https://damien-thorn.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] damien-thorn.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hh_mirror2006-02-11 06:23 pm

Application for Damien Thorn


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The cheddar from Thorn Industries, of course! We use only the best soy in our food products.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill anyone. However, it would be a terrible misfortune if my dog was to get loose in the vicinity of either of them. I believe he would go after Carrottop first.

3. What time is it where you are?
6:24, if you must know. I do not care for people who have to rely on others to know what is going on around them.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harassment is so...crass. I prefer to think of it as enjoying darker forms of human desires. n Pleasure and pain are truly one in sex. Why would I deny this exquisite form of torture to any member of the Order?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Crown of Thorns.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry should marry Fred and keep George as his lover. When he gets bored with the arrangement, he can swap them out.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You keep putting paper on the desk, obviously.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I am the CEO of a global corporation, an Ambassador, and the Antichrist. I can control animals and the weak minded with the strength of my will. The powers of Hell are at my command. I also throw fantastic parties.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could offer you your deepest, darkest fantasies and perversions, but I see that has already been done. I strive to be unique, so instead I offer you forgiveness. Your sins are no longer marks on your soul, but instead are glorious praises to my Father. When I take over Heaven, Hell, and Earth, you shall be rewarded for your crimes. For what man's virtues outweigh his sins?

If THAT doesn't work, I ran across a Girl Scout troop this afternoon. You can have the Girl Scouts or the cookies, I don't care which.

If I may, I'd like to offer a few more items to my bribe. I have a small collection of knives, a few extremly rare artifacts, and several antique books on Biblical history.

[identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
...for an Antichrist, you're pretty dull. How many times are we supposed to listen to warmed-over LaVeyan rhetoric anyway?


Bitchiwitch.

[identity profile] redheadshizuka.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
Ooh, I like girl scout cookies! ^.^

I think you should be a Slytherin.
(deleted comment) (Show 58 comments)

[identity profile] teatimeassassin.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Cookies, Girl Scouts, forgiveness...such boring, silly bribes. If you are as powerful as you insinuate, I would think that you would be capable of so much more. But you seem as though you could be useful, somehow.

Tell me about the powers of Hell. They sound as though they could be potent enough for me to Sort you into Hufflepuff.

[identity profile] wannabe-red.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
I'm thinking Qanonreip, myself. Those bribes are totally uninteresting. Except for the Thin Mints.

[identity profile] teatimeassassin.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
Hufflepuff.

VOTE CHANGE

[identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
Hufflepuff.

[identity profile] dice-addict.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
I like your name - Damien's always been one of my favorite names for people of either gender, and your Ravenclaw answer was much more blunt than most people's.

On the downside, you're the second Antichrist here, which kinda rubs against my atheist principles and invalidates the first part of your bribe. Girl Scouts and their cookies aren't really top of my 'GIMME!' list either, unfortunately.

Tell me more about the artifacts? I have enough knives of my own and Biblical history just doesn't do it for me.

Slytherin

[identity profile] ewoodhouse.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
Judging from your occupations, you seem ambitious and connected enough to be in Slytherin. And I am happy to hear that you excel at throwing parties. I ache for the type of dinner-parties I once attended in Highbury. It is much harder to bend maidens to my will socialize here.

[identity profile] csi-sara.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
Three jobs, and all of them executive type jobs? Very, very Slytherin.

[identity profile] alucard-tepes.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
I wouldn't have much use for any of those things.

I wonder how you might feel about donating a little blood.

[identity profile] ninjaoftheramen.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 06:11 am (UTC)(link)
Can you give me the forgiveness of the people who scorned and disrespected me in the village of Konoha? That's the only forgiveness and respect I care about.

[identity profile] 5000yearold.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 07:24 am (UTC)(link)
Your bribes do not interest me in the least. However, I'm tired of Squibbing people and you at least have a decent command of the language, so I'll sort you into...

Hufflepuff

You're not quite bad enough to hang with the psychopaths in Slytherin.

[identity profile] not-a-goblin.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 08:04 am (UTC)(link)
Oh my God, it's the Antichrist.

Er. Slytherin. I have the strangest feeling that you would eat me or something if I Squibbed you on sheer religious principle; either way, I'm sure that the people in Slytherin House can deal with you.

Slytherin

[identity profile] vividtonks.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 08:34 am (UTC)(link)
You seem like a Slytherin to me.

[identity profile] nemofound.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 09:01 am (UTC)(link)
You're scary, mister. *swims into anemone, whispers from there:*

But the Hat asked us to vote ... so, um ...

Well, I kinda know that the scary people are kinda supposed to go to Slytherin, but I met a couple of Slytherins who seemed really nice anyway. And they told me when I was being sorted that all the scary people who'd want to eat a little clownfish like me were in Hufflepuff.

So maybe you should go be with them.

[identity profile] dr-john-watson.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
I think you would do quite well in Slytherin.

[identity profile] lord-of-dragons.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 07:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Once again, I find myself bored by bribes.

Unless you have a unique set of shuriken (http://www.tbotech.com/throwing-stars.htm).

[identity profile] basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 09:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Slytherin.

Big fan of your work over here. It's lovely to meet you and here's hoping you can keep your father's demons in line.

Vote - Slytherin

[identity profile] lord-of-dragons.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Slytherin, despite the lack of a bribe.

[identity profile] anthony-crowley.livejournal.com 2006-02-12 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)
You're a fucking imposter and a pathetic wanker besides.

Image

[identity profile] squeegeetodd.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
*goes slightly pale and looks very confused*
You're the...? But...
... You don't know anyone named Pepito, do you?

[identity profile] catremistrae.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
You belong in Slytherin.

[identity profile] don-voldie.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
Slytherin. If only because a few of the Slytherins seem rather intimidated by you. That and I like the suit.

[identity profile] ginevram.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
I thought I might have found you interesting, but unfortunately not.

Image

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