Niki and Jessica Sanders, Heroes

[splitniki.livejournal.com]

A thin, blonde woman in her early thirties looked around herself, seeming a little bemused. Like many, she had appeared suddenly in the sorting room, with no real explanation for her being there. After a moment, she walked over to the desk and picked up a form, reading it. About halfway down the page, her face hardened, and she put it down, perhaps a little more forcefully than necessary.

“To hell with this. Why would I fill out an application? I’ve just got to get out of here!”

But, a moment later, she picked it up again, grabbed a quill, and started filling it out, muttering something about this looking like as secure a place as any.

((Jessica is Niki’s alternate personality, and each is perfectly aware of the other. Plain text is Niki’s writing, Italics are Jessica. Also, my apologies to 329-and-328-mun, for apping a such a similar character so soon.))

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I don’t really have much of a preference. Micah likes the mozzarella string cheese, so that’s what we usually have the most of around the house.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

I wouldn’t

Barney. He rots children’s brains. I’m glad we never let Micah watch it.

3. What time is it where you are?

A few minutes before four.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Sirius Black, of cour

No one. I wouldn’t harass anyon

Of course we would. And it would be

No one. Don’t pay attention to her.

Don’t pay attention to her. I would harass Sirius Bla

Ok, fine. I might flirt with Kingsley, a little.

Sirius Black.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Oh, I don’t know. How about Jouir? It’s French, and can mean either to enjoy or to orgasm. Or maybe

Niki’s.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

He should marry whoever he likes.

For once, I agree with her. I flatly don’t care who he marries. Case closed.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

It’s because you’re useless at paperwork, I’d think. Make sure you’re actually doing it, instead of just signing anything that looks remotely like a line.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Niki is useless. I, on the other hand, can take on grown men many times my size, and win every time. If you need someone shot, I can get the job done. And I can also serve drinks and deal blackjack.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Wait, you mean if I threaten you, I get to leave? In that case I’ll *completely crossed out*

Do. Not. Listen. To. Her. I’ve got $2000 US with me, a gun, and some, shall we say, borrowed jewelry and watches.

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. NS
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. NS.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. NS.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. NS.”

Comments

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

*Oh, bad thing to say to this particular chimera. Zel clenches his teeth and forces himself to speak normally.* Really. Well, let me tell you a little story, Little Miss Action.

There was this kid who thought just about exactly like you. He decided he wanted to be able to do everything. So he went to talk to his great-grandfather, a powerful sorcerer, and he promised to give the boy the power he wanted in exchange for help with a small task. The idiot agreed. So the sorcerer turned him into a part-golem, part-demon, part-human monstrosity, a chimera. He said this was the most direct route to power. And you know what? The kid's still searching for a cure, and I'll give you three guesses where he's standing at this exact moment.

[splitniki.livejournal.com]

"If we're getting into story time," Jessica all but growled, "let me tell you one.

"There was a perfectly sweet girl who completely didn't deserve what the world threw at her, starting with her dad killing her twin sister when they were kids and going up to her husband running with a particularly nasty gang with connections to the local mob. And this girl was completely in over her head, so one'a the voices in her head, who may or may not be the spirit of her dead sister, took over for a while, set a few things strait, and then backed off. But this girl didn't take the opportunity to get herself and her kid out of there, so her sister had to take over again, and again, until it was the sister who was running the show most of the time, because every time she gave the so-called rightful owner of the body a chance, they just got deeper into trouble.

"And then whenever she actually does something, it's usually to isolate them in some way, leaving their kid with his jail-bird dad. So maybe you can see how the sister's getting fed up?"

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

Have you ever looked closely at what you've "set straight"? Is there just a chance that maybe something you've done has set her up for the next fall?

[splitniki.livejournal.com]

"Maybe I do," Jessica admitted. "But if that's the case, I only think it's right that I should get us out of it, too. Expecially as she hasn't the slightest clue how to handle it, and I generally do. Trust me, kid, I'd like nothing better than for her to be able to take over for good and live a quiet life with our son. But that just isn't the hand we've been delt."

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

And I'd like nothing better than to find my cure and live the rest of my life without mazoku trying to kill me, but that's not about to happen either, apparently. So I'd stop telling me your troubles now, because I can probably top most of 'em.

*He pauses, shakes his head, and pinches the bridge of his nose.* Sorry, I tend to get surly when people don't respond to what I consider logic. Which means I spend a lot of time surly. *His face softens. Okay, his expression softens; his face doesn't really do soft, being made of stone.* And I don't know what it's like to have a kid, so probably I've got different priorities. Hell, I've got different priorities from most people who don't have kids.

But, "kid"? I am twenty, if you can't tell.

[splitniki.livejournal.com]

Jessica was a little taken aback by what she saw as him backing down from the argument. It wasn't necessarily that he backed down - most people did that eventually - but that he was backing down on his own terms, without her threatening to tear off his arm and beat him with it. Niki, who had been metaphorically sitting back and getting more and more frustrated with Jessica, took the opportunity to shunt the other personality out of the way and take back control.

"I'm really, really sorry about that," she said, her voice a little softer and her face a little more open. "I'm Niki. She should be quiet for a while, now."

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

No, no, I shouldn't have gotten like that. I'm out of practice; I usually have to deal with worse people on a daily basis, but here...

[splitniki.livejournal.com]

"Here?" Niki prompted, looking interested. "I'd kind of gotten the impression that this place had more than it's share of nuts."

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

Believe me, considering the lunatics I call friends, it's like comparing a few rocks to the entire Kaltaart mountain range. So, where would you two like to be Sorted, then?

[splitniki.livejournal.com]

"From what I've heard, Hufflepuff sounds fine," Niki replied with a smile. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Jessica was demanding a chance to say otherwise, but Niki wasn't about to give it to her.

Vote: HUFFLEPUFF!

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

Alright, Hufflepuff it is. I'm in Gryffindor myself, but perhaps we'll see each other around.