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hh_mirror((I am cheating and taking McKenna from way, way before any of the events of Angels and Demons, so there are no spoilers or bits that made me want to tear my hair out.))
The newest member of Hogwarts was young for a priest, not even forty. Dressed in a flowing black cassock, he seemed like a silhouette save for the white clerical collar. The stone walls were definitely not the lush office he'd just left. "Hello?" he said in Italian, then again in English, with an Irish accent.
Patrick McKenna took a few deep breaths. He had no idea where he was, or what had just happened, but he was a man who could remain calm in a crisis. He had a quiet, reserved air, and even in his confusion he seemed solid and self-assured. McKenna had natural determination and Army training to thank for keeping him from panicking.
The only clue was a quill on a table. It was floating, and he noticed that it had written his words down. The quill hovered over a sheet of questions. Maybe in exchange for his answers, he could get some of his own.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Like many before him, Camerlengo McKenna was baffled by the cheese question. No place to even put his name? "My favorite cheese? I don't know. Maybe parmesan? Now for my favorite individual cheese, somebody once wrote a poem about a 7000lb block of cheddar. Any cheese that inspires poetry has got to be a favorite cheese."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The young priest smiled at the question, which seemed so silly to him. "I have to say, the choice of targets is interesting." In this day and age, when "I could kill him!" was a common statement, he assumed it was hypothetical. If it was some sort of trick question, he was sure of his answer.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us that not only should we not kill, but that we must forgive our brother for whatever wrong he has done us. It would be a great hardship for me to forgive Barney and Carrottop for the wrongs they've done to television," he said, barely containing a chuckle, "but I suppose I must."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Almost three," he said, pushing back his long black sleeve to reveal a cheap watch. "Assuming that Central European Time will serve as well as anything else."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
McKenna folded his hands in front of him. "I'm sorry, I will not answer this question," he said softly, but firmly.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Oh," he said, taking the opportunity for some levity after the last question. "I don't think it would be a good idea to have a priest bartend in the dark. You'd never be able to find me. It would have to be called Saint Amand, after the patron saint of barkeepers."
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The levity was short-lived, and McKenna turned solemn again. "I should hope that Harry, Fred, and George should find comfort and strength in Christ to remain chaste, and blameless in the eyes of God." Judging by the questions, he could guess that his answer would be unpopular. Still, his jaw and determination were set. Let the criticism come.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Because, like many in the Church, the new ways seem strange and unfamiliar," McKenna said, more brusquely than he intended in light of the last question. "I promise that a computer will help. If even the Holy Father can see the light of the digital age, anyone can learn to use one."
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Well, somebody had to teach His Holiness how to use e-mail. I'm the Camerlengo, which in layman's terms means that I assist the Pope. I've... I've made strides in bringing little touches of the modern world into the Church. Believe me, that is the very definition of hard work and perseverance. I've also served my time in the military as a helicopter pilot and a field medic, if more practical skills are needed."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I wouldn't call it a bribe, but maybe an offering? I have..." he fished under the cassock "...five euros. Enough for a caffè in Rome. Even priests need their caffeine fix." Finished with the questions, McKenna again folded his hands in front of him and waited.
"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Fr McKenna_____
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Fr McKenna_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Fr McKenna_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____________"
The newest member of Hogwarts was young for a priest, not even forty. Dressed in a flowing black cassock, he seemed like a silhouette save for the white clerical collar. The stone walls were definitely not the lush office he'd just left. "Hello?" he said in Italian, then again in English, with an Irish accent.
Patrick McKenna took a few deep breaths. He had no idea where he was, or what had just happened, but he was a man who could remain calm in a crisis. He had a quiet, reserved air, and even in his confusion he seemed solid and self-assured. McKenna had natural determination and Army training to thank for keeping him from panicking.
The only clue was a quill on a table. It was floating, and he noticed that it had written his words down. The quill hovered over a sheet of questions. Maybe in exchange for his answers, he could get some of his own.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Like many before him, Camerlengo McKenna was baffled by the cheese question. No place to even put his name? "My favorite cheese? I don't know. Maybe parmesan? Now for my favorite individual cheese, somebody once wrote a poem about a 7000lb block of cheddar. Any cheese that inspires poetry has got to be a favorite cheese."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The young priest smiled at the question, which seemed so silly to him. "I have to say, the choice of targets is interesting." In this day and age, when "I could kill him!" was a common statement, he assumed it was hypothetical. If it was some sort of trick question, he was sure of his answer.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us that not only should we not kill, but that we must forgive our brother for whatever wrong he has done us. It would be a great hardship for me to forgive Barney and Carrottop for the wrongs they've done to television," he said, barely containing a chuckle, "but I suppose I must."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Almost three," he said, pushing back his long black sleeve to reveal a cheap watch. "Assuming that Central European Time will serve as well as anything else."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
McKenna folded his hands in front of him. "I'm sorry, I will not answer this question," he said softly, but firmly.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Oh," he said, taking the opportunity for some levity after the last question. "I don't think it would be a good idea to have a priest bartend in the dark. You'd never be able to find me. It would have to be called Saint Amand, after the patron saint of barkeepers."
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The levity was short-lived, and McKenna turned solemn again. "I should hope that Harry, Fred, and George should find comfort and strength in Christ to remain chaste, and blameless in the eyes of God." Judging by the questions, he could guess that his answer would be unpopular. Still, his jaw and determination were set. Let the criticism come.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Because, like many in the Church, the new ways seem strange and unfamiliar," McKenna said, more brusquely than he intended in light of the last question. "I promise that a computer will help. If even the Holy Father can see the light of the digital age, anyone can learn to use one."
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Well, somebody had to teach His Holiness how to use e-mail. I'm the Camerlengo, which in layman's terms means that I assist the Pope. I've... I've made strides in bringing little touches of the modern world into the Church. Believe me, that is the very definition of hard work and perseverance. I've also served my time in the military as a helicopter pilot and a field medic, if more practical skills are needed."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I wouldn't call it a bribe, but maybe an offering? I have..." he fished under the cassock "...five euros. Enough for a caffè in Rome. Even priests need their caffeine fix." Finished with the questions, McKenna again folded his hands in front of him and waited.
"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Fr McKenna_____
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Fr McKenna_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Fr McKenna_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____________"
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 04:22 am (UTC)"You're at Hogwarts School for Magic. If you're like most people, we have absolutely no idea how you got here. And yes, I am aware how crazy that sounds."
no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 05:02 am (UTC)The expression on his face passed from confusion, to disbelief, to concern, all in a matter seconds. "Oh," he said finally. "Oh. That is... that is not good. Not that I don't believe you," he said, gesturing at the stone walls. His black shoulder cape made him look a bit like a bat when he pointed. "You've certainly provided me with enough evidence."
no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 02:41 pm (UTC)Miranda looks sympathetic
"Yes- well at least it's a safe enough place. Though a bit of a problem if you wanted to be somewhere else."
no subject
Date: 2009-05-26 01:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-26 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-27 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-27 04:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 04:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 05:06 pm (UTC)