Transfiguration Class

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

Minerva knew that students rarely made it to class on time these days (if at all) and so she left the following instructions on the board:


Today we will be turning straw into cheese straws. Please take a handful of straw from the table back to your work space.

A wand is required for this class. If you do not own one, see me. I have loaner wands you may use for this class.

Once you have all your supplies in order, you may begin with the lesson. Take a single straw and set it on your desk away from anything else. Point your wand at it and say the incantation "Caseum verto" while envisioning the straw turning into cheese. Do NO say "CaseUS verto" lest you turn part of yourself into cheese.

Once you have succesfully tranfigured three straws, call for me to come inspect your work. Do not eat your materials until I have inspected them!

If you require additional assistant, raise your hand and I will come help you.

Comments

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"I suppose you've forgotten whose classroom you're in," Professor McGonagall said coldly, "You've got to the count of three to get to work before I sentence you to a night in the owlery."

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

A night in the owlry sounded like an acceptable fate for annoying a teacher. Affecting his most innocent face, House clasped his hands together and waited for three seconds to pass by. Once they were up, as soon as he predicted McGonagall was about to speak, House commented, "My, those funbags are looking especially perky today, Minerva. Underwire?"

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

Slartibartfast, overhearing that last, made his way over and looked down at House with a highly displeased expression. "Young man," he said severely, "that is, really that's no way to talk to, you know, to a lady."

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

Although House really had no idea who this guy was, he maintained his innocent expression, adding a side of condescension just for Slartibartfast. "Oh!" He feigned surprise. "I'm sorry, wasn't aware I was talking to a lady. That pinched expression and everything, I was just taking bets on whether she was actually an old man or not. It's hard to tell!"

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

Slartibartfast's eyebrows went up, and he fixed House with a glare that should have blistered paint--which looked very odd indeed, coming from a man in a giant furry coat. "No, I am an old man," he said sternly. "Do they, you know, do they not have manners where you're from?"

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

"Obviously," House replied flippantly to Slartibartfast's comment that he was an old man, and made a show of peering at his face in effort to determine how old he was. Hard to tell. "Where I come from? Hard to say," he said, mockingly dry. "Hard to believe that every country I've lived in had no manners. But New Jersey might not. Sometimes we run around naked and have sandwich fights. We do apologize afterwards, though. Does that count?"

((Reposted for typos))

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

Slartibartfast snorted before he could help it--he didn't know where this New Jersey place was, but if they had naked sandwich fights they sounded rather like a few of the planets his company had built. "Are you, you know, are you going to apologize to Professor McGonagall, young man?"

Hey, by Slarti's reckoning, House was just a kid.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I think he's past apologizing. I'm just trying to think of an appropriate punishment... Perhaps I ought to ask Agnes Nutter?"

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

Tapping his fingers impatiently on his knee, House shifted and craned his chair slightly further backwards. He did, however, scowl a bit at the mention of Nutter. God, he hated that woman. "Apologize for telling Minerva that her breasts look great? Since when do people have to say sorry for giving a compliments?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and acting as if he actually had been trying to be nice.

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

"I wouldn't, really I wouldn't call it polite to, you know, to say anything like that," he said, rather more severely. "Do you, I mean, do you know her well enough to, to say such things?" Slartibartfast might have come from a backwater planet that did almost nothing save build other planets, but even he realized House was being anything but complimentary.

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

"Oh sure," House replied dryly. "Me and McGonagall go way back, don't we, Minnie?" He favored her with a sunny smile, with an edge of mockery. "Do you remember that time that we scaled the Alps and drank that crazy hallucinogenic tea? Ah, good times."

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"Doctor House, might I remind you the best way to get out of a hole is to stop digging?," she asked in a warning tone.

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

"Is he always like this?" Slarti asked, somewhat amazed.

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

"You know, I could make a dirty joke about digging holes, especially since a common variation on that phrase is 'digging holes with your tongue'," House shrugged casually, clearly in no way repentant for being massively annoying. He was having fun.

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

That nearly made him choke. He'd heard a great deal of foul language--the engineers could curse with the best of them--but this was just...vulgar beyond belief.

"Young man, I did warn you." And, with only that for preamble, he smacked House upside the head. "Be civil or, or, you know, be quiet."

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

"Ow!" House glared heavily at Slartibartfast, one hand clutching the back of his head where he'd just been hit. "Christ, you're awfully defense of Minerva here. I don't see any wedding rings. Unrequited crush, maybe? One-night stand?"

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

He choked again. "I can't, you know, I can't come to a lady's defense without, ah, without ulterior motive?" Nevermind that he did (kind of) have ulterior motive; he was quite fond of Minerva, and nobody should talk to her like that. Grrr.

[tartan-pussy.livejournal.com]

"Just because Slarti here has a shred of honor- unlike some people here- doesn't mean that he is... fishing for something."