Application for Damien Thorn

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

Comments

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Pleased to meet you, Tom Riddle. I've heard a lot about you from my Father.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

Also a big fan of his work. He tends to be more inclined toward the Muggles' choice of supreme evil whereas wizards are inclined more toward Dark Lords. At least they are in my world.

By your presence, I assume he's real and so do give him my condolences on the whole falling thing. That's never pleasant for anyone.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

No, it never really is pleasant. Honestly, if He'd succeeded the first time I wouldn't be here cleaning up his mess.

Your name came up quite a few times in conversation, and I always wondered what a mortal could do to make such a fuss in Hell. I would love to talk to you for a bit.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

Dear me, have I made such a fuss? It had never been my intention, really. I do tend to send a lot of souls your way. Mm, there's always the 'can't kill me' factor. *smirk* Either that or he just wants me rather badly and I keep eluding everyone. Fear of death thing and all that. I don't mind the fire and brimstone bits but in some criterias, you're dead and that's that. You don't get to do much of anything else. No fighting, no influencing, no existing.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

You don't get to do much of anything else. No fighting, no influencing, no existing.

You actually believe that? Oh, how you've been misinformed.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

Thus far, there's never been anyone around to tell me otherwise.

And now that you've opened up a few doors, would you mind telling me what will occur when I die? Aside from the maggots and all that.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

((Should be obvious, but any comments on religion are in character and do not reflect my personal beliefs.))

When you die, you will be taken up to our Holy Enemy to be judged. If you have spent your life following the sniveling Christ child, you will be condemned to Heaven. If you have walked down my Father's path, then you are in for quite a surprise. While your physical body is dead, don't discount the power that spirits hold over the living. Those weakling who called themselves "good" and "just" in life hold some power in death, and the truly wicked are also powerful.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

((*grin* Of course!))

Haven't bothered with any Muggle deities all my life, really. He tends to condemn a great many people, including those who participate in witchcraft so that's my species right out.

Powerful? That's...interesting. Ah, but then I don't care to waste my talents and the like pushing boulders up hills and such.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

((All we need is one ZOMG Religion!!!! to end up back on fandom_wank.))

Yes, there is the fine print.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

((My religion iz pasted on, yay!))

Yeah, that fine print is a bit worrisome. A pity the truly wicked couldn't be turned into demons or devils of their own right as you'd think they're the ones who would really appreciate the job and be all the more eager to please.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

((Excuse me while I go roll in the corner for a bit. X-D))

Well, that would almost be a reward, wouldn't it? We aren't too fond of handing those out in Hell.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

((Well, if they start wanking, I'm sure the Greek gods will set everyone straight!))

Hence why it would only be reserved for those of power and with the ability to be able to handle such a task. Nor for those who went to hell because they racked up hundreds of pounds on parking tickets or those that swiped candy from whinging brats.

If you're going to be evil, it's best to go all the way. Why settle for mediocrity?

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((But we only use our mod powers for IC smackdowns, really.

Greek gods know ALL about wanking. And having kids spring up from a session with Mrs. Palm and her five daughter.))

Because going all the way requires committing yourself to something and not everyone wants to be trapped like that? Some people like being in flux and moving back and forth over borders.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

((And that's not including the poor animals that get caught up in the mess.))

In the end, neither Heaven or Hell has much use for people who's alliances are so capricious.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((Or the corpses at the mercy of any 'hero' that takes a fancy to them.))

Oh, not alliances. Rather, a lack of them and a distaste for any type of label at all.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

((Sounds like a bad Mary Sue fic. ;) ))

Maybe, but it certainly is a great deal of fun. I mean if you have decided your own affiliations rather. Not if you swing back and forth between them. If you're set in your ways, why not go all the way?

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

But then there is the matter of paying for it all when you get into hell. I don't much like pain. I think that's what's stopping me from fully endorsing the whole hell concept.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Whether or not you believe in it doesn't mean it's not there. It's like closing your eyes and hoping no one else can see you.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Then what about the Greek and Norse gods here? If they exist, so do the Elysian Fields and the corresponding Norse equivalent. If there can be so many different versions of Paradise, Nirvana and the blackness of nothingness should exist as well.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

Heaven and Hell go by many names. I was just saying that if you don't believe in an afterlife, you might be in for a surprise at the end.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

If it's all the same Heaven and Hell with different names, then how do you explain away the different gods? Because each of them should logically reign over their own domain and their own worshippers.

And again, what about Nirvana? That's a lack of afterlife as an afterlife.

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

True, but then comes the entire debate of, if Hell is real, then would heaven also be real? And if so, then isn't that palace in the sky real? And what of the Mormons? Are they also correct? And now that there are Greek gods flocking about, is Mt. Olympus also real even though the faith in them has long since departed?

And if all of those things are real, then who's to say where one will or will not go in the end?

And oh, look, my eyes are crossed.

[damien-thorn.livejournal.com]

((This is a good question, and Damien will have an answer when I clean the cottage cheese out of my brain.))

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

((Take your time! I didn't know until after I had posted that Ryuuji said almost the exact same thing. Tom's been spending way too much time with him. ;) ))