House Call (and Maturin Call. And Zoidberg Call. Etc.)

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Doctors of Hogwarts,

A prominent Hufflepuff is suffering!

Mere hours ago, one prominent Hufflepuff, called for the sake of his privacy His Majesty X Iruuy Ayubihs Smith John the King, began experiencing symptoms of what could be imminent blindness, cancer of the eye, pupil shingles, or something similarly terrible of that nature. Tragedy must be avoided, courageous actions must be committed, His Majesty the King must be saved!

A cause for His Majesty's tragic happenstance may already have been discovered. For the sake of His Majesty's privacy I cannot give you a direct image, but the muscles surrounding his eyes undergo regular transformations, from his natural state, which is similar to this, to a temporary one which physically resembles this.

Notice the stress this creates for the brow muscles! The danger is exacerbated by the fact that blindness may be a hereditary condition for the King. Furthermore, his brother and friend wear glasses. Coincidence!?

Aid! Conquer! Redress!

While awaiting your reply, I will do my part by yelling at His Majesty's disappointingly weak eyeballs.

Sincerely,

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff

Comments

Return owl

[buggy-genius.livejournal.com]

Who the hell are you?!
How did you get
This isn't even

Whoever the hell you are,

I don't know who gave you my name but they're mistaken. I'm a doctor in the sense of the word that means I went to school for a very long time and they rewarded my intelligence with a few Doctorate degrees. I am not the kind who makes house calls and bothers with people. My advice? Take your friend to the Hospital Wing. It exists for a reason. And judging from those pictures, you might want to call an exorcist for good measure.

Annoyedly yours,

Dr. Jack Hodgins.

Return owl, warded to roar like a T.Rex for anyone else

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Sir Wolfram von Bielefield,

Despite the title "Doctor" in front of my name, I'm a mathematician, not a physician; the title refers to the level of advanced study I've completed. Unless His Majesty is hallucinating quadratic equations, there's not much I can do for him.

I will say a prayer for His Majesty, however, and I wish you luck with your yelling strategy.

Dr. Ian Malcolm
Ravenclaw

Return owl, warded

[dr-fraiser.livejournal.com]

Mr. von Bielefeld,

If this is a serious emergency, I recommend that you take your self friend Sovereign to the Hospital Wing. If they aren't well enough equipped to deal with this they can likely arrange for transport to another medical facility.

I understand that you may feel a need for discretion, but a definitive diagnosis will likely not be made on the basis of only those drawings pictures you provided. Yelling will likely not aid the situation and may in fact make it worse, by causing stress on the patient.

Good luck in your search for a solution, and I repeat that if this is a serious emergency please go to the Hospital Wing immediately.

Sincerely,

Dr. Janet Fraiser

[jewboy-wonder.livejournal.com]

Sir Wolfram Von Bielefeld,

The most important thing here, I think is... to remain calm. Yes? I wouldn't suggest jumping straight to intraocular cancer, at any rate, not until other fields have been explored. I'm... actually an oncologist, a cancer doctor, myself, and squinting and a slight decrease in efficiency with someone's vision don't seem to be all that dire of symptoms.

Is there anything else wrong with his vision? If he can't see some of what is around him, or strange dots or lights drifting in his vision? Are his eyes moving in a strange way? The case is probably just that he needs glasses, really. Especially considering the fact that, if he is here, wizards can't get cancer, actually la;fdja, so I wouldn't fret too much about it.


Sincerely,
James Wilson

[doctordweeb.livejournal.com]

Sir von Bielefeld,

I'm not actually a medical doctor, so I'm afraid I can't be of much help. I suggest you take your friend to the Hospital Wing--there are plenty of MD's there, including one I trust implicitly. Ask for Dr. Janet Fraiser, and tell her everything you can about his symptoms, etc. (Also, I'm relatively certain there's no such thing as pupil shingles.)

-Daniel Jackson

[squinty-tempe.livejournal.com]

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld,

I am not entirely sure as to where your informational process began or ended, how it may have strewn from its path so as to result in requesting my assistance. I would suggest, possibly, a different process for a later occasion, so as to achieve the best results, and, coincidentally, ones far more accurate than that which you may have gathered so far.

While my title may include 'Doctor' within it, Sir Bielefeld, I am more than likely not included within the assortment of individuals you were intending to target. I am a doctor, yes, but one of philosophy rather than the medical practitioner towards which you seem to be aspiring. My doctorate is one of forensic anthropology, the application of the science of physical anthropology and human osteology. My job is discovering the identification of deceased individuals whose remains are decomposed, burned, mutilated or otherwise unrecognizable.

In short, I deal with Bones, Sir Bielefeld. ...Eyes are not bones.

What you may be searching for is an ophthalmologist, a doctor who specializes in the diseases and surgery of the visual pathways, including the eye, brain, and areas surrounding the eye, such as the lacrimal system and eyelids. An optometrist, a health care profession concerned with eyes and related structures, vision, visual system and vision information processing in humans, may also be taken into consideration. Perhaps even an oncologist, considering mentions of cancerous situations within your letter.

A forensic anthropologist is not going to be sufficient aid when organs are involved, I am afraid. While it would be an honor to assist the likes of His Majesty, I cannot be much help in this field. Although, as a concerned bystander, may I suggest some sort of ocular correction? Laser surgery, or perhaps glasses?

Again, however, I must instill a warning involving your particular habits of fact-finding - or... "legwork", I believe is the slang word for the activity? One might think to investigate more punctiliously when he is in search of a doctor. Physicians, as a consequence, are not conscious entities all too difficult to unearth. An every day phone book, for example, will list such people by profession, in the yellow page section. Asking a friend may aid in your search as well, if asking an intelligent individual, perhaps one with more worldly knowledge than yourself? Books are another source used in finding certain answers one may need.

I strongly suggest Google.


Sincerely,
Dr. Temperance Brennan

[hobodoktor.livejournal.com]

Finally, someone showed Dr. Hobo the respect he deserved!

Mr. von Bielefeld,

Clearly, your king has been cursed by an enemy to fall blind. It's all part of the plan for chocolate bunnies to take over the world.

D. FG Hobo