Application for Nikola Tesla - Callahan series by Spider Robinson

[callahans_genius]

The Victorian-dressed gentleman who walks through the door blinks and frowns. This was not where he had intended to Translate. Still, even though it's a myth that the Chinese symbols for "crisis" and "opportunity" were the same, Nikola is still moved by curiosity to explore in case the latter could be created from the apparent former.

Finding the application and the quill pen waiting for him on a writing desk, with his name already filled in at the top, only fuels the curiosity more. He reaches for the quill, only to have it dance from his grip. "Curious," he murmurs, blinking again as the quill dutifully scribbles out the word.

Ah, he thinks, careful not to speak again. I see! Very clever! When the pen does not move to his thoughts, he nods and turns his attention to the questions.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Though I have not had the pleasure of eating it for some time," he dictates for the quill, "I am a great fan of the Kashkaval from my homeland of Croatia. I am particularly fond of it sliced and grilled, as it does not melt as other cheeses do."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I thoroughly disapprove of killing. However, I would not be upset should something unfortunate happen to that purple monstrosity."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Impossible to answer, as I do not currently know where I am. However, as I am almost certainly in the same ficton as I was before coming here, it should be shortly after midnight, Greenwich Mean Time."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Nikola thinks for a moment. "I am not familiar with any of these names, so I can unfortunately not think as they would. Further, I have no interest in sexual harassment of any sort. Such is thoroughly unbecoming."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

At this one, Tesla chuckles in recollection. "It is funny to ask this, as I have taken a turn behind the bar at my dear friend Jacob's bar. It is called simply The Place."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Again, I am unfamiliar with these names, nor do I see how world mythologies can assist in such a choice."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"A variant of the Law of Diminishing Returns, I expect. The more you do, the more you are expected to do, and consequently, the less you accomplish."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Another soft chuckle. "Let me see. I invented radio, alternating current, the "AND" logic gate critical for computer circuitry, among quite a number of other things. I was called the Father of the Twentieth Century. Oh, and I have helped to save the universe on a number of occasions. Perhaps that is useful enough?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Squibbing sounds rather unpleasant, so I suppose I must make some sort of offer. I am not certain what sort of bribe is likely to be accepted, so I can only truly offer my services as a scientist and inventor. Perhaps you require free electricity? Or other similar services? You shall have to tell me what you require, and we can come to terms."



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JRA
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JRA
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. JRA
One day, marmalade will rule the world. JRA (Even though preserves will totally pwn marmalade.)

Comments

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

Not an orphanage. And not anymore. But that's a story for another time.

"Such was the thinking of my patrons," Nikola agrees.

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"No amount of training can make up for lack of talent," I say blandly. I'd seen too much lack of talent trying to hid behind training to disagree with that line even though they it smacks too much of everything Wammy's house was set up for, why we all were driven so hard, both from within and without.

"I once heard someone say no one can understand time. You've traveled through it," he says, "so, what do you think?"

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

"Someone else once said, 'Time is an illusion caused by the passage of history.' I believe that Time, as a concept, is very easy to understand. It is merely a system of measurement, no different from measurements for distance or temperature. History, though, perpetually remains an enigma, no matter how -- or how often -- it is viewed."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"History is written by the victors or politicians," I snort. "Once something is past, it's those who want control and power who decide what shall be remembered and recorded and how those events which have past will be rerecorded to suit their agenda."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

"Quite so," Tesla agrees. "However, even viewing pivotal historical events first-hand yields little more toward true understanding of the larger tapestry."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Usually, if one is in a position to view 'pivotal historical events first-hand,' they are also in a position of involvement, thus limiting both their time and ability to view the whole tapestry, even if they are given time to plan their actions." I should know, I've been there.

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

"Not necessarily. I refer to the practice of moving backwards through time in order to observe and record, but never interact."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I have to wonder what he would have made of the whole Kira case, if he were in a position to observe it. "And your opinion on alternate timelines? That is, alternative possiblities for the outcomes of certain events all happening, dividing the 'course of history,' as it were?"

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

Tesla considers.

"An interesting theory. I have never witnessed such an alternate reality, but that does not mean they do not exist. I simply do not have enough data to speculate."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Safe answer. "When you're out of here, I have some evidence to offer you," I say. More puzzles to give him. It'd be interesting to hear what he has to say about me running into myself.

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

"Fascinating. I look forward to speaking with you more, then," he says with some elation.

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Catch you around, then." I wave and head off. I wonder what Near would make of Tesla being here, since he is more the hard scientist.