Application for Soris Tabris (Dragon Age: Origins)

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

 Soris came through a small, wooden door, very, very confused. He had been going into the marketplace to sell a few things-- and upon walking out the front door to his home had ended up here.

"Shianni? Look, this isn't funny. Kallian?" His cousin was Warden-Commander and hero of Fereldan, sure, but for her to gather all these resources just to play a trick on him seemed unlike her.

"All right, this is too strange. Somebody needs to explain what's going on..."

And that's when he saw the parchment sitting on the desk in the middle of the room.

State your full name.
Soris looked a little nervous. “I, uh... Soris Tabris.”
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“Well, if we're really lucky, we can buy some of the nicer stuff from the Denerim marketplace. But, uh, we don't get lucky very often.”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“I'm not... I don't...” It actually takes a moment for the young elf to compose himself before he speaks again. “I don't do that anymore. If they hurt my family, though, I'd do it.”
3. What time is it where you are?
Soris glances about the room, looking out the window. “I think it's still morning. It's still kind of light out.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
“I wouldn't dare,” said Soris, visibly angry. “it's... a very sensitive subject. Ask the next question.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
“Uh... The, uh...” Soris ponders for a long while. “The Kidnapped Bridesmaid? Because it sounds witty in retrospect but was horrible at the time... Dear Maker, I'm not good at being witty.”
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“He should end up with someone he loves. I mean, I'm no theologian, but the Maker is very big on love.” Soris looked at his answer askance, praying that they would accept what he'd offered.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
“Well, try putting lots of stuff on the desk so that there's nowhere to put the paperwork,” the young elf offered hopefully. He was smart, for someone who hadn't been given much schooling outside of ancient elven history, reading, and combat training.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
“I, uh... I killed Vaughan Urien. I'm not really proud of it, but I killed him.” He paused. “I mean, my cousin was there, but I landed the final blow. She just sorta killed the other two guys. But it was Vaughan we were after!”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I, uh, I can give you these!” Soris pulled a small package out of his backpack-- his wedding clothes, which he had been planning to sell. “They're really nicely made. The whole alienage chipped in.”

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___Soris_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Soris___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___Soris___.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Soris___"

Comments

[g-wormtongue.livejournal.com]

Elves. Grima was torn. On one hand, the new applicant was an elf. On the other, it was strangely comforting in this strange land of the Scots to see a species he recognized, a species that wasn't horrible and tentacled and green and prone to subjecting him to unwanted intimacies.

Also, this one seemed reasonable and intelligent enough.

"Greetings, newcomer to the land of the Scots. I regret I do not know the formal greetings of your people, but be assured you are most welcome to Castle Hogwarts.'

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Soris turned around to see who had spoken and, finding a human standing there, seemed a little apprehensive.

"Oh, uh. Hello. My name's Soris. I'm afraid we're not too formal, back in the alienage, but I'm hoping I can fit in here."

[g-wormtongue.livejournal.com]

"I am Grima, called Wormtongue." Yes, he was proud of the title. "But there is no need to be apprehensive. There are citizens of many worlds here. Indeed, I have seen other elves." There had been- Galadriel and Legolas, as well as Elric. "I am the Hat's appointed 'psychological expert'- a strange name that signifies counselor. Should you wish to discuss anything, I am here." He gave a small bow and smile. (Best counselor ever, amirite?)

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Many worlds? The Hat?" It was a little too much, all at once. "I'm sorry, you've lost me. Where am I?"

*sob-so late.*

[g-wormtongue.livejournal.com]

"You are in Castle Hogwarts, in the land of the Scots. Is there anything else you need to know?"

[pufnstuf.livejournal.com]

Pufnstuf entered the Sorting Room backwards, just for a change of pace. He spun around at the last moment and double-gunned Soris, his eyes spinning in opposite directions like the tassels on a talented stripper.

"Hi! You..." But the familiar phrase died a-borning. Because this creature did not look like Jimmy. At all.

Puf was deeply saddened by this unexpected turn of events.

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

There was some sort of... thing standing in front of him.

"Well, uh. My name's Soris. It's a pleasure to meet you." He extended a hand, hoping this thing wasn't hostile.

[pufnstuf.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. This would never do. Puf looked sourly at not-Jimmy's extended hand - which is to say that his expression changed not a jot. He ignored the gesture and reached out his arms for a hug.

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Soris paused. It... it wanted a hug.

Slowly, cautiously, he extended his arms in the same way, praying to the Maker that this thing wouldn't devour him or something like that.

Vote: Gryffindor!

[pufnstuf.livejournal.com]

A brave, brave soul this. Puf enfolds him tenderly, possibly lipping the top of the elf's head experimentally. Soris probably can't tell if it's deliberate or not: Puf's intentions are generally obscure, even to him.

It comes to Puf in a great, emotional rush: this must be Cling n' Clang, spliced together by Witchiepoo's evil machinations. Or rather, what he thought was, 'You look jes' like Cling n' Clang.'

Nary a word of his suspicions was spoke, though, lest it truly be Stupid Bat in a cunning disguise. Puf was wily like that.

Hugging procedure complete. He looked closely at Soris, pupils spinning clockwise for precisely .27 seconds before coming to a complete stop in the exact center of his eye and then slowly drifting in random directions. "You bring th' Rescue Racer? This place is jes' chock full o' folk needin' rescue." He began a stylised Bollywood interpretive dance. "I'm votin' Gryffindor, cos yer a brave couple of blobs."

Re: Vote: Gryffindor!

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

It became clear to Soris after the uncomfortably long hug that no matter what he said, the creature wasn't going to listen to any reason he could give about who he really was, or where he was really from.

"I, uh... I don't have a Rescue Racer," he said, eyeing the dancing... thing... "But the second I have one, I'll let you know."

[fatherofwolves.livejournal.com]

"Who was Vaughan Urien," rasped Eddard Stark, "and why did you kill him?"

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

This was unexpected.

"He was a cruel man. He kidnapped the bridesmaids at my wedding, raped my cousin Shianni, and was prepared to offer 40 gold pieces to have my cousin and I walk away." Soris looked angrily at the other man. "I did the world a favor."

[fatherofwolves.livejournal.com]

"An unjust man, to do such deeds. Was there no lawful justice to be had?" This question was very important, it would seem from Ned's scowl.

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Soris stared blankly at the man for a moment before recovering.

"Sorry. I don't know how it is out here in the land of-- wherever we are," he said, trying in vain to remember what Grima called Wormtongue had named the place, "but in Ferelden elves aren't all that important. The man I killed was a human-- and a lesser noble, at that. If my cousin and I hadn't stepped up, he would have gotten away with it consequence-free."

He took a step closer to the man, even though the other was taller than him. He wouldn't be intimidated that easily. "I fought because I had to, not because I wanted to. My cousin and I did what no one else would."

[engravedonsouls.livejournal.com]

An elf. Lenneth had not seen an elf in some time though she knew her body was at least half elf. She looked the young man over curiously before smiling gently. There was honor to be had in battle but not taking pleasure in it showed a good, kind heart.

"Doing something you're not proud of, and admitting it- most people wouldn't. It takes courage to go through with something they know they'd not be proud of."

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"I'm not so courageous, uh... miss. It was my cousin who led the charge. She's the real combatant."

He wasn't entirely sure who this newcomer was, but she was... well, stunning. She had the kind of grace only found in elves, at least in Ferelden, but in a mostly human form. He was starting to acclimate to the idea that he may, in fact, not be in Ferelden any more.

"But, uh. Thanks. I'm Soris," he said, stumbling over his words, forgetting that she had read his application, which had his name all over it.

[engravedonsouls.livejournal.com]

"Courage is not only to be found in the pursuit of combat. You did something you did not like out of necessity. I consider that courageous." She says this evenly.

She'd argue it was a gods grace but... well, it can be a little bit of everything at this point.

"A pleasure, Soris, I am Lenneth."

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Soris recovered rather quickly, standing up straight and extending a hand to Lenneth. "Well, thank you, Lenneth. I'm glad someone believes it."

[engravedonsouls.livejournal.com]

Lenneth smiles and shakes his hand politely. She actually not used to the gesture but at least she knows it.

"Could you tell me more about why you agreed to help kill him? Or is it too uncomfortable a subject?"

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"It's somewhat uncomfortable, though I'll tell you if you really want to know." He took a deep breath before launching into his story.

"My cousin and I were getting married. Not to each other, mind, it was a double wedding... Anyway. Vaughan showed up before the ceremony and roughed up some of the bridesmaids, though my cousin Shianni managed to get him taken out of the alienage." He neglected to mention that she had clubbed him with a glass bottle to do it, but that wasn't the important bit.

"He turned up with an armed guard during the ceremony and kidnapped all of the women in the wedding party. My cousin's fiance, Nelaros, and I stormed the estate to get them back... but we lost one of the bridesmaids. And Nelaros."

He noticed then that he had been clenching his teeth, every muscle in his body tightening as though he were preparing to go into combat all over again. "He... violated Shianni. So I took his head off."

Vote: Gryffindor

[engravedonsouls.livejournal.com]

Lenneth listened intently, taking in the details and the reaction Soris was having to the retelling of his story. She recognized his tensing muscles and the tightened jaw as one who was ready to fight but resisting leaping.

"You are an honorable young man and you protected the honor of your cousin. It pleases me greatly to vote you into Gryffindor house, Soris." Lenneth smiles and crosses her fist over her heart, bowing slightly.

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, Lenneth. I'm... honored. Hopefully I'll see you around."

He'd just gone and gotten himself angry. No one really wanted that, least of all him.

"I should-- I should stick around for the rest of the Sorting. You're welcome to, though it might be kinda boring."

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Hmm." Sokka leaned in and squinted at the offered clothes. While he'd been here long enough to get used to the weirdness and variety compared to the more familiar sights of home, these looked to be a new type of weird. And there was the whole pointy ear thing.

Guy was right, though, they were really nicely made. "So I know you're supposed to offer to give away all your worldly goods because of a threat on paper, but why this? Serious work went into this."

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Well... it's all I've got, really. After my fiancee Valora was... since she went missing, I figured my Uncle Cyrion and my cousins could maybe get some money out of it. Eat for another week."

He actually shrugged it off, like it was nothing-- and to him, it was.

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Well... yeah, but you don't say that! Offer to teach someone to do something, or something else useless like that that you don't have to give away. Family stuff is important." Even though it was warm here now, he wouldn't have given away his coat for anything. It meant home.

Also nobody had asked him to give anything away when he woke up covered in butter here. Which was good, because... what was he gonna do give away grease? He could have taught how to throw a boomerang, he supposed, but...

"Anyway, it won't do your family any good if you're giving it away for free here."

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"No, really. I have that, a backpack to carry it in, and the clothes I'm wearing. I suppose I could teach some ancient elven history. That or the little bit of swordplay I learned from my aunt Adaia." He looked a little uncomfortable. How was he going to help provide for his family now? What would they think, now that he was gone? Things were suddenly a lot more real to him.

"Do I even get to tell them where I am?"

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

Oh, great. Now he was making this guy feel bad, which made him feel bad. Sokka was a simple guy, compared to... okay, a lot of people that he knew, and as a rule he didn't like to go around deliberately making people feel worse about themselves. And if he was going to be completely honest with the elf-guy, nobody was going to be feeling exactly great any time soon. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Look, I'm really not trying to make you feel dumb or anything. I'm trying to help. You seem like a pretty decent person, and if that stuff means a lot to you or your family, I really wouldn't want to see someone take it from you just because they can. I've seen enough of that. Not here, now that I think about it, but... you know. Other places." He coughed. "Idon'tknowifyougettogohomeagain." He coughed again. It didn't hide the statement very well.

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not insulted, really. I could teach people some things, I'm sure--"

Wait.

Didn't get to go home?

"But... What about Kallian? About Shianni? I'm just... stuck here?" It was a little nerve-wracking, yes, but Soris' first instinct wasn't to be brave and put up with it. He was scared shitless, though he thought of what Kallian might do in this situation and took a deep breath.

"Maybe I can... Maybe I can find a way home. Or find some way to be useful here."

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. You say you're not insulted. I say I probably could have worded all that a lot better."

He shrugged, uncomfortably. "I don't know. There's a lot of people back home I'm worried about, too. My sister, my dad, Gran-Gran, my girlfriend, a lot of friends... just because the war's officially over doesn't mean that things are going to be safe for any of them. But you really can't let yourself worry about that or it'll drive you crazy. Just... I don't know, take things as they come here. It's easy most days. There's a guy here with weird ears (http://hogwarts-hocus.livejournal.com/1939570.html?thread=109145458#t109145458). Not like your ears," he rushed to add. "More like..." he stuck up a finger on each side of his head straight up and wiggled them, to show what he meant. "And he had a tail."

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

A tail? He sounded like the old stories his Uncle Cyrion used to tell him about Abominations. They were frightening, almost like people, but not quite. Warped, one could say.

"Hey, we'll figure something out, right? Just because we're here doesn't mean we're stuck. We can do this," he said, mostly reassuring himself, "and if not, well... we'll find some way to make do with the lives we have."

Vote: Gryffindor

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, that's the spirit," Sokka said, a lot more enthusiastically than he really felt, because Katara wasn't here to be optimistic and go-team-go and all that other stuff that he made fun of her for. "You just... go make a life! Here! In... Gryffindor. That's the kind of attitude we need there."

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Gryffindor? As in real griffons? I thought they were--"

Extinct? They were back home, sure, but this was different. Soris grinned.

"I'll be glad to join up with you. Hopefully we'll be able to do this place some good."

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Real what huh?" Sokka asked blankly.

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"I, uh. Sorry. Griffons only exist in fairy tales," he said, catching himself. "They're what the Grey Wardens rode into battle-- giant winged creatures that were part eagle and part lion." He stopped again. "Grey Wardens are legendary warriors, where I'm from. There's a lot of stuff that won't make much sense, I'm afraid," he said, pretty sure they weren't in Thedas any more.

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Oh, so like a lion vulture (http://avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Lion_Vulture), except eagle-er." He nodded in understanding. "Yeah, we have those back home. Except I've never seen anyone ride on them."

He shrugged. "I'm pretty sure a lot of stuff I say about where I come from wouldn't make sense to you, so we're even."

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Fine by me," Soris said, grinning. "So... what's there to do around here? I expect after this Sorting's over I'll need some way to occupy my time."

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Well, there's, uh..." Sokka thought back on what he'd been doing during his time here. "There's parties sometimes. With lots of food. Really good food." He looked dreamy for a minute. "And I heard something about classes but eh. I've never been to any."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Though Robin was somewhat taken aback by the young man's appearance, his face reflected nothing but kindness. "Welcome to Hogwarts, my young friend. You seem surprised to find yourself here - it is sometimes thus, and can be unsettling, I know. Ease your mind - all find a place here in time." He reached for the young man's hand, intending to clasp his wrist. "I am Robin of Loxley. Your answers to question number 2 and the Hufflepuff question seem to be connected. How did this Vaughan Urien hurt your family?"

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Soris took the man's hand, trying not to let the rush of memories overwhelm him. "He did far too much. Kidnapping, rape, murder, assault... I don't like to think about it, much." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's just very fresh in my mind, you know? I don't regret that he's dead. I just regret that so much had to happen to us to make it that way."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"I am the hat you wish your hat could smell like. WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING A HAT?" demanded the Sorting Hat.

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Think, Soris! There's a talking hat, sitting right in front of you, shouting at you. Say something smart and not at all cowardly!

"BECAUSE I HAVE YET TO FIND ONE THAT WORKS WITH MY EARS WHY ARE WE YELLING," shouted the young elf in reply. One good thing about Soris was that, since the incident at his wedding, he was pretty good at coping with things as they came up.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"WE ARE YELLING BECAUSE HATS ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. Booyah," the Hat concluded. "Since you do not dispute this point, there is only one course of action to be taken. You must find or commission a hat for yourself which accommodates your ears and flatters the shape of your face!"

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

"Ah," said Soris, trying very hard to be clever, "but I'm not a hat expert. After all, if I don't have a hat now, when will I ever find the right one by myself? Surely somehat as wise as yourself would know more than me?"

O ho, he thought, that was close. I just hope it works.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat had other ideas. Blingy ideas.

"We have a fashionista right here at Hogwarts. Her name is Rarity and she has a boutique in Sparklypoo House. You must consult her, and you must wear the stylish hat I'm sure she can create for you!"

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

Soris had a slew of curses that he wanted to fling at the floating... hat... thing, but instead he smiled politely and bowed. "Of course. I'd be more than happy to."

He wondered briefly if some crazed mage could wander by and blow this place to the Maker, giving him time to escape, of course, but gave up on that hope rather quickly. That would just be stupid.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"It's so pleasant to meet a new student who is so reasonable!" The Hat giggled. "This way, I don't have to bother sending house elves with cattle prods to make you go get a nice hat! Off with you, now, into the exciting new world of millinery! Oh, and also Hogwarts."

Gryffindor!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Gryffindor!