Application: Liandra ("Lee"), Fallen Angel comics

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"Oh, goddammit." The words sounded more pissed than surprised. The woman who had just appeared in the Sorting Room smelled strongly of blood and beer, and when she pushed back the hood of her cloak enough to take in her surroundings her face looked severely annoyed.

"Hm." She pulled up a lock of hair to examine it. Currently--though it would have been hard to tell, cloaked and hooded as she was in her burgandy cloak and dress--she looked almost exactly as she had after her... incident... twenty years ago: long, curly red hair without a hint of gray, blue eyes with no crow's feet accentuating them, and looking for all the world like a woman in her mid-twenties. She frowned. Isn't that interesting. So this probably wasn't anywhere that could technically be called "the real world," then. Out there, she looked older.

She saw the parchment on the room's table, shrugged, and walked over to take a look. As she walked, her feet (bare but for burgundy wrappings, which also adorned her hands and arms) never once touched the room's floor, instead seeming fixed about an inch above the ground.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Huh." She picked up the quill pen that sat by the parchment and wrote, Pizza cheese. Because it goes on pizza.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Normally I'd be happy to kill either one, but let's go with Barney for the moment. Shitty prop comedy doesn't get stuck in my head. She looked around, hoping that the fat purple bastard would shamble in, just inviting her to punch a hole through his ribcage. She hated that song.

3. What time is it where you are?
Since I'm here, it's the time that it is here right now. And here is... Superhuman sense of direction to the rescue! Scotland. And since it's morning in Scotland, it's morning where I am.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I don't know. Whichever one was best looking. She thought about it, crossed it out, and rewrote her answer as The best looking one who doesn't mind necrophilia, if we're going by the situation in the question.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I don't bartend. I just drink. Preferably at Furor's.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Do you think I give a shit? I don't care if they fuck each other all at once or one after the other, and neither do any of those arrogant fucks in the myths. They don't care about you. They only care about what you give to them. Half of them wouldn't care who this Harry fucked as long as he fucked them first, and the other half would just want to watch whatever was going on. You give these assholes way too much credit, you know that? Fuck 'em all. Sore subject for her? No, not at all!

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Because you're a stupid asshole who doesn't do the paperwork. Or you're a stupid asshole who gets more paperwork than you get rid of. Either way, you're probably a stupid asshole.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I teach high school gym, so I've developed the ability to be around teenagers for extended periods of time without killing them. I'm also really good at killing people who piss me off. And she could jump really far, hit things really really hard, shoot mystical energy from her eyes and body, and be near invulnerable when she put her mind to it, but it was always worth it to have some things hidden.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Lee's eyes narrowed. For future reference, I don't do so well with warnings. How about this: If I like you okay, I'll see that you get a free drink or two if you ever end up in Bete Noir. Or if you need justice and you don't piss me off, I might help. Maybe. If you deserve it, if you're not a complete idiot and if--this is the most important one--I don't have anything better to do.

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Lee
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Lee
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Lee
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Lee

((Yes, she's a fallen guardian angel. Her canon says: "There is something of the divine about [Lee]. But rather than suffusing [her], it hangs over [her] like a shroud." Therefore, anyone with the ability to sense that sort of thing has the go-ahead to do so without asking me.))

Comments

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"Rub it in, why don't you," she muttered. "No, I haven't. Sounds cool, though."

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

"If you call attempting to completely destroy the universe 'cool'." Albel normally didn't have a problem with destruction. Unfortunately, he was rather attached to the universe, that being where he lived and everything. "Luther Lansfield - the Creator - decided that his creations were getting a little too intelligent."

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, that part I can live without." Even though the universe (okay, maybe not the universe itself, but its creator, certainly) had screwed over over more than enough times for her to be more than a little bitter about it all, she was rather attached to it as well. And to humanity, stupid load of selfish children that it could be, for better or worse.

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

Albel clenched his metal hand meaningfully. "So we decided to show the fool that the creations were going to be as intelligent as they damn well pleased. Some of the Executioners - his servants - took the form of angels; they were called Proclaimers."

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"I was never a Proclaimer, if that's what you're worried about. I was a guardian for a really long time, but I got over it."

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

"Guardians I can tolerate." After all, Albel had been a general. And quite honestly he much preferred killing monsters to killing human enemies; there were few Elicoorians who could match him. "I suppose you'll want a vote or some such."

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"Whatever. If that's what the point of this little interview is."

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

"Hm. A normal angel would probably end up in Gryffindor," Albel muttered. "You, though..."

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"Put me wherever the normal angels aren't, then. I don't want to have to put up with their bullshit."

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

"That makes two of us." Albel thought for a moment. "I doubt you're the ambitious type, but Slytherin fits better than the others do." There were some things even Albel the Wicked wouldn't do, and one of them was putting someone he knew was probably capable of taking off his other arm respected somewhat in a Sue House.

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"Works for me, I guess." No, she wasn't terribly ambitious. All ambition did was set you up for disappointment when your hopes and dreams and plans all fell through. Go cry, emo Lee.

Vote: SLYTHERIN!

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

Albel nodded. "I'm there myself if you ever really think you need to find me - for much the same reason I'm voting you there." Ambition? What ambition? Albel's greatest ambition at this point was to make sure the next war he ended up in wasn't interrupted by aliens.

Re: Vote: SLYTHERIN!

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

"'kay. See you around."

Re: Vote: SLYTHERIN!

[aquilus-albel.livejournal.com]

Albel nodded curtly and turned to go. He reflected that she was probably the first person he'd met who wasn't intimidated by him and still didn't comment on his appearance or his fashion sense.