Of Names and Words ((Closed RP, Mello, Near))

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

((OOC: could possibly wander into NWSFness due to topic rather than action...just in case))Okay, that test of his is almost finished. I just need to find someone to give it a final proof and it'll be done.

There are a couple of things bothering me, though. With Yagami and B using my given name, the name I was born with, I have heard it more recently than I ever have before. I wonder, what is Near's name?

The other thing is that Near needs a safe word. Yes, I can read him pretty well, but there is always the possibility that I'd misread something. While things between us may have started out as a power game, as me trying to conquer him, they're not that way anymore. I need to let him know that, explain things better to him. I know he doesn't fully understand.

I will have to make him understand. Once he understands what the safe word is for, I think he'll understand this isn't a power game anymore, that it is a relationship. I think he'll understand that I love him, too.

Not that I'd tell him that directly. Ever.

I rummage through a drawer, digging out a chocolate bar, deciding that I should probably bring up "safe word" before "name." It'd help prove I mean what's being said and not said.

Comments

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I wrap my arms around him tightly. "Call me Mello outside. In here, call me what you want. Though, I've never had to respond to Mihael. It's a name on a file more than my name." I reach over for my chocolate bar and take a bite before kissing him again. I think he needs it as much as I do.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

The taste of chocolate on Mello's lips makes the kiss more him somehow, the sweetness melding easily with the taste of his mouth. "Exactly. A name on a file. I don't think it would ever define you to me." He rubs the hollow of Mello's throat with his thumb. "You're just so very... Mello."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I laugh. "But not very mellow," I counter. It's bad, a pun, but I'm relieved that he'd rather use my name than my given name. I caress his hair. "Now," I prompt him, "what is your safe word again?" I need to be sure he's remembered.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

The bad pun made Near roll his eyes and scrunch his nose at Mello. "I'd have imagined that enough people would have said that to you for you to be sick of it. I've certainly had my fill of bad puns about my given name."

And, forget? When it was seared so deep in his memory? Near met Mello's eyes. "Kira."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I search his eyes. He'll remember the word. "And, when do you use it?" I press. I need to know he understands. He needs to know the power he has, both over me and in our relationship.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"When I want you to stop. To really stop, so I can scream and yell 'no' and 'stop', and you'll know not to, but if I say that... we'll both remember." It might take a little while to fully grasp the dynamics, but Near was beginning to understand.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I nod. "Good." I hug him tightly, burying my face in his neck. Before I can stop the words, they fall from my lips, "Aishiteru." I love you. Not in the normal way of suki da yo but the formal, complete and total...Why does he undo me so?

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

The rawness of the declaration shook Near, and he though he'd been as shaken as he could be. He pulled Mello into a kiss, pulled him down to stretch out on the bed, pulled Mello into his arms, cradling Mello as gently as Mello had cradled him only moments before. "Aishiteru," he echoed, knowing the English didn't have the same depth, the same power.

"We've said it, said both, that you're mine, I'm yours, that we love each other..." That was still enough to give him a shocked twinge. "Matt said something. He asked... were we boyfriends. The word seemed silly to me. Is there one? For what we are, I mean."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I move so my head is resting on his chest. I can hear his heart beat. It's oddly soothing. "Lovers," I suggest, feeling it a little trite. "Partners." Again, wrong, not deep enough. "Mates." Sounds like animals or Australian friends. "Soul mates." Sounds ridiculously cosmic. "I don't know," I whisper, finally. I can't look at him just yet, though. I trace a light pattern on his stomach. "What do you call rivals who've become so much more? I don't know a word that doesn't seem trite or shallow or ridiculous. Not in any language I can think of."

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"That's the trouble with words, isn't it? Soft, slippery, hard to pin down. Easy to twist. None of them do say the right thing, do they?" Near slides his hand through Mello's hair, twiddling and twirling as if it were his own.

"The word for it isn't as important as the is of it. Because whatever other words surround it, you're Mello and I'm Near and I think that's always who'll we'll be to each other before anything else."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I sigh, closing my eyes while my fingers continue to trace light patterns. It feels good for him to play with my hair. "Indeed," I sigh.

I wonder, if it weren't for this place, would we have come to this place? Had I lived past the Kira case, that is.

Does it matter? We're here now.

"Indeed," I sigh again.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I never thought I would, you know. Be close enough to anyone to be their anything."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I laugh a little, moving to where I can look at him. "It's not like I planned on it, either," I say a little sharply. Everything is so out there. It's almost counter to my nature, except for the obsessive part, I guess. "But," I add, hesitating a moment before I finish, "I'm glad."

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"It's not a matter of planned. It's a matter of what I though I was capable of. What I thought was possible." He trailed his fingertips along Mello's cheek, traced the outline of his lips too. "I'm glad too... that's another word that doesn't really have the scope. 'Overwhelmed' or 'awed' might be closer, but they lack the aspect of pleasure."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I feel my lips quirk upwards as his finger traces them. Somehow, I can't find words, not now. I want him to kiss me. Something about the lightness of his touch, the openness of our conversation, is keeping me from moving. Can he see it? Can he see I want him to kiss me?

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"But you have a way of making things possible, don't you?" And he couldn't decipher it so precisely, but there was wanting written clearly on Mello's face, and it was just so natural, so easy and natural so shift just enough to pull him into a slow, deep soft kiss.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

A soft moan fills my throat as my eyes close. My arms are freed, I can pull him closer to me. I need him so much the thought of losing him scares me beyond anything else I've encountered. Nothing, not even death, holds the same terror. My hand slides up his back to tease the hair at the nape of his neck.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"Nice, that's nice," Near murmurs, shallow words, a raft for them to look to in the sudden depth of their shared emotion. It's all so much, and it's so very unlike anything in Near's experience. But Mello's always been able to provoke some feeling in him, and now it's a feeling with a name to it, a scary and precious name.

He runs a hand down Mello's spine, tracing it, the faint knob of each vertebra under his fingertips. The other hand he curls around one hip, pulling Mello tightly to him, moving slowly against him.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

This...it's so much deeper than what Matt and I shared...so much more real. There's no doubt, no worry, nothing beyond his touch. Perfection. That's the word, or completion.

Matt may be an anchor, my shore, but Near is my depths. I need them both, but I only need Near like this.

I let myself move, letting his rhythm fill my body, my mind.

And, still, nothing but soft moans fill my throat.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"If I don't take these off of you they're going to be a mess soon," Near muttered, reaching for the lacing of Mello's pants. The vest would have to come off too, yes, but it could wait. Every moan that floated from Mello's lips seemed to skitter across his skin, lifting the hairs on his arms.

"Do love you," Near whispered, shifting and twisting to stay in as close contact as possible as he stripped them both. Finally, black leather and white pajamas slid to the floor in a twined heap, and he pulled Mello close to him again, gripping his waist and leaning in for a gentle but insistent kiss.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I can only lean into his kiss. His touch, so sure, so...so trembling, so clinging. I can't call up anything to try and take over, none of my usual dominance.

I moan louder when our bodies touch, the clothing gone between them. "Need," I think I manage to say. Or maybe it's just a moan that he swallows from my lips.

I wrap my arms around him. As long as he doesn't stop, I'll be okay.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"Tell me what you need," Near murmured, easing Mello onto his back, stretching warm and hungry atop him. "I want you to have what you need. I want you to be what you need."

It was intoxicating, dizzying. Without Mello's words, his name, his declaration of love, he'd never have had this sudden sureness.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"You...this...us..." I can't get the words out of my head right. I cling to him, my hands roaming his back. My legs move, wrapping around his, pulling him closer to me. One of my hands finds his hair and I pull his lips down to mine. My other hand finds his ass and holds it, kneading gently.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"Us," Near repeated, pushing down against him, still slow, still steady, but harder now, sucking lightly on Mello's lower lip, working his hands up under his back to pull him even closer.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I arch my back, letting his hands under me. My leg slides up his, pulling him closer as I surrender to his touch. I can only beg like this, Near, only like this. Words are gone, thought is gone, there is only need and Near...and need for Near.

And Near is here.