[identity profile] rat-bstrd.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
The small young man paced back and forth in his cell. He'd already inspected everything in the room. The chair and the table could be used as weapons. If he stood beside the door long enough, he could hit whoever came in and escape. But if he did that, he still might not get out anyway. Better to patiently wait and listen to what they had to say, even if he lost the element of surprise.

Right now they were probably torturing Sage and would kill her and he'd never see her again and it was all his fault and they'd come and torture him too. He paced faster.

Even taking a test started to look better than sitting here doing nothing.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Rat fiddled with an earring. Cheese? Who cares about cheese? "Your personality test sucks."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"Trick question, huh? Yes, I'd kill whichever one was coked-up and coming at me with a knife, about to kill me. But breaking an arm's enough to stop people, usually."

3. What time is it where you are?

Rat rolled his eyes, though it was hard to tell because they were shiny black orbs, thanks to novelty contacts.
"Time for you to get a watch, dumbass."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Rat's big ears actually turned a little pink. "I don't... You bring my sister back and I'll make him harass anyone you want, anyhow."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

He thought a moment. "At Your Own Risk. That way no idiots will whine when they stub their toe or get a bloody nose from walking around in a dark bar."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"What do I care if these assholes want to get married!? I can tell you about them, sure, but I need Sage first."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Because you're not doing it fast enough, dumbass. I don't have to remote-view to figure out that one. Or people are putting their paperwork on your desk while you're away."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"I'm a good remote viewer. One of the best Influencers around. But I need Sage to do it well. And hey, I could teach you Aikido or Judo into the bargain."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Well, see. If you have my sister and you haven't hurt her I'll go back to working for you. I won't track you down and kill you like an animal or anything." He checked his pockets "And I have lottery tickets." He waved the bundle. "Lottery tickets, right here."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Rat__________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Rat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___Rat________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ___Rat__________
I don't wear knickers ___Rat_____"


((Rat, like Sage is an empath and an Influencer. He also has amazing waif-fu IC. If you're supernaturally fast or strong, you can beat him, no problem. If you're some kind of master ninja, you can beat him. If you're good at martial arts, he probably has a chance of at least landing a punch.

PB: Kitt Turtlington from the movie Gypsy 83))

Date: 2009-06-04 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
Side-effects of encountering an angel include hair loss, erectile dysfunction and an obsessive need to stalk her until she can fix your crappy existence.

'SHIMMER?' Mel asks with something approaching dread, wrapping her arms a little around herself. It sure as hell doesn't sound nice--cutesy acronyms always mean trouble. (Like the HALO awards. Oh, that was just one embarrassment after another.)

Date: 2009-06-04 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
((Hee, Brice totally was in Mel's canon for the first three books.))

So, pretty much what she sometimes has nightmares about. Like that time she got catapulted into, like, the 23rd century and couldn't dematerialise. Future science labs, weird tests.

'Yeah?' Mel asks, not injecting sympathy or pity into her voice. It's one she's crafted; though it's warm, she can't be too 'O TELL ME YOUR TROUBLES' or people don't.

Date: 2009-06-04 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
Mel smiles, humourlessly. 'I can imagine. My name's Mel.' She sticks out a hand. 'It's nice to meet you.'

Date: 2009-06-04 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
Mel casts an eye over his application once more after smiling back propely. Okay, angry and swearing, she can work with. Or has worked with. Whatevs.

'So...you wanna tell me exactly what happened with your sister?' Now that he's calmed down, she might get the full story. And maybe she can ask Michael if anyone's looking after her, or if not can they send someone or get her on Angel Watch or something?

Date: 2009-06-04 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
Oh, wow. This is like someone wrung a Terry Gilliam film through Pan's Labyrinth and then added some of Frankie Boyle's humour without the jokes. Mel winces.

'Have--you considered that maybe your sister might be here? Or somewhere very similar,' she adds hastily, not wanting to get his hopes up. 'And if so, you're both safe. If not, then, well, maybe time's stopped in your world?' It doesn't seem to for many people, but it can happen.

Date: 2009-06-04 08:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
God, it's been so long since she arrived. 'I wanted to come here. I wanted to help people.'

Date: 2009-06-04 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
Of course he doesn't know. It's just some other world to him.

'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,' Mel the girl who went to the Good Old British Comp says. Then she adds 'It's not much used for schooling, though, nowadays it's more quarters for anyone who stumbles across it.'

Date: 2009-06-05 08:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
'Yes to both,' Mel says casually. 'Which do you wanna do?'

Date: 2009-06-05 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
'You need a place to stay until you find out,' Mel points out. 'There are four proper houses--Gryffindor, for the brave, Hufflepuff for the loyal, Ravenclaw for the brainy and Slytherin for the ambitious. They've all got beds. Though Slytherin's chambers are apparently underground.'

Vote: Hufflepuff

Date: 2009-06-06 08:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] totallyluminous.livejournal.com
'Hufflepuff,' Mel says thoughtfully. 'Hey, good luck with finding her here.'

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