Repairwork

Oct. 25th, 2006 06:34 pm
[identity profile] toujours-sirius.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
((Like Cox's apology pony to Lily, backdated to a couple of days after Potions class and the strip-poker aftermath))

It had been a good few years since Sirius had spent the night in the Shrieking Shack. He had taken up a sort of sporadic residence there during the year he had been living in the Forbidden Forest and hunting Peter. Most of the time, he had slept in the Forest, but on some of the colder, wetter nights, he had taken up refuge in the Shrieking Shack, typically with Crookshanks's help. Contrary to fanon popular belief, on the other hand, Sirius hadn't spent nights in there with Remus before or after the full moon when they were teenagers. First of all, there was nothing romantic or sexual about that place, and second, although deranged slasher fangirls might think otherwise, Remus was not at all horny before or after his transformation. Nothing says sex like horrible pain due to the rearrangement of one's entire bone structure, right? WRONG.

But the Shack was nothing if not secluded, and as such, it was the perfect place for contemplation, solitude, and champion-scale liver pickling. In other words, after the mess that Potions class and strip poker had turned into, Sirius went there to think and drink - mostly the latter.

What the hell had happened with himself, Cox, and Lily? The only clear, resounding fact was that he had somehow managed to anger the both of them. Truth be told, he was pretty angry at himself as well. Whatever Cox and Lily had going was none of his business, and it shouldn't have been bothering him. He hated overprotectiveness and jealousy, and yet he had been feeling both in, well, spades from the moment Cox and Lily had kissed and made up, and for no good reason as far as he could tell.

Was it the James thing? Sirius wasn't really sure. Part of him still held onto the hope that one day he'd go into the Sorting Room and there would be James, his James. And when that happened, he knew how crushed James would be to find out Lily had moved on.

But he also knew that Lily had to move on, that she couldn't sit and wait around for something that might never happen. If she did that, months would turn into years, and years would turn into decades, and what if James never did come? Sirius didn't like thinking about that possibility, but he knew it was there.

If it was the James thing, however, it wasn't entirely the James thing. Something else had gone on there, something that had caused Sirius to feel this horrible, unstoppable wave of jealousy when he saw Lily and Cox being affectionate with each other. It was Sirius's job to console Lily and to make her happy. It was what he had promised James he would do, and it was what he wanted to do, because he loved and cared about Lily.

That still didn't explain the funny way he had felt when she had looked at him, but too much thinking made his head hurt, and he very quickly made short use of the Firewhisky bottle he had brought with him into the Shrieking Shack. After about three quarters of it had gone into his system and about half of that had come back out in a nice pile in the corner, everything was blurry and moving and he passed out on the bed, not aware enough to get under the covers.

He woke sometime in the late morning the next day with a wretched headache and a nasty taste in his mouth. The room smelled of drunk, and after using the loo, he crawled back into the bed, too hungover to attempt getting up for good. The sheets were dusty, but a quick spell cleared most of it off, and he slept again until evening, when he got up, Scourgified the mess he had made in the corner, and dragged himself back to the castle to clean up and get a bite to eat.

The next morning, after the alcohol had all passed through his system and he had got lots of rest, he felt his mind was clearer, and he sat down to write two owls, hoping to repair the bigger mess. He still wasn't sure what had gone on and why it had turned into such a wreck, but at this point the only thing he wanted was for it all to be smoothed over. He could deal with his own problems later, once he worked out what the hell they were in the first place.


Owl to Lily, heavily warded to play the Numa Numa song at ridiculously loud levels to any unintended readers:

Evans,

Are you okay? Still angry? Feeling groovy? Up for a round of poker?

JUST KIDDING.

Anyway, I just wanted to check on you and to apologise for whatever it that made you so angry. I promise I didn't stare at your melons. They're very nice, but I didn't stare.

- Sirius




Owl to Cox, heavily warded to play Daler Mehndi's 'Tunak Tunak Tun' at ridiculously loud levels to any unintended readers:

Perrilicious Perry,

Are we cool now?

- Sirius
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
Black ~

You're insane.

And, funny, I went away under the impression you had a problem with me. But, look, I'm sick to death of fighting about this with people. Let's just agree that strip poker is not our game and be done with it, yeah?

~ Evans

P.S. And, for the love of Merlin's shiny bollocks, do NOT tell me you think all of this is over my imagining you'd care about my 'melons'.

P.P.S. You know what? Never mind. Just...forget it.
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
Black ~

Could have bloody fooled me. Good to know.

I'm thinking Bingo. Everyone kind of keeps to themselves, plus, fun with numbers and letters. Also, it completely revolves around collecting balls, which should serve you with no end of opportunities for inappropriate comments.

~ Evans

P.S. Of course you're a cad. That's why I love you.

P.P.S. No explanation? Just a half-arsed apology and Brilliant.
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
Black ~

You were acting... Odd. And short with me. And... Merlin, Sirius, I don't know. Let's just forget it.

I remember that bloke. Didn't he apply here? Excellent balls on him, as I recall. What about ping pong? Nothing academic, plus you get to paddle things.

~ Evans

P.S. Let me clarify - you're a cad with other people. Not me. How can I laugh and point if it's directed at myself?

P.P.S. Then why are you bothering to apologize? Excellent.

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Date: 2006-10-29 01:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
Her eyebrows went up in surprise at his surly tone. All right, then, no talk about relationships with Sirius. "Then maybe you can give me advice on that," she responded lightly, one eyebrow going up. "Any tips?"

Now, Lily might have been slightly obtuse about some things - specifically things related to herself and the men around her - but she was far from stupid. She also was quite good, really, at being in tune with people she was friends with. Sirius was no exception. It didn't escape Lily's notice that any talk of Cox seemed to cause Sirius to glower and a certain tenseness to seep into him. She just didn't know why.

There was one thought that had passed through her consciousness - imagined and then discarded in the same moment. Perhaps it bore reexamining. After all, Sirius and Cox were close - Lily knew that Sirius was probably easily Cox's best mate at Hogwarts. They had slept together, aided by genderswitching hexed chocolates. Maybe Sirius was jealous of Lily? Maybe he wanted to be with Cox?

And then she was laughing at the absurdity of the thought. Sirius dating Cox, no matter what his gender, was a truly horrifically amusing thought. It must just be the James thing. Cox was, beyond a doubt, extremely different than James in a lot of obvious ways. Perhaps it was just difficult for Sirius, especially in light of everything he'd just gone through with the other James, to see her with someone else. She'd just have to be more sensitive to that. It was odd to think that there was a whole portion of her life that she'd now have to wall off from Sirius; but she'd rather break her wand that purposely hurt him, and so, until she was certain he was more comfortable with the thought of her dating, she'd simply not mention Cox in his presence.

When Sirius began to comb through her hair to get all the annoying glitter out, Lily's eyes closed and a grin worked across her face. "Mmm," she sighed softly in pleasure. "Yes, well, that's what you get. Should have shot something more manly at me. Beer or chicken wings or..." she started to laugh, trying to think of 'manly' items, "or footballs." Opening her eyes briefly, tipping her head back to look up at him, Lily reached a hand up to poke him playfully in the chest. "Made your own bed, Black."

Then, eyes drifting closed once more, Lily leaned into his touch slightly. There really wasn't anything better than having someone play with her hair. Relaxing, she sighed again, lips quirked up in a smile.

Date: 2006-10-29 08:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
A laugh bubbling out, Lily nodded seriously. "Oh, yes, Black. Most definitely." Making the appropriate low moan, she tipped her head all the way back, giving him a wicked smile. "What can I say? I'm easy."

She laughed again, her own hand reaching up to tuck some of her hair back behind her ears. "I might be," she said, teasing. "Why? You volunteering?"

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Date: 2006-11-18 09:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
"No," she replied soberly, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "It's far too much fun for me to just let it go."

Maybe it was the fact that she had come so close to losing everything. Or maybe it was because Sirius truly was one of her only remaining links to the person she was before, to the life she had lead. Or, possibly, it was just because she was so sodding comfortable around him. Whatever the reason, Lily counted moments like these - just the two of them, teasing and laughing and talking, his hand on her shoulder or his face lit up with a smile - as some of her favourite times.

And he did understand her. Her hug, her brief words - Lily knew with an unshakable certainty that Sirius got what she couldn't say. It was a result of what they'd had before and the way their relationship had deepened since she'd come back.

Before, they'd been classmates and then friends. He'd been just some bloke she knew about, who annoyed her, who hung out with the boy who wouldn't take no for an answer. For most of school, Sirius had aggravated her to no end - when she could be bothered to notice him at all. He had most assuredly not been her type and he had embodied so much that had rankled her all-too-quick temper, therefore, to a teenage girl, he was either the victim of her sharp tongue or her disinterest. Then, once she'd begun to warm to James, she'd also begun to see Sirius as more than just an arrogant berk with a ego the size of the Whomping Willow. He was also loyal and witty and could make her laugh. So many of the things she fell in love with in James she saw mirrored in some ways in his best mate. Which stood to reason.

After school, Sirius had been a mate. Her husband's best, which afforded her a certain standing, a quasi-automatic in, and to Lily he'd been a brother, a friend, a member of her adopted family. A man she trusted when trust was a precious commodity. As James' wife, she'd also gotten to know him in a way she wouldn't have if she'd simply been another member of the Order. Sirius shared a piece of James that Lily couldn't touch - much as she'd had a part of James that Sirius, in turn, was excluded from. To love James was, truly, to love Sirius, and Lily had, fiercely and completely. At first because of James, of course. But, in the end, it was because of the man Sirius had grown into, because of the way Sirius cared, because of how he protected and fought for and gave himself up to a cause he could have easily walked away from.

Lily fought because she had to. Because it wasn't an abstract concept that Voldemort was railing against - it was her. People like her. It was her blood that he reckoned too dirty to be allowed, her life that he considered to be less worthy than his. But Sirius - much like James - came from a pure blooded family. The noble and most ancient house of Black. He could have - he should have - joined the ranks of the Death Eaters, protecting his family's legacy. Or, at the very least, he could have sat quietly to the side and pretended all the nasty business with an ethnic cleansing wasn't happening. Taken a cushy job at the Ministry, added to the family coffers, married himself a pretty Witch, had a few sprogs, and been very happily blissful of any of the horrible things that were going on around him. Lily was achingly aware of the life that Sirius had given up because he decided that Muggle-born Wizards were - she was - just as deserving of life as those with pure blood. Those like him. That the innocent Muggles weren't playthings for Wizarding-kind, to use or discard as they desired.

It took an extremely special type of man to chuck away everything your family had stood for for generations to attach yourself to a Wizard everyone - even those who fought under him - considered just a wee bit off. To take your best mate's wife on as your own friend, as someone you'd live and die for. To accept their son as your own. To give up everything, and to be so willing to do so, just for the chance that these people you loved might have some measure of safety.

((*gasp* Two posts!))

Date: 2006-11-18 09:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
((It continues...))

When Lily died, Sirius had been her son's godfather, which was about the highest regard she could have given someone. She had literally placed everything she loved in Sirius' hands and had never lost sleep over the matter; knowing, with an unbreakable faith, that Sirius would literally go to the ends of the earth for James or Harry. The two people who mattered most to her were also the two people who Sirius counted as most important to him. He'd been her husband's best mate. Someone she fought alongside, was willing to give her life for. He'd been her friend, too, in the end. Sirius had known her in a way that few outside of James ever had, and he had accepted her in spite of that. She had known him, too, as a brother and a comrade and a man she respected and admired.

Now, though, somehow, they'd become closer, still. So completely had he insinuated himself in her life that Lily could scarcely point out where it had started, where the line between 'friend' and 'best mate' had blurred and, finally, disappeared.

From the first moments she’d arrived, Sirius had been the one steadying thing in her new life. (”http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/959971.html”) When everything else was changed and off-kilter and confusing, Sirius had stood beside her and helped her find her balance. Through all of the grieving and the emo mourning and the desperate attempts to figure out how she was supposed to act in this second chance, Lily had come to rely more and more on Sirius to ground her.

He was the one person, really, who could make her smile in spite of everything. Who knew her well enough to read her moods, to poke her out of her foul tempers, to understand when she needed to rant or shout or just be held. And it was because of that that somewhere along the way, he’d become the most important person in her world, after Harry. He’d become the first person she wanted to share good news with and the one person she always knew would support her through the bad. He helped raise her son when she’d been unable to. Throughout the months Lily had been back at Hogwarts, Sirius had become an intrinsic part of her life; so much so that Lily could now not see a future without him.

Sirius was her best mate. That was a classification she’d given to only a handful in her life. Taking people into her life was a simple process for Lily. Letting them into her ‘family’, however, was tougher. And the step from family to someone that Lily couldn’t live without? Well, that was a level of trust that she didn’t open herself up to often. In the way that she’d come to know and love Sirius since her return, he’d woven himself into her heart and her life; and now Lily honestly counted him as her dearest friend.

She loved Perry. Beyond the sex and the snogging and the happy butterflies she got when he touched her, Lily loved him as a friend. As a man she trusted and adored and admired. But she knew, on some level, that there was a very real chance he’d never know her the way Sirius did. Because there were some things you could only understand by living through; some places you could only really fathom if you’d been there.

When Lily looked at Sirius, she didn’t see the aftermath of Azkaban. She didn’t see haunted eyes or a gaunt frame. She saw a man she loved as her own flesh and blood. She saw someone whose heart was so open and fiercely brave and enormously loyal that it literally took her breath away. When Sirius smiled it made so much about Lily smile with him. And that was why she absolutely did not understand why he’d not think himself worthy of finding someone to share his life with.

((Can't count, cause, apparently, there are three! To be continued...))

Date: 2006-11-18 09:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
((And, end.))

“Good,” she replied, eyes soft. “You should be happy. You should be deliriously so. And if you’re not, well, then...” she grinned, cheekily, “I guess we’ll just have to figure out a way to get you there, yeah?” She wrinkled her nose at him. “It’s not delusions. It’s spell-damage. Permanent, sadly. One too many hexes at our heads. We'll never get over thinking you're a stand-up bloke.” Teasingly sober, she shook said head sadly. “Totally mucked with our brains, it did. Sad cases, the both of us.”

She stood when he did and looped her arm through his. “I tire you out? You exhaust me, Black. But, just because I am a generous and kind person, I shall let you buy me dinner to make up for it.” Lily’s eyes sparkled as she looked up at him. “You can thank me later.”

Date: 2006-10-26 02:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Sirius,

No?

-Perry

Date: 2006-10-26 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Sirius,

I'm pretty sure I should be the one asking you that.

Look, just watch it with Lily.

-Perry

Date: 2006-10-26 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Sirius,

Just... tell me. Is this still a James thing? I get it, if it is.

If not, I'd just love to know why my dating Lily is still such a problem for you.

-Perry

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