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*Skip greets the newcomer with his usual enthusiasm.* Hey! You new here?

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Yeah... and you are?

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Name's Skip... Skip Wiley. Pleased to meet you.

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I'm Jaffar. And it's my pleasure too. I think.

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Word of advice if you're going to wander around the castle a lot - which is likely, since it's a very popular activity. Watch out for places that look like one thing but are really something else. Fake walls, secret passages, illusory doors, trick stairs... I swear the staircases move sometimes. First time I tried to get here, I fell into a secret passage and ended up near the Library.

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The only reason I got here in one piece was because I wandered around asking everybody where the dorm was.

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Yeah, maybe I should have done that...

So... anyone you know from your world here? There seem to be a lot of people from Earth, where I come from, but it doesn't ever seem to be the same Earth. Met this one chick who says she helped start the Russian Revolution.

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Yeah, actually. Do you know Matthew?

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Hmm... can't say I do. Okay, that's not strictly true. I know some people named Matthew, but none of them are here and I doubt any of them are the one you know.

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Hmm. Let me describe him more. Annoying, yellow-haired little bastard thief.

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Nope. Definitely don't know any of those named Matthew. And believe me, you really get to meet people in my job.

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Do I wanna know what you do?

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*Skip laughs.* Nothing like that. I work for a newspaper. Well, used to. I quit a few days before I died and ended up here.

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Good. I thought you were one of those reaper fellows.

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... Reaper? As in, "Grim Reaper?" I heard we had a couple people like that in Hufflepuff, but I haven't met them... and I'm kind of hoping I don't.

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Yeah, me neither.

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By the way, have you already met someone who died before coming here, or did you just not hear me say that I did? Most of the people I've mentioned it to that hadn't died themselves seemed rather shocked.

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Eh, it doesn't really shock me considering one of my enemies brings zombies.

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Zombies... gray skin, decomposing where they stand, hungry for brains kinda zombies? Or look like a regular person who just happens to have died recently kinda zombies?

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Grey skin, decompisition, but no brains involved.

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Huh. Well, I've gotta go; perhaps I'll see you around later.

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Yeah. See ya.

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*Matthew strolls into the Common Room, jumps at the sight of Jaffar, and makes a spirited attempt to hide behind a coffee table. He then comes to his senses, stands up, and dusts himself off.* Hello, Jaffar.

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Come on, you can't hide from me Matt.

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Damn. Well, a guy can hope, can't he?

And since when did you give people nicknames? Serra hasn't gotten to you, has she?

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If Serra had gotten to me, she'd be dead. Or in a lot of pain on the ground. I prefer plan A, it's less annoying.

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Point. Although, with plan B, eventually she'd recover and complain to Lord Hector, and then he'd probably get rid of her.

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I like that plan too. I just wanna hurt something.

((OOC: We need to get more Fire Emblem charactors.))

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*Matthew rolls his eyes.* You always do.

((OOC: No kidding.))

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Do you have a point? There's nothing wrong with that.

((OOC: One of us should apply as Serra, say they like cheddar the best so Nny will squib her, then make her really obnoxious.))

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Did I say there was anything wrong with being a complete and utter sadist?

((OOC: I don't think I could manage to play Serra properly; I'd have a stroke. Or my own lower intestine would leap up and throttle my brain.))

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Nope. Unless you wanna get hurt.

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See, that's what I'm talking about, right there. They did warn you about the no-kill rule, right? 'Cause I'd hate to see you get expelled just because you lost your temper.

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I never lose my temper. DON'T ACCUSE ME OF THAT! *takes the nearest stuffed thing, throws it to the ground and stabs it repeatedly*

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Was that an attempt at ... humor, Jaffar? Or was that inadvertant?

*Matthew tsks, looks down at the hapless object.* Alright, lesson ... two, one was the no-kill rule. Lesson two of life at Hogwarts: house-elves. Little things, big ears, they run the place. Don't abuse the house-elves. *Matthew summons an elf, who whisks away Jaffar's unfortunate victim.* Generally, they're pretty good at spotting problems like cleaning or fixing things on their own. If you feel the need, you can explain their task to them.

Bear in mind I haven't been here that much longer than you, but still... you can learn all the essentials in a week, but as long as you're here, the place'll still surprise you. If you feel I can help you with anything, feel free to ask.

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Yeah, I'm sure the castle will surprise me. It already has. Fucking staircase moved on me.

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Ooh, yeah, that happens sometimes. I think there's one somewhere near Gryffindor with a trick step. Oh, well. So far I haven't run into any real lunatics, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there.

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Lunatics?

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