open RP: Renata finds Robin

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

She still could not say how she had come to Hogwarts. What she did know for certain was that whatever travel might have brought her here, it left her sorely fatigued, all the more so after the strangeness of the Sorting into which she had immediately been cast. When she returned home, she thought, she would have at least this story to tell, that she had passed a trial by embroidery!

This castle was not entirely without good help. In short order Renata had a chamber, more akin to the accommodations of a Tower novice than anything like her apartments in Castle Aldaran, and adequate clothing and linens, again more befitting a novice's work than a lady's station. It sufficed; she had no complaints. At the same time, she thought it not at all strange that the Hat should have cited her noble blood as the reason for her house placement. Comyn and Hali'imyn alike were set apart from the common run, Hali'imyn if anything a rarefied subset of the Comyn.

This was not to say she had no questions about Slytherin House. For one thing, Robin of Loxley had seemed reticent on the subject of that House, and uncomfortable concerning his own placement therein. Should there be a stigma upon her new residence, she wished to know it, and to know why. She would not have it be a hindrance to her work.

For she had work to do here, she knew. Already she had met a young woman burdened with entirely uncontrolled laran or something like it, and a man confronted with an unexplained double who desired deep monitoring for both himself and that double. Hogwarts was some sort of a school, and she had met other telepaths here who seemed in no need of training, yet no laranzu'in and no evidence of specific avenues for teaching or using these gifts presented themselves. The words of Lord Commander Snow stayed with her as she soaked in a hot bath and prepared for sleep. Renata had not come to Hogwarts purposely. The place might well be drawing people to itself, for a purpose of its own, or even unthinking, when the need arose. There was magic in these stones ...

Well, she had her matrix, and she would do her best, as befitted a comynara and leronis. Tramontana could continue its work in her absence, doubtless; she might be its most skilled monitor (false modesty not a luxury permitted in such intimate and grueling work), but she was not the only competent monitor at that Tower, and even if she were, Neskaya could spare one to hold her place. As for the Aldaran domain, well, the succession of Donal's son was in no question, whatever might befall Mikhail. The Storns or the Scathfell kindred might make some ill-conceived attempt at unrest, but none could stand against the might of the Hasturs, and the connection to Allart might well check such an attempt even before it could begin. No, Renata had no misgivings as to how her kin might fare without her near. If she had, she would not have been at Tramontana at all; she would have been at Castle Aldaran, or in Thendara. A sad state of affairs it was, she thought ruefully, that the work for which she was trained had now become in itself a luxury, something she could pursue only by Mikhail's grace and blessing, and when she was not needed elsewhere for reasons of state.

Now it seemed she was to take up that work in a new place, without benefit of a circle, without any tools other than her own matrix. So be it; Renata Leynier had never shied from a challenge. Clean and rested, she awoke and dressed herself in the robes of Hogwarts, and set out from her little Slytherin dormitory room to go about what business she might have.

She needed to find Gillian, and to find Sidney Reilly. She recalled being told that owls were used in this place, for the people to communicate one with another. It seemed to her wasteful, when a woman had her own two legs to walk upon. Yet she did not know where to find these people. Robin of Loxley had promised to act as guide to her; perhaps he could guide her at least to the place where the owls were kept, and she could send word to these others to let them know where she might be found, until such time as she got her own bearings.

By the grace of Evanda, it so happened Robin was the first person Renata saw upon her emergence from the dormitory. Her path took her through the Slytherin common room, where he sat before the hearth with a tray of sand at his feet and a branch of some wood Renata did not know in his hands. She recognised his work: he had fashioned the branch into a weapon, which he had carved, and was now sanding the carvings. Perhaps he had been at this for some time, and Renata was almost loath to disturb him. It was the habit of a telepath that made her speak to him regardless; had she been among her own, they would have sensed her presence at once, whether she spoke or no, and it would have been foolish to pass by as though she were not there.

"How goes the work?" she said, simply. No need to preface the words with formality.

Comments

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Startled out of a pleasureable reverie, Robin looked up to find the object of his thoughts standing before him. A slow, sweet smile crept over his face. "My lady Renata." He put Chance's bow carefully away from the heat of the fire and stood, conscious that he was a little smoky and work-rumpled, not at all what was due Renata's position. "You had no trouble finding me, I hope?"

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

"Why, none whatsoever," said Renata, smiling. "As it happens I have been placed in Slytherin house as well; so I have chanced upon you without looking, which I count a stroke of good fortune. But I have interrupted you at your work; do not let me keep you from it."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Robin shook his head, returning her smile. "I am only too glad to be interrupted; and I am nearly done besides." He picked up the bow, hesitantly. "Are you ready for our walk? I can return this to my room in a moment."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

"I feel I am ready for anything," Renata asserted. While there was laughter in the assertion, the way she carried herself gave truth to it, too: that perfect carriage, upright without rigidity, that bespoke the dual disciplines of the nobly born and the Tower-trained; softened by a grace that could not be bred even into Comyn but was Renata's own, hard-won.

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

"I feel certain you are." Robin's eyes followed the lines of her slender body admiringly as he grew ever more conscious of his own disheveled state. Normally he would not care, had not cared before, but this woman made him feel the weight of everything he had never learned.

Robin's chin went up in answer to a self-issued challenge. Yeoman he may be, but he was no bumpkin. "Will you wait here, then? I shall be only a moment."

The moment he was out of her sight he sprinted to his room, taking care to put Chance's bow away carefully even in his haste. He grabbed a clean shirt and trewes, mentally thanking the house-elves, and ran to the bathroom. Robin divested himself of his clothing, leapt into the shower (taking care not to wet his hair much - no time to let it dry), scrubbed himself with soap, rinsed like a madman and toweled off hastily. He shoved his legs into clean trewes and leather breeches and left the bathroom only minutes after he had entered it, tugging the shirt over his head as he jogged barefoot down the hall.

When he re-entered the Common Room he had just finished tucking in his shirt. Robin leaned against the nearest table and hastily pulled on his boots, then spread his hands, smiling. "Forgive me - I did not wish for you to smell smoke and raw wood throughout our walk. Have I kept you too long?"

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Ensconced on a low couch with a cup of cocoa in hand (very like Darkovan jaco, she had decided, except for this drink's alarming sweetness), Renata had been puzzling over the Daily Prophet (http://www.hp-lexicon.org/wizworld/prophet.html). Printing presses were unknown in the Seven Domains. She looked up from the paper at Robin's return, and gave him a quizzical smile, setting down the thick ceramic mug that still held most of the cocoa she'd been brought. "Why, smoke and raw wood are all it seems one can smell at some times, in the mountains. Aldaran is a mountain Domain and well-forested. When there are lightning storms in the summer, forest fires can arise, and the fighting of them takes every able-bodied man. Commoner or Comyn, they all must serve on the fire-watch. We have not so many fires as in the lowlands, where I was born, because our snows last longer; but we have resin-trees, so when those catch fire ..." Her hands flew up, illustrating explosion.

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

"In that case I have made you wait too long, my lady. Still, I am the more fit for your company, I hope." Robin offered her his arm. "Therefore I am at your service."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

The words and the movement reminded Renata forcibly that while this particular individual seemed more a Darkovan than most of the people she had met at Hogwarts, he was nothing of the sort. It was very like the moment when Jon Snow had failed to recognise her use of the proverb about leading horses to Valeron. Wryly, she thought: It is not with those who seem strangest to me that I must take the most care, but with those who seem most familiar! Robin of Loxley's offer of service, she sensed with the surety of an empath, was meant as a verbal courtesy. It was like saying z'par servu, true, but without reproach implied here. Had a Darkovan friend of Renata's addressed such a remark to her, it would have been meant very much as a reproach, an indication she was coming it too high.

There was, too, the offer of his arm. Renata sensed this too was a courtesy, and routine. Among her people, anyone of her station would either be gifted with sufficient laran as to minimise the intimacy of touch, or would be accustomed to dealing with such persons and would have adhered to a telepath's etiquette even if not strongly gifted himself; and anyone not of her station would not have addressed such a familiarity to a comynara. Renata decided to split the difference, and took his arm long enough to support herself in rising, then stepped back without fuss, her manner open and friendly still, clearly no rebuff in it. "I have need first of all to find this place where the owls are kept," she said.

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Renata took her time penning letters to the people she owed assistance, brief though the letters were. As she wrote, she thought how best she might phrase the story she had promised to tell, and how she might best keep from disturbing this man further. There was a time she would have been more accustomed to occasioning this sort of problem; that was before the summer of her eighteenth year, that fateful summer at Aldaran; since then, even her circlemates at Tramontana dared not trouble her with their desire, and her marriage to the Aldaran lord had little to do with that.

She found her way to the courtyard easily enough. Compared to spring in the Hellers, this weather was mild to her, and she delighted in the cool crisp air. The mud of the spring thaw hindered her progress not at all, though she had to gather her robes a bit to keep from trailing them, too long for her slight frame. Robin would be expecting her, she imagined, as he would have seen her two owls winging away from the tower in advance of her leaving. "Here I am," she said, smiling.

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Robin had indeed been anticipating her arrival. He sprang to his feet, careful not to reach out for her. "You are quick, my lady. Shall we perhaps explore as we talk? Or I can build a fire with ease, if you would seek warmth."

He had no intention of troubling Renata or burdening her with his burgeoning attraction to her; it was enough to be with her. He had told her of his feelings, not to further his suit, but simply to clear the air between them. She was wed, he knew that. But it would do no harm to admire, and the only heart he endangered was his own.

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

(( hehe, those are very Darkovan concepts in her narration above, so you'll have to forgive her. ))

Renata looked puzzled. "Why build a fire, in such fine weather as this? No, let us walk, by all means." She waited for him to take the lead, and walked alongside him.

"I know not what enchantment allows me to speak a language you may understand, only that the enchantment does not always suffice. It may be that some concepts have no equivalent near enough," she surmised. "I will try as best I may to make myself understood. There are more than one form of marriage in the Seven Domains. The one under which I am wed is the most formal, and usually arranged: marriage di catenas." She held up her wrist to show the copper bracelet there that had been locked to Mikhail's. "I was not always promised so. Such a marriage, to the lord of a domain, would have been too high to look for a minor family. This marriage was not of my family's making." She sighed. "My father at least could take joy in the match, since none else of us could, not Mikhail nor myself nor any who call us friend."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

"I do not entirely understand. You were wed against your will?" Robin had saved Marian from just such a fate; the memory made him frown deeply.

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Renata shook her head. "Oh, it was not what we would have wished, but it was chosen."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

He thought about it. "I see." Robin gave a nod. It happened all the time in noble families: arranged marriages for which neither party held any desire, but consolidated bloodlines and family fortunes nonetheless. "I hope he is not an uncongenial husband," he offered, unsure what else to say. The thought of any woman being forced - even by consent - to a marriage-bed was anathema to Robin's love of freedom. And he had known the joy of a love match; no one should have to settle for less. But many did.

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

(( part one of a multi-comment tag ... ))

Renata shook her head again, frustrated with her own seeming failure to communicate. I have been among laranzu'in too long. I must phrase my meanings more clearly. "He is kind, why should he be else? I have been trying to explain this marriage was not arranged. Mikhail proposed it and I accepted. He could get no heirs, not at his age, and wished the child of his foster-son to inherit his Domain; it was I who carried that child; to wed me meant ensuring the inheritance, elsewise the Domain would have passed to a line of kin whom he detests." That too would need explanation. "The heir of a marriage di catenas is legitimate beyond contest, unless it prove emmasca, a failing of the Hastur line and none of ours." No, that was likely as confusing as the last ...

Her hair was caught carelessly back in the copper butterfly-clasp that, like her matrix and her wedding-bracelet, somehow had made the inexplicable journey from Darkover to Hogwarts with her; distracted in her frustration, she reached to tighten the clasp as it slipped. Instead it slipped free of her hair entirely, and Renata made a small irritated sound as she caught it in her hand.

"These things are never simple, and this was more complicated even than most. Let me try again, without so much needless ... cultural detritus?" She took a deep calming breath. "It would be better to tell you the story from the beginning." So she did, replacing the butterfly clasp as she spoke, and drawing her shawl tightly around her for comfort more than out of any need for warmth.

To her surprise, she found that the story did not begin with Dorilys, or with Donal, or even with herself. The story began with Allart Hastur.

"I was monitor at Hali Tower when Allart Hastur of Elhalyn came with his bride to Hali," she said. "They stayed a half-year, and then several things happened at once. The Ridenow and the Elhalyn went to war. Allart and Cassandra had a ... falling-out ... that made clear to us they could not both stay in the Tower. And a messenger from Aldaran came to Hali in search of aid for the lord's only living child, a nedestro daughter afflicted with a grievous strong laran. He would not send her to a Tower for fear of shame before his own kindred. Mikhail is a proud man." Her face had softened when she spoke of the messenger -- clear who he must be -- and hardened now, when she spoke of Aldaran's damnable pride.

"Here I must explain something of our politics, for you to see why Allart and I were the ones who rode north in the end. Hali is of the Elhalyn domain. The tower in Aldaran's domain is Tramontana -- where I was at work when I came to Hogwarts somehow. Mikhail had quarreled with his kin over his daughter. To send her to Tramontana, or ask the folk of Tramontana to come to her aid, would have been logical were there not that concern. So he sent to Hali instead, because the Elhalyn and the Aldaran had an ancient friendship, upon which he felt he could safely draw. Now, all these events happened of a sudden, you see. This fight between the Elhalyn and the Ridenow had just arisen while Aldaran's messenger was en route. And Allart's brother had only just inherited the Elhalyn domain; and he felt it best that Allart be sent to Aldaran, in several capacities." Best not to explain Damon-Rafael Hastur. Zandru send him scorpion-whips; and well Zandru might do so, since Damon-Rafael now dwelt in one of Zandru's hells, if the stories of the gods had any truth!

"It is important to understand that Elhalyn is liege to Hali Tower. My kindred is subject to another lord entirely. Though my father had promised me I might work in the Towers until I was twenty, he wished me out of the conflict in which our kindred had no part, as Hali would be set to make the machinery of war. So he bade me come home to an early wedding. This I wished to avoid. Allart arranged that I be chosen as teacher for Aldaran's ailing child, so I might be spared what I did not wish, and allowed to continue my work."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

It did all hinge on Allart, did it not? until that point. After that, it seemed to Renata, the many diverging futures one might see with the Elhalyn gift must surely have condensed into a single inexorable path, from which none of them could have turned back. She knew it had not been so for Allart, knew he had seen so many uncertainties. But in her memory, that was the day their fates all were sealed: the day the three of them rode northward from Hali together, she and Allart and Donal Delleray. They had been so happy then, jesting together in defiance of the shadow of war, all unsuspecting what pain lay ahead of them had little to do with the enmity between Elhalyn and Ridenow, and everything to do with what lay within the walls of the Aldaran keep.

"The messenger Aldaran sent was his own foster-son, the half-brother of his daughter. They called him Donal of Rockraven, but his mother had been wed di catenas and he was born legitimate. He was entitled to his name: Donal Delleray. Aliciane of Rockraven was widowed young, so went to be barragana to Aldaran. That is --" She hesitated. She ought not to mince words about it. "Concubine, of a sort," she said at last. "So Dorilys -- the daughter -- she was nedestro. I told Mikhail he must get him another heir, Dorilys's laran was too perilous. Monitoring showed he could not. And so he thought to force upon his kindred what they did not want. Avarra be merciful, it was Allart who suggested the solution Mikhail thought best of all: to wed Donal and Dorilys, as a legal fiction only. Half-brother and half-sister may wed in the Hellers. We all misliked the notion save Dorilys ..." She bit her lip.

"By then I was carrying Donal's child. I hope that does not shock you. We would have sought to wed, except that this notion of Mikhail's destroyed all our plans and hopes. There was no choice. The Domain and family took precedence. I consented to remain as barragana; I said I would rather be his barragana than wed another di catenas. It is still the truth. But Dorilys could not abide it. Her laran had made her ... unstable? no, that is not a word strong enough."

She covered her face with her hands, almost unable to say what came next. "Dorilys had gone mad. That is the plain truth. I had begged Mikhail to let me burn out her psi centers, as the absolute last resort, and he said me nay. Is that not always the way, in the Domains? Laran is more important than life, to these men." Her voice was bitter, bitter. "And when Donal would have told her of our child, she would have struck me dead with her gift -- except that he stepped between us. And that is how I lost him, and lost Dorilys too. She is in stasis behind a force-field at Hali now, where she can hurt no one else, nor hurt herself. It was the only way. It would not even have been safe to kill her, the poor child. She would have burnt to a crisp anyone who tried."

She had lowered her hands, and now the fingers of one hand toyed with the catenas bracelet at the wrist of the other. "So we were left: Mikhail with no children at all, and myself with Donal's child yet unborn. We made this pledge, he and I, for the sake of all we had loved, and all we had lost. The old eagle still holds Aldaran after all." She forced a smile.

"Allart's brother died, and Allart went to Thendara as heir to the throne. There he sits now, and stands as foster-father to my own son; and I was permitted to go to Tramontana and take up my own work again. Except now I have been drawn here, to Hogwarts."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

(( and that is the end of the story! ))

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

There was a long silence while Robin digested the enormity of Renata's loss and sacrifice, and of her capacity to forgive and move on. He longed to touch her, only to reassure, but that was not her way, and so he kept his fisted hands at his sides.

"You have lost much, and your husband more," he said, slowly. "In attempting to keep what he had, he lost all. He is not the first and will surely not be the last to do so, but it is no less a tragedy for all that. He has my sympathy, for he reaped so much more than he sowed. But in the end he has you, and perhaps that has helped him in his sorrow."

Robin looked at her for a long moment. "You are a remarkable woman, Renata Leynier."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Renata did not look away. "That you too are remarkable."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Robin let out the breath he had been holding, aware that his feelings ran too warm. "Forgive me," he said, assuming she would know what he meant. "I do not mean to."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Knowing well what he meant, but not understanding why, Renata gave him a quizzical smile. "Why do you not?" This had happened before, with Allart; but Allart had been educated among the cristoforo monks ... "Have you been taught it is shameful to love, or to acknowledge love? Such teachings we of the Towers cannot afford. Our work would be endangered by willful disregard of our needs. Or is it this --" Her eyes moved to the catenas bracelet. "But I have told you how it is with us. Mikhail is an old, old man who can get no heirs. He does not begrudge me what happiness I can find, provided I bring no scandal upon his house, which has already scandal enough heaped upon it!" She had to laugh with that remark. "Oh, Robin, we are far from home."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Robin reached for a lock of her hair which had freed itself from the confines of the butterfly clasp, and stroked it between his thumb and fingers. "We are," he said quietly. "And I have been alone for a very long time. I do not want to mistake this for what it should not be."

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Renata drew in a quick involuntary breath. "For what?"

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

For answer Robin took her hand and placed it flat against his chest, his skin tingling where her skin met it. "My heart beats," he said, his voice low and husky. "For eight hundred years it lay still and I wandered the Great Forest without it, but now, it beats. More, it feels."

"I did not realize how lonely I had been until I found myself surrounded by people. I did not know how my heart ached for friendship until I found one here." Robin took her hand again, turned it over and pressed his lips to the palm. "I did not know that I wanted to love again until I found someone I could love."

"If we grow closer I do not want it to be because you comfort me, or feel pity for me. Were you another woman I might settle for less, and gladly. But you are you. I admire you greatly. I desire you most assuredly. I could love you, Renata." He watched her to see what she might say.

[renata-leynier.livejournal.com]

Renata let him take her hand. In one way, she understood: her empathic talent conveyed to her the sincerity of what he said, and how deeply it was felt. In another way, she did not really understand at all. How were comfort or pity incongruous with admiration or love? If you found someone worthy of admiration or of any degree of love, of course you would want to comfort them, and if they suffered you would feel pity for them. Naturally you would act to comfort them as best you might. She had learned this, young, at Hali.

Hali: a place Robin had never been and would never be, where a discipline was taught that Robin would never need. At Hali, a three-second backflow of energy could scorch flesh. Anything that would disrupt the perfect harmony of the circle could not be tolerated, must be soothed away. The honesty of linked working telepaths was absolute and unforgiving, for good reason. It was a discipline Renata could not unlearn now that she found herself among people with whom she need not take such care.

"I cannot separate those concepts," she admitted forthrightly. "The distinction you draw I respect because it is meaningful to you. But it holds no meaning to me. I know you wish me to understand you do not take me lightly. Is it, too, that you fear I take you lightly?"