Application for Tachibana Shito from Zombie Loan

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

((OOC: Taken from the end of the anime series, tons of spoilers and some speculation as the mun is still reading the manga which may or may not fill in the speculation later, depending on how it affects things [the mun has seen the anime more than 6 times already, but the manga is still being released in English]. In canon, he can only be a certain distance away from Akatsuki Chika [mentioned later] for a particular amount of time or his right hand will rot off. The mun is going with something about Hogwarts will prevent this for the convenience of playing him without a Chika. And, with the Japanese convention, Shito is his given name.))

What happens when a corpse becomes pregnant and gives birth? What would she give birth to? After seven years, another corpse, but since it has been born, it must live.

A cursed life, a cursed existence, a perfect monster.

Less than a year ago, that existence took a turn. In a fatal accident for all but two, dubbed by the news media as A-kun and B-kun because of their ages, Tachibana Shito's fate became entangled with a Ferryman named Bekkou and the headstrong Akatsuki Chika, B-kun. In a contract to preserve their lives, the both agreed to a life loan, a Zombie Loan, with a contract term of one year. To repay it, they had to catch illegal zombies, those who did not have such a contract, and send them on to the next world before the Reaper caught both them and their prey. To those able to see it, a black ring circled their necks, marking for the Reaper where his scythe could cut.

They had, however, done a favor for the Reaper and now had one less thing to watch for over their shoulders. But, there were still zombies to catch. Zombies that ran from them. Running made his socks slouch down. He hated that more than anything. He'd paused to pull up his socks, looking up to call after Akatsuki and Kita, but they weren't there. The city wasn't there. What was there shouldn't have been there.

He found himself in a room with stone walls. He'd been what passed as alive for a very long time and had never seen anything like this. He finished adjusting his socks and stood, looking around the room. To one side, a table with some papers on it, a feather hovering over them. There were doors, closed. Frowning, he walked over to them, trying them. They wouldn't rattle. As far as he could tell, they were merely pictures of doors on a wall. But to what purpose?

But, then, what purpose did people have for wanting to defy death? Did there have to be one?

He hated being locked in, but at least this time he wasn't handcuffed to a bed. He continued around the room, examining for anything. If he arrived, there must be a way to leave. Because of that contract, he couldn't be far away from that pest Akatsuki for long. He rubbed his right wrist, but it didn't feel wrong. The handcuff bracelet was there. He shoved it back up his arm, under his sleeve.

He continued to the stack of papers on the table. Maybe a clue would be there.


State your full name.

He looked around for a pen or something that looked like a writing instrument. Not finding one, he turned to examine the room again and found it unchanged. "Tachibana Shito," he said aloud, his voice sullen. If he had to fill out this stupid form to get out of this room, then he would. He had better things to do with his time, like hunt zombies to end his contract and be free of Akatsuki and Bekkou. An eyebrow rose when the feather danced over the page, writing his answer.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Shito frowned at the paper. "Chisu?" he muttered. "The end," he said, not bothering with the second part of the question. It didn't make sense to him anyway.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"Is one of them a zombie?" he asked. With the quill writing down his answers, he maybe expected an answer. When one didn't come, he shrugged. "It doesn't matter if they're not."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Too late," he said grimly. It would be too late, if he didn't get out of here and return to take care of the zombie with He looked around the room, trying to see any changes in it. He had to get back to pay back his debt to...

Not that he really wanted to be with Chika. They were too different to get along.

But, if he didn't return quickly, that bastard would destroy something else in his room.

To what? Continue on as a perfect doll, a perfect monster? He wasn't truly alive and yet he didn't want to die. He rubbed his wrist again, still feeling nothing unusual with it.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

He read the question several times. Who were these people? "None," he said. "There are more important things to be concerned with." Just what they were, he didn't elaborate on.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Shito frowned at the question. He wasn't terribly clever. "Makkuro Bar," he finally said. While lacking creativity, 'Pitch Black Bar' did fulfill the challenge of the question.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"It doesn't matter," he said, his voice bitter. "Friendship, love, it's all just an illusion."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Your assistant is useless," he said. These questions were becoming more tiresome as he continued. He looked around the room again, trying to see a way out. Was this some trap of the Xu Fu? Something that Toho had set up to punish him?

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"No one that lives can live without touching another person, therefore no one is useless. Those who don't appreciate that are trash."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

He reached into his pocket. The only thing he had was some blueberry gum. He set it on the table, looking around for a door to open now that he'd finished this stupid quiz.

I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Tachibana Shito__
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __Tachibana Shito__.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Tachibana Shito__.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Tachibana Shito__

Comments

[junotechsupport.livejournal.com]

"It's not an illusion, how can you say that?"

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

Shito stared at the girl. "They're illusions that people claim to believe will make their existences less trivial."

[junotechsupport.livejournal.com]

"No they aren't, they're emotions that give lives meaning."

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

"Interactions give meaning to life. The lives you touch, how you touch them, that you want to live, that is what gives your life meaning." It didn't matter that emotions were a part of that.

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

And the head goes through his chest.

"Yeah, well, what if I decide I don't want people to touch me? And by the way, this doesn't count as touching."

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

Having just recently had a chainsaw through his chest, Shito wasn't terribly pleased with having anything else through his body. He swatted at it. "Get out," he ordered, his voice cold.

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

"No. You amuse me." Ryuk grinned up at him.

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

"I am not here to amuse you," Shito said shortly, moving away, he hoped, from the creature.

[amandagraystone.livejournal.com]

"Is trash useless?"

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

Shito looked at the woman. "Of course," he replied, his tone clearly conveying his opinion of the question.

[amandagraystone.livejournal.com]

"Then you've contradicted yourself," said Amanda, softly.

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

"Those who don't understand their place are trash," he said. "Those who walk around dead even though they're alive are useless, trash." His anger had more to do with the fact that he had been born dead, never had the chance to to live, to interact normally.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"I AM BEOWULF!" said a person whose name would be a complete mystery if he did not go around shouting it all the time. "I'M HERE TO KILL YOUR MONSTER!"

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

Was this some new trick of Toho? Another giant that would put a chainsaw through his chest? Someone cosplaying? Asking 'who' it was was rather useless, though the name Beowulf meant nothing to him. "What are you?" he asked instead. He didn't look like a monster, at any rate.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"I AM BEOWULF," repeated Beowulf. That was what he was!

Sweat beaded on his oiled and hairless chest, between the open lapels of the ill-fitting Hogwarts robe he wore. As the robe could not fasten over his manly pecs, he had tried belting it with one of the scarves he'd received as Yule gifts in successive Secret Santa parties.

"WHAT ARE YOU?" he challenged.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Kuronue hadn't committed necrophilia yet. Well, he had. Since he was technically dead, and Yukimura was certainly dead. He hadn't done it with an actual corpse, despite having once been interested in how skull fucking worked.

But this guy was definitely dead. He smelt of it, had no body heat when Kuronue not so subtly brushed past him, no heartbeat that he'd become so used to hearing with Yukimura.

"You're an interesting one," he said. "I'm Kuronue."

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

Shito scowled at the newcomer. He couldn't remember seeing anyone with wings and pointed ears before, not even the Reaper Zarame had them. "What are you?" he asked bluntly.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

"Question is, what are you. You have no heartbeat." He tapped his chest. He was tapping in the wrong place for a heart, but the right place for the demon equivalent.

[superfraternal.livejournal.com]

After the last Sorting (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1916775.html?thread=107277927#t107277927) he'd attended, anything had to be better. Simon gave the new application a quick and charitable once-over, then looked up at the unsmiling writer of the terse answers he'd read.

"Sounds like you have places you'd rather be."

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

"There are things I need to make sure are done, that I need to be there to help get done and little time to finish," Shito said. "Yes, I would rather be elsewhere."

He didn't want to think what would happen if Akatsuki failed to meet the goal, which was very likely since they couldn't exchange hands. He rubbed his right wrist absently.

[superfraternal.livejournal.com]

As absent-minded as he could seem, Simon could also at times prove remarkably observant, and the rubbing of the patient's newcomer's wrist did not escape Dr. Tam's eye. "'For I have promises to keep'," he quoted, "'And miles to go before I sleep.'"

He'd been reading the poetry of Earth-That-Was.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"The end is not a cheese!" the Hat said indignantly. "That's just where it goes in things that have digestive tracts. Which I don't, so I am clearly more evolved."

[shito-is-a-kun.livejournal.com]

Shito hadn't believed that there really would be a hat. This was almost too much. "You don't mean the verb 'chiru,' meaning 'to disappear, to dissolve, to end'?" he asked, clearly confused. Was this another secret, like that of the 'offulainu miitingu' that was not what he thought it was.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

((My apologies, LJ notifications are utterly borked.))

"No, I meant the noun 'cheese,' as in 'something squeezed out of a mammal and curdled until it becomes delicious and appropriate for eating.' How hard is that to understand?"

Slytherin!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Slytherin!