sincerely grateful.

You can bartend in the dark to your heart's content in Slytherin.

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From: [identity profile] conriocht.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 04:44 am (UTC) - Expand

vote change: Bitchiwitch

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Date: 2006-03-29 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arrakis-savior.livejournal.com
Do you have any nonlethal interest in human women? I have a spare one on my hands.

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Date: 2006-03-29 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com
Hufflepuff. Definitely. They're probably the only ones who could handle you and any needs to rent you limb from limb in order to save the populus

Date: 2006-03-29 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dungbombsrule.livejournal.com
Hufflepuffs can be scary. *Ron widens his eyes and nods*

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Vote: HUFFLEPUFF

From: [identity profile] tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 04:54 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Vote: HUFFLEPUFF

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Re: Vote: HUFFLEPUFF

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Re:

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Hufflepuff

Date: 2006-03-29 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dungbombsrule.livejournal.com
*Moves both hand and puppet over his hair* Why do they always zero in on the red hair!? Why can't they talk about how, from what I hear, Carrottop is an evil Muggle who uses Muggle items to incite groans and shudders from those around him? Plus his rash of unicorn slayings...

Uh, not Slytherin. Hufflepuff! Yeah.

Re: Hufflepuff

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Re: Hufflepuff

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Re: Hufflepuff

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Re: Hufflepuff

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Re: Hufflepuff

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vote: Hufflepuff

Date: 2006-03-29 11:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sgtbothari.livejournal.com
Hufflepuff is a good house for the undead.

Date: 2006-03-30 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nightbirdboy.livejournal.com
You know, just the other day I was reading this columnist and he had an article from some guy asking for advice about how to handle having a fetish for decapitated heads. And the columnist told him that there were probably other people out there with the same kink.

And whaddaya know? Apparently he was right.

Hufflepuff, if you'll restrain yourself from beheading anyone. They'd kick your ass.

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From: [identity profile] nightbirdboy.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 05:38 am (UTC) - Expand

Response to ETA.

Date: 2006-03-30 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dice-addict.livejournal.com
((*dies* Yeah, Alucard-mun might have needed to warn you that Sorting applications can get cluttered with convos very quickly. And hm, maybe. XD Ryuuji's got a twisted sense of humor, but he wouldn't want to offend Alucard, whereas Terry has no such qualms. ^_~ Glad we didn't end up annoying you with all those comments, though!))

Re: Response to ETA.

Date: 2006-03-30 04:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com
((Terry dresses up as a big, bad, bat. Yup. No qualms. None at all. And ditto on the not annyoing you. ))

Re: Response to ETA.

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Date: 2006-03-30 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ginevram.livejournal.com
Mr. Hat, my vote for this applicant is Hufflepuff.

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Date: 2006-03-30 06:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roxyspaulding.livejournal.com
Goth people belong in Bitchiwitch.

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From: [identity profile] roxyspaulding.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 06:18 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-03-30 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catremistrae.livejournal.com
Heads. You mean actual, human heads? That's just disturbing. Why do you have them?

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From: [identity profile] catremistrae.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-03-30 06:53 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-03-30 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vividtonks.livejournal.com
Well, you're more than a little bit creepy.

Slytherin.

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Date: 2006-03-30 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] afraid-wizard.livejournal.com
You belong in Slytherin. We already have enough like you in Hufflepuff.

Date: 2006-03-30 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sada-chan.livejournal.com
Mmmm. Hufflepuff.

Date: 2006-03-30 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tea-and-spinoza.livejournal.com
*left eyebrow raises one-sixteenth of an inch* Persons of your acquaintance imprison their servants in castle sewers, sir?

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From: [identity profile] tea-and-spinoza.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-04-02 08:13 pm (UTC) - Expand

Vote: Hufflepuff

Date: 2006-04-02 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mightiest-black.livejournal.com
Very creative, and you possess intriguing skills. I might like you... Can I look at your collection? I'm something of a collector myself.

Hufflepuff. With my your? we have things to discuss Alucard. Unless you harbour any great desire to be in Ravenclaw. "Interesting" people in either place if you plan to socialise, which I'm predicting you don't, and I can't blame you.

Date: 2006-04-02 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alucard-tepes.livejournal.com
Before I forget: Hufflepuff.

Date: 2006-04-04 02:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Hmmm, I suppose I could use one of these severed heads as a hat stand, couldn't I?

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-04-04 03:33 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2006-04-04 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Yes, you do have many useful skills and objects with you. I believe you'll fit in well in Hufflepuff!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Hufflepuff!

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