Joachim Armster, Castlevania fandom

[joachim-armster.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I can no longer eat cheese, I'm sure it would make me ill. What sort of discriminatory question is this?

From what I remember of cheese, which isn't much, the texture of stepped-in brains is similar to that of certain cheeses. I won't be putting either in my mouth any time soon, thank you.


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

The human. I'd remove his sweet head for him, stroke his ginger hair, and tell him what a good boy he is. Oh, I'd like that, I'd like that very, very much.


3. What time is it where you are?

I've not seen the light nor felt the warmth of the sun for many long centuries. For me it will always be night...

Excuse me while I go pen a dreadful metrical composition and impale my wrists on something sharp. I've heard that's what juveniles do for fun these days whenever "darkness" is mentioned in any form.


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Tonks has the most fascinating hair, I would dearly like to pet her. Her wolf friend too, if he won't bite terribly hard.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

The Guillotine. I have many ideas for bar entertainment.


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Whichever one of them doesn't plan to imprison Harry in the water vein which is a fancy name for SEWER of their damned castle for all eternity.

Of equal importance, whichever one bathes more than once a decade. And doesn't cackle in bed. Nnghh.


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

If you stopped imprisoning your servants on a whim, they'd be more likely to help you.


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

I wield five swords with my mind alone. (Obligatory "I can kill you with my brain" comment goes here.) I'm adept at my own unique form of magic, with and without the swords and psychic abilities. And I never walk; I levitate, which is the best skill of all.


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

I have all these nice crystals I could give, that may improve your health or stamina or grant you an interesting power, maybe protect you against certain ailments. I'm told with proper holes in them, they could double as "bowling balls."

Or you may peruse my treasured collection of heads (some little more than skulls now, alas) and choose a pretty one for yourself. I'm most happy to share. If you know how to listen carefully enough they'll even speak to you, but don't pay any mind to their filthy lies. They deserved it.

((ETA: When I signed in today and had 69 comments in my inbox, I snickered like a perverted brat. The Terry/Ryuuji screened convo wins for the leash idea alone. I hope they do give poor Alucard a leash for Joachim. XD))

Comments

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

You're sending him to Ravenclaw ?! When you find me camped out in your room you'll know why.

[arrakis-savior.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly sure I can handle him, but you'd have to switch rooms with me, and Irulan is my roommate.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

How about we put Irulan and him in a room together. And lock the door.

[arrakis-savior.livejournal.com]

We-e-e-ll, as much as I'd really like to see that happen, I can't afford to make a martyr out of her. But I like the way you think.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Your wife draws me to the dark side. And she doesn't even actively recruit.

[arrakis-savior.livejournal.com]

The dark side. That's from your flaming swords vid again, isn't it? *consults the ancestors within* *grins* I'd pay good money to see Irulan use her voice skills to tell you, "Batman, I am your father."

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

If you ever want to see me in your robes, you won't mention Irulan, Batman or my father in the same sentence ever again, your Highness.

warded for Imperial secrecy!

[arrakis-savior.livejournal.com]

That bad, eh? *doesn't take Bene Gesserit training to detect the upset in Terry's voice* Family is tough. I'm so used to the entire Empire speculating on whether or not I'm going to hook up with my sister, I lose sight of the little things. No hard feelings? I mean, the robes would look good on you.

Re: warded for Imperial secrecy!

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

My father was murdered. Batman's my mentor. And Irulan, according to you is a psychotic, baby wanting bitch. So yes, there are little subtleties.

So you have no plans of poisoning the cloth or teaching me a lesson on self awareness in Hogwarts that involves manacles or gags or anything else along those lines ?

Re: warded for Imperial secrecy!

[arrakis-savior.livejournal.com]

Batman is your mentor, but you are also Batman. There's something in that. *thinking*

One of my famous sayings, the ones the pilgrims read now in their little books, is "There is probably no more terrible instant of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man -- with human flesh." Mine was betrayed by Irulan's father and he didn't exactly get to go down fighting. I built a shrine for his skull. The pilgrims ought to go there instead of coming to see my godawful monstrosity of a palace.

Why would I do that? I'm on vacation, remember?

Re: warded for Imperial secrecy!

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Something mind breaking perhaps.

It's not an unwise saying. Mine didn't get to fight either. Well, much. What I saw made it seem like they were signs of a struggle, but I had an encounter with those responsible later on. They didn't do 'honorable fighting'.

The last person I let my guard down with in this place, turned my skin blue. I've been told not to eat or drink anything in this place if I don't know what's in it. So, given your family drama, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.

Re: warded for Imperial secrecy!

[arrakis-savior.livejournal.com]

We are, to a great extent, what our fathers made us; and for the rest, we're what we wish our fathers could have been, to save themselves.

If I'm flippant sometimes, it's out of a desire to counter that direness, the weight of one's ancestry. Another of my ever-so-sage recorded sayings *recites from perfect Mentat recall* : "The person who experiences greatness must have a feeling for the myth he is in. He must reflect what is projected upon him. And he must have a strong sense of the sardonic. This is what uncouples him from belief in his own pretensions. The sardonic is all that permits him to move within himself. Without this quality, even occasional greatness will destroy a man."

Greatness isn't in a robe, or a costume. It's within the self. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors. Which doesn't mean I don't want to see you in the robes.

I grew up with poison-snoopers over all our food. My universe has separate words for poison in food and poison in drink, the practice is so common. So I can understand that. But I haven't sensed any danger from the food here, and if someone fed me something like that, I'd probably just laugh it off. There's a pirate captain here who turned my hair green once. No big deal -- I changed it back. Vacation, you know. *dark look* As for my family, I guess I can't fault you for wanting to make sure that the grandson of the Baron Harkonnen isn't going to torture you for kicks, but I really don't like thinking about that too much.

Re: warded for Imperial secrecy!

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

As if I even known who your grandfather is. Other than a bastard from a long line of bastards, all according to you.

And it wasn't turning blue that was...unpleasant. It was being scolded for trusting.

I understand flippant and occasionally irreverent. I know the history of the legend I'm a part of. I don't want to be crushed by it. Which is another reason why the scolding stung.

I'll send you a an owl (and that remains strange) and we can meet up sometime about the robes.

Oh, one promise about the fitting; if you're going to recite things like an audio recording, can it be poetry or something ? I can't quite see you as the wise old prophet.

::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

You're welcome in my room anytime you like, obviously, but why are you panicking? He's just a vampire with a thing for decapitating people.

Re: ::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

So you admit you're a brat ?

Off hours. Rest. Need it. Also, there could quite possibily be a gross smell thing from the heads.

And how is it that Alucard comes across debonair and soothing, in that way that's probably a peverse reflection of the fact I like to spend my free time in caves, but this guy is just...creepy.

Re: ::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I've never denied it; are you going to argue that you're not one? Besides, quite a few people call me that affectionately. The brat part, anyway.

You still have a room of your own for resting though, don't you? And I say you should complain to your Prefects if it starts smelling. Sara's pretty cool, she'd handle it, I'm sure. Unless she's been drinking in which case you're responsible for making sure nothing happens to her while she's unable to take care of herself.

Alucard is extremely cool. And he doesn't talk about severed heads or human snacks. Just about daddy issues and needing hugs in strikeouts. This guy is kinda freaky because of the brain-cheese comparison, head obsession, and the fact that skulls either speak to him or he's hallucinating that they do.

Re: ::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

No argument.

Well there's the possibility that all the Gryffndor do-gooders will haunt his every step and I won't actually feel the need to keep an eye on him all the time and not sleep.

My Prefects a drunk ?! And you mean it's my job or every Ravenclaw's duty to make sure she doesn't break her neck ?

He actually isn't wrong about brains and the cheese. Highschool science class, it teaches you things you do not want to know. The head obsession is... obsessions and self-absorption lead to psycho land, remember.

Re: ::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Tada. Mutual brattiness.

That's true but again, this is Hogwarts. No-kill rule. So even if he decapitates someone, they'd survive it, most likely. I just don't think they'd be happy about it.

Both of them are, I already told you that. Though, Ford's a drunk, Sara's an alcoholic. She's the one who got the open bar in Ravenclaw installed. And well, technically, I'd say that it's anyone's duty to make sure she's okay, but considering what happened last time she got drunk in public, I'm kinda leaning towards only letting the people near her that don't take advantage of her being drunk to grope her and try to get her to leave with them.

I remember. But we already have psychos here. Immortal ones. He's just another one to add to the list, I think. And maybe Alucard will keep a leash on him? Literally? One can hope.

Re: ::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Mutual brattiness means we keep each other in line ?

You trust me NOT to grope her even though I'm a teenage boy, because of what I do ?

Psychos...This place... And if someone loses their head, can it be put back on ? And can I buy Alucard a leash ? Maybe someplace in the village will do a custom job, it can go around the neck and wrap up the creep's hands too.

::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Or that we egg each other on. The school would probably appreciate us keeping each other in line more, though.

...No, because you told me that you've broken other people's hands for groping you, and I assumed that if you didn't like such behavior applied to you, you wouldn't do the same thing to someone else.

Would you?

If someone loses their head, I think it should be attachable again. I mean, if you can sew up slit throats and disembowelled people, as well as cure stab wounds to the heart, a head shouldn't be a problem.

...And Alucard might get the wrong idea if you buy him a leash. Just a thought.

::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

The school would appreciate if we took turns spanking each other ? Weird school

No. You're right. I wouldn't. It didn't even occur to me to do that.

So, poisoning, exsanguination, and gut wounds, all fixable in this place. Good to know. He's still a creep.

And I'd put a card on it! Make sure he knew what/whom it was for.

::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

...I've never been spanked in my life. But I get the feeling that you could probably sell tickets for it.

See? So I was right to trust you.

Most things are fixable in this place. Hanging doesn't kill you either, but that wouldn't work on a vampire anyway.

And I'm not saying he's not a creep and I swear that my opinion has nothing to do with the human snack remark, just that he doesn't seem especially dangerous so far.

But would you let him know who it's from? Because I kinda don't want to see this vamp-dude come by to thank you for the lovely leash.

::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

I'm not angry enough at you to do that

The point of a card would be to let Alucard know it was for the protection of everyone at the school. And no, I really don't want Mr. Head Obsession passing by to pet my hair.

And now you've got me wondering if that's some sort of strange kinky proposition among vampires. You should ask Alucard, you actually know him, you could ask a question like that.

Also, I've had the part man, part bat, making screeching noises and craving blood experience. Don't want anything close to it to happen again.

Re: ::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

...Thank you. I think.

Or, you know, remove your head from your shoulders so that he can pet your hair whenever he wants to. That sounds like it would be bad.

...Hey. There's a major difference between knowing someone, being friends with them, and being able to ask them about the sexual habits of their species. And wouldn't it be werewolves that applied to, if we're being logical about this?

Really? It wasn't good for you?

::screened for the Bat-Brat and Dragon-Brat only::

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Selling tickets implies a level of humiliation

It'd make it difficult to eat cookies.

I can't see werewolves walking each other. I can see vampires leading each other around on a leash.

Was that humor ?