Pierrot Bolneze from Yakitate!! Japan

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

Pierrot was ready to bite into the young Azuma's latest masterpiece. The bread he made always evoked quite a reaction. It seemed like the better his bread was, the worse Pierrot's puns became, but that was quite alright as the very basics of bread judging rely on two things: ridiculous reactions and bad puns.

So he took his first bite, squeaking out his own name right beforehand as he often did.

"Pierrot..." He chewed on the bread for a few moments. "Ungh!!" Pierrot fell over and passed out for a moment, awaking to find himself in a strange great hall of some sort surrounded by people, some of which looked even odder than himself.

This bread reaction was even stranger then the time Azuma's bread sent him back in time and revived his parents.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Ooooh how wonderful! A quiz! I so often judge them I'm barely ever in one!" Pierrot orated loudly as he spun pirouettes around the dictaquill. "As far as cheese goes, it really depends on what you are putting it in, no? Say I nice rottengrot loaf, or perhaps some regular dinner bread. You can't go putting the wrong cheese on bread, It would just be no good at all!"


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Pierrot overacted his thinking process by placing a finger on his chin and looking upwards. "Well if I had to kill them, I could kill both at the same time!"

He suddenly split and became two of himself, both talking in unison. "When you judge such large competitions as I do, this is the only way to sample all the bread without wasting time or getting full!"

The two Pierrot's proceeded to answer all the remaining questions in unison.


3. What time is it where you are?

"It was time to judge Azuma's bread, but it seems that time is far off now. These bread reactions certainly are getting more and more ridiculous."


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I'm not Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not serious either!" The two Pierrots' giggles are obviously not ones that suggest much in the way of seriousness. Or sanity.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"I could call it The King Of Monaco! After all I was the King of Monaco for a little while. Before I brought my father back from the dead through eating bread that sent me back in time!"


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Harry should bring them both before me and have them cook! Obviously a partner needs to know how to do the housework while he is away, and food is a fundamental part of that. Whichever can make me a better meal shall become his mate!" His elaborate hand gestures made it obvious he thought this was a grand idea.


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Where is this desk? I can solve this problem! When you a world class clown like myself you learn to isolate an important piece of paperwork even if its scattered amongst ten thousand unimportant memos!" After all, managing the most famous circus in the world does have quite its share of paperwork.


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

The two Pierrots split into 10 Pierrots each for a total of 20, then began dusting and cleaning the sorting room at lightning speed. After a moment all the Pierrots finished their work and stood before the sorting hat in ranks of 5. "See how clean I can keep this place?" they ask in unison.


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

All 20 Pierrots begin pulling an assortment of items from god knows where. Suddenly the sorting room is filled with a mix of cookery, gambling paraphernalia, picture books, jewelry, musical instruments, fishing poles, and clothing. They all ask together, "Anything you like?"

Also, for each person who wants to ask Pierrot questions, a different Pierrot will walk up to them and start talking.



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Pierrot Bolneze
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Pierrot Bolneze
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Pierrot Bolneze
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Pierrot Bolneze

Comments

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

The scrutiny made Near decidedly uneasy. Especially if this newcomer... or newcomers, Near was reserving judgment on that... was scrutinizing his physique.

"I've never wanted to do anything that public," Near said in a bland, almost self-effacing tone. "I prefer to do my achieving out of the spotlight. What was that you were saying about bread?" It seemed to have come up more than once in was was, after all, a brief application, and that was odd also.

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

"And what is it that you achieve in the dark corners away from prying eyes, hmm?" All three winked at him.

Pierrot then brightened more than one probably should at the mention of bread. "Bread, yes! I judge all sorts of food competitions, but surely nothing else can match the versatility and strength of bread!"

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

That was disturbing. Innuendo from multiplying clowns was enough to weird out even a reclusive genius with a lego addiction.

But.

"Food competitions? All sorts, you say?" He hasn't forgotten the discussed bake-off with L, and a challenge is a challenge.

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

One Pierrot hopped up onto the shoulders of the other two, then all three spread their arms and cried, "I'm the best judge you'll ever meet!"

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I'd like to hear more about this judging."

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

All the Pierrot's lined up and tilted their head to the side, then said, "Welllll, the judging depends on the contest. Sometimes its a point system if there are quite a few competitors, but if there are only two then its easy to just announce which one is better."

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"Isn't that a rather subjective matter, though?"

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

"NO! For most people it may be, but there are a few of us who have brains, bodies, and taste buds that are totally impartial! We are a very rare breed you know! It takes a lot to be a world class judge!"

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I suppose you will say that being a clown qualifies you to be a judge?"

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

"Not at all! Not at all! Judging only recquires those rare qualities I mentioned above! Well thats half of it anyway. The other half is being able to have bread reactions! Most people cannot, or if they can, they are only small pitiful ones. My bread reactions are second to none! The only other judge that comes close is Kuroyanagi, and he is destined for a great future. When you're a world class clown you can tell these things."

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I don't think I have ever heard of a bread reaction. Is this a chemical process?"

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

Pierrot begins spinning in circles as he speaks. "Chemical, biological, spirrrrritual."

He stopped spinning with his back to Near, then threw his head over his shoulder. "And of course, comical."

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." Near felt a bit like he was talking to the Cheshire Cat. "Would you explain?"

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

Pierrot put a finger to his pursed lips. "Well, I'll tell you what. I am starting to feel a bit peckish. If you can tell me where I can find some food, good food that is, I can show you after everyone here is done.... doing whatever they are doing with me." He grinned. Pierrot had never paid for food since becoming a judge and he wasn't about to start now.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"That won't be hard. All we'd need to do is flag down a house elf. They can bring almost anything you ask for."

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

"Oh wonderful!" If it came down to it and he had to sign something when the house elf brought him food, he would just sign someone else's name.

"House elf!!" he screamed, and one scurried over to him. He whispered to it and it left. After a few moments it came back with two exquisite looking pieces of sushi and two pairs of chopsticks.

"Alright, now in order for you top truly appreciate the magnitude of a decent reaction, you need to eat this with me." Pierrot picked up one piece with his chopsticks and readied it, waiting to see if Near did the same.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

A little dubiously, Near lifted his piece of sushi. What was going on here?

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

"Now, do your best to keep an open mind when the reaction starts. Sometimes its not clear at all where the pun is. I'm sure normally this doesn't happen when you eat food; for some unknown reason if someone east the same food as a good reaction getter, they can get sucked up into the reaction. Which is what is going to happen to you here!"

As they bit into their sushi, the taste first worked its way across their tongues, then after a moment both felt what can only be described as a delightfully delicious kick in the face.

When he recovered, the first thing Pierrot realized was how loud it was. Probably because of the gigantic speakers, rock band, and huge crowd cheering.

"Wow! This is a good one!" he had to yell quite loudly to be heard over the din.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Near, of course, took the reaction to be another magically-induced effect.

"Not again," he groaned. Well, at least this time he wasn't running naked on top of a table.

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

Again? Pierrot wondered if the boy had been around another reaction prone person before. No matter.

The music was incredibly loud, but he couldn't hear the singing from this far away. He grabbed Near's arm so they wouldn't lose eachother and started heading towards the stage.

As they got closer, Pierrot could tell the singer was an older woman with frizzy black hair and entirely too much makeup on, but at first couldn't recognize here.

"The trick is to think about the food, then think about your surroundings! Eventually it will all be clear!" he yelled.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Think about sushi, instead of what he fervently hoped was a hallucination instead of a transportation spell?

Well, he can try.

He's beginning to be sorry he asked.

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

Pierrot continued to drag Near with him closer to the stage. Once they were in thr front row, he could clearly hear the lyrics that were being sung:

Tourists swarm to see your face
Confuscius has a puzzling grace
Disoriented you enter in
Unleashing scent of wild jasmine


It was then Pierrot realized who it was. "Its Siouxie And The Banshees!"

He began dancing around in circles, bumping into people in the crownd, while chanting, "Siouxie, Siouxie, Siouxie, Siouxie, sushi, sushi, sushi, sushi, SUUUUSSHIIIIIIII!!"

With the last exclamation, both of them were back in the sorting room, Pierrot's last outburts startling some of those around them.

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

Near edged back a bit, and resolved never again to eat with Pierrot.

"Do you do that every time you eat?"

[bread-clown.livejournal.com]

Pierrot shook his head. "Certainly not. That would be absolutely exhausting! It only happens when I'm judging something, and I get into the mood. Speaking of which..."

He leaned over to a house elf and whispered. "Tell the chef the sushi gets an 8 out of 10."

[cardarchitect.livejournal.com]

"Do you do that often? Judge food contests?"