Application: Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet)

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

 ((You want classic characters, you got it. Also, I'm aware that the pic is of a modern version of the guy.))

Mercutio sort of spaced out in the sorting room, admiring everything.

"Such gleeful creations; such would be touched by the very hand of God himself, were this not but a mortal design!" ...Right. The man picked up one of the application forms, and again got transfixed--the dictaquill had written out his words, complete with fancy script. "Impossible! Inconceivable? This marvelous creation..." Scribe scribe. "copies me as if but a child, eager to imitate its father in all regards."

Then he actually looked at the app.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Ah, but the finest cheeses are born of France's womb...I suppose the answer is the sauce upon tortellini. I simply can not get enough of it."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I am unfamiliar with them. As such, if I were forced, he who wrongs me first shall recieve the satisfying end of my blade, a meal of steel."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Does this inquisitive paper surely expect a mere man to guess the time, without aid of neither clock nor sun?" Nice job dodging the question, sir.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I am shocked, shocked that at the very implications of these horrid sentences!" Mercutio flailed wildly, shouting nonsense for a moment before abruptly calming down. "Sirius Black, I suppose."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Wit was Meructio's specialty. With a laugh, he came up with a name right away. "Blackberries. I shall serve wine, to match the latter portion of the name and deliver a smile to those who are not yet red-faced with drink."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Sirius Black, I suppose."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Sirius Black, I suppose." Was he taking this seriously? At all? "Inform him to reverse your unfortunate inundation." Nah.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"My blade and wit, good sir. What more could any man desire, outside of fortune?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Sirius Black, i suppose." Wait, what?

I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __ME__
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __RC__
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __UT__
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __IO__

Comments

[livingaustria.livejournal.com]

Poor Austria turned a bit green. "Oh, God, that is a mental image I will NEVER be able to scrub out."

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

You know how old literature used old terms and similes that turn strange/funny later? Mercutio doesn't. And he's not aware of the personified countries running around in Hogwarts yet, being a newcomer and all.

"Good sir, whatever do you mean? Hath you stumbled upon a poor diseased peasant in the throes of passion with an inanimate object?" Uuuuuh. The man nodded, smiling.

[livingaustria.livejournal.com]

"I do not need to think of France pregnant, thank you." God, not even a nuclear bomb would get that image out of his head.

[ninja-lizzy.livejournal.com]

"You speak rather glowingly of your abilities with a blade, sir," remarked Elizabeth Bennet, everyone's favorite classical zombie-hunting heroine. "But can you, as they say, talk the talk? I own I would be much interested to know how many ninjas you have gutted today."

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"If you have been more attentive than a rye seed, it would be obvious that I can talk. Since you are not, however, I question your authority to challenge my boast."

Burn ward, we have a second-degree here.

[ninja-lizzy.livejournal.com]

Elizabeth unsheathed her katana--weapon favored by all the best people in Regency England. "This gives me the authority," she stated, taking up a ready stance.

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

"Ah, so you are a friend of Sirius Black, I take it? Welcome to Hogwarts!" enthused a tall and skinny old man in purple robes and fabulous high-heeled buckled boots.

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"Truth be told, I simply picked a name at whim." What he didn't mention was that there was only one name to choose from. Basically, he BSed his way through the questions. "Hogwarts, hmm? An unusual name."

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps you are a friend of Sirius' without even knowing it! He too is capable of whimsy." The old man smiled. "Your name is unusual to me, and mine may be unusual to you. I am Albus Dumbledore."

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

Lee smirked under her crimson hood, smoking a cigarette and leaning against one of the room's stone walls. "You really seem hung up on this guy. Or do you just like the way his name sounds?"

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"The latter," he explained, nodding vigorously. "It reminds me of an African tribe, perhaps recently brought into Europe for enlightenment." Only half-true. Really, he just wanted to joke around, because even Renaissance people had senses of humor.

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"And what, pray tell--" she paused, took a drag and exhaled a curl of smoke, "would you count as 'enlightenment'?" She crossed one foot in front of the other, both as ever just slightly off the stone floor. Beneath the shadow of her hood, her expression was surprisingly benign. A product, no doubt, of her daily drinking binge.

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

Zel looked curious. "You say you're a swordsman?"

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"Answer your own question, and read what has been written," Mercutio said dismissively, pointing at the paper with his recorded application.

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

"Simply trying to begin a conversation. Sometimes it's difficult to find a lead-in. I've had little opportunity to use the skill here, where all dueling's done with spells, but I'm a swordsman myself."

[anita-animator.livejournal.com]

After spending a few days getting reaquainted with Hogwarts and reading up as much as I could on how preternatural biology worked here, I left the library, looking for something more productive to do. I passed by the sorting room and decided to look in to see if anyone new had been summoned by the Hat.

His application was eloquent and certainly entertaining. Looks like someone didn't take it too seriously, which was always a good thing.

"Blackberries as in serving blackberry wine?"

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"My, such inane questions as of late, but if are to answer, yes." Mercutio cracked his neck idly, kind of bored now. "A request of confirmation of an answer...the mortal word is precious, so why must all tease each target with the useless?" What? Even the mun has trouble understanding Mercutio's wording.

[anita-animator.livejournal.com]

I chuckled. This one was a talker.. even if he did seem to talk in complete circles.
"From what I recall, we're supposed to read your application, then decide where to sort you. I think I'd prefer the basic questions rather than asking your thoughs on the existential nature of the universe or free will versus determinism."

I folded my arms and leaned against the wall, "So, what did you do before you wound up here?"

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Looking highly bemused, and perhaps a touch sick to his stomach, Sirius strode up to Mercutio. "Right. So let me get this straight, then. As Albus Dumbledore, perhaps in Inferus form, you intend to sexually harass me, the apparent trauma of which would lead me to marry my godson, act as your secretary, and then serve as your bribe to get accepted into Hogwarts."

He furrowed his brow and shook his head. "At the very least, you could have specified just what about me was to be offered to the students and professors here as a bribe. For example, is it sexual favours? A bit of tricky charm work or transfiguration? A round of Jenga?" He tapped his fingers against his mouth in thought. "No, I suppose that would be the same as sexual favours, wouldn't it? Well, at any rate, you need to be more specific, or I won't agree to offer myself up in such a way." Not that he would have anyway, but now he was just amusing himself.

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

Blink blink.

Look around frantically with feet planted on floor.

Scratch head.

"You either have admirable, albeit dry wit, or are missing the point more thoroughly than a knight arming his squire." Mercutio chuckled at that thought. If this was a counter-gag, then...he'd love to exchange jokes with this guy later.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

"And you either have a bizarre obsession with me or are doing the equivalent of marking choice 'B' to every answer on a multiple-choice examination." Sirius chuckled as well, because if it was the latter, he certainly couldn't fault the bloke for such an approach. For the most part, he had done well in school without needing to do a whole lot of revision, but he had never been one to criticise that sort of test-taking strategy; at the very least, it was loads better than being a swot.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat settled itself onto Mercutio's head, bouncing up and down a couple of times for good measure. "So if you didn't take our application seriously, how can I be assured you will take our classes seriously?"

It was a very ridiculous question, given that pretty much no one at Hogwarts these days took the classes seriously, not even the professors!

[a-grave-man.livejournal.com]

"The fallacy in your argument is as follows: I am expected to take anything seriously, as I am clearly a madman, and only in the mind of a madman do words come from an old pointed hat." Good point. And then he started laughing wildly.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat enthusiastically joined in the laughter. "Well, then, we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Adventures_in_Wonderland#Pig_and_Pepper) We're all mad!" It chortled some more before adding, "If hearing an old pointed hat speak is your benchmark for madness, well, then, I daresay you've set quite a low benchmark. But the silver lining is that you'll have an easier time meeting some of the...stranger elements we've got here at Hogwarts." In other words, Professor Homsar and Admiral Zex wouldn't lead to much mindfuckery in the head of someone who already thought himself insane.

"Your self-awareness is certainly admirable," it continued. "So tell me, then, do you thrive on atmospheres of madness? Or would you prefer to be in one of the more run-of-the-mill Houses we've got here at Hogwarts?"

Sparklypoo!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The antics of Miss Swan and the existence of Tinky Winky are quite unfathomable, in my opinion!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Sparklypoo!