Unpopcorning Homestar Runner

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"So where are we, anyway?" Homestar asked, looking around. He had just come out of a room full of popcorn, and he seemed to be in a long hallway. "And what's with all this butter?"

There was no answer. Homestar had some trouble with his R's, but it had never stopped anyone from talking to him before. Perhaps a bit more encouragement was required. "I mean, not that there's anything wrong with butter. Just…on popcorn, you know? Not on me. Cause then it's kind of gross."

He waited; still nothing. "I need, like, a shower or something. Maybe you could just point me in the direction of Marzipan's house? Or the nearest hose?"

Silence. Homestar frowned and glared suspiciously. "Hey, are you making fun of me? Cause that's getting really annoying. I have a wand," he held it up and made little tapping motions, "and I know how to use it. Seriously." A pause, then, "Whoa! Where'd I get this wand? I don't remember getting a wand." He had vague memories of some kind of school. And a hat. And Homsar and the Pea Soup guy were there.

"Am I in Oz?" he wondered, looking around again. He didn't yet seem to have realized that he was talking to a wall.


((Sorry, could someone help me out with Homestar's tag? It's not letting me add one myself.))

Comments

[eastmostdodongo.livejournal.com]

Could it be?, thought The Old Man. This strange creature was somehow related to The Chosen One (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1211718.html?thread=61800006#t61800006), it had to be!

"EASTMOST PENINSULA IS THE SECRET," The Old Man whispered conspiratorily.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

Homestar thought for a moment; it clearly cost some effort. "Oh!" he exclaimed, still addressing the wall. "Yeah, Fluffy Puff Marshmellows are the best. Especially when you dunk them in butter and throw them at Marzipan's windows."

[eastmostdodongo.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... The secret involved marshmallows? It made sense, sort of, the Chosen One being made out of the stuff afterall.

"DID YOU GET THE SWORD FROM THE OLD MAN ON TOP OF THE WATERFALL?"

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

Homestar jumped and turned around. "Whoa! Where'd you come from?" Rather than wait for the old guy, he jumped right into answering the question. "I don't know anything about swords, but I've got this." Grinning, he slapped an orange bowl onto his head and drew forth his spoon. "Col-oh-nel Homestar: reporting for duty!"

[eastmostdodongo.livejournal.com]

The Old Man nodded. "AIM AT THE EYES OF GOHMA."

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Will do!" Homestar announced, saluting.

[whoopwhoowhoop.livejournal.com]

"Oz?" Zoidberg appeared, out of nowhere. As was his way. "Oz is my fourth uncle. He owes me mooooney. Where are you hiding him!?"

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"It's Revenge of the Crab People from Uranus!" Homestar screamed and brandished his wand, which made a few colorful sparks. Not exactly threatening. Then he stopped and tilted his head slightly. "Or was that just the movie I watched at Strong Bad's house?" He trailed off, having completely forgotten the lobster man was even there.

[whoopwhoowhoop.livejournal.com]

"Crab people?" Zoidberg instantly relaxed. "Oz is seahorse, the mooch. But look at you, knowing all the fancy crab movie stars. You must be a veeeery impoooorant person. I know this, being an incredibly important person myself. Definitely much more important than you."

Lobsters were people too! Very Important People, in case you missed it.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Well, I won first place in the Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating event." He nodded once as though to say "So there!". Obviously, everyone knew about the Strong Badathlon (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/strong_badathlon).

[whoopwhoowhoop.livejournal.com]

"Well, Iiiiiii am a world famous doctor," Zoidberg said, chest puffed out. "A doctor of medicine, no less!"

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Ooh," Homestar breathed, immensely impressed. "Hey, do you know Dr. Bubs? He helped me unswallow a bug once." This was the height of skill as far as he was concerned. He seemed to have forgotten that Bubs' only role in the whole bug saga (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Bug_In_Mouth_Disease) was to try and sell him a used pancreas.

[whoopwhoowhoop.livejournal.com]

"Oh, sure, sure. He's a most truuuusted coooolleague!" This was a lie. No other doctors would even talk to Zoidberg, they were so jealous of his genius. But it was important to keep up appearances!

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

It was quiet, yes. The entire hall may have laid in silence. Perhaps unharmed. Perhaps innocent.

BUT NOT FOR VERY LONG.

Tenna came karate-chopping through the air, kicking out a foot with a big, "AIIIEEEEEE," and... knocking over a suit of armor. "Shit!" She managed to catch the helmet before the entire display toppled to the ground, the suit of armor becoming very protested to having fallen to the floor, in a wheezy sort of voice. Oops. So much for being STEALTH LIKE BULL.

Or was it like a mouse? Maybe an otter. ...Bulls weren't very stealth.

"I DEMAND TO KNOW YOUR ALLIANCES, SIR," she shouted nonetheless, brandishing the helmet like a weapon and widening her eyes at... was that a marshmallow? At Homestar, okay.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Twenty dollars a week!" Homestar announced. She had said allowance, hadn't she?

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Oh. Damn. That was pretty badass.

"WELL, I SAY THAT, CRIMINY, BY JOVE, YOU IS -- Twenty whole dollars? Really?" She brandished the helmet at him - rather menacingly! - and furrowed her eyebrows. "Suspicion is nigh!"

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Yep!" he replied brightly. "Except Marzipan's always forgetting to give it to me, so I have to get it myself. And then Strong Bad usually needs to borrow it for something."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

This guy shared alliances? Sheezy, what an amateur. ...Unless he was talking about the money. ...Tenna wouldn't share money either - twenty bucks was quality Chinese food money, man. "That is rather indubitably strange," she pointed out, letting the helmet dangle from one hand as she pointed an index finger towards Homestar.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Hey!" Homestar protested. "I am not indu-indy-in-ah-duh...whatever that word is!" He jabbed angrily in her direction with his wand. After a moment, he gave a coy little "hmph" and turned away, tucking his wand beneath an invisible arm (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Lack_of_Visible_Arms). "You're just jealous because Strong Bad doesn't want to borrow your twenty dollars."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Indubitably WAS a rather large - and admittedly complex - word. Tenna was slightly surprised she knew it. EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE SHE WAS A JEENYUS.

"Who's Strong Bad? Why's he after my money?" Tenna demanded, removing her wallet from her trench coat pocket as the helmet fell to the floor with a rather loud 'clang'. She waved around her arms a bit, wallet clutched in her fingers and eyes wide. "YOU'RE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS."

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

Funny; she didn't look like a tiny green leprechaun. "Why would I want your Lucky Charms?" Homestar pointed out in a completely reasonable voice. "Those things taste nasty."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Well, to be fair, her pants were green. But, yes, she was a little tall to be a leprechaun. Tenna was still waving her wallet around over her head, fixing Homestar with a conspiratorial sort of look. "Are you kidding? They taste of gods! If gods could poop out marshmallows!" Which they totally could. "Shun the non-believer. For serious."

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Lucky Charms are bad for you," he explained. "I am an athlete, so I have to stay on a strict diet of bacon and Mountain Dew."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Mountain Dew was pretty awesome, even Tenna would agree. It was really the pee to the Lucky Charms marshmallow poop of gods. Still. "Bacon? It's all stringy and bacon-y and such. And comes from pigs. PIGS. Would YOU think of pigs as a prime example of a healthy athlete? I THINK NOT."

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Homestar said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Speaking slowly, as though to someone stupider than he, "That's why we eat them." Then he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Hey, you're not one of Marzipan's veggie-torium friends, are you?"

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Buh? Did he just seriously suggest that? Vegetarian! Tenna?! "I am offended, sir!" she yelped automatically, waving her arms around like a windmill and sending a few pennies flying out of her wallet. "An apology is demanded at nigh!"

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

!!!

Bad enough Homsar was a professor here. Bad enough fhqwhgads roamed the hallways. Bad enough the Cheat had turned traitorous. Now came freaking Homestar, who'd been safely consigned to the realm of Bennedetto (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Frank_Bennedetto)-fodder the last Strong Bad knew of him.

Was he here to recruit for the Homestarmy? Or to start up a Hogwarts chapter of the Broternal Order of Different Helmets (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Broternal_Order_of_Different_Helmets)? Whatever it was, it was sure to chap Strong Bad's hide and ruffle his feathers. If he had feathers. Which might be totally awesome.

"What the crap are you doing here?" he demanded of the pantsless one, arms akimbo, boxing gloves planted on his globular hips.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Oh, hey, Strong Bad!" Homestar exclaimed, in complete disregard of the tone. "Fancy meeting you here. I was just talking to this nice fellow," he gestured amiably at the wall, "about dunking Wizard of Oz DVDs in butter and throwing them at the crab people." He nodded sagely.

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

"Bzuh -- whazza -- crab people?" Strong Bad spluttered.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Where?" Homestar demanding, looking around wildly. He started to take a step, possibly to run away from the brain-sucking crab people, but slipped in the pooled butter and landed on his head. "Ow..."

[so-strong-sad.livejournal.com]

"Oh, hey, Homestar." Strong Sad had been ambling by when he saw an old acquaintance on the ground. "Have you been on the floor this whole time?" he asked nonchalantly. Strong Sad certainly knew what that was like, and the quick glance he gave over to Strong Bad demonstrated just that, for Strong Bad was often the cause of Strong Sad's lengthy sojourns on the floor.

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

"Nah," Homestar replied, trying to get to his feet and failing miserably. "I was just running from the crab-sucking brain people." He frowned. "Wait..." Then he slipped again and the thought was lost. "Have you guys seen Marzipan? She forgot my twenty bucks again, and I'd kind of like to get rid of all this butter."

[so-strong-sad.livejournal.com]

"O~o~ohhhhhh, the crab-sucking brain people," Strong Sad said knowingly. For some reason, this made perfect sense to him. "Anyway, I hear it costs a lot more than twenty dollars to get rid of butter these days. It's very oily, you know."

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

Uh-oh. Homestar reached his feet again and gave Strong Sad a slightly frantic look. "Well, how much more? Cause I left my wallet in my other pants, and I all I got's this wand." He gave it a listless wave, and what appeared, at first glance, to be several twenty dollar bills (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/shadesdarkeyes/homestarbrandtwenty.png) fluttered onto the floor.

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

Could it be Homestar Runner had finally done something useful? Strong Bad scrambled for the money. It was like Homestar was a pinata, except Strong Bad hadn't gotten to beat up on him, and really it was the wand that had released the money, but hey, Strong Bad just liked envisioning Homestar as a pinata.

"Finders keepers, losers -- wait just a minute." About to denounce the false currency, Strong Bad swiftly reconsidered. Maybe people around here wouldn't know the difference. People were stupid. Heck, The Cheat accepted pencil shavings as currency!

[spinmybuzzer.livejournal.com]

Homestar was completely unperturbed when Strong Bad stole his fortune. After all, they were friends, and Strong Bad wouldn't be taking if he didn't need it. Or Homestar owed him for something. That happened a lot, too. He tried waving the wand again, but all he managed this time was a very confused duck. "Hey, this is kind of fun!" he exclaimed, completely forgetting about the butter again.

[so-strong-sad.livejournal.com]

"Not as fun as my emo poetry slams. Or self-immolation," Strong Sad remarked matter-of-factly, watching the duck waddle around.

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

... Oh crap. Wasn't one fhqwhgads (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/854405.html?thread=41184389#t41184389) bad enough without Homestar creating MORE?!?!

"You're just making yourself look worse, you know!" Strong Bad addressed the duck, with false bravado.