Joachim Armster, Castlevania fandom

[joachim-armster.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I can no longer eat cheese, I'm sure it would make me ill. What sort of discriminatory question is this?

From what I remember of cheese, which isn't much, the texture of stepped-in brains is similar to that of certain cheeses. I won't be putting either in my mouth any time soon, thank you.


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

The human. I'd remove his sweet head for him, stroke his ginger hair, and tell him what a good boy he is. Oh, I'd like that, I'd like that very, very much.


3. What time is it where you are?

I've not seen the light nor felt the warmth of the sun for many long centuries. For me it will always be night...

Excuse me while I go pen a dreadful metrical composition and impale my wrists on something sharp. I've heard that's what juveniles do for fun these days whenever "darkness" is mentioned in any form.


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Tonks has the most fascinating hair, I would dearly like to pet her. Her wolf friend too, if he won't bite terribly hard.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

The Guillotine. I have many ideas for bar entertainment.


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Whichever one of them doesn't plan to imprison Harry in the water vein which is a fancy name for SEWER of their damned castle for all eternity.

Of equal importance, whichever one bathes more than once a decade. And doesn't cackle in bed. Nnghh.


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

If you stopped imprisoning your servants on a whim, they'd be more likely to help you.


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

I wield five swords with my mind alone. (Obligatory "I can kill you with my brain" comment goes here.) I'm adept at my own unique form of magic, with and without the swords and psychic abilities. And I never walk; I levitate, which is the best skill of all.


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

I have all these nice crystals I could give, that may improve your health or stamina or grant you an interesting power, maybe protect you against certain ailments. I'm told with proper holes in them, they could double as "bowling balls."

Or you may peruse my treasured collection of heads (some little more than skulls now, alas) and choose a pretty one for yourself. I'm most happy to share. If you know how to listen carefully enough they'll even speak to you, but don't pay any mind to their filthy lies. They deserved it.

((ETA: When I signed in today and had 69 comments in my inbox, I snickered like a perverted brat. The Terry/Ryuuji screened convo wins for the leash idea alone. I hope they do give poor Alucard a leash for Joachim. XD))

Comments

Re: Response to ETA.

[joachim-armster.livejournal.com]

((The fact Alucard might be offended and would be like 'WTF mate' is what makes it so funny! Doooo it. And he really would use it on Joachim once he got comfortable with the idea, I bet. ;) ))

Re: Response to ETA.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((Tempting, if only because Ryuuji's kinda pouty about being called a snackfood. XD And tempted to try to make Joachim really jealous as payback, even though he's feeling a little sorry for him.

*is seriously considering it*))

Re: Response to ETA.

[joachim-armster.livejournal.com]

((Hah! Go for it! Joachim is a moody thing and would fall right into the jealousy trap, most likely. Since Alucard has explicitly told him he's not allowed to kill anyone on school grounds, instead of going homicidal on Ryuuji, at worst he might start to cry, I'd guess. *dies*))

Re: Response to ETA.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((*dead* Oh dear gods. Ryuuji would feel sorry for Joachim if he made him cry. And try to make friends with him properly, instead of being half-snipey and half-suspicious.

And maybe send Terry a leash to send to Alucard, so that he doesn't have to worry about the ethics of it.))

Re: Response to ETA.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

(( How very Ryuuji to make Terry the go-between. Though Joachim already has Terry on the cusp of rethinking his status down from 'creepmiester' to 'victimized creepmiester'))

Re: Response to ETA.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((Hey, it was Terry who took a joking suggestion seriously, so he gets to do that honors. XD And Ryuuji doesn't buy into "I'm traumatized so I get to traumatize other people" excuse. Otherwise he'd use it himself and capitalize on having an abusive psychopath father to go after everyone he dislikes. Joachim won't get a free pass for that.))

Re: Response to ETA.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

((Who said anything about a free pass ? Victimized creepmiester basically means - ahh, you've got to say 'Bad Vampire. No Cookie' at least once before you start punching with the hard discipline. And fine, he'll go order a red leash with matching leather cuffs and connecting train. He might take Ryuuji with him to the store though, to draw it out for the shop owner.))

Re: Response to ETA.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((Ahhh. And Ryuuji in a leather shop just sounds like trouble to me. XD If nothing else, Terry would end up having to model everything for him. I can just see Ryuuji enthusiastically picking up lots of things and insisting that Terry go put them on to see if they're actually wearable.))

Re: Response to ETA.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

((Done. It can be part of 'The Adventure to Hogsmeade'. Cause I have to have Terry complaining he has the wrong complexion to model 'red' and then blinking and saying something like Ryuuji's rubbing off on him in very disturbing ways.))

Re: Response to ETA.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((Muahaha. And Ryuuji can snicker, offer to rub off against him in other ways, and then toss more things at Terry before Terry gets a chance to reply.))

Re: Response to ETA.

[joachim-armster.livejournal.com]

((Ryuuji and Joachim could maybe really get along if Joachim ever stops being all... psychotic over Alucard. Except it's so fun.

I think you may have the wrong idea about him if you think he's out to traumatise everyone for the hell of it. ;) ))

Re: Response to ETA.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((*dies* Maybe. Ryuuji gets along with most people, really. The psychoticness, though, considering Ryuuji's roommate? That's unnerving. XD

I have no idea about him in particular except that Joachim is under Alucard's heel, severely crushing/obsessing over him, and managing to both annoy and amuse Ryuuji at the same time. And I've read the stuff in his journal!))