[identity profile] soris-tabris.livejournal.com
 Soris came through a small, wooden door, very, very confused. He had been going into the marketplace to sell a few things-- and upon walking out the front door to his home had ended up here.

"Shianni? Look, this isn't funny. Kallian?" His cousin was Warden-Commander and hero of Fereldan, sure, but for her to gather all these resources just to play a trick on him seemed unlike her.

"All right, this is too strange. Somebody needs to explain what's going on..."

And that's when he saw the parchment sitting on the desk in the middle of the room.

State your full name.
Soris looked a little nervous. “I, uh... Soris Tabris.”
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“Well, if we're really lucky, we can buy some of the nicer stuff from the Denerim marketplace. But, uh, we don't get lucky very often.”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“I'm not... I don't...” It actually takes a moment for the young elf to compose himself before he speaks again. “I don't do that anymore. If they hurt my family, though, I'd do it.”
3. What time is it where you are?
Soris glances about the room, looking out the window. “I think it's still morning. It's still kind of light out.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
“I wouldn't dare,” said Soris, visibly angry. “it's... a very sensitive subject. Ask the next question.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
“Uh... The, uh...” Soris ponders for a long while. “The Kidnapped Bridesmaid? Because it sounds witty in retrospect but was horrible at the time... Dear Maker, I'm not good at being witty.”
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“He should end up with someone he loves. I mean, I'm no theologian, but the Maker is very big on love.” Soris looked at his answer askance, praying that they would accept what he'd offered.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
“Well, try putting lots of stuff on the desk so that there's nowhere to put the paperwork,” the young elf offered hopefully. He was smart, for someone who hadn't been given much schooling outside of ancient elven history, reading, and combat training.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
“I, uh... I killed Vaughan Urien. I'm not really proud of it, but I killed him.” He paused. “I mean, my cousin was there, but I landed the final blow. She just sorta killed the other two guys. But it was Vaughan we were after!”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I, uh, I can give you these!” Soris pulled a small package out of his backpack-- his wedding clothes, which he had been planning to sell. “They're really nicely made. The whole alienage chipped in.”

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___Soris_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Soris___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___Soris___.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Soris___"
[identity profile] runaway-stark.livejournal.com
Since stealing Jaime Lannister's golden hand, Arya had spent more time than usual in her room in Gryffindor. Mostly she stared at it as it sat on a dusty low table, thinking. Starks were not good schemers, as a whole. Ideas for what to do with it had been thought up and considered, and eventually put aside. Put it in a privy somewhere? Well, he had killed Jory, and Heward, and Wyl. And probably lots of other people besides, along with the old mad king. But he had also said that he wanted to kill Queen Cersei, too, so... maybe not that, then.

At least, not unless he did something really horrid here.

At last, she decided on an appropriate punishment for being a Lannister who killed her father's men and broke oaths and probably did all sorts of other things besides, and set out to do so. Around Hogwarts, the golden hand appeared for short lengths of time, variously adorned, and hexed to fixtures, unable to be removed. Until, of course, Arya decided that it was time for it to move on again.

The hand appeared:
-Taped to a stick in the Great Hall. The stick is tied to a table and unable to be removed; a scrap of parchment with "FREE BACKSCRATCHER" scrawled on it lies next to it.
-Glued to a keyboard in the compy lab.
-Seeming to hold a big pink flower, wedged in a low fork in a tree close to the greenhouses.
-Being used to stir a pot of soup in the kitchens by an irritated-looking house elf.
-Covered in silver glitter in front of DETHTOWER.

((Arya will mostly be hanging around in the background and watching people gawk at the hand. If you want to interact with her, leave a note in the subject line! Otherwise she's just flaunting that Jaime has no hand.))
[identity profile] c-macaulay.livejournal.com
Rather a lot of people had come to the Winters' wedding. (Let's pretend, shall we, that Camilla actually sent out thank-you notes to those people who brought gifts? She surely would not have neglected it, lest Nana roll over in her grave; she should not be blamed for the laxity of her mun.) Believe it or not, most of them had been invited because Camilla liked them, or else because she felt obliged to them for one reason or another. As such, most of them qualified to be remembered at holiday time.

The following people were sent poinsettias with accompanying tasteful nonsectarian holiday cards:

Ned and Catelyn Stark
Simkin
John Preston
Jezz Jaelre
Dale Smither (because she was married to Charles, however briefly)
Jadzia Dax (because she’s Henry’s … friend? Fellow researcher? Camilla still isn’t sure.)
Chance Silvey (cf. Dax)
Stephen Maturin
Merlin
Deety Long
Bella Swan
Ron Weasley
Blair Waldorf
Dean Winchester
Stephanie Brown (whose poinsettia was accompanied by soap.)



Then there were people who merited a gift of some greater significance:


Charles Macaulay )
Francis Abernathy )
Richard Papen )
Selvetarm )
Shaun and Liz )
S.A.R.A.H. )
Susan Sto Helit )
Willow Rosenberg )
John Ryder )
Silas )
Yoda )
[identity profile] castleinthesnow.livejournal.com
It had occurred to Sansa after much careful thought, that she would prefer to be killed rather than ever wear the school's uniform. True, there didn't seem to be any requirement to wear House colors or uniform, but... if there was ever a requirement, Sansa would die of shame if she had to be seen in a skirt that short.

Besides, she needed a new project. Making a version of the uniform that she could actually wear would do well enough.

That was how Sansa ended up in an unused classroom with a pile of dark grey wool cloth and white cotton cloth, a pair of scissors, various threads and ribbons, and a pincushion full of pins and needles. She'd never made a dress for herself before, but the principles seemed simple enough. And who knew, she might have company.
[identity profile] spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com
((Spoilers for the first book of the Lady Penitent trilogy, and some mild ones for War of the Spider Queen))

Abyss take me? It already has… but where? )

He glanced around once more and waited. He was well used to that.
[identity profile] fatherofwolves.livejournal.com
(( WARNING: This will contain some major, major spoilers for A Song of Ice and Fire. If you're avoiding spoilers, don't read this RP.

Backdated to the time during which Robb Stark had gone missing from Hogwarts.))


Left and rights of passage / Black and whites of youth / Who can face the knowledge that the truth is not the truth? / Obsolete / Absolute )
[identity profile] chaotic-miles.livejournal.com
Miles returned to Hogwarts like a tornado on speed. It was really, really good to be back here. At least in Hogwarts, he didn't have to pretend to be the slightly psychotic space admiral or the dutiful young Barrayaran officer. He could just be Miles, because nobody here cared about who he was supposed to be on any given day.

There was a little bounce in his limping stride as he made his way toward Slytherin, whistling a popular Barrayaran folk tune. He didn't have any idea what his immediate plans were, except they involved food, sending an owl to Susan, and possibly looking for something to blow up. However, that was the future. Now, he was ripe for being bothered, should anyone wish.
[identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
The Sorting Hat had a new lease on life, thanks to the return of its abducted bride. In Virginia's absence, the Hat had fretted alone in the Hat House, leaving only grudgingly for the Sortings it must perform, and using the rest of its time for contemplation so emo as to be worthy of the most bespandexed Gryffindor. Had it a navel, it would have contemplated that.

After playing on repeat 20 times a compilation of wizarding musicians' covers of Morrissey's greatest hits, the Hat reached a conclusion.

It was meant to be alone. Everyone, everywhere, was meant to be alone. Marriage was a charade for little minds.

Of course the mass marriages had produced not a single duck waffle. How could such a tender and precious thing as a duck waffle be produced from the sterile and meaningless institution of marriage? The farce must end. Now.

The Hat had been waiting until Virginia came back safely to make any changes in school routine. Now that she was back, the time had come.

Movers came to take back all the tents and hot tubs -- they'd only been rentals. The rec center and boat ride remained, but El Mundo del Sombrero was no more. Its tenants were summarily evicted, herded back to their dorm room by the house elf phalanxes that had herded them to the village in the first place. It happened like this:

Three a.m. Knocks and scuffles and loud thumps audible from outside every tent, as the earth released the hot tubs under power of levitation spells. Lots of elves in strange uniforms directed the hot tubs elsewhere, back to the warehouse-of-holding where Rent-A-Village stored its goods. More elves stormed into the tents without warning and roused the sleepy residents, presenting them with the following eviction notice:


Congratulations! Your marriage is null and void! Consider yourself evicted. Your belongings are being moved to your former dorm rooms by house-elves and you are hereby commanded to report to the castle! Isn't that great?

There will be a welcome-back party tonight in the Great Hall! Be there!


Now things could get back to normal, with plenty of healthy debauchery and lack of attachment! A Welcome Back party was in order, for Virginia and for all the students!

Valentine took the return of his belongings (mostly consisting of his stolen, transfigured, and jury-rigged drug lab equipment) back to their proper places in Slytherin to be a sign that a celebration was coming. And what was a celebration without treats? He had no doubt that people were going to be going wild over the dissolution of their marriages, from the amount of complaining that he had overheard in his stay at El Mundo del Sombrero. He had to admit that he was hardly free from guilt in that regard.

And so, in a stunning display of philanthropy, he decided to be generous. One trip to the Hufflepuff food library and an hour and a half of charms, hexes, and injecting questionable substances into food later, he had a veritable feast prepared and ready to be delivered with an anonymous note of congratulations for the Hat. Hot Pockets of all flavors (including cactus-leaves, Bertie Botts' Every-Flavored Beans, and other such unusual fillings), punch with something vaguely fruit-like dissolving in it, jelly donuts... and all guaranteed to give the unwitting reveler who tried them a little surprise.

Excited, the Hat knew that this congratulatory note from a secret admirer confirmed the Hat's own glorious and benevolent wisdom. Everyone must surely appreciate everything the Hat did for them. The note was like a straw poll, showing the Hat's approval ratings were way up, not that approval mattered at all since the Hat didn't give a shit whether anyone was happy.

Stoned off of his ass and hallucinating colors that didn't exist, Valentine settled back to watch the mayhem. Life was grand.

((It's up to the player to chose whether they've gotten something drugged or charmed, and what result is visited upon them, just like a regular chocolate plot.))
[identity profile] damnrap.livejournal.com
((Another Hero? SAY IT AIN'T SO. :P Spoilers for the episode 'Unexpected', just to be safe. And approved by Sylar-mun. ^^)

...You're kidding. )

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. D.S.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. D.S.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. D.S.
One day, marmalade will rule the world."

Blink. Blink.

" ...D.S.?"
[identity profile] likeabadpenny.livejournal.com
(Permission given by the lovely fellow Heroes-muns. Spoiler Warning: Major spoilers for Heroes, including the finale!)

Are you the future or are you the past / Have you been chosen or are you the last / The pictures were sent they seem so unreal / Now I'm made of plastic, wire and steel./ Follow for now and follow for this / Cause everybody follows for nothing at all? / Supernova, your supernova.../ Supernova goes POP. )

I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______PP______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____PP______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____PP______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______PP_______
[identity profile] fatherofwolves.livejournal.com
(( Huge spoilers for A Game of Thrones, book one of A Song of Ice and Fire, lurk herein. Permission was granted by the ASOIAF muns. ))

I have made more mistakes than you can possibly imagine. )

(( "I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ES
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ES.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ES.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ES" ))

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