totally and completely anonymous compy post

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

(To ensure complete and uncompromised anonymity, Lezard actually went to the trouble of typing this while disembodied. How could he type without fingers? The same way a ghost could move objects, perhaps. Ask the videogame programmers. Alternatively, ask Homsar or the Sorting Hat.)


Who is the gayest man in this school? I have some questions for him.

Comments

Anon cause he totally doesn't want to deal with him

[12panelwonder.livejournal.com]

Kurama.

completely anonymous

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Anonymous

[crispydemon.livejournal.com]

That's true.

Sverige

[nordic-stoic.livejournal.com]

Some...purple thing.

completely anonymous

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

(Lezard had not learned how to copy and paste yet. He had to type out the same response all over again.)

7days

[sada-chan.livejournal.com]

Why, Gay-san, of course! But he's struggling with his identity.

specs_yagami

[papayagami.livejournal.com]

I AM NOT GAY!

totally anonymous

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

osterrich

[livingaustria.livejournal.com]

I would say France, since he is the embodiment of free love, and he does have gay Paris and he has slept with many of the other countries, but that does include all the female ones as well. He's only gay by majority, I suppose.

absolutely 100% anonymous

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

no1_baguette

[le-franceypants.livejournal.com]

Ah, how ironic! And here I was going to nominate you mon ami. Great minds, non?

appleoverlord

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

Teru Mikami, cause he has pretty hair and looks like a girl and totally has a crush on Light and is the . Oh, and I think I saw him kissing a boy once.

((He's lying. He never saw it))

BEOWULF

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

I KNOW THAT NAME. IT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR SACK JOE.

WHO DID HE KISS??!?!?!

triontimetraveler

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

Lezard Valeth, except he's so far in the closet he might as well be in the wall.

soooo anonymous

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

(While it irked Lezard mightily to write this, he had to follow through, lest he compromise his anonymity by a conspicuous omission.)

signed "Satisfied"

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

(Severus has figured out how to sign in anonymously)
Yukimura is the gayest man at Hogwarts. He is expert at making one feel comfortable, at encouraging desire, and at discretely fulfilling all one's needs and wishes. His masculinity ensures his gayness is supreme.

Albus Dumbledore

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

Your positive view of what some call an "alternative lifestyle" provides welcome and much-needed balance to this discussion.

Love is never silly or wrong. Love should not be mocked.

Anonymous

[best-guitarist.livejournal.com]

(Skwisgaar normally would have nominated any of his bandmates, just to be a dick, but instead answers honestly. Mostly.)

Vladimir Harkonnen, probably. And Austria.

(Having nothing better to add, he took a moment to 'draw' some ascii cock too.)

      .".".".
    (`       `)               _.-=-.
     '._.--.-;             .-`  -'  '.
    .-'`.o )  \           /  .-_.--'  `\
   `;---) \    ;         /  / ;' _-_.-' `
     `;"`  ;    \        ; .  .'   _-' \
      (    )    |        |  / .-.-'    -`
       '-.-'     \       | .' ` '.-'-\`
        /_./\_.|\_\      ;  ' .'-'.-.
        /         '-._    \` /  _;-,
       |         .-=-.;-._ \  -'-,
       \        /      `";`-`,-"`)
        \       \     '-- `\.\
         '.      '._ '-- '--'/
           `-._     `'----'`;
               `"""--.____,/
                      \\  \
                      // /`
                  ___// /__
                (`(`(---"-`)

Re: Anonymous

[livingaustria.livejournal.com]

That was for political reasons, damn it!

Gellert Grindelwald

[magismagus.livejournal.com]

As there has been no one yet to claim the title, I will proclaim myself the gayest man at Hogwarts. I am thoroughly and completely gay and have over a hundred years of exclusively male intimacy, love and desire to my credit. I should be pleased to address any queries you may have.

Ineffable

[rarebookangel.livejournal.com]

People have often described me as gay. Surely my penchant for rare books, collecting priceless nicknacks, and the fact that my closest friend/worst enemy in the world is another man has nothing to do with that.

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

Rat was online looking up cures for were-rattism, when he happened to read the message board.

You are.

Ah, immaturity.

appleoverlord

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

No, you are!

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

xoxo

[missprimavera.livejournal.com]

Who are they, and why should we care?

hahahahahahaahahahahahaa

[dood-cinnabon.livejournal.com]

vislor turlough or rubeus hagrid

triontimetraveler

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

Once I figure out who this is, I will hex you and then make you serve detention with someone you hate.

anonymous

[needsanewliver.livejournal.com]

(Nathan was all for trolling, and simply followed the above poster's lead, not even knowing it was Pickles.)

VISLOR TURLOUGH and RUBEUS HAGRID, obviously.

And clowns. Any clowns here? Cuz they're really gay. And evil. Fucking clowns, man. Fuck them.

You know I used to think Swedish guys were pretty gay, but turns out they're just weird. Them and Norweeg... Norwhe... Norwayians. Really fucking weird. Scandinavians, man. Think it's their snow diets that turn em weird?

Anonymous

[best-guitarist.livejournal.com]

((Approved by Nathan-mun.))

(Having watched Nathan typing that from the row behind him, Skwisgaar couldn't resist messing with him.)

Americans are more weirder. Did you know Nathan Explosion is in loves with Dr. Rockzo the rocks 'n' roll clown (he did cocaine)? You're all invited to the wedding!

George

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

(Steff could hardly resist the urge to troll. And if she got anyone into detention, well, that was hardly her problem.)

Gayest Men in Hogwarts:

• Vislor Turlough
  
• Rubeus Hagrid
  
• Teru Mikami
  
• Severus Snape
  
• Both the Hufflepuff prefects, neither of whose names I can be bothered remembering
  
• Your mom
  
• I'll show you how gay I am if you can find me. >:)

Anonymous

[best-guitarist.livejournal.com]

Pfft. That's just a list of people you'd like to fuck.

[hot-german.livejournal.com]

((How did I miss this?))

Dieter did not put himself down as the gayest man in the school, as he found the label restrictive. However, if it was information about sexuality or sex the anonymous poster was after, the tennis player was a font of knowledge.

I may be able to answer your questions. I can provide references or demonstrations if needed.

-Dieter Prohl, Ravenclaw (in the sauna!)

Dieter was, if anything, a helpful person.

Brokeback_Michael

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Upon seeing the anonymous post, Michael immediately typed in the following:



But just as he was about to post his reply, he realized that there was someone gayer than Toby -- gayer in a ~*~*gay*~*~ way, as opposed to just a gay way. So, he deleted what he wrote and typed in this:



Once again, however, just as he was about to post the reply, he stopped and deleted. The final reply was the following:

anonymous

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Lezard had begun to despair of finding anyone gayer than Kurama, whose prior acquaintance with Lezard made him ineligible as a guru of gayness. Michael Scott's post gave him fresh hope.

He answered promptly:



Lezard had decided that a good acronym for this diagnostic would be SAG. Self-Assessment of Gayness. If he typed it out, however, some narrow-minded cretin would surely insist on including an O, which would make it SAOG, considerably less catchy as acronyms went.