The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of duck waffles procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!”

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...



((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

Comments

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

Stunned would be a good word for Aayla's current state of mind. See also: angry and ready to Force-choke a bitch. She didn't suppose that arguing that this whole marriage thing was against her vows would do any good. So the first thing she does is try to seek out a friendly face in the mass of people being prodded over to the tent village. "Charles, wait up!"

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

That's it. Ofdensen is going to torch that hat.

Course, when he tried to, the elves got him good with the cattle prod, so he was hissing in pain when Aayla called for him.

"Hi," he muttered.

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

Normally, Aayla didn't Force-push relatively innocent beings just doing their job unless they were trying to cause her harm. Then again, normally she wasn't married against her will, so all the rules were currently out the window. Yoda could lecture her about improper Force usage later. So one small hand gesture later and the armed elves were flying off, feeling as though they'd been hit by an invisible sledgehammer. "Wonderful," she snarled. "I'm going to kill that hat. This can't be legally binding."

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"Lucky," he said as he watched her throw elves with the Force. "You stab him, as long as I get to torch him." Oh thank god, he's got some feeling back.

"There might be a case against him, he did coerce us all into marriage, the thing is, I don't know how effective a class action lawsuit can be. Everyone may still have to follow through with an annulment."

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

"It's times like this I wish I knew how to use Force lightning," she growled. "I can assure you, it hurts like nothing else." She shook her head, lekku curling and uncurling furiously. "Wait. What number do you have?" She looked at her token. I have eighteen."

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"34. Which...." as he came up to the map "...is on the other side of the village. Fantastic." Ofdensen looked slightly disappointed. But then got distracted by seeing a familiar combover. "Pickles, tell me you don't have 34 on your token."

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

Pickles was confused. By where he was, partially, because he did happen to be quite drunk and on some new form of uppers to boot. Which didn't do much, with the kind of tolerance that Pickles had built up over the years. But, yes. Disoriented.

"I don't... I gotta... There's a two in there. Somewhere," was all he mumbled in return to Ofdensen, vaguely, eyes widening. He was married? To some dude named Damien.

"Oh, frickin' shit-monkies! I'm married to the friggin' Antichrist! That's awesome!"

And wandered off, of course, in some random other direction.

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

Aayla raised an eyebrow in surprise. That was one of Charles's employers? She'd seen deathstick addicts on Coruscant that looked more lucid.

"Pity," she told Charles, genuine regret in her voice.

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"WHAT?!" He can't be serious. He got married to the Antichrist?!

Okay, Charlie, this might not be so bad. Pickles/Antichrist marriage=totally marketable. Also Pickles/Antichrist marriage possibly=the end of the world.

He just settled for holding his head. Christ he's getting a headache.

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

Aayla paused near the tents, Force-pushing the nearest elves far away. "I suppose I should go find my tent," she said reluctantly.

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"So should I. And start drawing up for a lawsuit. Good luck, Aayla," he said in a rush, giving her a small hug.

It wasn't until he got to his tent that he realized..."Oh, shit, I just hugged her, didn't I."

[blue-ataru.livejournal.com]

"Luck," she whispered back after he walked off. An approaching house elf forced her out of the moment and set her on her way to the tent. Wonderful.