Owl to Mello

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

Hey.

We should

Listen, I

Where are you? I'm in my room, if you're not busy.

Matt

Comments

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"What did he say?" I ask softly. Maybe it'll help, get it out of his system and all that.

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

"... 'you have beautiful eyes. You shouldn't hide them.' Something like that. And I couldn't move."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Because you were petrified or because you wanted it to be L who said that?" I keep my voice soft and reach out to touch his knee.

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

"I was petrified. But if he ever does say anything like that now, it'll just..."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Show me?" I ask, gesturing at his goggles. Maybe it'll help...then again, maybe it won't. "It's okay if you don't want to, too."

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

Matt blinks. (You can't tell, but he does.)

"My eyes? It's not... I mean, L's seen them. Quite a lot." He reaches to fiddle with the straps. "More than anyone."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Has he told you they're beautiful?" I ask, still soft, trying not to press too hard.

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

"That's the thing. I'd be weirded out if he did. Which is why this shit is so fucked up." He rubs his arm, looking uncomfortable. "I'm not as... I still tense up at some stuff, but it's not as bad."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Very carefully, I sit up and reach for Matt's face. "May I?" I ask, gesturing to his goggles.

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

Matt goes very, very still. (This is what he means about tensing up.)

"Go for it."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I lift Matt's goggles off his face and put them in his hands. I wait a moment for him to open his eyes. Even with the marks from his goggles, it's easy to see he's scared. They're hazel, staring at me, waiting. "They are beautiful," I say softly, leaning back. "But, I prefer blue."

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

"... right," Matt says. He wouldn't say 'scared'; deeply uneasy, sure, and still tense, but...

"Do you think I'm over-reacting to all this?"

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"If you're still this jumpy in a month, maybe. But, what B did was a violation of the most basic sense of security you have. It takes a bit to recover from that. Part of that is knowing that next time, you won't react the same way, that you have a strategy and you know you can act on it." I take a bite of chocolate.

"Matt, think about this: You will be able to master those silent charms. You didn't get a headache after and you got it in the first session, and you got away from me. Let that percolate through your brain some. I didn't let you get away, you got away."

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

"Eventually," Matt counters, then shakes his head. "I don't want to get into this. But... I'll think about it, yeah. And we'll keep practicing."

He turns the goggles in his hands.

"... been up to anything exciting?"

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Exploring the library for medical research and walking in on weird experiments. I'm trying to find out if what happened to B, his split, can be 'fixed' by magic, either where we could control the results or if he would go back to what passes as normal. The more information we have, the better prepared we can be. I'm fairly certain I know what caused the split, though. But, he was unstable to begin with, so predicting results is more complicated."

I pull a wry face. "It's not been a good week. By the bye, you did at least clean the dojo, didn't you?"

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

Matt goes bright red, which is much more noticeable with his goggles off.

"... after practice?"

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Yes, that's what I meant. The experiment was L and Near testing vertiasum serum. The question was one thing L did not want to admit to Near, the answer was defiling a dojo. Did you clean it up? And, congratulations, you've made a lot of progress." Yes, I am a bastard, but it's expected by now.

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

He's still red, but can't supress a small smile.

"Yeah. After we woke up."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Good. There's a lot of things I'll do for you, but that ain't one of them."

Another thought. "Are you comfortable without your goggles around L? Mostly?"

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

And now he's snickering. "Noted. And... yeah, actually. I take them off pretty often when he's about."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I smile because I made him laugh. "Good. Near doesn't take out his for me very often, but when he does, it makes me feel like he really trusts me." And, I show him by being vulnerable around him. I think if Near had been here, I still would have had the panic attack, but not with L here.

"Thanks for helping me," I say softly.

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

Matt does trust L. He can't remember ever trusting anyone but Mello, until now.

"It's not a problem. You feeling any better?"

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. I don't think I'm up for practice today. Have you been keeping up? Have you worked more on silent charms? I'm serious about thinking you'd master them." I don't want to admit it, but I think it'll help him. "Once we know you've got them, I'm going to have to give them up. The headaches are not getting any better."

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

"I... kinda just spent the day at the beach."

Which probably doesn't count as practicing.

"I'm going to be learning some defensive ward things from Kusu, though. And L and I have been figuring out escape routes and shit."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Slacker," I sigh. ""Wards? I thought those worked against like ghosts and shit."