Setting up your razor-wire shrine (Closed RP: River and Stephen Maturin)

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

River was silent as she led Stephen into their bedroom, not looking at him. "Get undressed and lie down on the bed." Her voice was empty of everything but the words. She ignored him and went to get the barbed wire--- this time remembering to set the ward on it, the same one that they used on the scalpel.


((OOC: Angst. Blood-play. Bondage. Punishment. Barbed wire....

... in other words, business as usual. R+ for all of the above.))

Comments

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

If it had not been for the secrets board, she would have read it sooner or later in his mind. At least she had not decided she wanted nothing more to do with him. She was willing to ... make him pay for it. That was worth something. That was worth a lot.

He did as she instructed and waited silently to find out what the cost would be.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

She still didn't look in his eyes as she came back, holding the barbed wire carefully, easily. "Lie down on the bed--- spread-eagled--- stretch out."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

He complied immediately. There was, after all, no alternative. He remained silent; he knew he was not to speak unless instructed to do so.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

She tied him to the bed, touching him as little as possible--- walking around the outside of the four-poster to do it: fastening him to the bed at wrists and ankles with the wire, tied carefully so that it only just pierced the skin, as long as he didn't move. Finally she came back around and--- the gentlest she'd been so far--- opened his jaw with one hand and slipped a piece of barbed wire into his mouth--- just laying it lightly inside; with his hands tied it would be difficult for him to remove it without cutting himself anyway.

Then she walked away, took the chair from the desk and brought it over to the side of the bed, and sat down.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen wondered vaguely what she intended, or if there were any intent at all; if she were improvising, making it up as she went along; not that it made any difference in the end.

The spikes of wire against his skin made him tense, holding limbs and tongue carefully still. He watched her retrieve the chair and sit.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

River picked up on his thoughts, and decided she could use that. The point, after all, wasn’t so much punishment as... reconditioning.

“Anything?” she asked softly. “Even make yourself stop thinking like that? That you want to lock me up?”

She got up and padded over to the bedpost to which she’d secured his right wrist. “It’s so crude, anyway. Locking me up, putting me in a chastity belt. So... unsophisticated. When you’ve already got me code-keyed to you, just you. Encoded... me... encoded what I want so that you’re the only one who can decrypt the cipher. When you’ve got something like that you don’t have to lock it up; you can leave it lying around in the open. Locking it up only makes people think it’s something you don’t want them getting at--- if they’re going to try that just tells them where to look. You were so worried about that with the shinigami--- can’t you see, you’ve already got a lock on... me? You’re the only one who can excite me, the only one I can even think about wanting. I could be dancing naked in a room of strangers and you’re the only one who could have me--- don’t you see that? I’m already coded to you; locking me--- my body--- up in a room... that’s just inelegant.

“It’s another reason I can’t stand the thought of a chastity belt--- or being locked up--- either: because I want you all the time. Don’t want anything getting in the way of having you, whenever I want, as much as I want. Even you. That’s why your drugs made me so crazy--- that, and I was scared for you. But I didn’t like it because I couldn’t have you, because you got away from me that way, and that drove me crazy. Crazier. And I know it’s your right not to want me all the time, but I don’t care. I want to be able to rub up against you and feel you against my skin, and even if you’re not in the mood I can climax that way--- and I don’t want anything stopping me from doing that whenever I want. That’s one of the reasons I can’t stand the thought of you locking me up. Because then I’d have to spend more time away from you. Couldn’t come find you, or follow you. We’d spend more time apart, not less. Unless you wanted to be locked up with me, all the time.”

...which actually had possibilities. She found she didn’t mind so much the idea of locking the door and throwing away the key as long as they were on the same side of the door. And especially as long as she had jurisdiction over the barbed wire. "I'd let you do it," she said softly, "if you were locked in here with me. If that's what you wanted--- to lock us both up together forever. It'd mean giving things up--- even things with you--- making love in the lake together, or outside on the grass under the stars--- so many things--- but if you're locked in with me then I could... do that. As long as you made the same sacrifices I did. As long as I had you, all to myself, all for myself, as much as I wanted of you."

She tilted her head. “I’ll even give you something, if you can get that out of your head--- stop wanting to lock me up. If I know I can trust you, if I can see in your mind that you don’t want that anymore... then I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Let you tie me to the bed--- chain me if you want--- and do whatever you want. For... say... a day. I think I can go without water that long without it being a problem. So... twenty-four hours. Anything you want--- pleasure me, hurt me, anything you’ve been thinking about, as long as you can put me back together afterward--- as much as I was beforehand, anyway. And as long as you didn’t leave the whole time--- as long as I could read you and know you were there, even if I couldn’t see you.

“That’s your reward. If you can stop wanting to... lock me up. Hold me prisoner. When I know you’re not thinking about that anymore... then you can have me.”

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen wanted River to be free and happy. The idea of making her unhappy was intolerable. The idea of keeping her chained without access to water for twenty-four hours was also not particularly appealing.

Why would I want that?

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

She tilted her head. "It was a thought. I'm not saying you couldn't let me up sooner, if that's what you wanted, just that I'd let you do anything you wanted....

"...and you're confusing me now. Because you wanted to lock me up... but... you don't?" She frowned down at him, leaning against the bedpost, her arms folded over her chest. "What exactly do you want?"

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

He would rather be unhappy himself than make her unhappy.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

I cannot very well lock you up and leave you here when I can hardly tear myself away from you as it is.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

"...all right." She went around and unfastened his feet, then his hands, then stepped away from the bed.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen removed the wire from his mouth himself when his hands were free. He stretched once, looked at River, seeing she had stepped away from the bed -- wondered whether that was a shadow of uncertainty he saw? At once he was up and almost crushing her against him, kissing her fiercely.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

River shuddered all over at his touch--- for a moment, it was almost frightening, to be held so closely, after what she had read in his mind at the secret-posting. But his touch was always welcome--- even when she wasn't sure she wanted it to be; she was responding to him before she even thought about it, her arms coming around him, her tongue stabbing into his mouth---

Then she hooked an ankle around his, and knocked him back onto the bed, underneath her, so that they were in very nearly the same position they'd been in earlier, except that he was unfettered and they were sideways along the bed: him on his back and her on top of him.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

He sighed. He wanted to believe they could be safe with one another, and so he did not let himself think about what could happen if he inadvertently surprised her in such a way again. (Most people aren't comfortable having someone answer their thoughts out of their heads, or sleeping next to a woman who can kill them as easily as I can, she had said.) The thing to think about was bats being good, being good for her, the two of them being good for each other. And she felt good, against him, pliant and warm under his hands.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

She raised her head. "I'm... sorry. I'll... say something, next time. Even if it's not an entirely coherent something. I promise." Her eyes begged him to believe her, even as her arms laced around him. His touch felt good, soothing--- good for her. "Just because it's not easy to be good for each other all the time... it's not a bad thing," she said, pressing up against him, moving under his hands lazily and resting her head against his chest. "And you are good for me, so often, and I want to be good for you. I try to be."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Her eyelids were red, swollen, and the look she gave him broke his heart. She was trying, as hard as he was trying, maybe harder. "I think it is all right if we are bad for one another sometimes," he said. "No one need know it but ourselves, and we can forgive it easily enough." He would have kissed her then, but her face was out of reach, so he contented himself with a tighter hug.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

River tilted her face up to him and kissed him in response to his thought. "We can," she agreed firmly, hugging him back, and then kissed him again.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"I do not recall that Sorting being particularly well attended." Stephen's tone was not particularly concerned or urgent; he did not really care how Simon had found out about the barbed wire; what mattered was what River chose to do about it, and that was entirely her decision. "In any case, he said barbed wire and knives, and we have never made use of ordinary knives. If he knew about the scalpel he would have used the correct terminology, naturally. The point is that he is very upset."

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

River nodded. "He would be. As if he's the expert on sex or something." She rolled her eyes. "He should just be glad I didn't let you drive me as crazy as he drove poor Kaylee. I'll talk to him about it--- if he's bothering you, I mean."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"Not bothering me. We had a ... productive conversation, for the most part. He is worried that I may be harming you, and while I will not claim to like him much personally, I cannot say I blame him given whatever he may have heard." He had begun idly to stroke her back again while talking. "I would have spoken candidly with him about it had he wished it. At some point, one of us will need to make him listen."

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

"I'll see what I can do." She rolled her eyes fondly. "I'm used to having to make him listen. He takes so much looking after." She arched lazily into Stephen's touch. "Mm, that feels good."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen listened with some trepidation. A thing worse than the barbed wire? Well, whatever it was, he would have to endure it.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

"Not worse," River said, laughing a little. "Just... different." She sobered. "It's not about punishing you. It's getting it through your head that I'm not going away." She kissed him gently. "It's not even the most painful thing I've done to you. Just... educational. At least I hope it will be." She tilted her head. "For one thing, I hate the fact that you're so afraid, and that I'm the one making you afraid. And not even for a real reason."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

What could he say to that? I hate it too? He hated frightening her more than he hated being afraid.

[r-tam.livejournal.com]

She stroked his face. "I know you do. That's part of the reason I want to fix it so you're not afraid--- then neither of us will have to be afraid. If you can... trust me. Trust that I won't leave. No matter what."