http://ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hh_mirror2007-08-10 09:04 pm

The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of duck waffles procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...



((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

[identity profile] wright-phoenix.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
Before Phoenix could yell "OBJECTION!", the elves nudged him toward the village. He didn't even know WHO he married. Not the best thing in the world.

[identity profile] brenda-johnson.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
Brenda was already in the tent when he arrived. Not Fritz?! Her lips pursed in displeasure, a look any of her squad back home would have correctly interpreted as 'do not approach.'

Dammit, her boyfriend had only just joined her here!

[identity profile] hellminxmel.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
Maia wore her best dress for this.

She feels utterly cheated that she did not get an award. She hadn't expected one, because she'd seen that little brat Sanchez flouncing into the hall. But still. You know. Best dress, ceremony--like the HORNS awards.

She did attempt to leave, but all that came of it was an itching sensation and her dress smoking. So Maia is grumpily at the tent, listening grimly to her iPod, and flicking her token at the wall.

She really hopes some hot guy will turn out to be her 'husband'. Maia could use some consummation right now.

[identity profile] tako-time.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
Consummation she was not going to get. Tako would need a map, a GPS unit, and possibly a native guide to even begin to figure out what would even be involved in the process.

What she gets instead is an octopus thrown screaming into the hot tub next to the tent. "OhGodohGodOHGODHOTHOTHOT!" Tako screamed as he crawled out of the tub. Was this how they treated internet personalities here? What service! Tako was going to complain to the person in charge. As soon as he figured out who that was.

"So," he said to his brand new bride. "How's it going?" Steam was still wafting off of his tentacles.

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[identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
What. The. Sodding. Hell.

In a daze - Merlin, she knew the Hat had gone mad, but really! This was ridiculous! - Lily wandered down to her tent, thankful that Steeler was waiting for her. Mr. Quackers ruffled his feathers imperiously and glowered at her.

Well, apparently she was...married?

Bloody hell, at least last time she got gifts.

[identity profile] homsarhomsar.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 09:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Au contraire, mon pear: Homsar himself was the greatest gift of all, of course! And he came bearing a gift of his own: a brand-new Jenga set (http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/8915). The marriage had to be consummated, after all! He would have preferred a holy union with that rhinoceros, but...well, one takes what one can get. And Sirius's Arnie's other steady board game partner was not a bad catch at all.

Blibbling matter-of-factly into the tent, the Jenga set levitating in front of him, he announced, "DaaaAAAAaaaAAAAaaaAAAA! I'm the ghost of Christmas paaaa-yust!"

He was sure Arnie had told Lily all about him, but he wasn't sure whether Arnie had covered this one last fact. And now that they were married, they would definitely have to get to know each other.

[identity profile] tomowildcat.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:17 am (UTC)(link)


Yes, forcibly married to a complete stranger, and this is what Tomo's hollering about.

The swarming house elves easily drag her away - but not before she manages to punt a couple of them for good measure. She actually gets one in a hot tub before they get smart and pick her up like ants carrying off a picnic.

[identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
By the time Carla got out to the tent, her brain had started working again. She'd just come down for a ceremony! Not to get married! Surely this was just a huge mistake.

Right?

Sitting down on the bed in the tent, mouth dropped open and quite confused, Carla just kind of...waited.

This was just freaking nuts.

[identity profile] estebanmd.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
Stephen did not take kindly to the jostling of elves. "Down, now, away with you. I have been apprehended by worse than you; I know very well how to go quietly, when the occasion befits it," he told them crossly. He'd been a prisoner of war before. He imagined this would be something similar. Over his time at Hogwarts he had seen the whims of the Sorting Hat, and expected nothing good to come of the present project. His own elf, Aloysius, found him among the throng and stayed by his side as a kind of neutral escort; after that, the other elves seemed satisfied that Stephen was being herded properly, and did not attempt to prod him.

Tent 47 looked like all the other tents. To Stephen's surprise, what awaited him inside was neither a bizarre monstrosity nor a deranged shrieking teenage girl. "Why, Nurse Espinosa, this is an unexpected turn of events," he said with relief. The woman was competent, which counted for a good deal with Stephen.

Stephen, of course, had no idea Perry Cox had his eye on the charming Carla. He only knew he himself had no designs on the woman, and hoped Carla had gotten the measure of him well enough in their short acquaintance to understand he would make no advances. "We may term it a mariage blanc, and make the best of it," he sighed. "I do apologise the Hat did not allot you a better."

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[identity profile] done-hunting.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
One word summed up Sam's feelings as he was herded down to a tent by a bunch of over-eager house-elves.

HELP.

Oh, and crap. That was another good one.

He was so screwed.

[identity profile] kamikazejudy.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
"We have to live in tents?!," Judy screeched, more put out over the meanness of their quarters than the fact that she had just gotten married. "Can you believe this?," she asked Sam, "So lame."

[identity profile] grandmasteryoda.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
Yoda hobbled along to his new home, Force-pushing some house elves out of the way when they arrived to encourage him along. The first thing he did when he arrived was to plop himself down on the courch and throw one wizened arm over his eyes. "Too old for this sort of thing, I am," he said aloud to the room. "Cake, they could have served if a marriage ceremony this was."

[identity profile] hot-german.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
To Dieter, formal clothes meant actual clothes, and had left his towel behind in Ravenclaw. Ich setzte für dieses an kleiden? Dieter thought to himself as he was prodded into the tent. At least the house elves had brought his stuff along. Although, why was that one resting on the couch? Oh- Gott. Bezeichnungzwerge.

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[identity profile] traitorormartyr.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
He's......married. Okay then.

Truth be told, though, this is one of the more amusing weddings he's been to. What a story he could tell.

Archie brushed his still-white hair (but it's darkening a bit so it should be blond in a couple of days) as he was led to the village. He kept himself busy with a book while waiting for his wife.

[identity profile] stylish-nebulon.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Nebulon may have been one of the only students actually to feel joy at the surprising news he'd just been married.

Finally, someone legally obligated to like Nebulon's style!

Excited, he hover-whooshed to his tent as fast as he could, singing to himself:

"Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in god and man!"

When he caught sight of his new bride, his eyestalks bobbled in a mingling of joy and disappointment. He had so been hoping that it would be the man with the automail.

(Nebulon was not too clear on human gender or terminology. Also he had an inexplicable crush on Ed Elric.)

Suppressing that pang of longing for the fullmetal alchemist, Nebulon puffed up what might have been his chest, and addressed his new bride!

"I'll stick with you baby for a thousand years
Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years!
"

[identity profile] wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
The demon had taken great care to wear his best uniform, and had made sure Yuuri was wearing his best as well. Sadly for Yuuri, his best outfit was just his black school's uniform, but in Shin Makoku, it was considered a costume of the highest class. He had been waiting patiently to learn the Hat's announcement, and widened his eyes in shock once he heard it. 'Married'!? The idea of marrying Yuuri had been the centre of the last year of Wolfram's life, and it was supposed to be over just like that?

Oh no, it would not be! His family wasn't even there. Yuuri wasn't wearing his ceremonial robes! What about Wolfram's wedding dress!? "Yuuri," Wolfram screamed as he was pushed along by the House Elves. "What did you do!?"

[identity profile] slayerofkings.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
Jaime was clad in the white armor and cape of the Kingsguard for the first time in a long time. It was rather ironic that he had been (forcefully) married in the garb that signified he would never be married.

He didn't have a long to ponder that irony as he found himself quickly married to this tiny, rage filled, rather effeminate man. "Would you cease your screeching?," Jaime said tersely, raising his false, golden hand to his forehead in frustration.

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[identity profile] blue-ataru.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
Stunned would be a good word for Aayla's current state of mind. See also: angry and ready to Force-choke a bitch. She didn't suppose that arguing that this whole marriage thing was against her vows would do any good. So the first thing she does is try to seek out a friendly face in the mass of people being prodded over to the tent village. "Charles, wait up!"

[identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
That's it. Ofdensen is going to torch that hat.

Course, when he tried to, the elves got him good with the cattle prod, so he was hissing in pain when Aayla called for him.

"Hi," he muttered.

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[identity profile] ringoate-mybaby.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
All in all, it worked out for Oz. He hadn't unpacked his things into his old room yet, and now he didn't have to. The werewolf turned around and followed the crowd to the tent village.

[identity profile] teamseaslug.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Osaka is stunned. Stunned. She's never even kissed anyone, and now she's married? She wonders how to phrase this in the next letter she writes home to her parents. She plods along to the tent, nearly in tears when she arrives due to some enthusiastic house elves deciding that her usual slow pace is too slow for their taste. "This is the worst day ever," she wails.

[identity profile] hernes-son.livejournal.com 2007-08-14 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
Good God, how had this happened? It could not be happening. Robin made his way to his tent, thinking all the while. What could he do? Arranged marriages were not unheard of in his time, but this was something different, when neither party had any say, nor truly any inkling of the event. There had to be a way to stop this.

It was not that Robin was opposed to marriage - indeed, were Renata free to wed, he would have asked her months ago to be his bride. But this!

He entered the tent and looked around, wondering if there was any way to send an owl from this ridiculous place.

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[identity profile] rogue-nebari.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
Frelling married?! This is great. Just frelling great. Chiana had been looking foward to free food, free drinks and prizes. She'd even worn her fancy new dress. (http://z.about.com/d/golondon/1/0/8/D/-/-/MUSEUM_DRESS.jpg) And now she's married?! "Frell off," she screams at the nearest house elf. The second she's to the tent, she's rummaging around in the kitchen, looking for something remotely alcoholic. There's no way she's finishing her day sober.

[identity profile] redballerina.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
...What now? Married? Oh no. Not Bombalurina. She had never taken a mate and was not planning on doing that yet for a long time, if ever. Being married was NOT in the plan.

Hissing at the House-elves and occasionally clawing at them (which didn't appear to disturb them nearly as much as Bomba would have wished), the furious redhead stomped off towards her assigned tent. Her dress (http://www.edressme.com/04372nn.html), which unusually enough actually did went past her knees in honour of this "award ceremony," trailed after her, the edges of it already stained with mud. Oh great... She just hoped her new husband would be hot. Hopefully good in bed too, because otherwise Bomba was definitely going to have words with the Sorting Hat. They would not be nice words. They would be threats. Bombalurina didn't take orders from anyone.

Stupid Hat.

As soon as Bomba entered tent number 13 she became aware of the sounds. Ah. Her husband, the apple of her eye...

She went inside, and saw... a woman. A... sort of... blueish... woman. In an extremely ugly dress, to boot.

"So," said Bomba irritably, crossing her arms over her rather impressive cleavage. "I know I'm in the right place. Please don't tell me you live here too."

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[identity profile] nicknamegirl.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
"Hey, no pushing!"

Usually Lola didn't mind House-elves. In fact, she thought they were kind of cute. Now, of course, she realised that they were actually tiny demons, presumably minions of some evil overlord that forced everyone to be married. And they were pushing her outside towards some weird little village that surely hadn't been there before...

She so didn't have time for this. Dammit, she had lines to rehearse!

Grumping in her cute yellow sundress that she had decided to wear for the award ceremony, Lola suddenly found herself outside one of the tents, blinking in utter confusion.

Did she smell... beets?

She went inside. Um. Okay. A house. And it was empty. Her husband wasn't here yet... whoever he was. Lola decided to sit down and wait. Because what else could she do? Maybe once the guy showed up, they could laugh at this whole story and wonder how they could get out of it together...

[identity profile] tomowildcat.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
A few minutes later, the sounds of scuffling and several thuds can be heard, accompanied by a very loud voice. "OW! Hey, watch the hair! Take that, you little -" *THUD* "Yeah, how do you like that, huh? Teach you to mess with the awesome -"

*BZZAP*

Another moment and a few thuds later, and the door is kicked open. A body comes flying through the door, sailing in an arc before crashing to the floor at Lola's feet.

Still slightly smoking, clothes wet and torn in several places and still clutching a handful of rags from when she dropkicked a house-elf, Tomo sat up groggily. "Yeah, you better run! Cowards! I'll getcha back for this!" She shook her fist in the general direction of the house-elves before flopping down on her back again. "...in a minute..."

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[identity profile] dr-fraiser.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
No way. No way. Janet did not abandon her research into the physiological effects of dragon pox for this. And the elves had moved her things? If a single page of her notes was misplaced, there would be hell to pay.

[identity profile] ogein-puppeteer.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Ogin was livid. 'How on earth can I be married when I barely know ANYBODY at this stupid place?!' She sat down heavily and sulked, wondering who she would be stuck with.

[identity profile] insane-mil-cmdr.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:27 am (UTC)(link)
Captain Crais entered the tent, all stiff military bearing and disdain, and walked around the 'room' examining everything before addressing his spouse.

"Is this usual on this planet? Your sponsoring agency issues you a new home and spouse, and orders you to get to the business of producing offspring?"

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[identity profile] degeneratewolfe.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
To say that Valentine is displeased would be an understatement. His first marriage and he didn't even get to wear a veil? Really. He proceeds to the tent, frowns at how terribly common it looks, and proceeds to look through his rather considerable stash. If he's married to someone who believes in temperance, he'll just have to convert them or drive them out. Anyone entering the tent will see him snorting lines of a bright blue powder off of the kitchen counter.

[identity profile] blacks-thecolor.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
Bernard hadn't gotten dressed up at all. In fact, he'd probably dressed down, seeing as this was his fourth consecutive day of wearing the same shirt and same suit. And now he was married?

"Bollocks this," Bernard hollered, stumbling into the tent, already lighting a new cigarette. When he saw Valentine, he stopped, and started gesturing wildly. "Who are you? Have you come to sell me something? I don't want to join a cult!"

[identity profile] eastmostdodongo.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
Married to someone other than his precious Dodongo? Oh, how it made the Old Man weep to think of it. If only his sweet Dodongo hadn't had it's life cut so short by that evil, green-clad elf.

"DODONGO DISLIKES SMOKE," the Old Man said sadly to the Exile.

[identity profile] forcedexile.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
The only thing running through the Exile's mind was 'huh?' as she was led to her tent.

She got married. Not good.

She got married to someone she didn't even know. Even worse.

She was married to an old man that said something strange. "I'll be over there..." she muttered and gestured, going to the brooms.

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[identity profile] tallyhopippip.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:01 am (UTC)(link)
Well, that's odd. George is married? He didn't even realise he was dating! He wondered who the lucky lucky girl was that he just married as he headed to the tent.

"Oh, swimming pool! What fun!" he yelled as he noticed the hot tub(s) and stuck a foot in. "Hm...a bit shallow. Oh well." He went right in, uniform and all.

[identity profile] nervous-guy.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
Married?! Doug couldn't be married! Oh, jeez, especially not to a guy! Gah! Doug wasn't gay! Doug was practically asexual, he was so... not-sexual. And he most definitely couldn't be married. He had barely even gotten to first base!

He at least looked... Halfway decent, in the new suit (http://manolomen.com/images/Paul%20Stuart%20flannel%20suit.jpg") he'd picked up, in Hogsmeade. Just for this, even. He thought he was going to be getting a prize! ...Was this the prize? Not even... chocolate or something? No? A marriage? Okay.

"I, um." He approached George like a frightened deer in the headlights, eyes wide and fingers fidgeting freakishly uneasily with the edge of his suit. "You're George, right?" Oh, God, his voice was squeaking.

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[identity profile] alicevamp.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
Alice began to panic. She was married to someone she didn't even know. And Jasper... oh, no.

If she had tears, she would've been crying as the house elves nudged her away to the doors. Poor Jasper. What would he say when he found out about this? Would he ever find out about this?

What a mess this was turning out to be...

[identity profile] soggynotecards.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 12:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Demyx wasn't too thrilled either. As he remarked aloud to no one in particular when he arrived at the tent, "Isn't marriage supposed to involve love? 'Cause there's two problems right there. One, I haven't even seen whoever it is I'm 'sposed to be marrying, and two, I can't love them anyway." If he expounded any further on that subject, he'd probably be forced to explain the whole idea of being a Nobody again.

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[identity profile] secondfastest.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
Toki is boggled. This is hardly new and unusual. The business of being married, though? Not metal at all. With his luck, it's going to be a GMILF that he'll be too nauseated to touch and he'll have to deal with Skwisgaar being over and doing her all the time. Or else a werelobster. Oh, he shudders at that.

So when he gets to the tent, he starts looking for duct tape for the inevitable "MY SIDE YOUR SIDE" fight. He wants the side closest to the door.

[identity profile] hobodoktor.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
"BUT I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO INVITE STEVE!" Dr. Hobo yelled as he was rather unceremoniously shoved into his tent. He didn't even see Toki as he pulled out his squirrel phone and called Steve. "STEVE! I ELOPED!"

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[identity profile] starkwhitesnow.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
This wasn't the first time circumstance had forced Jon to violate his vows.

The strange crustacean, however, was a new experience. At least he wouldn't be able to force Jon to fool around with him under their sleeping furs.

Oh god, at least he hoped not.

[identity profile] whoopwhoowhoop.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, what a popular catch Zoidberg was becoming! First, two members of an internationally faaaaamous band, then a handsome police officer, and now a Jon Snow.

Everyone wanted a piece of Zoidberg! And why shouldn't they - he was a famous Doctor Inspector Coast Guard Officer!

"Why, hello new friend! I trust you're fertile enough to bear my offspring?"

[identity profile] carri3-whit3.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
Carrie sighed. Stupidly, she'd let herself become hopeful when the flier arrived. She'd even run up a simple but pretty dress (http://www.antiquedress.com/item9699.htm) in hopes of getting a simple pat on the back from her school. Only to be disappointed. Again.

"I swear, I am never gussyin' up like this ever again, ain't nothin' but trouble..." she hissed as the elves prodded her toward her tent.

[identity profile] lovesmanthongs.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
Borat had only attended the function because he'd been called - otherwise, he could have spent a rigorous night with his magazines. He hadn't exactly gotten dressed up, so to speak, but any day that he was wearing his gray suit (and not his extended man-bikini) was likely a lucky day for everybody else around him.

Excitedly, he looked around for his new wife. This was a very good day! He hadn't even had to go through the usual ceremony involving bull balls and poking midgets in cages! Though, poking the midgets was fun. Eventually, he spotted Carrie, and the number token she carried.

"Hello, I am Borat Sagdiyev," he said cheerfully, sidling up next to her. "I am from Khazakstan. You are my new wife! You will be..." Borat squinted thoughtfully, and then grinned widely. "Number four! Is a lucky number, yes?"

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
The nice thing about wearing all black was that if you got summoned to a formal event on short notice, you'd at least blend.

Ian smirked his way through the marriage "ceremony" and allowed himself to be herded to the tent village with the same smirk. Hell, this couldn't be worse than some of the marriages he'd already had...

...Could it?

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Maybe if he repeated that little mantra enough, this whole things would turn out to be some kind of dream. He'd gone to receive some kind of award, and now he was married. To Ian Malcolm. Who had been a nice enough one-night stand, but now...

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

This was not going to be a good day.

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[identity profile] doodily-doo.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:24 am (UTC)(link)
Married. Pickles! Married!

He couldn't be tied down to one chick! ...Let alone one dude! Even though, fucking shit! Damien? Did that mean he was married to the AntiChrist? Because, um, that was pretty freaking metal. No matter what country you lived in. Or. ...City. Tent village. Wherever you lived. Maybe not in the country.

At any rate, Pickles' idea of dressed up was basically a suit jacket (http://www.velvetgarden.net/images/photos/20061012-18.jpg) donned over a pair of jeans and a Children of Bodom Hate Crew (http://www.endlesswar.net/SOB/images/merch/2004/knuckleblack.jpg) t-shirt. Which wasn't really dressed up at all, but, hey, for a guy who was prone to walking around in nothing but a pair of tighty whities and sweatbands? It was pretty dressed up.

The Anti-Christ. Man.

[identity profile] damien-thorn.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
((There are so many posts, I missed this one the first time through.))

It wasn't the sudden shock of being married that bothered Damien the most. When the dust settled from this... escapade, he could find some kind of magical judge to get the whole thing annulled. It certainly wasn't a legally binding ceremony, no matter what the insane Hat might think. It wasn't even the choice of "bride" that ruffled his feathers.

It was the fact that the house elves had not only raided his room in Slytherin, but the filthy bastards had also managed to find his Black Chapel.

A life-sized crucifix (http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v239/Catremistrae/?action=view&current=omen310.jpg) stared mournfully into space from a corner of the living room. Since the closet space of the tent was a little cramped, the elves had hung Damien's shirts and ties from Jesus' outstretched arms. On top of the crown of thorns was Damien's riding helmet. All he was missing was a sign that read: Cheer Up, Emo Jesus.

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