Open RP: Hogwarts Family Values, with the Sorting Hat

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Thanks to Hogwarts magic and a little help from the infamous house-elf gossip network, the Hat kept abreast of the entertaining chaotic general goings-on throughout its kingdom school. When it heard that groundskeeper Dean Winchester had put a bun in student Stephanie Brown's oven, it wasn't the whole faculty-student taboo that put a corresponding bee in the Hat's bonnet. (A hat in a bonnet? Oooh, avant-garde!) No, it was the total lack of regard for family values! It was one thing for faculty to engage in hanky-panky, or even Jenga, with students. That was fine. Everyone did it. But impregnation without benefit of ceremony? What would Dr. Phil say? What would Dr. Laura say?

(The Hat didn't use its wizarding wireless to listen to WART. It preferred Muggle talk radio. We're not talking NPR.)

So the Hat had taken matters into its own capable straps. Champion of family values that it was, it decided that if Dean wasn't going to make an honest woman out of Steph, then the Hat would make an honest woman out of Dean! Or, no, wait. An honest ... something. Anyway. They were going to get married, whether they liked it or not! And their offspring would be born into legal wedlock, thank you very much! Legal and binding under the Ministry of Magic's standards!

The unsuspecting bride had been summoned to the Great Hall under the pretext of a detention to serve. The equally unsuspecting groom had been summoned to the Great Hall under the pretext of groundskeeping duties to perform. And two mighty wedding planners had been recruited to make this a day they'd always remember and cherish ... well, at least, a day they'd always remember ...



Kelly Kapoor was busy with some Very Important business. The Sorting Hat had mentioned that this celebration was, in fact, a wedding. Her expert services had been enlisted for said wedding. And if you knew Kelly, you knew that she thought weddings were just about the best thing ever.

With one exception. Babies. Or, to be more eloquent, baaaaaabies.

Thus, the whole 'wedding' thing was really just a formality. They were here to celebrate the cuteness of children, and the great hall was decorated accordingly. The tables were covered in pink and blue tabledressings, and stuffed animals of every imaginable sort served as centerpieces. As discussed with her brain trust of one, the party favors were wrapped in ruffled-cloth diapers, held together with 'totally adorable' ducky pins.

Kelly was currently busy overseeing the house elves in their efforts to carry a giant wedding cake to the teacher's dinner table, currently commandeered for buffet-style purposes. Instead of a bride and groom, the cake was topped with a wax visage of a smiling infant. Even the house elves had after various thinly-veiled threats from the decoratorzilla gotten into the spirit. They were walking around in giant diapers, wearing pink or blue bonnet & bootie sets, depending on said elf's gender.

All in all, it was pretty much the most awesome decorating job ever.

As for Kelly's aforementioned brain trust of one, the fabulous Hedwig Robinson -- well, Hedwig had never actually planned a wedding before. She needed the practice, since she would be helping with the wedding of her darling adopted son Michael Scott. Already high-strung, she felt that much more pressure because this wedding could be viewed as practically a rehearsal for Michael's. This was Hedwig's baptism by fire! She stalked around the hall (in white leather high-heeled boots, no less) fretting over the proper incantations. Since the Hat had specified this was a surprise wedding, she wanted to make sure her wandwork was up to par when it came to whipping the carefully chosen wedding garb onto the bride and groom. One wrong move and all that gorgeous sparkly polyester-blend fabric would be history! So she had commandeered a couple of diapered elves, who were being rapidly unswaddled and swaddled again with sharp flicks of Hedwig's wand. Muttered German obscenities peppered Hedwig's incantations.


When the clock struck the appointed hour, all was ready. The Hat hovered in gleeful anticipation, waiting for the victims happy couple to appear!

Comments

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

"Mmmrph." George was quite eloquent in the morning. Brow creasing, he didn't open his eyes, just patted Steph's shoulder sleepily and yawned. "'S okay. You're nice to sleep beside."

Pulling her closer, he snuggled into her. That is, he totally did some manly equivalent of cuddling. "And you're only kind of married," he continued, words slurring nicely with that edge of sleep. "Now hush, woman. Too early for talking."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

"Only kind of," she repeated, as sort of an affirmation. It might become a daily thing. She was only-kind-of married to Dean. That had to be better than married married. Right?

Throwing an arm behind George's back, Steph settled in quite comfortably. Cuddling. Cuddling was good. No need to spoil the moment...with...talking...

"Can you annul only-kind-of marriages? Do wizards have annulments? Do you guys have a legal system set up for that? Do you think I'm subject to Wizarding law, or American law? I'm still an American citizen! Also, we’re technically having an affair, here. Are you okay with that? I’m okay with that."

Good morning!

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

Oh, holy Merlin's bollocks. Squinting open one eye, he watched Steph in exasperated amusement. "Mmmblurg," he managed, burrowing his face down deeper into his pillow.

Yawning so that his whole body stretched and shook, he then managed to pull enough thoughts together to say, "I thought an affair involved shagging or the Empire State building (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050105/)." Turning over, he finally managed to open his eyes, immediately wincing at the sun. Mumbling something incoherent, he flailed out a hand for his wand, poking them violently at his shades and sighing when they flipped shut.

"I need tea."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

Steph took George's 'Mmmblug' as sleepy-British-talk for 'Oh, do go on, dear'. "Excellent point. I could get a divorce, if I can't get an annulment. But I don't want to be divorced at 17! That's just too much going on in my pre-adult life. At least, if I'm an American citizen, I'm a pre-adult. If I'm a wizard -legally speaking, obviously I'm already a wizard, er, witch, in the magic sense- then I'm an adult adult. Is it harder to get annulments when you're an adult?"

When Steph was awake, she was awake. She barreled right on.

"Shagging? People actually say that? I thought Austin Powers killed it dead! And what does the empire state building have to do with an affair. You're not making sense, George." She grinned. She might have been acting extra bouncy, to get a rise out of her favorite red head.

And apparently, her favorite red head drank tea. Steph made a Face. "Really? Uck. Way to embrace the stereotypes!"

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

Without a word, George took his pillow and, very calmly, attacked Stephanie. Rolling over, he boffed her lightly on the head with it. Then he used it to cover his own face, pulling the covers up. "You're insane, woman," he waved his hand around, finding her and pulling her back down to lay beside him. "It's too early. You'll be the death of me."

Pressing lazy, sleepy kisses to her neck, George then heaved a sigh and let his eyes fall shut again. "You won't need to get it annulled," he murmured against her skin, face pressed to the back of Stephanie's neck. "I'm pretty sure the Hat will either get bored or forget. Either way, can we wait until a reasonable hour to figure it out? Say closer to noonish?"

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

She got pillowed! Steph retaliated with a series of pokes to George's tummy area (which was a technical term, in case anyone was wondering) before settling back in at his side. Mmm. Sleepy neck kisses. "Okay, okay. Closer to noonish, you bum."

Steph signed theatrically, and closed her eyes. Thought of sheep, clouds, and Bruce's lectures. Kind of working. She was getting sleepy. Very, very sleeeepy.

...Honestly, she tried. Turning around, she looked at lazy George's content, sleeping face. Her brow furrowed. This was going to take a Devious Plot!

Leaning in, she started trailing kisses along George's neck. "Hey! It's closer to noonish." Then, moving up to do That Thing With The Tounge behind his ear, she continued. "Five whole minutes closer. That totally counts."

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

Mmm...sleep. Sleep was good. Nearly dozing off again, he was pulled out of the haze by Steph's lips on his neck. Mmmm...kisses.

There was a whole peck of things that were Not Fair about this plot, but, as her mouth moved up to just by his ear, George both felt wide awake and completely uncaring about fairness as a whole. It was totally overrated!

"Morning," he smiled sleepily, cracking his eyes open. "And, for the record, you kind of suck at the whole 'sleep in' thing." His hand rubbed up and down Steph's back lazily while he stretched. Then, giving her a languid kiss, he propped up his head on his other arm and looked down at her. "All right, princess, I'm up. Now, what was going through your entirely too awake mind?"

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

Muwhaha! Her Devious Plot was a success. Boys! They were so predictable.

"For the record," she murmured mid-kissing "-you are very easy to manipulate." Brushing a few strands of hair from his face (they were obscuring her view!) Steph put on a coy look. "Lots of things. School, Buff's eating habits, the play, qudditch practice, mid-sized sports cars, why people think gelatin is a proper dessert. You were asleep - it was a very boring five minutes."

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

"Well then," he grinned at her, shifting them slightly so that she was on her back and he was hovering over her, "I should probably make up for it. Can't have you getting bored. Bad things happen." Cupping her cheek with one hand, George kissed her, deciding this was a very good way to wake up.

Brushing lazy fingers up and down the side of Steph's neck, he murmured, "I am not easy to manipulate. Will of iron, I have." Another kiss. "So, do I have to feed you or something? I'm not up on the etiquette of waking up to a beautiful woman. Wouldn't want to embarrass myself."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

"It's true. I briefly considered doing homework, George. Homework." Holding her hand over his and leaning into the kiss, Steph decided that this was probably the best way to start the day ever.

"Iron, sure. Just a very, very thin sheet of it." Mmm. More kissage. She had a pun or two about 'iron' -something involving laundry jokes- but they all sort of flew out of her mind. Uncanny! "Can you even cook?," she asked skeptically. "Because there are these lovely little creatures called houselves..."

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

"Can I cook?" he snorted, giving her an incredulous look. "I'll have you know that I'm a bloody fantastic cook. I did live on my own after school, you know. Well," he corrected, "with Fred, but certainly without any house-elves." Grinning, George leaned in to kiss the tip of Steph's nose. "Can wash my own socks and everything."

But here came the dilemma. Cooking for the girlfriend had to be worth brownie points. But to do so would force them out of bed, and George had pretty much been planning on spending the rest of his life there. What to do, what to do?

He decided to make up his mind by kissing Stephanie some more, with a quick detour to explore the slope of her neck quite thoroughly. Hey, that was a valid decision making method!

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

"Your own socks and everything?," she mimicked, ruffling George's hair. "Well, now I know you're a keeper."

The stuff George was doing in and around the vicinity of her neck? Was definitely another point in the 'Weasley is a Keeper' column. Eyes heavy-lidded in a way that had nothing to do with sleep, Steph angled down to meet her mouth with his, kissing George long and hard while hooking a leg around the back of his thigh.

"George," Steph breathed, heavily. "I-"

Anything she might have said was cut off, as her stomach let out a rumble louder than most small earthquakes.

"...I take my eggs scrambled," she finished, laughing lightly.

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

Mmmph. Sighing good-naturedly, George pressed another kiss to her mouth before heaving himself out of bed. "Scrambled eggs it is," he bowed low. "You just stay in bed, princess, and your humble servant will attend to you."

The boys had a fairly decent lab set up in their room, for pranking research. On it was the Wizarding equivalent of a hotplate; all he needed was the house-elves to bring him the ingredients, which was provided in due course. Setting about scrambling eggs and frying up bacon, he also made some toast, using his wand to heat up the bread.

Ten minutes, tops, and he was dishing up beautifully fluffy eggs, crisp bacon, and buttery toast. Arranging the plates onto a tray, he plucked a flower out of a bouquet they'd been using for Nose Ticking Charms and poured out two mugs of tea. Walking back over to the bed, he nudged Stephanie over, cuddling close again and setting the tray down over their laps. "Eat and be amazed," he grinned at her. "You do realize, of course, that I'm quite the catch. Breakfast in bed - that's top notch spoiling, right there."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

For her part, Steph found the entire breakfast affair so adorable that she even neglected to insult tea, and its perpetual state of being-a-lame-beverage.

...didn't mean she was actually going to drink the stuff, though! Leaning over to plant a light kiss on the chef's cheek, Steph grinned. "You are quite the catch. With the cooking, and the kissing, and the helping me to move out of my unwanted husband's stinky old hut."

Okay, so he hadn't actually agreed to do that last bit. Steph batted her eyelashes, non-verbally communicating a sickeningly sweet 'Pleeeeeease?'.

[mischief-george.livejournal.com]

"Oi!" he mock frowned at her, trying to be stern and failing utterly around a mouthful of egg. "I do not recall signing up for moving duty."

Oh, but, sigh. She was doing that whole fluttering thing with her eyes that shouldn't affect him and yet made his stomach lurch in a way not associated with the bacon. Weakening, George narrowed his eyes and huffed out a breath.

"Fine." He pointed his fork at her. "But I'm fairly certain that means I get to pick out the movie for our next movie night. So I hope you like The Three Stooges."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

"Well, you didn't have to actually sign up. Helping the girlfriend move is just part your job description. If I have to meet your relatives, then you have to help me transport boxes. Unless," she continued, thoughtfully "you'd rather I move into my new spouse's very isolated hut. I'm sure the Hat would be thrilled."

Hee.

Steph tried not to grimace, and failed. "The Three Stooges? Seriously? And here I thought you actually had a sense of humor." She was mostly teasing, but...ew. No thanks.