The WART of Wedding-y Goodness, as officiated by Molly Michon

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Molly was, as promised, officiating the ceremony in full Kendra armor, complete with a skirt of recently-knitted chain mail. She’d spent quite a while coming up with a suitable ceremony, and she grinned as she organized her papers on the makeshift podium--it was going to be memorable, whatever else might be said about it. The ceremony was taking place in the WART room, to be broadcast live, and Molly had arrived early to decorate--festoons of popcorn and feather boas looped around the walls and ceiling, and she’d stuck candles everywhere a candle could possibly be stuck.

“Okay, how are you two holding up?” she asked, glancing from one to the other. Devi, she thought, looked absolutely beautiful in her dress, if more than a little nervous.

“Um, I’m okay,” Devi replied. She was nervous, nervous and excited and jittery as hell. She looked at Nny and grinned, wondering if he was as keyed-up as she was.

If anything, Nny was more so. He fidgeted uncomfortably in the unfamiliar jacket, the collar feeling tight and awkward. "I. Um." A skittish grimace, not quite a smile. "I'll be relieved when it's over, I think."

“Ah, that’s normal,” Molly said reassuringly. She reached over to switch on the radio, tapping the microphone a few times. “Just don’t do what Theo did, and puke behind the punch table.”

“Is this thing on? Okay, so, yeah. This WART is to celebrate Nny and Devi’s wedding, so after the ceremony go ahead and Floo on in any requests you might have.”

She winked at Nny and Devi, and after a quick glance down at her notes, she took a taper and lit a tall red candle.

“In the name of Nigoth, Worm God of the Nether Pits, I bless this union and this ceremony. Nny and Devi have come before you, O Nigoth, to be joined forever as Husband and Wife.”

She took a breath and tipped a drop of patchouli oil on the candle. It flared up and nearly took off her eyebrows.

“Do you, Nny, take Devi to be your wife,
To be her eternal buddy,
her rock, her external sanity, and her true love?
Will you stand by her in happiness, depression, and mixed states?
protect her from harm, and mutants
comfort her in times of distress,
and, if she ever be prescribed medication, be sure she takes it?”

Nigoth? Nny listened closely, and bit his lip. "I don't know if I can promise that sanity," he said finally. "And I don't think much of medication. But to, um. Be there. To love her. To fucking annihilate anyone who threatens her and help her fight off anything I can't destroy... I can promise that. Forever."

Devi reached out and squeezed his hand. She knew, even if he didn’t, that he was her ‘external sanity’.

“Ah, close enough.” Molly turned to Devi.

“Do you, Devi, take Nny to be your husband,
To be his eternal buddy,
his rock, his external sanity, and his true love?
Will you stand by him in happiness, depression, and mixed states?
Bandage his wounds,
protect him from harm, and mutants,
comfort him in times of distress,
and help him clean up his, uh, tools?”

Devi was also wondering about ‘Nigoth’. She bit her own lip, trying not to laugh at the ‘bandage his wounds’--Molly couldn’t know about the whole Stayfree pad incident, could she?

“I do,” she said, squeezing his hand again. “I’ll be there, forever, no matter what--happy, sad, crazy, till the end of time. I love him, and that’s worth more than anything else in the world.”

“Awww.” The Narrator was almost gone now, but he still occasionally piped up. “That’s the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

Molly smiled, and turned over a page.

“The symbolism of the circular rings was explained by the great Native American leader, Black Elk, who said:

‘Everything the Power of the Worlds does is done in a circle. The sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball and so are the stars. The wind in its greatest power whirls. Birds make their nests in circles ... The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle. Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing and always coming back again to where they were. The life of a man or a woman is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves.’

“Okay, Nny, repeat after me: I commit myself to the bond and unique relationship that exists between us, and pledge to keep it alive, with voodoo if necessary. As this ring has no end, neither shall my love for you, even if we all get nuked and we have to sell it for food.”

That, Nny had no trouble repeating word-for-word, his gaze locked on Devi's face the whole time. He didn't even snicker at the bit about the voodoo.

Devi, the butterflies in her stomach going into overdrive, returned his gaze unblinking. She took his other hand, wondering how his weren’t shaking as much as hers.

“And Devi, you too, same thing.”

Somehow she managed it without stammering, or snickering about the voodoo and nuclear bombing.

Molly, beaming, held out the rings. They went beautifully with Devi’s engagement ring, which was, of course, a poison ring.

Nny's hands may have been steady, but his stomach twisted and fluttered as he took Devi's ring and slid it onto her finger. He gave her hand a brief, anxious squeeze, hoping his palms weren't too sweaty.

Devi, with a small grin, took Nny’s and, after about three tries, managed to slide it onto his finger. She knew her hands were ice-cold, and she laced her fingers with his, for reassurance.

“All right, I and Nigoth now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss kiss bang bang, and then it’s all over bar the drinking.” Only Molly could pronounce such a benediction and still beam with maternal pride.

Oh yeah, we're supposed to... Taking a deep breath, Nny leaned in and kissed Devi lightly, as uncertainly as if they'd only just met. He pulled back, blinking at her shyly.

Hey, screw that noise. Devi wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him in for a real kiss. Very, very real. About as real as was humanly possible.

Molly applauded, and blew an earsplitting wolf-whistle. “That’s more like it. All right, you two, save it for later. Let’s eat.”

Comments

[manriki-chan.livejournal.com]

Gogo cheered along with Molly as the newlyweds kissed, bouncing in her rather floofy bridesmaid's dress (http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-5/1181937/blackpurplesame[1].JPG).

"Before we eat!" she called, and ran to the side of the room to retrieve something from her Hello Kitty bag.

It was a camera. A pink camera. With a chibified purple bunny rabbit on it.

"I need to take pictures to show the devils," Gogo said. "And they'll be magic pictures. So... wave, or something."

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi smiled, rather red in the face, and waved obediently, trying not to snicker at Gogo's camera. Her other hand was still locked with Nny's, rings shining in the light of all the candles.

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

The camera made Nny smirk as well, although he was a little less cheerful about being photographed, and did his best to sidle behind Devi, peering over her shoulder.

[manriki-chan.livejournal.com]

Grinning, Gogo yelled something in Japanese that was probably the equivalent of 'SAY CHEESE!' and took a picture. Although the camera look very, very gaudy modern, a developing picture popped rather improbably out of it.

It showed a blushing Devi waving weakly and looking like she might burst out laughing at any moment,and Nny looking shifty and trying to hide.

"... well, at least it worked," Gogo laughed.

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi looked at the picture and burst out laughing. "Nny, you can't hide in all our pictures," she said. "C'mon, I want to make some kind of an album of all this."

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

"An album?" he nearly squeaked. "Being married is one thing, but how much weddingy stuff do we have to do now?"

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi elbowed him. "Hey, I want an album. Or at least a big shoebox of pictures. We've already done most of the wedding-y stuff already," she pointed out. "Now we just get to eat and take pictures and and grin like idiots." Which she was already doing.

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

"Cake's okay. We need to cut it anyway, right?"

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

"Yes, yes we do. I think Molly's about ready to explode." How Molly could eat cake and keep a figure like that, Devi didn't know. Some people had all the luck.

[manriki-chan.livejournal.com]

While they spoke, Gogo took three more sneakier pictures before stopping at the mention of cake. It was alright, she supposed. Not as cool as her 18th birthday cake had been.

She wasn't entirely sure if things without very sharp blades of fluffy little animals really had a POINT.

"If you're having an album, you need a picture of both of you cutting the cake," Gogo said, wisely.

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi picked up the knife (a dagger, really, one of Molly's old movie-knives) and looked at Nny. "Okay, let's slice this sucker," she said, laughing.

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Molly grinned, folding her notes and sticking them back in her bag. She wanted cake (http://www.montilios.com/SpecialtyCakes/cape-cod-wedding-cake-specialty-boston-2.jpg), and she wanted it now.

"All right, you guys, cut this thing so we can eat it," she said. She'd helped pick it out (obviously, since it was bright and cheerful), and she'd been eying it hungrily ever since it was brought in.

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

Herded by Devi, Gogo, and Molly, Nny looked at the cake skeptically. "Does it matter how we cut it?"

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Molly, having gone through this, considered herself a wedding cake expert. "Nope," she said. "Just have at it. It's like...cake surgery. You guys have to pose, though, so Gogo can take pictures. I think it's a rule or something." Fortunately, mashing the cake in each other's faces was not--even she'd drawn the line at that one, when she and Theo had gotten married.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Tenna couldn't help the gigantic, rather overenthusiastic, 'AWWWWW' upon Devi and Nny's kiss. Even if it was Mr. Crazy McStabbyPants McGee (and his name seemed to get longer and longer every time, in her mind), it was sweet. And Christ and Jeebus, it was Devi. Getting married. Who'd'a thunk?

She had a fluffy dress. (http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t197/DeanPants/Tenna/ba-01.jpg) She was quite content.

And cake! There was cake. And cake was good. She'd been eying the thing with a look of pure hunger (and a slight chance of rabies) ever since she'd first laid her gaze upon it. The only thing stopping her from diving, quite literally, face-first into it was the super seekrit urge that she kept suppressed quite often in which she was actually behaved, just for Devi's sake.

Spooky sat rather unceremoniously between her boobs.

It was a good day.

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi grinned at Tenna--even if she'd finally found Spooky (and put it in a rather, uh, interesting place), Devi was glad she was here. "Oh, thank God that's over," she said, shaking her head. "I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life, and that includes all those months I was shut up in my apartment."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Hey, Spooky was comfy. She didn't hear any complaints on his end. Other than the occasional contented 'squeak!' when she happened to get too bouncy. Or maybe that was just her cleavage smushing him. ...Whatever the reason! Spooky was happy. Just like Tenna.

Not nearly as spastic, though. Tenna was giggling like a maniac, launching herself towards Devi for a huge hug and it's entirely up to Devi-mun if said hug connects or not and letting out strange, squee-ing sounds. "And you were pretty fucking nervous then!" she commented pointedly, eyes widening. "Seriously. You kept giving Hobo Guy the stink eye. Big time."

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi staggered, tripping over the hem of her dress. She burst out laughing at the mention of Hobo Guy, fending off Spooky as he threatened to launch out of Tenna's cleavage.

"Yeah, well, it's over now, thank God. Now it's time for cake, munchies, and...whatever's in that fruitcake Molly brought."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

She was laughing? Devi? Laughing? Really! Tenna didn't think she'd ever live to hear the sound again, and the knowledge that she just had was sending Tenna into hysterics.

"CAKE!" she announced to nobody in particular. "Yes, cake, especially, to incite - incite, is that the right word? Whatever - your new... marriage thingy!" Married. Freaking married.

At least they got the fluffy dresses.

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

That only made Devi laugh harder. "Incite my new marriage-thingy?" she asked. "Sure, why not. Give Spooky some while you're at it."

Yes. Devi mentioned Spooky, and not in any context pertaining to his potential demise. She was slightly scared, too.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

She-she-she-she.

Tenna's jaw dropped open, her eyes widening. She mentioned Spooky! Without his name being in the immediate vicinity of 'hate', 'want to kill', or some vague form of a death threat! How... was that possible? She checked over her shoulder for brimstone falling from the sky. Nope, no volcanoes.

"Spooky really likes cake," she whispered back in a voice that was far too excited to be human. Yes, it was shaking in its excitement, at this point, to the point of being creepy.

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

Squee was pretty sure that chainmail, Dr. Seuss cakes, kilts (which were itchy!) and Nigoth, whoever he was, weren't usually associated with traditional weddings, but if that was the case, then traditional weddings were kind of boring. The part about the mutants in the wedding vows had him a bit worried, but he figured that if any married couple could deal with flesh-eating mutant zombies (which was what they'd turned into, in Squee's imagination), it would be Devi and the Crazy Neighbour Man.

He couldn't stop staring at the Dr. Seuss cake. It was so nifty-looking that he was hesitant to eat any of it.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

...It was a small child she had not seen before!

Tenna couldn't help the overwhelming urge that had come over her out of nowhere, and she took a large bound in front of Squee, letting out a rather enthusiastic, "HI!", and giggling when her dress (http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t197/DeanPants/Tenna/ba-01.jpg) fluffed up briefly in her spasm. Oh, man, this thing was too cool.

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

There was only one possible response to the giant, bounding, foofy-dressed woman leaping in front of him:

"SQUEE!!"

After a couple of deep breaths, Squee manged a tiny, cautious "... H-hi?". He was very pointedly trying not to stare at Spooky, especially given the doll's position.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Well, giant, she would have something to say about, but otherwise.

Awww, he was so cu~ute. Tenna grinned, a rather wide, pedophile-esque-caliber smile, giving Squee a thumbs-up. "I'm Tenna!" she replied slightly louder than she meant to, and finally removed Spooky from his, er, provocative seat. "This is Spooky!"

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

Hey, everyone was giant from Squee's point of view. He was pretty small, even for a kid his age. Nothing personal!

...Ohdearlord. Squee gulped and scooched back a bit in his seat. She wasn't wearing a backpack (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1069918.html?thread=53774430#t53774430), was she? Nope, no backpack. At least her name wasn't Pete...

"Umm... I'm. I'm Todd," he squeaked. "Or Squee. Mostly Squee." He hesitated for a second - Shmee was currently a small lump of cotton hidden inside his shirt pocket, and he had a feeling that the bear wouldn't want to be introduced in that state. "... I have a bear named Shmee, but he's mostly back in my room right now."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Not that Tenna would even particular take it personal, really. She'd actually probably start in on the Godzilla impressions.

He was a very small, nervous, little thing. Small and little were also practically the same word, but that was insignificant as of right now. "Squee?" she asked incredulously, eyes widening a bit. His name... was Squee? How freaking COOL was that? She was pretty sure Devi had mentioned him before, but who knew? Tenna couldn't sit still long enough to sort out her thoughts, really.

A bear! "Shmee and Squee!" she repeated with a sort of giggle, squeaking Spooky in Squee's general direction and giving a wide sort of grin. Awesome! Brilliant, even! This kid! Was brilliant! "They can be friends! FRIENDS!"

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

Squee caught the incredulity in Tenna's voice and jumped to the defense of his nickname. "Um... it's just what people call me, it's not really..."

Eep! Squeaky skeleton thing! Squee scooched back even further, reaching into his pocket to take out the lump of security-Shmee-fluff. "We are friends! I mean... um. Wait." He stared at the squeaky skeleton. "Are you talking about Spooky and Shmee?"

*... Wait, what?* Shmee's voice was a lot quieter without the rest of the bear nearby, but Squee could still hear the sleepy confusion. Shmee had barely spoken through most of the wedding ceremony, except to make a few snarky comments about the vows.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on, kid, don't spoil the fun. No, really. Tenna tended to have selective hearing, and she definitely wasn't listening to a single thing that Squee said to her about his name not actually being Squee. No. It was Squee. And that was it.

Well, duh, she was talking about Spooky and Shmee. "Yeah!" she squeaked aloud, grinning and squeezing Spooky a few times for emphasis. He concured. For now. Then again, he hadn't met Shmee either. "Bear? Spooky? IT IS A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN, IT IS."

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

At this rate, he should just get his name changed officially on his birth certificate. It would save confusion, in the long run.

"But Shmee's not a skeleton-bear!" Squee protested, squeezing the Shmee-fluff in one hand. Take that, Tenna-logic! "And... and he doesn't make squeaky noises or anything!"

*I think somebody needs Ritalin,* the bear remarked internally.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

"So?!" Tenna announced, trying to look rather important and only really managing to look like she had a tick in her neck somewhere. "Skeletons totally get along with bears all the time." She waved Spooky a bit raucously around in Squee's direction, eyes wide. "HE'S DEAD, JIM."

Ritalin with Tenna would kind of be playing with fire anyway. Sure, it calmed down kids with ADHD and such, but other people it just sped up, completely contrary to its intended effects. Who knows what would happen?

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

Squee hadn't yet realized that trying to use earth logic on Tenna was futile. He also hadn't realized that trying to keep up with her train of thought could be hazardous to his mental health. Unfortunately for him, he was attempting both.

"Who's dead? Who's Jim?" He looked around the room as he spoke, looking for the mysterious unseen guest.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Earth logic? What was that? Tenna had some kind of her own knowledge, one that very very few could follow. And by 'very very few', she meant 'nobody'. And by 'follow', she meant 'stand'. Also, by 'knowledge', she meant 'space monkeys'.

"I don't know. But he's dead," Tenna said wisely, wondering vaguely who the hell Jim was on her own part. "Spooky concurs."

Anonymous Floo

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

Congratulations.

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

It was a nice cake, not some fluffy white monstrosity. That didn't stop Nny from raising a knife and swinging with unholy glee, forcefully enough to spatter his cheek with the moist cherry filling. He looked up with a grin.

"That's one cut fucking cake."

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi choked, trying not to laugh. She failed.

"...Only you, Nny," she said, shaking her head. "Seriously." She wiped the cherry off his face, eyed her hand, and looked at him. "Well, I guess that saves me having to mash it in your face at least." Like a child, she licked her fingers. "Now that it's dead, I think we can eat it."

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

CAKE.

Cake cake cake cake cake cake cake.

Tenna appeared (no, seriously, just kind of appeared out of thin air, just over Devi's shoulder. Practically hovering) (she couldn't help herself - there was cake at hand), eyes wide and excited at the promise of cake. "Knifeman Joe from Hannibal, MO got a leeeeetle too excited about that," she commented in a harsh stage whisper, dancing from foot to foot. She really did have no room to talk. She only knew Nny from what Devi had told her. Seriously, just because he had tried to murder her best friend...

Okay, maybe there was reason.

"CAKE." She let out an odd sort of squeal, grabbing a nearby fork and shoveling out a bite. ...Right out of the cake, yes. Plates? Who needed them?

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Molly blinked. Damn, and she'd thought she liked cake... Picking up a plate, she snagged a piece, and eyed Tenna.

"...There's a rubber skeleton in your tits, you know." This from a woman in full fantasy armor, no less.

[assmeat-hunger.livejournal.com]

Pssht, of course there was a rubber skeleton between her tits. "There's not a rubber skeleton between your tits!" she argued knowingly, scooping up another giant forkful of cake and grinning. "So much as I can tell. WHO KNOWS. You could be harboring rubber skeletons all over. In orifices they have no right to reside!"

She proceeded to hold out Spooky in Molly's general direction, squeaking him a few times for much emphasis and looking pleased with herself. "Spooky!"

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

Okay, considering how long he'd known the Crazy Neighbour Man by now, he really should've seen the cake massacre coming. It was this kind of thing that made him remember that oh yeah, he was rooming with a bunch of crazy people.

... Okay, nice crazy people, when they weren't going all stabbity, but still.

On the other hand, it was cake. Really, really tasty-looking cake. Squee peered at it around the foof of Tenna's incredibly foofy dress, then darted in all lightning-quick and nabbed a piece, along with a plate and some cutlery. Plates might be optional, but they made it easier to eat.