Application: Rat Lord Vishnu's Love Handles (book)

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

The small young man paced back and forth in his cell. He'd already inspected everything in the room. The chair and the table could be used as weapons. If he stood beside the door long enough, he could hit whoever came in and escape. But if he did that, he still might not get out anyway. Better to patiently wait and listen to what they had to say, even if he lost the element of surprise.

Right now they were probably torturing Sage and would kill her and he'd never see her again and it was all his fault and they'd come and torture him too. He paced faster.

Even taking a test started to look better than sitting here doing nothing.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Rat fiddled with an earring. Cheese? Who cares about cheese? "Your personality test sucks."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"Trick question, huh? Yes, I'd kill whichever one was coked-up and coming at me with a knife, about to kill me. But breaking an arm's enough to stop people, usually."

3. What time is it where you are?

Rat rolled his eyes, though it was hard to tell because they were shiny black orbs, thanks to novelty contacts.
"Time for you to get a watch, dumbass."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Rat's big ears actually turned a little pink. "I don't... You bring my sister back and I'll make him harass anyone you want, anyhow."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

He thought a moment. "At Your Own Risk. That way no idiots will whine when they stub their toe or get a bloody nose from walking around in a dark bar."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"What do I care if these assholes want to get married!? I can tell you about them, sure, but I need Sage first."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Because you're not doing it fast enough, dumbass. I don't have to remote-view to figure out that one. Or people are putting their paperwork on your desk while you're away."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"I'm a good remote viewer. One of the best Influencers around. But I need Sage to do it well. And hey, I could teach you Aikido or Judo into the bargain."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Well, see. If you have my sister and you haven't hurt her I'll go back to working for you. I won't track you down and kill you like an animal or anything." He checked his pockets "And I have lottery tickets." He waved the bundle. "Lottery tickets, right here."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Rat__________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Rat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___Rat________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ___Rat__________
I don't wear knickers ___Rat_____"


((Rat, like Sage is an empath and an Influencer. He also has amazing waif-fu IC. If you're supernaturally fast or strong, you can beat him, no problem. If you're some kind of master ninja, you can beat him. If you're good at martial arts, he probably has a chance of at least landing a punch.

PB: Kitt Turtlington from the movie Gypsy 83))

Comments

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

"I thought we might end up in the same place." Rat looked a little hopeful. "After all, we don't work well without each other. But they wouldn't keep us in the same place." Misery again.

"Hey, how did you get here?" He's suddenly calculating. Maybe she can help him find a way to get out. "What did they want you for?"

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

God, it's been so long since she arrived. 'I wanted to come here. I wanted to help people.'

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

" You do?Here?" He almost snorted. "But then, I don't know where here is. If this place isn't SHIMMER, maybe that isn't so silly. But where are we?" He was too busy worrying earlier to catch any little hints.

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

Of course he doesn't know. It's just some other world to him.

'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,' Mel the girl who went to the Good Old British Comp says. Then she adds 'It's not much used for schooling, though, nowadays it's more quarters for anyone who stumbles across it.'

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

"Wizardry?" Rat frowns, she doesn't seem to be making fun of him. "So, I get to stay here, if I want? Can I leave?"

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'Yes to both,' Mel says casually. 'Which do you wanna do?'

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

"I think I'll wait to see if Sage is here first." Rat shrugged. "And if she is, well, it depends."

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'You need a place to stay until you find out,' Mel points out. 'There are four proper houses--Gryffindor, for the brave, Hufflepuff for the loyal, Ravenclaw for the brainy and Slytherin for the ambitious. They've all got beds. Though Slytherin's chambers are apparently underground.'

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

"I don't know..." Rat didn't want to sit down and figure out which type he was. Being underground might be safe, but, then he might feel trapped.

"I'll trust your judgement on this- you know them better than I do."

Vote: Hufflepuff

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'Hufflepuff,' Mel says thoughtfully. 'Hey, good luck with finding her here.'

Re: Vote: Hufflepuff

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

Rat nodded. "Thanks." He'd go over the place twice if he had to.