Christmas Trollery in the Compy Lab!

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Oh, you humans. So much fuss over a basic feature of your own planet's orbit. A simple little solstice and everyone has a gaudy holiday full of enormous meals, family drama, and decorations everywhere.

Pssst: Spring will come even if you don't throw endless parties. And that won't be a gift from some magical sky fairy either.

I found a fun tradition, though. Somewhere in the school I've hidden a life-size caganer. It's got a few enchantments that might make it easier to find.

There might be a prize involved.

Comments

[thefuturemrpond.livejournal.com]

...you didn't.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

It's a beloved tradition in part of Spain! I'm showing Christmas spirit.

[thefuturemrpond.livejournal.com]

I know what it is. I don't want to know how you've made it "easier to find".

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Life-sized, for one. And perhaps a little more realistic in other ways.

[thefuturemrpond.livejournal.com]

...of course.

You've probably made an enemy of the house elves, you realise.

[i-am-harkonnen.livejournal.com]

As the Baron tended to spend the majority of his time within the apartments he now shared with Valentine Wolfe, it was not the caganer that caught his attention. Ensconced in the luxury of his magically altered surroundings, which now resembled some vaguely psychedelic blend of Giedi Prime and Golgolthan interior design, it was easy to miss such tasteless disruptions. The holidays weren't at the front of his mind, either, being meaningless to him personally- he had of course taken advantage of the opportunity to arrange a little something for Lord Wolfe, but didn't see much point to the holiday than a good excuse for some presents.

It was actually the compy that caught his notice- naturally, Vladimir had berated house-elves into 'requisitioning' a compy lab computer for his rooms. Muggle Studies required this somehow, after all, being a matter of 'efficiency'. He was relaxing while Valentine was off concocting something-or-other of a wonderful, mind-altering nature, and wondering how his day might be made a bit more interesting when a green flicker upon the silver, white-dusted tray he was just lifting his head from alerted him to the new post.

On the whole, he actually agreed with the sentiments of the letter- Earth did make quite a fuss about its planetary features, when they weren't even all that great. Sure, the planet produced a few interesting substances, and would probably be worth a bit, but orbits were hardly worth celebrating. As far as he was concerned, every day was a day for enormous meals, family drama, and lavish decor- as long as this decor was decidedly lacking in insipid green-red-and-white, sparkly, low-budget rubbish. The only sort of snowy decor he wanted around was the dust on the silver tray. He didn't know what a caganer was, and he didn't actually care, and as far as he was concerned, people could enjoy their little game. But, he was feeling bored. Bored and fantastic, as the paraphernalia scattered about the tray suggested.

Username: Baron Vladimir Harkonnen (The Baron had figured out usernames at this point, but, failed to see the use of them. He would troll in his own name.))

And what precisely is the issue with parties and family drama? You sound exceedingly dull. What are families good for, if not for drama? They're good for a few other things, it's true, but it's all drama in the end.

Did you receive permission from the school administration to orchestrate this contest? I was not informed of any 'caganer' event. Is this object dangerous? If so, how dangerous is it, exactly?

Naturally, the Baron hoped the answer to the last two pointless queries would be 'yes' and 'extremely'. Things were always more amusing that way.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Family drama is tedious. Besides, my planet and my family with it are destroyed, and what good is drama when you don't have a stake in it? I'm not against parties, but not when they center around badly cooked turkey and tacky little Christmas crackers.

The worst the caganer might do is a bit of temporary olfactory unpleasantness. I have some more exciting toys, but they're tucked away for now. A certain someone might object if I maimed anyone over Christmas.

[i-am-harkonnen.livejournal.com]

A response! Wonderful. . . apparently the Baron's desire for an immediate spot of entertainment was to be fulfilled.

Families are always tedious. That's mostly what they're for, aside from political maneuverings. Or less speakable things, if you were the Baron's pretty young nephew. A bit of tedium is good for a man, besides. Keeps you alert. How do expect to stay alert without a potential knife in the back? Complacency breeds bad habits.

If you have issue with parties involving badly cooked turkey and insipid little toys, wouldn't it be more constructive to hold your own, better party, and show them how it's done?

Now, if understand right- you have placed an unpleasantly scented object in the school hallways and organized an event about it, -without- obtaining the requisite permission. Shame, shame. I'm pretty sure that's against the rules. It's buried rather deep in the book, but, I'm sure I could find it somewhere. And this unpleasantly scented object won't even maim anyone? How dissappointing. You really are no fun, aren't you?

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Knives? How deliciously primitive. Still, atavistic methods can be deeply satisfying. And the complacent are too dull to count as a real target.


You know that I claim to have done so. But you have no proof. I could easily be lying, and there could be nothing at all hidden.I've had a lot of experience with schools and their rules.

[i-am-harkonnen.livejournal.com]

Primitive but personal. The complacent are dull, this is true. But does this really matter? The target of many knives is not actually where they end up embedded, but, somewhere more subtle. The body it's lodged in is merely a lock which needed turning, and the knife a key. Or the garrote, or the lasgun, or the hunter-seeker's poison, or whatever's playing the knife at the time.

What's this about a lack of proof? Does it matter? It seems like a very trivial detail, one that's never gotten in my way. No one here's going to bother with an inquiry into the matter, that's easy enough to observe. And you've already posted a public admission to this foul-scented caga. . .whatever it is. I don't actually care what it is. I'm still disappointed about its lack of injurious potential. But, you do know that school administrators read these compy posts, yes?


After pressing send, the Baron dispatched his house-elf Mopsy to find out just what a caganer was, and if one was present in the school. He might not care, but, the Baron liked his information. Even boring information. Occasionally it had uses that were far from boring.

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Come on, get into the spirit of Christmas!

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Seeing as my last eventful Christmas involved a semi-botched resurrection, a kidnapping, subversion of the planet's population, and the narrowly averted destruction of the universe, that might be a bit tiring.

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's appropriate to joke about things like that, but I'm glad you're trying to make jokes and be merry!

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

What, you don't remember Christmas of '09? I never did find out how you monkeys tried to explain that away, but it was fun being every person on the planet. Even if it didn't last.

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Wait, how could you have been me, without my knowing it? Is that why Rio thought I was acting funny?!

[tenofgallifrey.livejournal.com]

Sky fairy? [He's amused, he can't help it.] Look at you, getting into the spirit. And a caganer? i can't believe you thought of this.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Sky fairy, god in a chariot, giant dung beetle, whatever.

I thought you might appreciate the caganer, seeing as it's non-lethal and Earth-authentic.

[tenofgallifrey.livejournal.com]

It's charming, really. [He smirks]

Happy Christmas.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Hey, I know more about Earth culture than you think. Never know when you might be popping up.


Bah, Christmas. I bet this place has a bigger spread than the Naismiths'.

[tenofgallifrey.livejournal.com]

[The Doctor makes a face upon being reminded of their last holiday together.]

Yes, I suppose it does.

[obsessed-asajj.livejournal.com]

Please tell me that whatever this thing is, it has been rigged with explosives. Holidays are so much more entertaining with a few fireworks, after all.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

I could hide explosives elsewhere for you if you'd like. I'm fairly good at them, actually.

[obsessed-asajj.livejournal.com]

How kind. I believe that I can take care of my own. It pays to be the one to know where the thermal detonaters are hidden.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Thermal? Quite clever, but there are some significant weak spots.

I had rather a taste for motion-sensitive detonators at one point.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

"Or you could show me after," he said with a grin, shooting the device he'd built a quick glance.