Transfiguration Class

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

Minerva knew that students rarely made it to class on time these days (if at all) and so she left the following instructions on the board:


Today we will be turning straw into cheese straws. Please take a handful of straw from the table back to your work space.

A wand is required for this class. If you do not own one, see me. I have loaner wands you may use for this class.

Once you have all your supplies in order, you may begin with the lesson. Take a single straw and set it on your desk away from anything else. Point your wand at it and say the incantation "Caseum verto" while envisioning the straw turning into cheese. Do NO say "CaseUS verto" lest you turn part of yourself into cheese.

Once you have succesfully tranfigured three straws, call for me to come inspect your work. Do not eat your materials until I have inspected them!

If you require additional assistant, raise your hand and I will come help you.

Comments

[wrinklesintime.livejournal.com]

Meg couldn't actually remember being early for a class ever, but today she actually did arrive promptly. Looking at the instructions, she gulped and approached the stern-looking (and very teacherish) woman at the front of the class.
"Um, hi, could I get a wand, please?"

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"Ah, you're very lucky to be one of the first here," Professor McGonagall replied as she opened a drawer, "You get the pick of the best wands. Here, take this willow and unicorn-hair one; it's nearly new."

[semper-fi-house.livejournal.com]

John House made it a point to always be punctual. Hence, he showed up to the Transfiguration class he'd signed up for, on the dot. Standing in the doorway, he looked around at the empty classroom. Apparently the rest of the school did not hold the same level of orderliness.

He entered the room and read the directions on the board, and then frowned. He went to the front of the room and picked up one of the straws and then cleared his throat, looking for the instructor.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"May I help you?," Professor McGonagall inquired.

[themickoftime.livejournal.com]

Callahan had acquired a wand from somewhere, and he arrived whistling cheerfully. He collected his materials and found a seat somewhere in the middle of the room.

[wright-phoenix.livejournal.com]

Phoenix has a wand! And he has the cheese straws!

Unfortunately for him, he didn't read the instructions that clearly. So, instead of saying caseum verto, he said caseus verto.

And he kept saying it while more of his hair turned to cheese.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

Minerva looked up to see one of her student blithely turning their hair into cheese. "Stop, stop STOP!," she shouted as she hurried across the room to Phoenix. "You man, you are saying the incantation wrong! Have you not noticed you are turning your hair to cheese?"

[ugly-imp.livejournal.com]

Tyrion shuffled into class, noticed that he was surprisingly early, and so settled for grabbing a handful of straw and meandering to the back of the classroom, in a corner conveniently near the door in case it became necessary to cut this educational period short.

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

Slartibartfast, having finished his lint solar system some time ago, had been spending most of his time attempting to work out plans to build a model of the Discworld, as shown him by Susan. He figured it was high time he actually studied something useful, and of course if Professor McGonagall was teaching it, so much the better.

He'd gotten a wand some time ago, but had only really used it for enchanting his model solar system. Transfiguration was going to be...interesting.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"Slarti!," Minerva exclaimed happily, "You came!"

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

Having managed to arrive as quietly as possible and situate himself in the very back of the class, House kicked his feet up onto the desk, completely unconcerned with that whole 'straw into cheese' business. He didn't really want to draw attention to himself - seeing as the last time he'd "met" Minerva, he and Sirius had recently unleashed chaos on the Hospital wing - but nonetheless, there would be some spitballing if House saw anybody he knew.

Drawing out a single Vicodin and placing it meticulously on the desk, House leaned back until his chair was in serious danger of tipping over, and tapped the handle of his cane thoughtfully. Wand-cane, really. Now he just had to figure out something interesting to turn it into.

[ugly-imp.livejournal.com]

Tyrion was relieved to see House and wandered over, dropping into a nearby chair. "Well, so this is class," he said conversationally.

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

Ofdensen looked at the instructions on the board.

"I have a question. Does enunciation or emphasis matter? I mean, would saying it one way turn it into cheddar, and another pepper jack?"

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"It all depends on the cheese you envision it becoming, young man. Though, for the sake of everyone else in the room, I ask that you refrain from turning the straw into Limburgher."

[makeminemayday.livejournal.com]

For once, May is on time - the staircases didn't give her a lot of trouble. Which is rare, and may be a bad sign.

Still, she's cautiously optimistic as she enters the classroom, carrying her wand, a couple books from the library and notebook left over from her original school supplies. There are already a number of students in the room already.

She can't help but smile as she reads the instructions on the board - what is it with the cheese fixation at Hogwarts? - and looks around for an empty desk. Preferably away from the poor guy who's just turned his hair to cheese.

[chas-macaulay.livejournal.com]

Charles ambled in five minutes after the appointed hour, read the blackboard and went to the teacher's desk. He cleared his throat nervously; he'd almost forgotten what it was like to have teachers other than Julian.

"Professor? I, ah, just got here a few weeks ago, with no money. Do you have a wand I can borrow for the class, or should I just take notes?"

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"I still have wands left. Here, take this one; it's rosewood and unicorn hair," she said, handing him the wand.

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Hodgins, despite being anti-authority in any form, was interested enough in the class to arrive early and find a seat near the front. He had his brand-new wand out, his notebook (which was mostly notes on insect development with doodles in the margin) open, and his clicky-pen stuck behind his ear.

There was much less instruction than he'd expected, though the instructor was somewhat in fitting with his mental picture. Much less green, though, and less warty.

So he grabbed his handful of straw and started fiddling with the incantation (written down in his notebook with several "WTF?!s and question marks around it), and managed, on his fourth try, to turn a handful of straws into a handful of cheese straws. Not very tasty cheese straws, but still. So as he chewed on one, he got bored. This was not a good thing.

Which was how, purely in the name of science, Hodgins ended up with a beard made of what tasted like asiago.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

Minerva hurried back across the room to yet another victim of cheese hair. "It's CaseUM not CaseUS verto, young man!" She pointed her wand at his beard and muttered, "Capillos verto," changing his beard back to normal.

[maid-brienne.livejournal.com]

Brienne managed to be relatively on time. She suspected this wasn't going to be her strong suit, but if the imp could do this... well, so could she.

She grabbed a handful of straw, and tried unsuccessfully to slink over to a random corner, frowning in concentration and nearly tripping over a desk as she tried to commit the words to memory.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Divination (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1258164.html?thread=64093620#t64093620) had been confusing--but fun, he had to admit--and Shaun just hoped he could manage Transfiguration without mucking it up horribly. He still felt silly using a bloody magic wand, and wondered if it might be possible to get a magic cricket bat instead.

[hot-german.livejournal.com]

Professor McGonagall had never answered his question about the dress code for this class, so Dieter wore something comfortable.

'Comfortable,' in this case, meant a fluffy white towel, with his wand tucked into it. The end of the wand stuck out in a rather suggestive manner.

[makeminemayday.livejournal.com]

May has found an open desk, and is setting up when she looks up to see the new arrival - and promptly drops her wand. The wand clatters harmlessly on the desk, and the straw scatters to the floor.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Laura arrived a few minutes late and breathless. "Sorry, Professor McGonagall - staircase got me," she apologized.

She read the instructions on the board and smiled. Piece of cake, really - she'd been practicing transfiguration on her own quite often, for one project or another. She took a handful of straw, scribbled the incantation down, and found a desk.

[sponge-girl-x.livejournal.com]

Rogue grabbed a handful of straw and found the seat furthest back and in the corner that she could find. As she had barely arrived on time, she ended up somewhere in the middle of the classroom. She wondered if her accent would be a problem--it wasn't as thick as it once was, but she was worried about accidentally tripping over the words and ending up with a block of cheese for a hand. She muttered them to herself a few times while not holding her wand, to get the feel for them, and then raised her hand tentatively.

[big-broomstick.livejournal.com]

Oliver was very disappointed to learn that today's lesson involved cheese straws. He consoled himself with the thought that if the Slytherin team couldn't be slimy, they could at least be tasty.

Despite his obsessive fixation with Quidditch, Oliver had done fairly well in his other classes at Hogwarts. He gathered up his supplies and went to an empty table. "Caseum verto", and that was that, three cheese straws on the table.

He raised his hand and waited for Professor McGonagall.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"Very good," she said, praising Oliver, "I would expect no less of you, Mr. Wood."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

As far as Steph was concerned, showing up to class on time meant showing up five seconds before the bell rang. So by her standards (and by the fact that there didn't seem to be a class bell), she was early.

She took the straws, and wrote down the spell, trying not to let her disappointment show. This was kind of a small step, after changing a tree into a chicken. And ketchup into orange soda. She practiced the Latin a few times, and then went for it.

Nothing blew up. Straw turned into cheese. For Stephanie Brown, resident screw-up, this was a fairly big deal. She tried not to look too gloat-y when she raised her hand.

[makeminemayday.livejournal.com]

There was something familiar about the blonde at the desk beside hers, but May was too distracted by the mess and the beefcake-in-a-towel that had just walked in to really dwell on that for now.

She did have enough sense to take another look at the instructions before pointing her wand at the straw and repeating the Latin, "Caseum verto!"

The straws turned yellow-orange - and then melted. May frowned, tentatively sticking a finger into the puddle and sniffing it, then taking a lick. Nacho cheese. Figured.

Okay, maybe she was still just a bit distracted.

She raised her hand, fairly certain she knew what had gone wrong, but it made sense to check with the professor first.

[328-and-329.livejournal.com]

"Is this the room?" A voice outside the room asked.
"Check it and see." Though a different tone, the same voice answered itself.

The classroom door opened slightly and a small head peeked inside.

"Umm, excuse me, is this the Transfiguration class?"

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"It is. Are you in need of a wand?"

[not-a-demon.livejournal.com]

Tara made sure to poke her head in the door first, just to make sure that she was actually in the right place. And indeed, there were a bunch of people sitting at the desks - and there were transfiguration instructions on the board. Brightening, Tara collected the equipment and hurried to a desk, pulling out her newly gotten wand as she did so.

She still felt a bit silly with a wand, and after settling it down on the desk, Tara tried to do the transfiguration wandless. After looking around a little hesitantly, just to see if anybody was watching, Tara held her hand over the straw and murmured the incantation. It kind of worked, although the straw had just turned into cheese and not a block of cheese. Nevertheless, reassured, Tara persisted.

[328-and-329.livejournal.com]

After Three-Two-Nine (and Three-Two-Eight) had received the wand and collected some straw for the task, she sat a desk.

She gave it try but, being utterly unfamiliar with it all, the most she had so far managed was to make the straw slightly off-yellow.

She looked over at the girl across from her and observed her.

"Umm, excuse me miss, how do you do this?"

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

"Okay, Doug," the poor little man was saying aloud to himself, eyes slanted in determination. "You can do this!" Why, yes, he did commonly speak out loud to himself in an attempt to calm himself down. Talking to yourself? Totally normal. Caseum verto. Wasn't that hard. Caseum verto. Caseum verto.

"VASEUM CERTO!"

Which, of course, was loosely translated to 'assured destruction', in extremely bad Latin terms. Doug's desk proceeded to burst into flames, catching his fanny pack with it, sending him screaming off into the depths of the classroom.

[notasmackhead.livejournal.com]

This, of course, was the moment that Charlie - looking fairly cheerful, if a little ill - walked into the class. Well. Kinda... half-ran into the class, since he was pretty late. Not that the classes were all that important. But he'd made a resolution that he was going to do more things in the castle that didn't involve heroin, so here he was, and here was a screaming fiery person.

He'd forgotten that this castle was Hogwarts, and that running smack-bang into a burning doctor was the kind of thing you really had to expect on a daily basis.

With an unmanly yelp, Charlie flailed. "Argh! Um! Fire! Stop drop and roll! Someone get Jack!"

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Robin was having some success with his borrowed wand. The first Caseum verto had resulted in a vaguely salty, viscous mess; but the second was more along the lines of goat cheese as far as consistency. Smell was another matter entirely. Robin made a face and tried again.

[metahemeralism.livejournal.com]

The thing about Bunny was, there was no filter of rationality to get in the way of magical achievement. To him, magic and science were equally incomprehensible, and therefore equally possible. Turn on the tap? Of course water comes out. Flip on the light switch? No nonsense about electrical current - the light goes on, that's all. Why worry about the details?

So when he raised his wand and pronounced Caseum verto, enunciating it beautifully because he'd been studying ancient languages since he was twelve, don't you know, the straw obediently transformed. Into more of a cheese cracker with a slight sesame overtone, it was true. But snack food for sure, and not bad with a martini.

He glanced around the room to see if anyone was watching and surreptitiously aimed his wand at Charles' shoe. "Caseum verto," he whispered, his attention seemingly elsewhere.

[last-akkadian.livejournal.com]

Oh, Mathayus had a wand. A very large wand. He pointed it at the straw on his desk and thundered, "CASEUM VERTO!", thus turning the straw, his desk, and the floor for some area around him into fondue.

Oops.

[themickoftime.livejournal.com]

Callahan was enjoying this class, mostly because he could think of a practical application for the skill of turning things into cheese, that being entertaining drunk people. He was a bit wistful that Jake and the Doc and Fast Eddie weren't here to appreciate his mad cheese-turning skills, but maybe they'd turn up eventually.

Hearing Mathayus's bellow, he looked up from his cheese straws, which were artfully arranged in a bouquet and, grinning, walked over, careful not to step in fondue. He appropriated a chair, straddled the back of it, and grinned at the larger man. "Well, that was enthusiastic," he observed. "And you might as well make the best of an awkward situation." He produced a hip flask, because Callahan without booze simply never happened and offered it over. "Care for a drink?"

[gillians-fury.livejournal.com]

Shyly Gillian raised her hand. "Excuse me, Professor? I'm not sure what I did..." She looked down at the pile of cheese straws on her desk, all of which were crackling with menacing, neon blue energy.

[wrinklesintime.livejournal.com]

Meg was still holding her now useless (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1302805.html?thread=66341141#t66341141) glasses, trying to get up the nerve to raise her hand when Gillian caught her eye. Or at least Meg thought that's who the other girl was. She carefully made her way over, staring at Gillian's progress. "I guess now would be a bad time to say hello," she offered dryly.