The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of duck waffles procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!”

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...



((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

Comments

[hobodoktor.livejournal.com]

"There will be no hate in this household! NO HATE! Now, come hug me!"

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

Skwisgaar backed away from the strange, smelly man. "Dat is okay, I t'inks I will pass on dats."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

Toki backs away as well. "Yeah, I pass too." He wonders if putting the couch between him and everybody else will do any good.

[hobodoktor.livejournal.com]

"Oh, come on, we're married! Married people hug!" And he stepped forward to hug.

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

Skwisgaar shot a nervous glance at Toki and then at the couch. "Quick, let's barracudas ourselves from hims."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

Toki nods emphatically. "Right." He grabs one end of the couch and starts pulling it towards him, away from the hug-crazy paper-bag-hatted hobo.

[hobodoktor.livejournal.com]

"YOU GUYS HATE ME! I WANT A DIVORCE!" And Dr. Hobo stomps out of the room, dialing on the dead squirrel.

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

"You t'inks Ofdensens can do a divorce?," Skwisgaar asked Toki, ignoring the Hobo.

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"I dunno, is we allowed to do that?" He cowers behind the couch. This is worse than fan girls.

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

"Why wouldn'ts we be?," Skwisgaar asked. "Hey, he's gones. I wonder if deres boozes here..."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"I hopes so," Toki says sadly. "I think we's gonna need to be reeeealy drunks to makes dis marriages work."

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

"...We's not consuming its, Toki."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"What, the boozes?" Now he's confused. Again, not that hard. "But I thought that's what boozes is for. What, we gonna light the tent on fires?"

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

Now that was an idea... But not what Skwisgaar meant. "No, consumes the marriage."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

A pause. A long pause. And then it sort of hits Toki. "Ooooh. You means conjugates! Yeah, we don't does that." He creeps out from behind the couch, keeping an eye out for a hobo wanting hugs. "I wonder what the crappy elves does with my pets." The wandering is cut short by an indignant shriek. "We only has one bedrooms!"

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

There was only one, obvious solution to Skwisgaar.

"You sleeps on de couches den."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

Toki shrugs. "Fine with me." As far as he figures, the bed is large. If Skwisgaar sleeps on the bed and Toki sleeps on the couch, the creepy hobo guy will probably bother Skwisgaar instead of him. He kicks some of his stuff over in the couch direction so that no one can contest this.

[hobodoktor.livejournal.com]

"I'm home!" Dr. Hobo walked back into the tent. "I'm beat! Here, honey, I got you your own phone!" He set a second dead rat near Toki. Then promptly fell asleep on the couch.

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

Toki stares at the rat, then Dr. Hobo asleep on the couch, and then back at the rat. "I wanna go backs to Mordhaus," he complains.

[gmilf-hunter.livejournal.com]

"I wanna gets drunk. Likes really drunk," Skwisgaar added, "And go back to Mordhaus."