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[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

Dear Cooper,

Hello! This is Ron Weasley here; do you remember me? I was a student here for a while, you, uh, butt into were involved in my puppet problem? Anyways, I've been away for a few months now, but I'm back. I know this is really out of no where, but I have a few questions to ask you about. First off, I know you're interested in werewolves. Just so you know, I understand why you'd be nervous, but I've always thought it was a bit out of nowhere, and I can't really agree with you about that whole werewolf hunt.

Still, there is something I need to talk to you about that's vaguely connected to what you were investigating, and I was wondering if you knew anything about it. They're called furries, and they're like werewolves because they're furry, and that's about it. But even so, I thought you might have heard something about them since you were always so active.

Thanks,

Ron Weasley

Comments

Memo to Ron Weasley

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

TO: Ron Weasley
FROM: Special Agent Dale Cooper
RE: 'Furries'

Werewolves? They're a thing of the past. Technically speaking they're also a thing of the present, but they no longer threaten Hogwarts per se. No, the real peril facing us is the threat of face-eating cats.

Face-eating cats are furry.

Are these furries, by any chance, cats or catlike?

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

Ron didn't quite get Cooper's memo system, but to stay on his good side, he mimicked it. Unfortunately, while he did that, he still added the old fashion way of salutations and goodbyes. Also to stay on his good side, Ron didn't ask what made Dale so special, anyway.

To: Special Agent Dale Cooper
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Re: 'Furries'

Dear Special Agent Dale Cooper,

I'm not sure werewolves were threatening Hogwarts before, but ok. Wait, you mean those face-eating- I mean, those cats that just started appearing, like, over a year ago or something like that? Those things always rubbed me the wrong way. Don't tell me they did something!

Are all face-eating cats furries, and all furries face-eating cats?

I don't know, and that's why I was writing you!

From,

Ron Weasley

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

Poor, poor Ron Weasley. Cooper was almost sorry to disillusion him. He almost wished he could let Ron continue in blissful ignorance, unaware that some cats ate faces.

His duty bade otherwise.

He replied urgently.

To: Ron Weasley
From: Coop
RE: RE: RE: 'Furries'

Yes, those face-eating cats. They came to Hogwarts in waves and droves. Now they're lying low. Who knows what scheme they're hatching in the shadows?

I can't tell you whether all 'furries' are face-eating cats. You'll have to tell me more about 'furries' for me to say. I can, however, assure you that all face-eating cats are furry, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

We should investigate a possible link.

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

To: Coop
From: Ron Weasley
RE: RE: RE: RE: 'Furries'

Hey Mister Cooper,

Yeah, but that adjective implies a verb, doesn't it? Face-eating, I mean. That means they ate faces. How many and whose is what I want to know. It could be a clue. Maybe that's how furries are made?

Furries are... well, that's the thing. I don't know what they are. I do know that they're coming to Hogwarts and, I think, planning something nefarious. Also, one invaded a Q-Brick. It was gross and awful.

Investigate? Aw, I don't have to wear a stupid hat, do I?

From,

Ron Weasley

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

TO: Ron Weasley
FROM: Agent Cooper
RE: The deeds of face-eating cats.

That's just it, Ron. The face-eating cats kept their sinister deeds entirely under wraps. It's currently unknown just how many faces fell prey to those cats. Their current whereabouts are also unknown.

Your conjecture regarding the origin of furries disturbs and intrigues me.

What happened to this Q-Brick? What is a Q-Brick?

When I'm undertaking an investigation I usually just wear a black suit. No hat unless I'm undercover.

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

To: Agent Cooper
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Re: The deeds of face-eating cats.

Hey Agent Cooper,

I think it wold be easy enough to track cat attacks. Just walk around Hogwarts looking for people with missing faces. Hey, we could even set up an access to a Muggle hotline. If you are missing your face, please dial this number. The thing is, I forgot which number is for the Muggle hotline. So I guess we'd just have to post a message in the Great Hall. We could also check out Hogsmeade and the Hospital Wing.

Well, from my understanding, all Q-Bricks are movies but not all movies are Q-Bricks. I think a Q-Brick has to have a lot of effed up Muggles in it, and flashing lights.

Oh, I don't have a black suit anymore. I only wore one once, and that was also my only time driving a real, non-flying Muggle car. It didn't end well.

But hey, I also got a hat out of it!

From,

Ron Weasley

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

TO: Ron Weasley
FROM: Agent Cooper
RE: Q-Brick

It's my theory that the victims of cat attacks disappear after the attack. Possibility: The cats' saliva carries a toxin that induces popcorn transformation. Your idea about posting a message does have merit. Fliers sometimes generate helpful information.

Can you explain more about effed-up Muggles?

We'll have to get you a black suit, pronto. Hats are optional.

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

To: Agent Cooper
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Re: Q-Brick

Hey Agent Cooper,

Where the heck did that theory come from? Why do you think that? Though the popcorn thing might hold a possibility. Too bad we can't talk to any of the post-pops to see what was last thing they remember They usually don't; besides, it's a little rude.

I can't explain, that's the whole point of being effed up. And I'd rather not describe it either. Honestly, I'd like to forget the whole thing.

Do you carry around a lot of extra suits?

From,

Ron Weasley

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

TO: Ron Weasley
FROM: Agent Cooper
RE: effed-up popcorn

That's exactly why it's so difficult to pin down the activities of the face-eating cats. Difficult, but not impossible. Nothing is impossible.

I think I need to see this Q-Brick.

I don't carry extra suits, no. A vampire by the name of Joachim Armster once stole a pair of my pants in the Sorting Room and made them into a headdress. Since then, I take good care of my garments.

Re: Memo to Ron Weasley

[dungbombsrule.livejournal.com]

TO: Agent Cooper
FROM: Ron Weasley
RE: RE: effed-up popcorn

Dear Agent Cooper,

I dunno, I think a few things are impossible. Tracking down these face-eating cats won't be. Hey, if their victims disappear, how do you know their faces are being eaten?

Hey, don't look at me. I just fell into the Q-Brick festival, and I'm not going back there. Not for you, not for Professor Dumbledore, not for anybody.

And if you don't have an extra one hanging around, I think we'll have to deal with investigating without a suit. I'm not buying one, and I'm not having anyone get me one, either.

From,

Ron Weasley