Staff Meeting

[kahnooloo.livejournal.com]

Cheese and crackers, pumpkin pasties, cauldron cakes, and pies and tarts of at least a dozen varieties were laid out by house-elves along the sides of the Staff Room. And when all the staff had assembled in the chairs provided (a short chair was even provided for the Easter Bunny), Kahnooloo leapt up onto a desk at the front of the classroom and began to speak.

"Hey, kah ay-ay u-nye! Kah mee-mee noo-loo wah!" [Hey, I see you! I'm very happy!] Kahnooloo wanted to give everyone a warm welcome! "Kah a-tay!" [I'm hungry!] And that was pretty much all she cared about, so she leapt off the desk and, after stopping in front of Dumbledore and staring for a moment (apparently, that was his cue to speak), she trotted off to the back of the room in search of some biscuits.

Dressed in his snazziest purple robes and hat for the occasion, Albus rose and bowed to the assembled faculty and staff.

"Greetings. Some of you may know me; most will not, unless you are partial to chocolate frogs. I am Albus Dumbledore, once a professor at Hogwarts and then its headmaster, now a professor emeritus.

"You may all have seen a curious green symbol floating above the castle some time ago. I expect most of you will have taken it for a sadly unimpressive fireworks display. In fact, it was the sign of a dark wizard who briefly surfaced among us before popcornhood reclaimed him. His kernel is indistinguishable from the others, and indestructible as they are. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to prepare our students in the event they must defend themselves.

"Many of our students have not so much as attended a single class -- have not so much as bought a wand, the sine qua non of magical study at Hogwarts. I encourage you all to hold classes when you can. I also understand that certain staff practices have been known to unduly alarm our students. Let me reiterate, on behalf of the Board of Governors, with whom I do still have some nodding acquaintance, that corporal punishment is not a Hogwarts policy and will not be permitted." A significant look in the direction of the caretaker.

"As for equipment, I have arranged what some might call a little 'field trip': on Friday the 8th of June, the merchants of Diagon Alley will be expecting the Hogwarts population to descend upon their shops, for the purchase of wands, textbooks, and uniforms, this to be funded by a certain account the Sorting Hat has been stashing away.

"The travel will be done by Portkey. While the students are at Diagon Alley, however, we will need staff chaperones. I am placing a sign-up sheet on this podium, and I strongly encourage you to consider chaperoning. If nothing else, it will be a pleasant outing at the school's expense.

"That is all I have to say! If the Headmistress agrees, let the snacking commence!"

And from the back of the room, Kahnooloo gave an agreeable squawk. "Noh-lah! Dah doo-ay wah!" [It's party time! Big fun!]

((It's a free-for-all, so knock yourselves out! Also, if profs see fit to invite their TAs, the TAs are welcome too.))