Repairwork
Oct. 25th, 2006 06:34 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
toujours-sirius.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
hh_mirror((Like Cox's apology pony to Lily, backdated to a couple of days after Potions class and the strip-poker aftermath))
It had been a good few years since Sirius had spent the night in the Shrieking Shack. He had taken up a sort of sporadic residence there during the year he had been living in the Forbidden Forest and hunting Peter. Most of the time, he had slept in the Forest, but on some of the colder, wetter nights, he had taken up refuge in the Shrieking Shack, typically with Crookshanks's help. Contrary tofanon popular belief, on the other hand, Sirius hadn't spent nights in there with Remus before or after the full moon when they were teenagers. First of all, there was nothing romantic or sexual about that place, and second, although deranged slasher fangirls might think otherwise, Remus was not at all horny before or after his transformation. Nothing says sex like horrible pain due to the rearrangement of one's entire bone structure, right? WRONG.
But the Shack was nothing if not secluded, and as such, it was the perfect place for contemplation, solitude, and champion-scale liver pickling. In other words, after the mess that Potions class and strip poker had turned into, Sirius went there to think and drink - mostly the latter.
What the hell had happened with himself, Cox, and Lily? The only clear, resounding fact was that he had somehow managed to anger the both of them. Truth be told, he was pretty angry at himself as well. Whatever Cox and Lily had going was none of his business, and it shouldn't have been bothering him. He hated overprotectiveness and jealousy, and yet he had been feeling both in, well, spades from the moment Cox and Lily had kissed and made up, and for no good reason as far as he could tell.
Was it the James thing? Sirius wasn't really sure. Part of him still held onto the hope that one day he'd go into the Sorting Room and there would be James, his James. And when that happened, he knew how crushed James would be to find out Lily had moved on.
But he also knew that Lily had to move on, that she couldn't sit and wait around for something that might never happen. If she did that, months would turn into years, and years would turn into decades, and what if James never did come? Sirius didn't like thinking about that possibility, but he knew it was there.
If it was the James thing, however, it wasn't entirely the James thing. Something else had gone on there, something that had caused Sirius to feel this horrible, unstoppable wave of jealousy when he saw Lily and Cox being affectionate with each other. It was Sirius's job to console Lily and to make her happy. It was what he had promised James he would do, and it was what he wanted to do, because he loved and cared about Lily.
That still didn't explain the funny way he had felt when she had looked at him, but too much thinking made his head hurt, and he very quickly made short use of the Firewhisky bottle he had brought with him into the Shrieking Shack. After about three quarters of it had gone into his system and about half of that had come back out in a nice pile in the corner, everything was blurry and moving and he passed out on the bed, not aware enough to get under the covers.
He woke sometime in the late morning the next day with a wretched headache and a nasty taste in his mouth. The room smelled of drunk, and after using the loo, he crawled back into the bed, too hungover to attempt getting up for good. The sheets were dusty, but a quick spell cleared most of it off, and he slept again until evening, when he got up, Scourgified the mess he had made in the corner, and dragged himself back to the castle to clean up and get a bite to eat.
The next morning, after the alcohol had all passed through his system and he had got lots of rest, he felt his mind was clearer, and he sat down to write two owls, hoping to repair the bigger mess. He still wasn't sure what had gone on and why it had turned into such a wreck, but at this point the only thing he wanted was for it all to be smoothed over. He could deal with his own problems later, once he worked out what the hell they were in the first place.
Owl to Lily, heavily warded to play the Numa Numa song at ridiculously loud levels to any unintended readers:
Evans,
Are you okay? Still angry? Feeling groovy? Up for a round of poker?
JUST KIDDING.
Anyway, I just wanted to check on you and to apologise for whatever it that made you so angry. I promise I didn't stare at your melons. They're very nice, but I didn't stare.
- Sirius
Owl to Cox, heavily warded to play Daler Mehndi's 'Tunak Tunak Tun' at ridiculously loud levels to any unintended readers:
Perrilicious Perry,
Are we cool now?
- Sirius
It had been a good few years since Sirius had spent the night in the Shrieking Shack. He had taken up a sort of sporadic residence there during the year he had been living in the Forbidden Forest and hunting Peter. Most of the time, he had slept in the Forest, but on some of the colder, wetter nights, he had taken up refuge in the Shrieking Shack, typically with Crookshanks's help. Contrary to
But the Shack was nothing if not secluded, and as such, it was the perfect place for contemplation, solitude, and champion-scale liver pickling. In other words, after the mess that Potions class and strip poker had turned into, Sirius went there to think and drink - mostly the latter.
What the hell had happened with himself, Cox, and Lily? The only clear, resounding fact was that he had somehow managed to anger the both of them. Truth be told, he was pretty angry at himself as well. Whatever Cox and Lily had going was none of his business, and it shouldn't have been bothering him. He hated overprotectiveness and jealousy, and yet he had been feeling both in, well, spades from the moment Cox and Lily had kissed and made up, and for no good reason as far as he could tell.
Was it the James thing? Sirius wasn't really sure. Part of him still held onto the hope that one day he'd go into the Sorting Room and there would be James, his James. And when that happened, he knew how crushed James would be to find out Lily had moved on.
But he also knew that Lily had to move on, that she couldn't sit and wait around for something that might never happen. If she did that, months would turn into years, and years would turn into decades, and what if James never did come? Sirius didn't like thinking about that possibility, but he knew it was there.
If it was the James thing, however, it wasn't entirely the James thing. Something else had gone on there, something that had caused Sirius to feel this horrible, unstoppable wave of jealousy when he saw Lily and Cox being affectionate with each other. It was Sirius's job to console Lily and to make her happy. It was what he had promised James he would do, and it was what he wanted to do, because he loved and cared about Lily.
That still didn't explain the funny way he had felt when she had looked at him, but too much thinking made his head hurt, and he very quickly made short use of the Firewhisky bottle he had brought with him into the Shrieking Shack. After about three quarters of it had gone into his system and about half of that had come back out in a nice pile in the corner, everything was blurry and moving and he passed out on the bed, not aware enough to get under the covers.
He woke sometime in the late morning the next day with a wretched headache and a nasty taste in his mouth. The room smelled of drunk, and after using the loo, he crawled back into the bed, too hungover to attempt getting up for good. The sheets were dusty, but a quick spell cleared most of it off, and he slept again until evening, when he got up, Scourgified the mess he had made in the corner, and dragged himself back to the castle to clean up and get a bite to eat.
The next morning, after the alcohol had all passed through his system and he had got lots of rest, he felt his mind was clearer, and he sat down to write two owls, hoping to repair the bigger mess. He still wasn't sure what had gone on and why it had turned into such a wreck, but at this point the only thing he wanted was for it all to be smoothed over. He could deal with his own problems later, once he worked out what the hell they were in the first place.
Owl to Lily, heavily warded to play the Numa Numa song at ridiculously loud levels to any unintended readers:
Evans,
Are you okay? Still angry? Feeling groovy? Up for a round of poker?
JUST KIDDING.
Anyway, I just wanted to check on you and to apologise for whatever it that made you so angry. I promise I didn't stare at your melons. They're very nice, but I didn't stare.
- Sirius
Owl to Cox, heavily warded to play Daler Mehndi's 'Tunak Tunak Tun' at ridiculously loud levels to any unintended readers:
Are we cool now?
- Sirius
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Date: 2006-11-18 09:15 am (UTC)Maybe it was the fact that she had come so close to losing everything. Or maybe it was because Sirius truly was one of her only remaining links to the person she was before, to the life she had lead. Or, possibly, it was just because she was so sodding comfortable around him. Whatever the reason, Lily counted moments like these - just the two of them, teasing and laughing and talking, his hand on her shoulder or his face lit up with a smile - as some of her favourite times.
And he did understand her. Her hug, her brief words - Lily knew with an unshakable certainty that Sirius got what she couldn't say. It was a result of what they'd had before and the way their relationship had deepened since she'd come back.
Before, they'd been classmates and then friends. He'd been just some bloke she knew about, who annoyed her, who hung out with the boy who wouldn't take no for an answer. For most of school, Sirius had aggravated her to no end - when she could be bothered to notice him at all. He had most assuredly not been her type and he had embodied so much that had rankled her all-too-quick temper, therefore, to a teenage girl, he was either the victim of her sharp tongue or her disinterest. Then, once she'd begun to warm to James, she'd also begun to see Sirius as more than just an arrogant berk with a ego the size of the Whomping Willow. He was also loyal and witty and could make her laugh. So many of the things she fell in love with in James she saw mirrored in some ways in his best mate. Which stood to reason.
After school, Sirius had been a mate. Her husband's best, which afforded her a certain standing, a quasi-automatic in, and to Lily he'd been a brother, a friend, a member of her adopted family. A man she trusted when trust was a precious commodity. As James' wife, she'd also gotten to know him in a way she wouldn't have if she'd simply been another member of the Order. Sirius shared a piece of James that Lily couldn't touch - much as she'd had a part of James that Sirius, in turn, was excluded from. To love James was, truly, to love Sirius, and Lily had, fiercely and completely. At first because of James, of course. But, in the end, it was because of the man Sirius had grown into, because of the way Sirius cared, because of how he protected and fought for and gave himself up to a cause he could have easily walked away from.
Lily fought because she had to. Because it wasn't an abstract concept that Voldemort was railing against - it was her. People like her. It was her blood that he reckoned too dirty to be allowed, her life that he considered to be less worthy than his. But Sirius - much like James - came from a pure blooded family. The noble and most ancient house of Black. He could have - he should have - joined the ranks of the Death Eaters, protecting his family's legacy. Or, at the very least, he could have sat quietly to the side and pretended all the nasty business with an ethnic cleansing wasn't happening. Taken a cushy job at the Ministry, added to the family coffers, married himself a pretty Witch, had a few sprogs, and been very happily blissful of any of the horrible things that were going on around him. Lily was achingly aware of the life that Sirius had given up because he decided that Muggle-born Wizards were - she was - just as deserving of life as those with pure blood. Those like him. That the innocent Muggles weren't playthings for Wizarding-kind, to use or discard as they desired.
It took an extremely special type of man to chuck away everything your family had stood for for generations to attach yourself to a Wizard everyone - even those who fought under him - considered just a wee bit off. To take your best mate's wife on as your own friend, as someone you'd live and die for. To accept their son as your own. To give up everything, and to be so willing to do so, just for the chance that these people you loved might have some measure of safety.
((*gasp* Two posts!))