Little Black Bird, Fly Away Home ((Sock, Mello, Kusu, RP Kusu, Kurama))

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri was in his office studying when a tap at his door caused him to look up. A blond head he hadn’t seen in much more than passing looked in on him. “Mello? It’s been a while.” He beckoned the boy in. “It is usually Near who comes by.”

Mello entered the room, bending to work his boots off before stepping onto the tatami mats. He bowed slightly, enough to be respectful. “Near is resting,” he said, a slight smugness under his tone.

“I see,” Kusuriyuri replied calmly. “And you require?” he asked when the boy sat cross-legged across from him.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Mello began, “more of what you usually give Near. And,” he paused a moment.

“And?” Kusuriyuri prompted, not remembering Mello to be hesitant.

Mello looked at the door and then rose. He crossed the room, closed the door, and then returned to his seat. “Kurama?” he asked.

“Is in the greenhouses,” Kusuriyuri replied, confused at the question. If Mello wanted Kurama, he should know that, but there was a hesitancy to the question.

Mello nodded, still hesitating. “I…Last time we went out, I asked him about something that upset him, something he’d glossed over and was filled in more by Hiei. He reacted rather badly to it. I’m fairly certain he would have hurt me. Hell, he almost destroyed his coffee cup.”

There was a pause and Kusuriyuri watched Mello. The boy ran his hand through his hair and looked distinctly uncomfortable. “And?” he prompted when it seemed Mello wouldn’t continue without being prompted.

Mello almost jumped as if he’d been lost in his own thoughts. “Call it a hunch, but I think he needs to talk about it, to work it out of his head.” He shrugged. “If he has talked to you about it, great. But, if not…” Mello looked at the door again. “I’m sure you know this,” he said, looking back at Kusuriyuri, “but he respects you and he’s so in love with you, he’s an utter dope. I think you might be able to get him to talk about something he’d just deck me for.”

Kusuriyuri regarded Mello for a moment. “What brings on this hunch?” he asked.

Mello seemed to straighten slightly. “This place doesn’t always bring those you’d like to be here. With Hiei arriving, there’s always a chance that someone else, maybe even that Karasu person, would show up. While it’s not much, it’s better to try and be prepared for it, isn’t it?”

Picking up the now cold tea from his desk, Kusuriyuri asked, “And what brings on your concern?”

“Kurama’s my friend. If I thought I could help him with this, that he’d actually let me, I’d do it. But, I think if I press the situation, I’ll end up being pounded into the ground and losing my friend, at the very least.” Mello shifted. “But, from what I’ve seen, I’m sure you could bring it up, get him to talk about it without that happening.”

“What makes you so sure?” Kusuriyuri asked.

“I’m just his friend. You are his lover and partner. I think, just based off talking to him, it would actually break something in his head if he were to lose you whereas there would be almost no consequences if he lost me. These give you both a greater degree of intimacy and more leverage in getting him to do what needs to be done.” Mello looked at the desk. “I know it’s asking you to risk a lot,” he began.

“I do not think you know what you are asking me to risk,” Kusuriyuri cut him off coldly.

“Like hell I don’t,” Mello shot back hotly, glaring at Kusuriyuri. “I’ve been trying to figure out how I’d react if Near spoke to me about something this delicate. That’s the closest analog I have. Each scenario I can come up with results in Near means too much to give up.” He glared at Kusuriyuri. “I had to tell Near about something I was sure was going to piss him off at me. But it didn’t because I told him. Had he heard it from anyone else, he would have been pissed at me and taken it out on me. As it worked out, our relationship is fine.”

Calmly, almost coldly, Kusuriyuri asked, “And you think this is parallel?”

Mello scowled. “It’s not a perfect parallel, no. But, I believe that Kurama will listen to you where he won’t listen to me and will talk to you about things he won’t talk to me about.” Mello’s hands fisted in his lap. “That thing he gave you, it wasn’t impulsive. I’m sure of that.”

Unconsciously, Kusuriyuri’s hand rose to his pendant. “He told you of that?”

“He’s ridiculously happy that you accepted it,” Mello replied, his tone softer.

In lieu of an answer, Kusuriyuri rose, gathered the herbs he usually gave Near and handed them to Mello. He sat again, returning to his studying, ignoring the blond in his office.

“Thanks,” Mello said, rising to his feet and bowing.

“Next time, send Near,” Kusuriyuri said shortly.

“Only if I have nothing important to say,” Mello replied.

Kusuriyuri did not reply, only tried to focus on the books before him. His mind, however, replayed Mello’s words and the concern behind them. He knew Kurama had darknesses in him that he’d not touched yet, that the kitsune guarded. He knew that fear was part of the reason he guarded them.

He also knew Mello was right. He knew that the kitsune had given him greater access than he’d given anyone else before. Part of him respected this and wished to keep that access by not abusing it. But, he knew that he had a responsibility, a duty to Kurama and himself, to press when it was needed.

But, if Mello’s ‘hunch’ came to naught, then what? There was nothing fruitful down that path, Kusuriyuri decided. It came down to a matter of when, then. When would he speak to Kurama?

Where was relatively simple to decide upon. His office was warded and while it had warm memories, it held fewer than their apartment. Would it still be theirs after this conversation? If Mello was right about the depth of it, there was a risk, a serious one. Kusuriyuri didn’t think that Kurama would break things off so easily, but it would be a test, a strain. And, as much as he enjoyed the idyll, he knew that to truly last, trial would need to be faced. He had just hoped it would be longer in coming.

There was a human phrase. ‘What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.’ He had to believe in its truth.

((OOC: "Karasu" in Japanese refers to black birds, either ravens or crows))

Comments

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Y-yes. The same." Karasu's mark, like a tattoo, unfading.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri held Kurama for a long moment. "Shirogitsune is stronger, though his mind his still caught. You also have me. I will stand by you and support you."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"It is a very tangled net," he said softly, resting his forehead on Kusuriyuri's shoulder. "And filled with heavy chains. I'm sorry I lied to you."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri caressed Kurama's hair. "And you hold it close. This I do not understand, Shirogitsune. Trying to hide can be understood, but I do not understand clinging to pain when there can be relief."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"I want relief. And then I remember where I am. If I forget the pain, if I forget the lessons... if I leave it all behind, I know that the worst will find an opportunity to happen."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"What exactly is it that Shirogitsune fears will happen?" Kusuriyuri asked.

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"If he comes here, I won't be able to erase him." He shuddered. "If he couldn't hurt me, he would hurt the ones I love. He'd come for you. For Mello or Hiei... god, he'd find A." The thought of that horrified him deeply. "He would find ways to hurt the people I love, any way he could."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"When this one meets him, if he finds his way here," Kusuriyuri said, making Kurama look at him, "wards will be made. Those wards will be given to A and he will be taught to use them. Deshi is not as helpless as he once was. He can be taught that much, to use wards and to summon us. And while this one is not confident against gods, he is confident against youkai."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

Kurama nodded mutely. He could accept that. "He frightens me, Kusuiryuri. I know I am stronger than him now, I know this. I know he can be stopped. But I... I just can't stop remembering, and it won't stop hurting."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"Give it to me," Kusuriyuri asked. "Let me have it. Let me share your burden." The request was too intimate to lapse into formal language.

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

He swallowed the heavy lump in his throat and bowed his head, opening the parts of his self - albeit minutely - that held all of that pain.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri drew up the energy for reiki, letting it flow into that opening to surround the pain, encompassing it at first. He moved one hand over Kurama's heart, the other staying in his hair. He didn't push, didn't force the opening wider, just flowed in and supported. First would come acceptance, then healing.

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

There was much of it, and it felt raw. Almost too intrusive, almost sunk too deeply in, but the healing energy flowed like water gently eroding stone and the pain began to fade, ever so slightly. He tried to smile, only managing a grimace. "I always used to tell my friends that... I never leave anything behind. That I refuse to forget."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri could see honesty in Kurama's face. He preferred it to the mask. "You need not torture yourself to remember," he said softly. "It is possible to remember without clinging to that which would kill you."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Like cutting yourself with a knife to remember that it hurts," he mumbled, shaking his head.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"That is so. It is not needed to be cut to remember that a knife will cause harm when misused." He gave Kurama a half smile. "Shirogitsune is wise enough to know that."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes Shirogitsune wonders," he replied, managing a weak laugh. feeling bold, he concentrated to open the channels a little wider, accepting the healing bit by bit. "I'm so used to pain being a reminder. Too much time spent in Makai, too much stubbornness... It feels so strange."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps more of the later than the former, but the Makai will make one believe that pain is needed to remember," Kusuriyuri said softly. He let warmth flow through his touch, warmth of his love and approval at Kurama's effort.

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Healing has always meant weakness. I couldn't afford to be weak then. Even right before I came here... No, that's not an excuse." He sighed, smile strengthening when he felt the more intimate comfort of Kusuiryuri's love. "I just didn't want to allow myself to let go. Pain keeps me going, and I don't like losing that edge, even if it hurts me."

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"That which is healed is stronger," Kusuriyuri murmured. "And pain over time weakens, dulls the edge it brings in the short term." He paused and met Kurama's gaze. "That which you have kept apart for Karasu, give it to me. I wish it to be mine."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

Kurama put his hands over the hand Kusuriyuri had placed over his heart, looking into his eyes with a mingle of terror and trust before closing his eyes and opening himself completely.

In his mind, the pain was black and sharp, sitting inside him like a malignant tumor. A nasty, sick thing that he hated and had grown so accustomed to that the thought of being rid of it was both a relief and a sorrow. But he trusted Kusuriyuri the way he trusted no one else, and allowed him to see and, hopefully, to banish it.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

The fear was painful to see, but the trust in Kurama's eyes and in his actions was more than enough to overwhelm the pain. Kusuriyuri wrapped the darkness in his own energy, surrounding it. This is mine. The marks on your body are mine. You are mine, he sent along the energy that connected them and flowed between them. He didn't truly attempt to make the pain disappear, but rather surrounded it and claimed it.

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

At first, he rebelled. Even opening himself completely parts of him fought to keep that hell-pain in its place, to not give over, to not allow himself to be claimed entirely. But as quickly as the feeling surfaced, it died, withering away to nothing in the face of the light and love Kusuriyuri was giving him, and the dark pain was trapped and taken, its claws slowly receding until its hold was weak and submissive to Kusuriyuri's will.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

You are mine, Kusuriyuri sent along their energy again. He continued to hold the darkness. Look, see what it is. Know its Truth that it may not return. He knew this wouldn't be easy for Kurama, but it was a necessary step.

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

Kurama looked and recoiled, disgusted at the thing he had been carrying with him for so long. My own personal mononoke, he mused, realizing suddenly just how much he wanted it gone.