[identity profile] mello-n-choco.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
((OOC: could possibly wander into NWSFness due to topic rather than action...just in case))Okay, that test of his is almost finished. I just need to find someone to give it a final proof and it'll be done.

There are a couple of things bothering me, though. With Yagami and B using my given name, the name I was born with, I have heard it more recently than I ever have before. I wonder, what is Near's name?

The other thing is that Near needs a safe word. Yes, I can read him pretty well, but there is always the possibility that I'd misread something. While things between us may have started out as a power game, as me trying to conquer him, they're not that way anymore. I need to let him know that, explain things better to him. I know he doesn't fully understand.

I will have to make him understand. Once he understands what the safe word is for, I think he'll understand this isn't a power game anymore, that it is a relationship. I think he'll understand that I love him, too.

Not that I'd tell him that directly. Ever.

I rummage through a drawer, digging out a chocolate bar, deciding that I should probably bring up "safe word" before "name." It'd help prove I mean what's being said and not said.

Date: 2008-03-19 04:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
It's tricky, practicing a soundproofing charm without being able to talk to someone outside the silenced area... if you could, it would defeat the purpose of the charm. So for now, Near is practicing a charm in miniature with a small portable CD player and a box.

CD player outside the box: Jonathan Coulton singing about DNA.

CD player inside the box: Silence.

Small-scale test was a go.

He looked up from his windowseat perch and smiled, but didn't want to interrupt what Mello was doing.

Date: 2008-03-19 04:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
"Hmmm?" It sounded almost familiar... "I think I've heard the term, but I can't quite place it."

Date: 2008-03-19 04:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
"That... makes sense, I suppose." It did, actually. A lot of sense. It sounded quite freeing, actually, to be able to say that sort of thing, to say 'no' and 'stop' and 'don't' and know that it wouldn't stop... the verbal equivalent of being able to struggle when tied. "Are you suggesting we should use one?"

Date: 2008-03-19 04:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
"I'm supposed to decide?" A word neither of them would forget. A word neither of them would mistake for anything else.

What other possibily was there? It barely took a second's thought.

"Kira."

Date: 2008-03-19 04:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
The question wiped out everything else Mello ha said, it was a kick in the stomach. To ask that, to want to know that...

His voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "Don't you have enough to use against me?"

Date: 2008-03-19 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
"Names are weapons. You know that as well as anyone." He remembered what he'd told Matt. "When L hurried out of here the other day... it was because I upset him. I spoke cruelly to him, because he made me angry by using my given name. I didn't take such glee in rubbing Soichiro's face in his son's actions until he used my name. Even that wretch B... I doubt I would have been as venomous with him, if he hadn't thrown it at me.

Near sighed. "You're like me. You should know. My name's never been something spoken to me lovingly. It's always been a liability. It was so close... when we finally brought down Yagami..." It shouldn't make his throat tighten, not when he'd just told Matt the story, but coupled with being asked his name, asked by Mello... "He had a scrap of paper from that accursed notebook. When one of his own men shot him, he'd written all but the last letter. So tell me why I would want to tell you my name."

Date: 2008-03-19 04:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
And he wasn't expecting that either, and there's no way he could stay across the room after that. Scrambling off the windowseat (and knocking over the soundproofed box, letting the CD player tumble out to warble away unheeded), he crossed the room, and laid a hand on Mello's - Mihael's - cheek.

And still, he was trembling, and still, he had to close his eyes to speak. "Nate River."

Date: 2008-03-19 04:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
Still shaking, he wrapped his arms around Mello. "Near," he whispered fiercely, "Always Near. Don't call me anything else, don't call me that, it makes me angry, don't..."

Date: 2008-03-19 05:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
"Yours," Near agreed breathily, clinging to him, the shivering gradually subsiding. "Do you want me to call you...? It would feel strange, but it's your name..." It still felt like a weapon, to him, to use real names among them.

Date: 2008-03-19 05:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
The taste of chocolate on Mello's lips makes the kiss more him somehow, the sweetness melding easily with the taste of his mouth. "Exactly. A name on a file. I don't think it would ever define you to me." He rubs the hollow of Mello's throat with his thumb. "You're just so very... Mello."

Date: 2008-03-19 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
The bad pun made Near roll his eyes and scrunch his nose at Mello. "I'd have imagined that enough people would have said that to you for you to be sick of it. I've certainly had my fill of bad puns about my given name."

And, forget? When it was seared so deep in his memory? Near met Mello's eyes. "Kira."

Date: 2008-03-19 05:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
"When I want you to stop. To really stop, so I can scream and yell 'no' and 'stop', and you'll know not to, but if I say that... we'll both remember." It might take a little while to fully grasp the dynamics, but Near was beginning to understand.

Date: 2008-03-19 06:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cardarchitect.livejournal.com
The rawness of the declaration shook Near, and he though he'd been as shaken as he could be. He pulled Mello into a kiss, pulled him down to stretch out on the bed, pulled Mello into his arms, cradling Mello as gently as Mello had cradled him only moments before. "Aishiteru," he echoed, knowing the English didn't have the same depth, the same power.

"We've said it, said both, that you're mine, I'm yours, that we love each other..." That was still enough to give him a shocked twinge. "Matt said something. He asked... were we boyfriends. The word seemed silly to me. Is there one? For what we are, I mean."

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