totally and completely anonymous compy post

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

(To ensure complete and uncompromised anonymity, Lezard actually went to the trouble of typing this while disembodied. How could he type without fingers? The same way a ghost could move objects, perhaps. Ask the videogame programmers. Alternatively, ask Homsar or the Sorting Hat.)


Who is the gayest man in this school? I have some questions for him.

Comments

Anonymous

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

Who is Pyaray?

BEOWULF

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

HE DWELLS IN THE LAKE. SOME CALL HIM THE GIANT SQUID. HIS AFFECTIONS ARE MYSTERIOUS AND SILENT.

Anonymous

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

(after several minutes staring at the screen)

I do not wish to know how you know that. But I doubt that's who appleoverlord is referring to.

BEOWULF

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

THEN WHO DID YOU KISS, SACK JOE? HOW MANY OF THE MEN OF HOGWARTS HAVE YOU GRACED WITH YOUR LIPS?!

Anonymous

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

I haven't given my name, what makes you think I'm this - Joe person?

BEOWULF

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

HOW ELSE WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEING TALKED ABOUT? YOU ARE SACK JOE AND YOU ARE MAKING YOUR CONQUESTS KNOWN! OR YOU ARE THE SEXY MONSTER KIRA! OR YOU ARE PYARAY HIMSELF! OR YOU ARE THAT MAN WHO KNOWS THE SECRETS OF PYARAY (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1798111.html)!

THERE IS A MONSTER CONSPIRACY AT THIS SCHOOL! I AND MY DEPUTY PREFECT WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!

benefit_world

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

All right, it's me. I'm going to make this very clear. I am not a monster, I'm not part of any 'monster conspiracy', I am not romantically involved with the giant squid or with anything that could be described as a monster, and for the last time, 'Sack Joe' is not my name.

And Kira has been popcorn for months.

BEOWULF

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

FEAR NOT, SACK JOE. I KNOW THE MONSTERS ARE MAKING YOU WRITE THESE THINGS. WE WILL RESCUE YOU.

benefit_world

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

Nobody's making me write anything!

BEOWULF

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

WE WILL BRING A FOOD CALLED GRANOLA FOR QUICK ENERGY.

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

(Mikami gave up on the conversation at this point. Anything he said would only cause it to descend further into madness.

It was only later that he realised he should have thought to ask who the deputy prefect was, in order to avoid them...)