HH_mirror

 Soris came through a small, wooden door, very, very confused. He had been going into the marketplace to sell a few things-- and upon walking out the front door to his home had ended up here.

"Shianni? Look, this isn't funny. Kallian?" His cousin was Warden-Commander and hero of Fereldan, sure, but for her to gather all these resources just to play a trick on him seemed unlike her.

"All right, this is too strange. Somebody needs to explain what's going on..."

And that's when he saw the parchment sitting on the desk in the middle of the room.

State your full name.
Soris looked a little nervous. “I, uh... Soris Tabris.”
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“Well, if we're really lucky, we can buy some of the nicer stuff from the Denerim marketplace. But, uh, we don't get lucky very often.”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“I'm not... I don't...” It actually takes a moment for the young elf to compose himself before he speaks again. “I don't do that anymore. If they hurt my family, though, I'd do it.”
3. What time is it where you are?
Soris glances about the room, looking out the window. “I think it's still morning. It's still kind of light out.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
“I wouldn't dare,” said Soris, visibly angry. “it's... a very sensitive subject. Ask the next question.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
“Uh... The, uh...” Soris ponders for a long while. “The Kidnapped Bridesmaid? Because it sounds witty in retrospect but was horrible at the time... Dear Maker, I'm not good at being witty.”
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“He should end up with someone he loves. I mean, I'm no theologian, but the Maker is very big on love.” Soris looked at his answer askance, praying that they would accept what he'd offered.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
“Well, try putting lots of stuff on the desk so that there's nowhere to put the paperwork,” the young elf offered hopefully. He was smart, for someone who hadn't been given much schooling outside of ancient elven history, reading, and combat training.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
“I, uh... I killed Vaughan Urien. I'm not really proud of it, but I killed him.” He paused. “I mean, my cousin was there, but I landed the final blow. She just sorta killed the other two guys. But it was Vaughan we were after!”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I, uh, I can give you these!” Soris pulled a small package out of his backpack-- his wedding clothes, which he had been planning to sell. “They're really nicely made. The whole alienage chipped in.”

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___Soris_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Soris___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___Soris___.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Soris___"