Open Your Eyes: Closed RP (Sirius, Lily, and Harry)

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

((Backdated to the morning after Sirius and Lily discovered Voldemort was back and got into a massive fight over it. There's still a Harry-Sirius socking RP I need to do in which Harry and Sirius discuss the aftermath of the fight and generally have some good godfather-godson time, but for now that will have to wait. This RP comes after that.

Oh, and beware teh emoness. It burns!))

The only reason Sirius had slept well was his good friend Firewhisky. Lily had apparently lost her mind, and the upshot was that he was now kicked out of their suite and possibly broken up with. More importantly, it scared the hell out of him that Lily was out and about the castle by herself, being angry and rash and probably not particularly careful even though Voldemort could be anywhere. It was exactly the reason she had wanted to confine Harry to Slythendor, and yet she couldn't take the same advice for herself. And there was nothing he could do about it, because everything he had tried had only made things worse.

But the Firewhisky had been able to go only so far. Not wanting to drink in front of Harry, Sirius had started in on a bottle after the both of them had finally gone to bed, and even then, there was only so much he had allowed himself to drink, because he needed to be alert in case something happened to Harry or Lily.

Eventually, he managed to fall asleep, and when he woke up, the first thing he did was send an owl to Lily, because that would be quicker, easier (especially considering she had said she would lock him out of their suite), and hopefully less damaging to their relationship. The owl bore the following note:

----

Lily,

Are you all right? Harry and I are fine. We are both still in Slythendor. No sign of Voldemort.

Are we still

Please let me know that you're okay. I love you.

-Sirius

----

Unfortunately, the owl returned, bearing his note. Which was not a good sign. Now feeling quite frantic, Sirius made sure Harry would stick around Slythendor for a while (an idea that was not so thrilling to Harry, but that he acquiesced to, simply because he felt bad for Sirius after the mess of the night before, and anyway he didn't have a whole lot to do), and then he left Slytherin and went up the stairs and around the corner to the suite he shared (and hopefully still did share) with Lily to see if she was there.

His initial discovery sent flashes of red-hot panic across his flesh.

She hadn't locked him out as promised. Instead, the entire place was open; only the normal wards were up. He easily let himself in, only to find the place empty. Which, when put together, meant that she had never gone back to lock him out in the first place.

And Sirius bet he knew where she had gone. Because she had never really promised not to go looking for Voldemort. His fear turned ice cold and he began running through the corridors.

After he had searched out the entirety of two floors, he finally found her. She was sitting on the floor just across from the Popcorn Room, knees brought up to her chest and chin resting on them, and on her face a very strange, almost frightening sort of determined stare.

And there was a large piece of parchment in front of her. A piece of parchment he recognised very well, because he had made it years ago. It was the Marauder's Map, and the last person who had had it, as far as he knew, was James.

The other James.

Which meant that, unless he was missing something, she had gone up to Gryffindor to fetch it from him. Sirius didn't know whether that James was even around any more - he hadn't seen him for months, although he hadn't gone looking for him, either - but it didn't matter. The fact that she had gone up there and put herself in that sort of position, had taken that sort of risk, ignited Sirius's temper.

His initial flood of relief at seeing her alive evaporated within a second or two, and he asked sharply, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Comments

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

It hadn't felt like long enough to have been an entire night. Her watch told her that the time had passed, but Lily honestly was unaware of it. She had left Slytherin with one goal in mind - to find Voldemort. To end this before more of her son's life was taken. To end it all before Voldemort could destroy what fragile bits of a life she'd managed.

The castle was too big, though, and Voldemort too adept at hiding. At first she'd been at a loss, simply wandering the corridors, wand out, heart pounding as she rounded every corner. It was far too risky; even she realized that. Lily wasn't mad. She wasn't reckless. She was simply too tired of being afraid for her son to allow it to continue. If she could put a stop to everything, once and for all, she would. No price was too high.

It had taken her a few hours before she'd remembered the Map. She knew that Sirius didn't have it and Harry had never mentioned it to her, so far as she recalled. Which, with Remus as popcorn, left only one person in the castle who might be in possession of it.

There was literally nothing Lily would not do to take the steps she deemed necessary to protect her son. Even begging that wanker impostor for the Map. But, upon entering his room in Gryffindor, she'd found everything abandoned, a trunk sitting forlornly in the middle of the room.

James had been her husband. She knew how he thought. It took her a while, but Lily - who was no stranger to wards and locking charms (and had, in fact, taught James some of the best ones he knew) - had managed to break past the locks and pull open the top of the chest. The Map was within and Lily quickly left the room, the trunk still hanging open, eyes eagerly scanning the Map for a name.

It had all lead her back to the Popcorn Room. Where she'd discovered Voldemort's name back on the plaque, obviously moved down the list. He had unpopped; but, apparently, had repopped shortly thereafter. No matter. Nothing had changed.

Taking up her vigil, Lily sat fixedly, staring at the door. When he reemerged - for Lily was convinced now it was not an if but when - she would be ready. He wouldn't terrorize her family any longer. He, and the fight against him, would not destroy any more of Harry's life.

She heard Sirius approaching. She knew his footsteps. Not turning her head, Lily simply continued to watch the door. All the danger lay within that room, anyway. Not reacting at all to his tone, she simply said, "He's popcorn again."

There was something lost, something bitterly disappointed, something tired about her tone. Lily felt cheated. She had wanted to end it. And now she couldn't touch him. Again, he'd evaded her. But for the last time. If she had to wait a lifetime, she would sit here until Voldemort came out and she could kill him.

She was going to end it. She just wanted it to be over.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

"What?" His tone was still sharp. Who was popcorn? Voldemort? That...barely made any sense. Sirius towered over her, looking down into her face, even as she was staring straight ahead and not looking back at him. Abruptly, he turned and took a couple of long steps away from her and towards the Popcorn Room so he could look at the plaque.

Voldemort's name was indeed back on it. Well. Apparently he had been in worse shape than Sirius had thought. He was still cautious and wary; it seemed too good to be true. But right now he had more immediate matters to attend to.

"Come on, get up. Whether he's popcorn or not, it's not a good idea to be in the corridor alone." His eyes fell back on the parchment spread out in front of her, and another jolt of anger shot through his veins. Pointing down at the parchment, he asked in a voice that had suddenly gone cold and brittle, "Where did you get that?"

He knew bloody well where she had got it, but he needed to hear it from her mouth.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

"No." The word was said calmly, without malice or defiance. A simple statement, like she was commenting on the weather. Unmoving, Lily simply tightened the hold on her wand, jaw set and face far too pale. Every freckle on her face stood out like a harsh mark against porcelain skin. She could not let go of her purpose; if she did, too many other things would overwhelm her and she'd fall apart.

"James' room." Again, the sentence was quietly spoken, a simple utterance of facts. She didn't respond to his anger, didn't react to his tone. She simply sat. Waiting. Sirius didn't matter at that moment. The Order didn't matter. Her own safety sure as hell didn't matter. All that counted was her decision to kill Voldemort, to protect Harry. Everything else was just background noise.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

He knew it. So she couldn't be satisfied with doing one stupid thing; she had to make it a double. Why in Merlin's name would she go up there and put herself in a position to be berated and abused by that person again? If he had thought he was angry a moment before, that had been nothing.

"He's not James," Sirius snapped, because that was the easiest thing to focus his anger on, and then he bent down and snatched up the map, which made a dry, crumpling sound within his hand. "What is WRONG with you?" The seal was on the verge of breaking; the dykes were trembling and about to burst open. Sirius's heart was now pounding rapidly, and his fingers were shaking with frustration and rage as he held the map and looked blindly down at it. A couple of quick motions and he had roughly folded it up.

"What the HELL is WRONG with you, Lily?" He was now almost yelling. "Do you have a DEATH WISH? YOU WENT LOOKING FOR VOLDEMORT WHEN I ASKED YOU NOT TO, AND YOU WENT TO...TO HIS ROOM " - now he was talking about the other James " - WHEN YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NEVER GO NEAR HIM AGAIN!" He paused, panting already. "GET UP!"

He really didn't mean to be ordering her around, but he was so angry that she would do this to herself - and to him and Harry and all the other people who cared about her - that he could barely contain his rage.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

There was some part of Lily that responded to Sirius' outburst. Some piece of her that she had carefully locked away the second Harry had looked at her and told her it was too late. That she couldn't be his mother, that she had missed too much to make up for. But mostly Lily just felt numb. Frozen.

"That's his name," she said simply. Finally, though, just for a moment, her eyes left the door to look up at him. And they were empty - no fear or sadness or even anger. Just dull acceptance. "What do you want me to call him? He had the map. Anyway," her gaze went back to the door, "he wasn't there. I broke into the trunk and took it."

All of this was recited in the same flat tone. She couldn't let any emotion out. One emotion would lead to more and she wouldn't be able to bear up under the weight. "I don't care if I die." And that was heartbreakingly honest. "I have once. It's not that bad. I just want to end it."

That was her mantra. Over and over in her mind, that was her focus. To end it. "Go, if you don't like it. I'm doing what I have to do."

With that she shut down completely, going back to staring silently at the door.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Her impassivity only angered him further, and her stupid, stupid sudden lack of regard for her own life was the last straw.

"You might not care if you die, but I do," he growled vehemently through gritted teeth. "And so does your son." And that was all he had to say before he bent down and gripped one of her elbows and started tugging her up. This whole thing was fucking ridiculous, and if she planned to sit outside the Popcorn Room until Voldemort unpopped, came out, and killed her, she had another thing coming.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Without thinking, like it was second nature (and, perhaps, it was), Lily's wand was out and a hex cast almost before Sirius' fingers closed on her elbow. A sudden shield shot out, pushing Sirius away from her as Lily yanked her arm away.

"Don't touch me," she growled, a half-flash of life in her eyes. But then she curled back up on herself, still watching the damn door.

"It's too late." On that, the words voiced in a whisper, there may have been a slight crack. But it was gone as soon as it showed, shoved back away, nothing but cool neutrality apparent on Lily's face as she ignored Sirius again.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius almost went back to Slythendor, but at the last minute, he turned into the suite he shared with Lily rather than continuing down the stairs the rest of the way to the dungeons. He was angry and hurt and upset, and the last thing Harry needed was to have to deal with that. Not after what had happened the night before.

But Harry did need to know that Voldemort had repopped.

Once inside his suite, Harry found Mr Quackers, and within a few minutes he had been sent to Harry, bearing the following note:

---

Harry,

Voldemort is popcorn once more. His name has reappeared at the bottom of the plaque outside the Popcorn Room. Unfortunately, your mother is still not doing well. Please do me a favour and don't go over to the Popcorn Room. She's sitting outside of it, waiting for Voldemort to unpop again, and I think it's best for you not to see her in her current state. I couldn't get her to leave, and there was no point standing and arguing with her more than I already did, but don't worry, I'll make sure she gets enough to eat and drink and is taken care of in general for however long she decides to stay there.

She's a good person, Harry, she really is. This is just hard on her, and I don't really know what to do about it right now. I think she just needs to be left alone for a bit (and don't worry, I really doubt Voldemort will unpop while she's out there - he's obviously in a very weakened state right now). I'll check on her around dinner time when we've both calmed down some.

-Sirius

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

Harry was used to the sight of Mr Quackers in his suite, although usually the little duck was coming to see Sirius. But this time he waddled directly over to Harry and laid down the piece of parchment he was carrying at Harry's feet.

"For me?"

Mr Quackers gave a loud quack.

"All right." Harry bent down from where he was sitting on his bed and picked up the note.

So. As he had expected, Voldemort was a downright mess. It probably was the Horcruxes. Harry didn't know much about the popcorn curse or how it worked, but it was quite probable, he decided, that it worsened the adverse effects of splitting one's soul, and so now Voldemort was doomed to a life of unpopping and repopping, over and over and over.

It was sort of funny, and he would have had a good laugh had the rest of the note not been so sobering.

Unfortunately for Sirius, Harry had a bit of a hero complex (which he no doubt had inherited from his mother). And so when he read Sirius's plea for him not to go to the Popcorn Room, he had already made up his mind that that's where he was going to be. He'd find a way to talk her out of whatever it was she was doing.

He was still raw from the previous night's fight, and he certainly didn't want a repeat of it, but if Sirius was at a loss, Harry would step in and do something about it. She was his mother. He was sure he'd manage to deal with her.

He sent the following note back to Sirius with Mr Quackers (after sparing a bit of a Pumpkin Pasty for the little guy):

---

Sirius,

Thanks for letting me know. I'm going to go out and fly on my broom for a while, but after you bring her dinner, let me know if there's something I can do.


Harry

---

And before Mr Quackers had even reached the first step from the dungeons up to the floor where Sirius and Lily's suite was, Harry had run up those steps and headed out towards the Popcorn Room.

When he got there, he found Lily looking a right mess, staring straight ahead of herself into the Popcorn Room, just as Sirius had described.

It was time for his opening gambit.

"Hi."

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

They were footsteps she didn't recognize. And yet Lily didn't move. She simply let her eyes flick, warily, to the corridor; even before Harry had gotten close enough to speak, she'd turned her gaze back to the door. Not a threat. Keep watching. Ignore the fact that she hadn't recognized his gait because she didn't know him. Because it was too late. Keep waiting.

Her eyes did return to him, almost unwillingly, when he spoke. For a long moment Lily simply regarded him, that fierce determination and dull acceptance giving way to the overwhelming love that she felt every time she looked at her son. One corner of her mouth twitched up slightly, curving into a ghost of a smile.

"Hi."

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

He met her gaze, waiting for her to say something. It was a little bit awkward - okay, very awkward - after what had happened the night before, but he wasn't going to look away.

And looking into her eyes was just strange in general, because it really was like looking into his own eyes in a mirror. The rest of her face was entirely different, of course, but her eyes and the way they looked at him.... As he stared into them, he felt a pleasantly achy squirming sensation somewhere deep in his chest.

After she had replied, a simple greeting, same as his, he was sort of at a loss, so he just stood there for a moment, continuing to look back at her. Finally, he found himself taking a few steps forward and then sinking down next to her. Not too close, but about half a meter away.

He still didn't quite know what to say, so he just sat there, staring mostly vacantly in front of himself and waiting for the silence to somehow resolve itself or for just the right words to pop into his head.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

As Harry sat, Lily resumed her vigil on the door. For several long moments it was quiet and she simply continued to concentrate on her breathing, on the feel of her wand in her hands, on ignoring the pain from aching joints that came from sitting for hours on a cold stone floor. Finally, sighing quietly, she started to talk.

"You think I'm mad. It's ok. I'm used to it." A very quick flicker of her eyes to him, a roughly amused edge to her voice, but Lily's face remained impassive. "I didn't believe the prophesy, you know. Not really. It all seemed a lot of rubbish to me. Until the attacks came. Until it became too dangerous for me to leave the house while I was carrying you. Until every time one of our friends got hurt, I knew it was because of me. Because of you. Because of what some faceless person had decreed to be the future."

Tipping her head back to rest against the wall, Lily shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position. "You don't know what it's like. To be so afraid. So helpless. And I can't do it any more, Harry. I can't let you go through it." Finally her face turned towards him; she looked fierce and stubborn and completely like she had faced down the darkest Wizard in a century four times. "I'm not mad, Harry. I'm not broken, no matter what your godfather thinks. I'm just done."

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

She sounded tired, and when he turned his head to look at her as she spoke, it was evident that she looked it, too, making him wonder whether she had been out there all night like that. He wished he had brought a pillow; she looked like she could use something soft to sit on. He had seen Sirius transfigure all sorts of things many times, and for a moment he thought about digging in one of his pockets to see if there was something there he could use, or maybe make an attempt on one of his shoes, but in the end he decided not to. He was all right at Transfiguration, but he didn't know of a specific spell to transform a shoe into a pillow, and he'd probably just end up embarrassing himself in front of Lily.

He wasn't sure what to make of most of what she was saying, really. He didn't know whether she was mad or broken, and he didn't know whether Sirius thought that of her. He suspected she was wrong about Sirius, because if he really thought those things, then he wouldn't be dating her. Sirius himself had issues of his own, but Harry still trusted him - very much so, in fact.

But one thing she said struck a very wrong chord with Harry, and so it was that to which he responded. "I'm not...I'm not that special. To Voldemort, I mean." He pushed up his glasses and then looked absently at one of his shoes as he continued. "I know what the prophecy said - all of what it said. And I still don't know if I believe it. But I'm just an obstacle to him. He just doesn't want to die, that's all. And I'm the only person who's supposed to be able to kill him, so he wants to kill me first. But he doesn't know that I know about the Horcruxes he created."

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

Most eighteen-year-old boys aren't so keen on hugging their mothers, but most eighteen-year-old boys aren't Harry Potter. Most eighteen-year-old boys don't have a mother who had died, only to come back nearly two decades later. Harry had grown up without the embrace of his mother when he fell and scraped his knee or when the other kids at school had given him a hard time, or even when something happy had happened to him and he was full of joy and excitement about it. Well, he had grown up without the embrace of anybody, really.

And so he was proud to hug his mother back, fiercely. It didn't matter that she was twenty-two and he was eighteen. She was one of the people he had seen in the mirror, his heart's greatest desire. And for that moment, he would cling to her to make up for all those other times he had been unable to.

"I love you, too, Mum," he half-whispered, the depth of his voice, a man's voice, magnified in its hoarseness.

Something suddenly nudged his foot, and at first he ignored it, but when he got another nudge, and another, he finally pulled back from the embrace and looked down at his feet. Mr Quackers was standing there, holding a piece of parchment. It was obvious it was intended for him, so he bent down and picked up the duck, retrieving the parchment and then holding him out to Lily.

When she had taken the duck, he unfolded the parchment and quickly read it.

---

Harry,

I found you and your mum on the Marauder's Map. I see she left the corridor with the Popcorn Room. Is she okay? Is she still intent on killing Voldemort? Is she still angry at

Do you think it would be okay if I joined you and her in the Great Hall?

-Sirius

PS I should have known you'd go looking for her when I asked you not to. You're definitely your father's son.

---

A thrill of bittersweet joy rushed through Harry's veins when he read the PS. He stared at the paper for a moment and then read the two sentences again. Just like his father. He had never got to know James, but he was just like him. He didn't know why, but that thought made his heart fill with pride.

He finally looked away from the note and at Lily. "It's from Sirius. He wants to know if he can join us."

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Well, all right. Arms full of duck. Looking down at Mr. Quackers, she received a puzzled quack, to which she simply arched an eyebrow in return. "No idea, mate." Feeding him a bit of bread, she then let the duck settle in her lap, stroking his back as Harry read his note.

She knew who it was from. She could even guess at what it said. But she waited until Harry had turned to her to respond.

"If you like," she said, suddenly coolly neutral. It wasn't that she didn't want to see Sirius. It was that she didn't want to see him right then. Lily barely knew how she felt about him at that moment; and if he came down here and started berating her in front of her son again, she just might snap.

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

'If you like' didn't really tell Harry very much about whether Sirius coming to join them would turn into an ugly, uncomfortable scene.

Or maybe it did. It was certainly less than enthusiastic, and Harry had been around Lily and Sirius, together as a couple, enough times to know that was not the way she would normally respond.

"Are you and he.... Did you break up with him?" Harry had witnessed the ugly scene between the two of them the night before (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1290617.html?thread=66006137#t66006137), and it had sounded to him like that was indeed what had happened. And if that was the case, maybe it was better if Sirius didn't come, or if Harry left so the two of them could work out their problems.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Lily blinked once, looking over at her son. "No, Harry," she said finally. "At least, I didn't with him."

Now this got into territory she simply wasn't comfortable with. Discussing her relationships with her son? Definitely not a thing she wanted to do. Shifting slightly, she cast about for something to say.

"Just... Look, if you want him to come, that's fine. I'm going to go tell the house-elves we'll need two pizzas, in that case." Standing up suddenly, she dumped Mr. Quackers onto the table next to Harry and headed off towards the kitchens.

Awkward was not a big enough word for it.

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

It wasn't quite the clear 'yes' or 'no' Harry was looking for, but it would have to do. On one hand, he was perfectly fine if Sirius stayed away, because Lily seemed to have bristled at the mention of his name, and Harry didn't want another scene, not when things were so much better right now. But on the other hand, he knew Sirius was worried and upset, and maybe it would be okay now that Lily had moved from the popcorn room and become calm.

Well, it wasn't like he could try and get a better answer from her, since she had gone off to the kitchens. But perhaps the fact that she was going ahead and asking for two pizzas meant that she wanted Sirius there after all.

"Tell Sirius to give you something to eat when you go back, or you can come back here and I'll give you some pizza crust, all right?" Harry said to Mr Quackers. "But first let me write a note for you to give him."

Harry bent the parchment over the edge of the table and cleanly ripped off the section below the note Sirius had written him. He folded the part with Sirius's note and put it in his pocket - it was something he wanted to save - and then wrote the following on the other piece:

---

Sirius,

She's fine. She's not looking for Voldemort any more. We're having pizza. She said you can come if you want.


Harry

---

He gave it to Mr Quackers and then waited for Lily to come back or Sirius to show up.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius was waiting anxiously in his and Lily's suite for Mr Quackers's return. When the duck arrived, waddling self-importantly through the door Sirius had left open for him, he immediately took the proferred parchment. The note didn't offer a whole lot of detail, but it was good enough. After putting a small handful of lettuce on the floor for Mr Quackers, Sirius closed and warded the suite and quickly made his way to the Great Hall.

After scanning the room, Sirius spotted Harry sitting by himself at a table. He walked over there and sat down across from him.

"Where's your mum?"

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius left the loo in a bit of a daze. His face was slack and expressionless, but the hollow depth of his eyes, as staring and vacant as they had been on his Azkaban mug shot, betrayed his emotions. It wasn't something he was particularly aware of, but even if he had been, he wouldn't have been arsed to do something about it. He was far too broken.

In that stupor, he walked back to the Great Hall, his mind mostly blank, but not pleasantly so. Harry was still there, and Sirius wordlessly lowered himself into the seat across from him. He wanted to protect Harry from the details and degree of what had happened, and he considered it a win that he was maintaining his composure in front of him. Anything beyond that was simply too difficult right then.

He didn't know what to say, how to start this, so he just stared at the space in front of his eyes.

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

Harry hadn't been sure if Lily and Sirius were going to come back or not. They had both excused themselves as though they were, but then the time stretched on, and Harry was beginning to feel sort of stupid sitting by himself in the Great Hall with a plateful of crusts and an uneaten pizza and a half in front of himself. He was considering flagging down a house-elf to pack up the pizza for later when Sirius returned.

And he looked awful. He wasn't saying anything either - just sitting there and staring. And the thing was, Harry knew Sirius quite well by now, and certainly well enough to know that Sirius preferred to isolate himself when he was upset. Harry knew he drank when that happened, and he tended to close himself off in his room, just as he had done in his parents' bedroom when Buckbeak was living there and the two of them were confined to number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He had seen Sirius enough times with that look on his face and a bottle in hand to know what the deal was. But now Sirius was just sitting there in plain view of the entire school looking a right mess.

"Sirius? Are...are you all right?" Harry knew it was a stupid question, because the answer was obviously no, but he didn't know what else to say.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

The only part of Sirius's face that moved were his eyes, shifting to focus on Harry. "Your mum...." He didn't want to say it. To hear himself acknowledge it. But he had to. It was important that Harry hear it from him rather than secondhand or from Lily first, especially since it sounded like she was going to try and forbid him from associating with Sirius. "She...we've broken up."

The truth really was that she had left him, but he didn't want to say that to Harry. He'd probably work it out on his own - he was a smart kid - but Sirius wasn't going to put the blame on either one of them in front of him. He didn't want Harry to think less of his mother or to wonder just what Sirius had done to cause Lily to break up with him.

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

Harry didn't know what to say. Barely an hour earlier - if that, even - he had come across the two of them curled up on each other in a tender, intimate position, and now they were through? Sirius also didn't usually come to Harry when he was in this sort of state; Harry usually just observed him looking a mess when he chanced upon him making a trip to the loo, or noticed that he hadn't really left his room in days. But he wasn't used to Sirius coming to him and trying to have a conversation about whatever it was that was upsetting him. And this being about Lily - well, that made it even stranger.

"Wow, I'm...really sorry, Sirius," he replied, averting his eyes because he felt like staring would be disrespectful. "Er...is there anything I can do?"

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius's face was a mask, frozen in a single expression that appeared blank, but actually was barely holding back a rush of heart-wrenching pain. He didn't even bother dealing with Harry's question; there was nothing anyone could do right now. And he was sitting here with Harry only because he needed to inform him of what to expect as a result of what had happened with Lily.

"She may tell you never to speak with me again. Never to see me again." His voice was low, hoarse, and monotone, entirely devoid of energy. "And I just want you to know that it's your choice. Your decision to make. If you don't want to do what she asks, it's your right to say no. You're of age now. But if you decide you want to do ask she's asked you, I will respect your wishes. I just...." His voice cracked slightly, and he quickly looked away.

After a long pause, he looked back at Harry, his eyes suspiciously bright. "You'll always mean the world to me, Harry. And I love your mother, too. I would never intentionally hurt either one of you."

And then he stopped, because the knot in his throat was swelling and aching, and he couldn't talk any more.

[kill-voldemort.livejournal.com]

This was really bad. Harry couldn't imagine what had happened, and he didn't particularly want to know. But what he did know was that Lily's thinking she could forbid him from doing anything was pants. He'd thought they had come to an understanding about that.

"She's crazy!" he exclaimed, suddenly finding himself very angry. It was also far easier to react to the scenario Sirius had laid out than to his subsequent raw, emotional statement. "She can't tell me what to do! And if she thinks she can, she's got another thing coming. And I'll tell her that, too. I'll tell her that, Sirius, because I told her -"

Harry cut himself off as Sirius held up a hand at him. It was a tired, droopy gesture, but perhaps that weariness was what made Harry stop more than the actual motion itself.