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Meanwhile, the pot was very busy calling the kettle black. "Why on earth would you talk him into a one-night stand? Have you no decency? He's still a kid!"

Grant didn't want to think it was jealousy making him so angry, but even after warning Ian off of his other partners, he never thought he'd have to do the same for his old student.

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Ian's grin turned sour, and he ticked points off on his fingers.

"One. It was his idea; he'd just had a close encounter with a fake pterodactyl, and he wanted to be with someone who understood about dinosaurs. Two. He's nearly thirty, has a doctorate and holds a respectable job with considerable responsibility out in the world; at what point does he stop being, as you put it, 'just a kid'? And three. You do not want to make age differences an issue in this discussion." He waved a hand at the door, where Laura's voice could be heard in a murmur.

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"Yeah." It came out kind of squeaky. Billy cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah. We got lucky. It looked like we'd be spending the whole summer cataloging bone fragments." He waved his hand. "The rest of these are really boring. Really."

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She smiled wryly. "I was a ghost trapped between dimensions for 17 years. After that not many things in this life bore me all that much. But, if you say I really had to be there..." She closed the second flap over the top of the carton.

"How long have you guys been...that is, since the Hat..." she waved a hand, willing him to catch her drift without her spelling it out.

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Grant's anger had faded a bit. It had been easier to blame Ian for the whole thing.

"Fine, but look. He's young. He hasn't made the same mistakes the rest of us have. Don't go helping him make them."

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Ian held up a hand. "We were very clear on the terms. One night only, no strings attached, no hard feelings after. Besides, the magic brownies had turned him into a woman temporarily, and without that gender change I'm not sure it's a leap I'm prepared to make. For Billy or anyone." He pulled a face. "Unfortunately, that damn Hat has other ideas."

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"So how was that 'dead' thing working out?" was probably not the best way to start a conversation, so Billy went with Laura's flow. "About two weeks," he said. "The Hat's got this whole shanty town outside. There are groups of tents placed around hot tubs, and some kind of rec center in the middle." He didn't want to talk about the Tunnel of Love.

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"Let me guess. The Hat used its own, ahhh, judgment, as to who got paired off together? Without consulting anybody? 'Cause, you know, why would it do a thing like that?"

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"Magic brownies." Grant rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Does anything here ever happen that doesn't begin or end with magical food?" He re-settled his hat on his head. "Did you at least ask him his thoughts on scented candles?"

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"Well, there's the wacky mass marriages, which began with a deranged magic Hat, and will probably end in bloodshed and tears before it's all over," Ian noted.

"I did, actually. He had none. The mystery remains a mystery, I'm afraid."

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Bloodshed and tears. Ian had to be psychic. At least, he was reading Billy's mind. "Does the Hat even have judgment, or did it pull names out of a, well, hat? I don't see any kind of pattern." He couldn't think of a single person who was happy with the arrangement. "So did you guys know about this, or was it chance that you took off before the mass wedding?"

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"Just chance," she said cheerfully. "Alan brought up the idea the day those magic brownies went around...the day we had that DADA class. He said he wanted to close up his house and bring some stuff here." She waved a hand at the boxes.

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Still slightly disappointed that the whole mess was not, in fact, Ian's fault, Grant opened the door. "Out," he said, trying not to trip over his own boxes.

"Anything else I should know about?" he asked. It wasn't directed at anyone in particular.

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"Except that he's allergic to cats and he's adopting the iguana, I can't think of a thing." He grinned at Billy. "How about you?"

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"Oh yeah, I'm taking the iguana," Billy said. It was code for, "I'm going to murder you in the tent."

It was time for somebody else to get a turn in the game of Hot Potato of Shame, and he had a target in mind. "So, Laura, did you ever tell Alan about what happened with you and the Boggart?" he asked innocently. "I can't imagine having to face the things you went through with that man alone."

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"Oh, yes," Laura said sweetly. "Alan and I had talked about BOB quite a lot by the time the boggart got to me. Not very fun conversations, but well, full disclosure's important, right?"

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Laura's comment about full disclosure stung a little bit, but there was ice in Grant's voice when he spoke to Billy.

"You're going to leave now," he said. Almost as an afterthought, he turned to Ian. "Thank you for the cat."

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Ian pulled his jaw up off the floor with difficulty. "Uhm. Sure. No problem. Anytime."

Then, to Billy, "Wow. You made me look good. Do you have any idea how tough that is? I may have to keep you around!"

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Ian's comment was completely ignored. Billy had locked eyes with Grant, and he was standing his ground. "So while she's been telling you her sob story, how much disclosure did you give her, huh? I'm tired of being your dirty little secret. It doesn't matter if people know here."

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"I'm fairly sure he's told me everything important," Laura volunteered to no one in particular.

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