Application: Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet)

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

 ((You want classic characters, you got it. Also, I'm aware that the pic is of a modern version of the guy.))

Mercutio sort of spaced out in the sorting room, admiring everything.

"Such gleeful creations; such would be touched by the very hand of God himself, were this not but a mortal design!" ...Right. The man picked up one of the application forms, and again got transfixed--the dictaquill had written out his words, complete with fancy script. "Impossible! Inconceivable? This marvelous creation..." Scribe scribe. "copies me as if but a child, eager to imitate its father in all regards."

Then he actually looked at the app.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Ah, but the finest cheeses are born of France's womb...I suppose the answer is the sauce upon tortellini. I simply can not get enough of it."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I am unfamiliar with them. As such, if I were forced, he who wrongs me first shall recieve the satisfying end of my blade, a meal of steel."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Does this inquisitive paper surely expect a mere man to guess the time, without aid of neither clock nor sun?" Nice job dodging the question, sir.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I am shocked, shocked that at the very implications of these horrid sentences!" Mercutio flailed wildly, shouting nonsense for a moment before abruptly calming down. "Sirius Black, I suppose."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Wit was Meructio's specialty. With a laugh, he came up with a name right away. "Blackberries. I shall serve wine, to match the latter portion of the name and deliver a smile to those who are not yet red-faced with drink."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Sirius Black, I suppose."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Sirius Black, I suppose." Was he taking this seriously? At all? "Inform him to reverse your unfortunate inundation." Nah.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"My blade and wit, good sir. What more could any man desire, outside of fortune?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Sirius Black, i suppose." Wait, what?

I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __ME__
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __RC__
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __UT__
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __IO__

Comments

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"Truth be told, I simply picked a name at whim." What he didn't mention was that there was only one name to choose from. Basically, he BSed his way through the questions. "Hogwarts, hmm? An unusual name."

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps you are a friend of Sirius' without even knowing it! He too is capable of whimsy." The old man smiled. "Your name is unusual to me, and mine may be unusual to you. I am Albus Dumbledore."

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"Albus...is this a Latin name? Apologies for not introducing myself; my name is Mercutio, though I wonder how you know it." And abruptly, he laughed. "I see! I see!" More laughing. "I, too, can bluff!"

Something...

"Splendid!"

...Wasn't quite right about this one.

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

((Heh, now I realize he didn't put his name on the app ICly, only in the LJ subject line. Sorry about that. We ought to put a blank with 'name' at the top ICly. ))

"It is a Latin name, indeed. Many wizards do have names derived from Latin, and our spells are in a dialect descended from that language. For it was the language of learning throughout the Western world for many years," the old pedagogue pontificated. "Are you feeling a bit hysterical?" The bursts of laughter were cause for mild concern. "A glass of pumpkin juice might fortify you somewhat!"

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"Good sir, Albus Dumbledore, I feel as good a swallow with a nest of hatching babies," Mercutio replied, "I am in no way hysterical. But if are to offer regardless, I would not object."

Sometimes his words were a little hard to understand. He didn't seem fazed at the prospect of 'wizard'. Remember, he's from a time where surgeries were still on filthy tables.

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

As good a swallow ... if are to offer ... Albus had coped happily with far less comprehensible verbal hash before (see: Homsar), and he parsed it all out as best he could, never losing a beat or a watt of the grandfatherly twinkle in his eyes. "Pumpkin juice it is!"

A house elf came scurrying up, also all smiles.

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

Now imagine Homsar hanging out with this guy. Oh god.

Mercutio did an exaggerated jump backwards at the sight of the elf, then knelt down to study the creature. "I have seen no painting, no scupture, of such creature. Do tell, good Albus, what do you call this?" He seemed to have lost interest in the pumpkin juice already.

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

"No need to fear him. This is one of our house-elves, who help us around the house, as it were! They're quite friendly."

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

Mercutio continued to stare. "Elf? Moreso a goblin, I would imagine...would, but I clearly know less than an elder," the man spoke near-cryptically, baffling the translation charm.

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

Early Modern English was no impediment to Albus, whose studies had run the gamut of spoken English's history. Early Modern English provided the occasional syntactic snarl, no more; it ought to be a walk in the park in comparison to the North West Midlands dialect of Middle English in which some texts of interest to Albus had been composed, much less the Old English of Bald's Leechbook or the Lacnunga.

That Albus had some difficulty with Mercutio's babbling said little about the translation charm, less about Albus' command of English, and everything about Mercutio himself.

"One is never too old to learn," said he, cheerily, "nor too young to pursue learning. Since you have come to a school, you are in an excellent place to begin."

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"Excellent, though this younger man must first be taught what will be taught," he requested, standing up again. If this was a school, and it had 'elves', what was he doing here?