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hh_mirror((Backdated to the morning after Sirius and Lily discovered Voldemort was back and got into a massive fight over it. There's still a Harry-Sirius socking RP I need to do in which Harry and Sirius discuss the aftermath of the fight and generally have some good godfather-godson time, but for now that will have to wait. This RP comes after that.
Oh, and beware teh emoness. It burns!))
The only reason Sirius had slept well was his good friend Firewhisky. Lily had apparently lost her mind, and the upshot was that he was now kicked out of their suite and possibly broken up with. More importantly, it scared the hell out of him that Lily was out and about the castle by herself, being angry and rash and probably not particularly careful even though Voldemort could be anywhere. It was exactly the reason she had wanted to confine Harry to Slythendor, and yet she couldn't take the same advice for herself. And there was nothing he could do about it, because everything he had tried had only made things worse.
But the Firewhisky had been able to go only so far. Not wanting to drink in front of Harry, Sirius had started in on a bottle after the both of them had finally gone to bed, and even then, there was only so much he had allowed himself to drink, because he needed to be alert in case something happened to Harry or Lily.
Eventually, he managed to fall asleep, and when he woke up, the first thing he did was send an owl to Lily, because that would be quicker, easier (especially considering she had said she would lock him out of their suite), and hopefully less damaging to their relationship. The owl bore the following note:
----
Lily,
Are you all right? Harry and I are fine. We are both still in Slythendor. No sign of Voldemort.
Are we still
Please let me know that you're okay. I love you.
-Sirius
----
Unfortunately, the owl returned, bearing his note. Which was not a good sign. Now feeling quite frantic, Sirius made sure Harry would stick around Slythendor for a while (an idea that was not so thrilling to Harry, but that he acquiesced to, simply because he felt bad for Sirius after the mess of the night before, and anyway he didn't have a whole lot to do), and then he left Slytherin and went up the stairs and around the corner to the suite he shared (and hopefully still did share) with Lily to see if she was there.
His initial discovery sent flashes of red-hot panic across his flesh.
She hadn't locked him out as promised. Instead, the entire place was open; only the normal wards were up. He easily let himself in, only to find the place empty. Which, when put together, meant that she had never gone back to lock him out in the first place.
And Sirius bet he knew where she had gone. Because she had never really promised not to go looking for Voldemort. His fear turned ice cold and he began running through the corridors.
After he had searched out the entirety of two floors, he finally found her. She was sitting on the floor just across from the Popcorn Room, knees brought up to her chest and chin resting on them, and on her face a very strange, almost frightening sort of determined stare.
And there was a large piece of parchment in front of her. A piece of parchment he recognised very well, because he had made it years ago. It was the Marauder's Map, and the last person who had had it, as far as he knew, was James.
The other James.
Which meant that, unless he was missing something, she had gone up to Gryffindor to fetch it from him. Sirius didn't know whether that James was even around any more - he hadn't seen him for months, although he hadn't gone looking for him, either - but it didn't matter. The fact that she had gone up there and put herself in that sort of position, had taken that sort of risk, ignited Sirius's temper.
His initial flood of relief at seeing her alive evaporated within a second or two, and he asked sharply, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Oh, and beware teh emoness. It burns!))
The only reason Sirius had slept well was his good friend Firewhisky. Lily had apparently lost her mind, and the upshot was that he was now kicked out of their suite and possibly broken up with. More importantly, it scared the hell out of him that Lily was out and about the castle by herself, being angry and rash and probably not particularly careful even though Voldemort could be anywhere. It was exactly the reason she had wanted to confine Harry to Slythendor, and yet she couldn't take the same advice for herself. And there was nothing he could do about it, because everything he had tried had only made things worse.
But the Firewhisky had been able to go only so far. Not wanting to drink in front of Harry, Sirius had started in on a bottle after the both of them had finally gone to bed, and even then, there was only so much he had allowed himself to drink, because he needed to be alert in case something happened to Harry or Lily.
Eventually, he managed to fall asleep, and when he woke up, the first thing he did was send an owl to Lily, because that would be quicker, easier (especially considering she had said she would lock him out of their suite), and hopefully less damaging to their relationship. The owl bore the following note:
----
Lily,
Are you all right? Harry and I are fine. We are both still in Slythendor. No sign of Voldemort.
Please let me know that you're okay. I love you.
-Sirius
----
Unfortunately, the owl returned, bearing his note. Which was not a good sign. Now feeling quite frantic, Sirius made sure Harry would stick around Slythendor for a while (an idea that was not so thrilling to Harry, but that he acquiesced to, simply because he felt bad for Sirius after the mess of the night before, and anyway he didn't have a whole lot to do), and then he left Slytherin and went up the stairs and around the corner to the suite he shared (and hopefully still did share) with Lily to see if she was there.
His initial discovery sent flashes of red-hot panic across his flesh.
She hadn't locked him out as promised. Instead, the entire place was open; only the normal wards were up. He easily let himself in, only to find the place empty. Which, when put together, meant that she had never gone back to lock him out in the first place.
And Sirius bet he knew where she had gone. Because she had never really promised not to go looking for Voldemort. His fear turned ice cold and he began running through the corridors.
After he had searched out the entirety of two floors, he finally found her. She was sitting on the floor just across from the Popcorn Room, knees brought up to her chest and chin resting on them, and on her face a very strange, almost frightening sort of determined stare.
And there was a large piece of parchment in front of her. A piece of parchment he recognised very well, because he had made it years ago. It was the Marauder's Map, and the last person who had had it, as far as he knew, was James.
The other James.
Which meant that, unless he was missing something, she had gone up to Gryffindor to fetch it from him. Sirius didn't know whether that James was even around any more - he hadn't seen him for months, although he hadn't gone looking for him, either - but it didn't matter. The fact that she had gone up there and put herself in that sort of position, had taken that sort of risk, ignited Sirius's temper.
His initial flood of relief at seeing her alive evaporated within a second or two, and he asked sharply, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
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Date: 2007-05-28 08:39 am (UTC)What she said about Harry and Slythendor made his blood run ice cold in his veins, and he paused at the door. If he didn't go back to Slythendor, he'd have nowhere to live. He'd have to find an empty room somewhere, and if there was none, he'd have to see if someone else would let him stay with them for a while. Maybe Cox or Cooper would give him a space on their floor until he could work something out. Failing that, there was the Hospital Wing. Coop had done that, although it was before Agnes Nutter had taken over, and Sirius had heard the rumours about her.
No. She couldn't do that. She couldn't prevent him from seeing Harry or living in Slythendor. Harry was of age. He made his own decisions.
But he wasn't about to say any of this right now.
His heart sank deep into his chest. The look in her eyes - yeah, it told him he had no chance of convincing her of anything. At least not at that moment, and maybe not for a long while, if at all.
What else could he do? He turned to go, but after a step or two, he turned back around.
Pain and desperation were evident in his face as he looked at Lily for several seconds. Several long seconds. His eyes rested on her face, taking in all her features, caressing it one last time. Hoping for a glimpse of forgiveness, a crack in the wall.
But there was none, and so he turned around and, without another word, walked out, feeling as though a Dementor had just closed in on him. And if there really had been a Dementor, he would have been perfectly satisfied to let it have its way with him. She had just taken away everything that mattered from him. Blinking back hot, shameful tears, he quickened his stride, making his way to the boys' loo, where he spent ten minutes in a stall trying, and failing, to keep his composure. When he had got a little bit of it out of his system, he washed up and then went back to the Great Hall.
Maybe Harry was still there. If anything, he had to let him know that things would be very rough for a while, and perhaps permanently.
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Date: 2007-05-28 08:52 am (UTC)At least, not until she shut the door. Sliding to the ground, back to the door, she buried her face in her arms and simply broke down. There was no one left to be strong for, no one to protect. And Lily felt as if her heart had been literally ripped apart. There weren't even pieces any more so much as grains that scattered and left her hollow and cold and empty.
The castle had long since grown dark and still by the time Lily moved again. Pushing herself up, movements slow and hazy, she packed up a few things and headed up to Ravenclaw. She'd disassemble the suite another time. But she couldn't stay there. That was the place she'd made with her and Sirius in mind. It was too painful to even think about all she'd just lost; she could not live where they'd been happy together.
Her old room was dark and filled with Robin's excess shite, but she managed to find her bed. Fully clothed and with moonlight streaming in the open window, Lily curled up on her bed and stared out over the darkness.
After a long while, she waved her wand, transfiguring an old pair of shoes into curtains and putting them up over the window. Then, turning over, she closed her eyes and wished it all a horrible dream.