Application for Damien Thorn

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

Comments

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

...for an Antichrist, you're pretty dull. How many times are we supposed to listen to warmed-over LaVeyan rhetoric anyway?


Bitchiwitch.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Yes, my timing does seem to be extremely bad. Is there anything I can offer you to change your mind?

[redheadshizuka.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I like girl scout cookies! ^.^

I think you should be a Slytherin.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Would you like Thin Mints or something else? They had a lot of cookies.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

So be it. I shall have to meet this blond antichrist.

[teatimeassassin.livejournal.com]

Cookies, Girl Scouts, forgiveness...such boring, silly bribes. If you are as powerful as you insinuate, I would think that you would be capable of so much more. But you seem as though you could be useful, somehow.

Tell me about the powers of Hell. They sound as though they could be potent enough for me to Sort you into Hufflepuff.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

There's the fire and brimstone, naturally, but anyone can start a fire. The legions of demons are useful. Some powerful humans can learn to influence people and events around them. It would appear as if they have extremely good luck. These are really the only powers humans can harness. As for my favorite power, it would be making people think they are serving God, when they are really working for me.

[wannabe-red.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking Qanonreip, myself. Those bribes are totally uninteresting. Except for the Thin Mints.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

I've got loads of them. And Samoas, they're my personal favorite.

[teatimeassassin.livejournal.com]

Hufflepuff.

VOTE CHANGE

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

Hufflepuff.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I like your name - Damien's always been one of my favorite names for people of either gender, and your Ravenclaw answer was much more blunt than most people's.

On the downside, you're the second Antichrist here, which kinda rubs against my atheist principles and invalidates the first part of your bribe. Girl Scouts and their cookies aren't really top of my 'GIMME!' list either, unfortunately.

Tell me more about the artifacts? I have enough knives of my own and Biblical history just doesn't do it for me.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Most of these artifacts revolve around prophesies involving the second coming of Christ and the end of the world. If you aren't interested in the books, you probably won't be interested in them. I may have a few valuable vases and paintings in my country home, would you like me to look?

Slytherin

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

Judging from your occupations, you seem ambitious and connected enough to be in Slytherin. And I am happy to hear that you excel at throwing parties. I ache for the type of dinner-parties I once attended in Highbury. It is much harder to bend maidens to my will socialize here.

Re: Slytherin

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about the sad state of the social scene here. If I survive the sorting, we must try and fix that.

[csi-sara.livejournal.com]

Three jobs, and all of them executive type jobs? Very, very Slytherin.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear. May I ask you what your name is?

[alucard-tepes.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have much use for any of those things.

I wonder how you might feel about donating a little blood.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

I don't think you'll find my blood very useful. However...(leaves the room for a minute, comes back with a girl looking very dazed) I can offer you this.

[ninjaoftheramen.livejournal.com]

Can you give me the forgiveness of the people who scorned and disrespected me in the village of Konoha? That's the only forgiveness and respect I care about.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Tell me more about them. How's their moral standing?

[5000yearold.livejournal.com]

Your bribes do not interest me in the least. However, I'm tired of Squibbing people and you at least have a decent command of the language, so I'll sort you into...

Hufflepuff

You're not quite bad enough to hang with the psychopaths in Slytherin.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

That's quite alright. I think the people in Hufflepuff will better serve my purpose.

[not-a-goblin.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, it's the Antichrist.

Er. Slytherin. I have the strangest feeling that you would eat me or something if I Squibbed you on sheer religious principle; either way, I'm sure that the people in Slytherin House can deal with you.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

I would not eat you, although I can't say the same for my dogs. Thank you for your vote.

Slytherin

[vividtonks.livejournal.com]

You seem like a Slytherin to me.

Re: Slytherin

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear. That means a lot coming from a beautiful woman such as yourself.

[nemofound.livejournal.com]

You're scary, mister. *swims into anemone, whispers from there:*

But the Hat asked us to vote ... so, um ...

Well, I kinda know that the scary people are kinda supposed to go to Slytherin, but I met a couple of Slytherins who seemed really nice anyway. And they told me when I was being sorted that all the scary people who'd want to eat a little clownfish like me were in Hufflepuff.

So maybe you should go be with them.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thank you, little fish, and I promise that it won't be me who eats you.

[dr-john-watson.livejournal.com]

I think you would do quite well in Slytherin.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sir.

[lord-of-dragons.livejournal.com]

Once again, I find myself bored by bribes.

Unless you have a unique set of shuriken (http://www.tbotech.com/throwing-stars.htm).

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Interesting weapons, but no, I don't have any. Those who are bored with my bribes are usually creative enough to ask for something else my powers can give them. I could offer you money, but you don't seem like the type who would take that. My specialty is convincing people to kill themselves.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

Slytherin.

Big fan of your work over here. It's lovely to meet you and here's hoping you can keep your father's demons in line.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Pleased to meet you, Tom Riddle. I've heard a lot about you from my Father.

Vote - Slytherin

[lord-of-dragons.livejournal.com]

Slytherin, despite the lack of a bribe.

Re: Vote - Slytherin

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

You're a fucking imposter and a pathetic wanker besides.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Very well, then. The dogs have already attacked one person, but I'm sure they've got room for more.

(http://photobucket.com)

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

*goes slightly pale and looks very confused*
You're the...? But...
... You don't know anyone named Pepito, do you?

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name. My dogs are named Nero and Herod.

[catremistrae.livejournal.com]

You belong in Slytherin.

[don-voldie.livejournal.com]

Slytherin. If only because a few of the Slytherins seem rather intimidated by you. That and I like the suit.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

I'm rather amused. Some people are afraid of me, and others think I'm...full of shit, to use a vulgar turn of phrase. If you like my suit, I can recommend the tailor to you.

[ginevram.livejournal.com]

I thought I might have found you interesting, but unfortunately not.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

You have such a pretty face. It'll be a shame when it's eaten.

(http://photobucket.com)